Are Your Unresolved Pain and Issues Making You Into a Bad Person?

Psychologists and theorists have argued this subject since the beginning of time, which is the psychological theory of nature vs. nurture. There are many very complex theories that I won’t bore you with the details with, and of course, many haven’t been able to prove this theory for many reasons. To make a long story short. The reason is that in the end. The data collected in such a study would not be consistent as the person conducting the survey would die before the study is complete. Having someone else finish the study would be irrelevant due to the different ways that the study would be perceived. And with the person gone, would not be able to check the study to see if the data is still accurate. The only one that could do this effectively would be the one that conducted the study, which is why this lingering debate could never be accurately verified.

There used to be a time that I was highly insecure due to the unresolved pain I never took the initiative to resolve in my 20’s. The truth is stepping into the world and being advised by people who had a genuine concern for me. I never took the advice as young and naïve back then; I swore that the same result wouldn’t happen to me as I always felt that I was one step ahead of the game. But the truth was, shit always played out the same damn way swearing to myself that next time. Things would be different. But things never seemed to get better. They just seemed to get worst and worst as I attempted to try again. As the saying goes, “Same shit. Different smell.”

I struggled to find the solutions to these reoccurring problems throughout my life. It was seeming to make the same mistakes that I made and having the same outcome. It wasn’t until I turned back to writing that helped me start wanting to seek help from a psychologist to help me figure out why I was such a “hot mess” back then. The one thing that became my saving grace was journaling, as I was doing this as soon as I learned how to write. And the saving grace in this journey was that I kept every single journal. When I told my psychologist this, he suggested that I read the past journals. It had revealed something shocking at the time as a writer providing self-help and psychological advice, which now was passed down to me in my novels. I ended up finding one consistency. My insecurities and my unresolved pain were what were causing me to self-sabotage.

The truth was I was making similar mistakes, differently as life passed me by in the savior complex that I broke out of in my 30’s. I was allowing people to manipulate me all for the sake of taking advantage. Because in many of these cases, those people only wanted sympathy instead of empathy. All for the sake of getting what they needed to get by. In deflection and their denial, many of these people would always say they didn’t need me. But, “if they didn’t need me as they claimed. Then why did they have to use me?” Which in my late twenties had me doing all sorts of self-sabotaging things through defense mechanisms. Because the truth was, I didn’t know how to establish boundaries effectively—not having the help at the time.

The truth was I was making similar mistakes, differently as life passed me by in the savior complex that I broke out of in my 30’s. I was allowing people to manipulate me all for the sake of taking advantage. Because in many of these cases, those people only wanted sympathy instead of empathy. All for the sake of getting what they needed to get by. In deflection and their denial, many of these people would always say they didn’t need me. But, “if they didn’t need me as they claimed. Then why did they have to use me?” Which in my late twenties had me doing all sorts of self-sabotaging things through defense mechanisms. Because the truth was, I didn’t know how to establish boundaries effectively—not having the help at the time.

I didn’t know how to set boundaries. Reading my past journals and the insecurities I possessed at the time had me in a quest to satisfy my ego, which was the act of being accepted. Which no matter how much I lied to myself then, I didn’t know how to be alone and comfortable with myself. Which one thing that human nature also has us do is depend on other people and interactions to make me valued and appreciated. It was making me defenseless. Just like many of us do, that leads us into toxic rhetoric. My therapist said that if I didn’t get help after I went, I was discriminated against and sexually assaulted at the workplace. I would have probably made into a person I didn’t want or what was ever meant to be.

Unresolved issues and insecurities make us do so many self-sabotaging things. Not only does it instill self-doubt in us. It also stems from fear in many situations. We do this as a defense mechanism to avoid dangers from coming into our lives. Many times, as long as we get what we want. We feel safe and satisfied. Even if it’s only for a short time, an act of settling for something less than what we deserve. They say, “To get what you want. You have to work hard to get it.” This is why we allow ourselves to be taken for granted and taking advantage of us because we misinterpret hard work for tolerating toxic and abusive behaviors. The unfortunate thing with unresolved pain and insecurity is that we self-sabotage ourselves. After a while, we begin to settle because we don’t know what we are worth, which unintentionally and intentionally takes advantage of an easy target. As in this psychological state, we are easily influenced. To change our points of view and values, we have made ourselves accustomed to settling for what we can get.

What made me become a life coach and pursue psychology was my psychologist’s advice, which explained why I developed a savior complex. Which when he realized my empathy for others, I was taking accountability for my actions. He mentioned I would be an excellent fit for this as many psychologists didn’t possess the life experience. And if they did, they were in denial of it, which in their insecurities and how some sessions may trigger past unresolved traumas. It took a lot of work to do it but in the end. I learned my value and what I am capable of. I always wanted to be a writer, but the perceptions that others had about writing and me hindered me from even attempting to write. Thanks to the mentorship I gained in writing, I had many misconceptions about what writers should be, as writing is a business that needs to be grown like any other business. The same goes for personal growth.

Another thing insecurity and unresolved issues have us believe due to instant gratification is that we want things when we want them—losing one crucial factor that is a necessity in life, patients. But the irony of this is that we lose one critical quality in life that makes us become an immoral person in the act of denial, a defense mechanism we use to gain instant gratification of being vulnerable. A fear response that we get. Which, in my case, stemmed from the fear of failure. That is why I never attempted to become a writer, to begin with. As we avoid admitting to ourselves that we are triggered by the unresolved pains and traumas of the past, losing empathy, in the end, is what makes us a bad person. Why do you think Karen’s are being exposed in alarming numbers?

It’s Not About Punishing. It’s About Holding Us Spiritually and Morally Accountable

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I always had respect for other religions, as being raised in a strong Catholic background, thanks to my roots. One of the things that I got a lot of slack about from both sides of my family was when I told them that I was taking a Theology class while I was a sophomore in college. They all flipped out because of the one thing that all Catholics and other people who worship the Father All-Mighty. Which is it’s a sin to worship any other God than him. It Was partially my fault as I didn’t explain what the study of Theology is. Theology is the study of all sorts of religions—both ancient and modern, which is the study of Theology. The King James Version of the ancient text was considered current to my Theology Professor. Like this version, being revised from the original text was a new version of Christianity, modified based on the perception of what was understood in the old text, the first thing my professor followed within her lecture, which immediately followed by a disclaimer. “If you cannot take this class with an open mind, then you should disenroll out of the class. As this class will be offensive when we discuss the man-made texts that were adopted and inspired from one another.” Which is how I ended up becoming with the plot for the second book in “The Rideshare Chronicles Series – Highway to Hell.” As one lingering question that I led with the rest of the novels in the series, “How do we not know that somewhere in the Universe. All the Gods and Deities of the world are looking at us saying; What the fuck did we do in creating humankind?” In the series, all the gods have a coalition to help stop the protagonist from a more sinister and sadistic ancient evil trying to take the entire Universe to their version of Hell. Which if you want to know what that is. You have to wait till the final book is released.

So remember that rhetorical question that I asked you to ponder before the blog was posted. “What if God/Higher Power/Universe or whatever you believe is not punishing us with all these things that are occurring around the world. What if he’s holding humans accountable for the majority’s shitty human behavior for the bad and unethical actions we normalize and tolerate.” I won’t bore you with my complete theory, so let’s start with this fundamental reason why I strongly feel we are being held accountable for our shitty behavior. It is that we are told to treat others like we want to be treated. But we still can’t even master that. The truth is, in the act of insecurity. We irrationally lead with what makes us feel better. The selfishness that entitlement has sprung over the years as it’s a behavior that is normalized in our modern behavior. Insecurity makes us irrational and makes us do some shitty things, internalized pain and trauma that we have gone through throughout our lives. We protect ourselves to avoid becoming vulnerable, continuing to hurt others. Where if we establish boundaries and stay consistent with them, we will defend ourselves. But that insecurity instills fear of feeling the same way again. It makes us do all sorts of unethical, immoral actions because of one metaphor that is normalized and misinterpreted, which is “you have to think about yourself.” Which, of course, has some truth, but we tend to engage it in overabundance that, in the end, makes us, in turn, engage in one or extreme circumstances. Which in this reference, I will use Christianity, the Seven Deadly Sins. And in many cases breaking one of the Ten Commandments.

Lying is a sin. We already committed that in the act of lying to ourselves on the feelings that we have in our most vulnerable states, which I get as I constantly preach how the world isn’t fair, is true. But instead of standing up against it, we tend to stay quiet and put our heads down to avoid being the victim of another attack by someone who should have known better. Which blaming ourselves for the things we had no control over, which in this case. The action of other people. All for the sake of not being judged. But the thing that we tend to forget is that we all make mistakes, and that’s okay. I learned how to take accountability and love myself enough to own up to the mistakes that I made in the past. I had taught myself one thing after I got more confidence and bolder from in the face of passive-aggressive, self-righteous, entitled, and insecure individuals who try to shame me for my mistakes if I don’t know enough about them. Thanks to the confidence and humbled confidence. I learned how to shut those people up very quickly as also equipped with emotional intelligence. I can read between the lines in their demeanor. As thanks to psychology, certain behaviors and specific ways on how they use their defense mechanisms.

It's Not About Punishing. It's About Holding Us Spiritually and Morally Accountable

I can identify the past traumas that have occurred in their lives, how they react and respond. Which still having empathy, I try to be crystal clear on the boundaries they are crossing. But in superiority complex, which is thinking your above something. Which in my Theology class is equivalent to playing God, or as my professor called. “God Complex.” One thing that was also said to us is “that the only being who should have control of someone’s destiny is God and yourself.” Throwing someone under the bus and making them seem like the bad guy is manipulating that destiny. Which my professor strongly believed was punishable by Hell. Because for someone to influence someone’s fate is playing God. Which, in turn, if you follow Christianity. The ultimate sin is that there is only one God. And just because you don’t worship another God is equivalent to that specific crime. As in that act, you’re engaging in various sins that become a continuous pattern of harmful and toxic behaviors. Because of one thing that is we many of us refuse to do, resolve the issues that make us do these evil things. Which after the lines are crossed, and this is pointed out, it becomes a rationalized idealism. “That God is forgiving.” It is when nothing changes. We continue to do this over and over and for many people. Till the day we die.

We all are afraid of being judged and made out to be a villain, which we all are someone’s villain at one point in time. But the thing is that we worry too much about how people perceive us because one thing that is our downfall as human nature instills us with a primal instinct of needing companionship. But the problem with this is that the camaraderie we surround ourselves with tends to do the same things and, in many cases, worst. That pesky fear of resolving our past traumas becomes the underlying issue that condemns us to Hell. Which of course, our professor also said that “denial” and “resentment” would follow after the class. But the great thing is that in thinking of ourselves, “we all can redeem ourselves,” and it is never too late. But the more that we follow social norms, we dig our hole deeper and deeper. An interaction I had with someone as she said, “God is punishing us,” was something that I disagreed with. When she asked, “why?” I explained to her what I am saying to you now in a much more condensed explanation. We are judgmental creatures by habit. The consequence of human nature is that it makes us creatures of habit. We become complacent about having any desire to make a change in our lives. We settle and immediately give up, continuing the sinful behaviors that never change.

Because the truth is, it’s easier to settle. Lying to ourselves that we will be okay with the consequences in the end, but when those consequences come. We begin singing a different song, avoiding accountability and lying, all for the sake of not being judged. But in the end, if you believe in a Higher Power. You know that you can’t lie. Which in turn, is why I think that atheism came into existence. But the one thing that I find fascinating in the psychological aspect of atheism is that many of these people gave up and turned their backs on spirituality. But the truth is I don’t feel that they gave up on spirituality. I think they gave up on hope for humankind. Many of these individuals have experienced many hardships in the past for the conversations I have had with various people who don’t believe. Which can you blame them for the things that occur in the world? You have people in high places engaging in shitty behavior because they can get away with it. Or so they think. The one thing that I learned about accountability is that they will eventually pay the price, which is wanting to seek revenge, another sin. Have we wanting to see them suffer, which taking pleasure in someone’s pain is gluttonous in you think about it. But in the end, we have to be careful on the fine line we walk.

Because in that person’s rebuttal, “Why are bad things happening in the world” and “God has abandoned us and punishing us” had me say one thing. “God isn’t punishing us. He/she/they are holding humans accountable.” Because if you refer back to the story of “Adam and Eve.” We are still eating from the forbidden fruit, which is in our modern time. It becomes our act of “turning our heads to our morals. All for the sake of being accepted and liked. Along with following the acts of doing shady things. To get a quick step ahead in life. These days another bite from the forbidden fruit is “losing a sense of empathy for others” and “only being concerned when it personally affects us.

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It’s Time To Stop Blaming Yourself And Take Back Your Life

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Let’s be 100% real about one of the things that I can’t stand in today’s social norms. The blame game has become a normalized behavior in avoiding accountability. I take pride in being a humble person, so I will be the first to admit, at one point in time. I was no better than that entitled and the shitty person who blamed the world for things I allowed to happen for me. There were many times that some of those things were out of my control. But when I reflected on some of the things that occurred in my life. Many of those shortcomings were my fault. The reason being was that I was plagued with self-doubt and insecurity. Which, after some significant reflection that leads me into my writing career. One of the many things that I do to reach the goal that I have for myself is to gain the upper hand in inspiring others from where I came from. A world that is full of oppression and lost hope. Which many rely on each other to lift one another. But the only downfall to that is that many of those already plagued with lost hope. Have one mission in the misery that they have settled for in life. That brings to mine a metaphor that we all have heard once or twice before. I learned the ugly truth as people are biologically programmed to seek companionship, which is “misery loves company.”

I’ve made many mistakes in my life, which when I use to be insecure, I will blame myself for more than I should have, which in that insecurity which instilled a toxic sense of pride and misguided advice from those who also held the weight of the world on their shoulders. I learned how to not take accountability for the things that I did not have control of. This is more complicated than you think as these days, we live in a society where pointing fingers has become a part of social norm culture as many people avoid taking accountability to avoid being judged and stereotyped as being a wrong person. And thanks to normalizing another thing, entitlement. Which the Karen’s of the world have proven to be more common than we could ever imagine. Have this mentality that it’s okay to be an abusive little shit to people we look down upon. But studying psychology has taught me two things.

  1. That entitlement is an inferiority complex taken from narcissism to put to bay our insecurities about ourselves.
  2. The fear of not being liked and accepted.

But the catch twenty-two about this is that no matter how good or bad we genuinely are as a person. Somewhere out there, someone will perceive us as a villain. Regardless if it’s justified or unjustifiable based on the personal feelings and the insecurities that the individual has. The bottom line comes from the unresolved issues that put those insecurities and values in the first place. Which had me ask, why the hell do I care how people see me if they are going to make their conclusions about me?

The unfortunate thing is that insecurity makes us see things in a distorted way. One of the things that I truly believed for the longest time was that I was ugly outside. Which even when I modeled, I still had this insecurity. So, of course, I learned behavior from the people I associated with, to shit on someone before they shit on you. It became the go-to defense mechanism I used through my twenties. Turning my back on where I came from because of the judgment that followed, which I ended up breaking when I turned thirty. Which worked towards my advantage after time as when people stereotyped me, I played my stereotype and made them believe that I was stupid, naïve, and gullible. When they realized that I wasn’t and began calling them out on their shit, I became the villain. But the truth is, how the hell was I the villain when they already had premeditation to take advantage of me, which is when I started to take accountability for the things that I could control. In turn, I stopped blaming myself for something that I didn’t control, thus getting back control of my life.

After taking accountability for the things I could control, I gained a hard to explain empowerment. At first, it started with avoiding people altogether because the truth was I was prone to being walked over, as being a good person has its disadvantages at times, which came from giving people the benefit of the doubt and expecting the same things in return. Which one of the foolish things that I did was automatically have trust in people, when in the end, I should have had them earn my trust because I expected the same things that I gave back. The problem with that is any people have gone through so much adversity that people gave up on themselves a long time ago. Settling for the things that they had and not wanting anything more than to be comfortable. There is nothing wrong with that but at the same time. It makes you start believing that there is nothing else for you. I began accepting this as my truth. No thanks to my insecurity. But the more I did this, the more I blamed myself. It was making me feel like a worthless person. Despite everything that I already accomplished, I began settling because of one ultimate reason that held me back from the hell I have created for those who purposely took advantage of the less fortunate I have done in less than two years. The fact that I didn’t learn how to forgive myself.

You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it. But, to do that. You have to learn how to cope with past traumas, which was hard for me, mainly because I experienced some uncomfortable trauma in childhood and adulthood. It was hard at first, because of course. If you are used to blaming yourself for the world’s problems, you know why. But one thing that I started to realize was that in many of these situations where I didn’t know better. Someone else did, but they decided to take advantage of a vulnerable situation. Which the child molestation I endured was one of many traumas that had me blaming myself. Because many point the finger with phrases like “if you didn’t do this” or “if you didn’t do that, then it would have never happened.” Bu the thing is terrible things are not supposed to happen in this world that everyone says is rainbow and gumdrops, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give up hope on the change as many are ready to make it happen. This is why we shouldn’t hinder those with the desire to do so as they see opportunities that you haven’t seen yet, through their life experience.

Another thing that we normalize in today’s society is the act of “living in fear” is the situation of child trauma from molestation. Where the adult is supposed to know better and still took advantage of a vulnerable situation. I had to ask myself one question that I never thought to ask myself. “If I was a child and didn’t know any better. Then why the hell did the adult, the person who knew better, think it was okay to do such a shitty and unethical act like that?” Asking myself that same question made me question many of the other situations where the authoritative figure engaged in unethical and, in many times, cruel and abusive acts. How will I blame myself for someone else’s shitty demeanor when they should have known better.

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When I began to realize that, I began to start forgiving myself. Now, feeling “stupid” and “naïve,” I had to learn how to forgive myself for blaming myself for other people’s shitty behavior. When we get framed and accused of doing things that we had no blame for, we stay quiet in fear that more trouble will come our way. But that is how they get you, through fear tactics and intimidation. That now, being sure of myself and the things I hold myself accountable for. I end up speaking up and fighting back, regardless of the trouble that may come my way. As many have threatened “my life,” I say, “I am a fucken writer. I will be damned if I shut the fuck up and not do anything about it.  Try me, regardless of the outcome I come up with. Because all well-known authors become famous when they die!”

Many get caught off guard with the response because they assume that I am just talking about their insecurity. Many who are insecure will make biased decisions based on their insecurities and shortcomings. This results in one thing that usually perceives them as a threat: anti-social behavior, with me having a burning need to make a difference for the world’s misfits and now having the power to do so through blogs and book publishing. The only person they hurt is themselves. As being humble, “I AM NO BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE!” Nor do I have the desire to be because the truth is. We all have experienced similar pains in life.

To take back control of your life and destiny, you have to learn how to forgive yourself. We are not made to be perfect, and we all make mistakes. The real question you have to ask yourself is, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO CHANGE THOSE MISTAKES!” Every one of us is hindered by limits that we put upon ourselves. As well as the limitations that those who stereotype us put in our way. We have been overly defensive at one point in time with someone, but we still have worked to redeem ourselves. Because of another hindrance, thanks to society, we normalize the rationalization of why we are better without the person, which turns into envy and hatred within us. When we see them rise the ranks because we underestimated their abilities and their progress, even if we completely burned the bridge with that resource, we engaged in the same mistakes. We continue to repeat the circle jerk of life by surrounding ourselves with negative people who tell us what we want to hear. Sometimes we have to listen to what we don’t want to hear to improve. But you can’t get there if you don’t forgive yourself. Because instead of taking steps forward, we begin to take steps back in self-sabotage. Living life in regret, lying to ourselves that we have no regrets losing hope, keeps us from fighting and, in the end, settling. Because to gain self-love, you got to learn how to forgive yourself first. Because you might see it yet, but you may be the change that people are in dire need of seeing.

Looks Are Sometimes Meant To Be Deceiving

My dad taught me always to have the same respect for others in a comparable matter. Regardless of where you come from or what someone else has, you treat others like you wanted to be treated. Which, of course, back then, I learned very quickly that some people in the world don’t have the same standards of respect that you have for yourself. We all have a different measure of happiness that develops the standards we hold for ourselves based on life experiences. So naturally being down to earth and compassionate for the human condition. I learned how to put myself in other people’s shoes and have a sense of compassion for those who intentionally mistreat you and belittle you. Don’t get me wrong, at first. It was hard to do because, of course, at the same time, I cared about how people perceived me. As back then, I was a hot mess because not only was I highly insecure about myself, but I had a lot of post-trauma as it was. No matter how much I lied to myself about it, more and more life seemed to go my way. But not realizing I was an entitled little shit back then, most of those troubles were caused by my demise. As denial and pride began to hinder my ability to gain the unshakable confidence I gained within myself. I realized that all the pain and the grief I experienced were all for a bigger purpose than I ever could imagine. As it helped me find my way to a state that psychologists call self-efficacy. And since then, I have been the happiest person ever, not realizing that throwing shade in a passive-aggressive and the lessons I learned throughout life prepared me for the next phase of personal growth. It was making me into a writer.

When shit hit the fan, I began to see that the world wasn’t as fair as people made it out to be. Many of us have to work a lot harder than others to get a fair chance in the world. One of the blessings that life has always granted that, at one point, I took for granted, was that regardless of how hopeless things got at times. Because let’s keep it accurate. Life can throw us a hell of, lot of lemons. Which the personal phrase I ended up developing, which is now a copyrighted text that occurred from the first book I wrote, “Journey of an Unraveled Road.” It ended up having me come tweaking the phrase, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” Adding the words “And when that shit don’t work. Add vodka and try again tomorrow.” Of course, releasing the book as soon as the pandemic started ended up having gained a small settlement for copyright infringement when an Instagram influencer attempted to steal the additional line, which granted me the ability to take a small break from rideshare driving when the pandemic got worst. Before my temporary break from being a rideshare driver, I ended up having me create a website not only to gain my fan base from the readers. I was gaining who were anxious for the release of my sci-fi series “The Rideshare Chronicles,” but it also helped me gain material for the blogs. I began to write, emphasizing the knowledge I gained in my psychology training by using my past experiences and the experience gained from driving for my blog post. Which just kept on giving me more and more writing ideas for my books and my blog post. Which all stemmed from protecting others from the misperceptions of the ignorance they developed based on their entitlement and their toxic trait of taking advantage of someone they assumed to be a vulnerable nobody.

When shit hit the fan, I began to see that the world wasn’t as fair as people made it out to be. Many of us have to work a lot harder than others to get a fair chance in the world. One of the blessings that life has always granted that, at one point, I took for granted, was that regardless of how hopeless things got at times. Because let’s keep it accurate. Life can throw us a hell of, lot of lemons. Which the personal phrase I ended up developing, which is now a copyrighted text that occurred from the first book I wrote, “Journey of an Unraveled Road.” It ended up having me come tweaking the phrase, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” Adding the words “And when that shit don’t work. Add vodka and try again tomorrow.” Of course, releasing the book as soon as the pandemic started ended up having gained a small settlement for copyright infringement when an Instagram influencer attempted to steal the additional line, which granted me the ability to take a small break from rideshare driving when the pandemic got worst. Before my temporary break from being a rideshare driver, I ended up having me create a website not only to gain my fan base from the readers. I was gaining who were anxious for the release of my sci-fi series “The Rideshare Chronicles,” but it also helped me gain material for the blogs. I began to write, emphasizing the knowledge I gained in my psychology training by using my past experiences and the experience gained from driving for my blog post. Which just kept on giving me more and more writing ideas for my books and my blog post. Which all stemmed from protecting others from the misperceptions of the ignorance they developed based on their entitlement and their toxic trait of taking advantage of someone they assumed to be a vulnerable nobody.

I also have been a people person, as I am not one to judge others, no matter who they were—working in retail management before this venture. First at T-Mobile and then at Sprint. People were always created equally and always seen in an unbiased manner. Thanks to my father for instilling humility in me, I embraced my roots and came from. But the one thing I struggled with was not being able to understand why “people shit where they eat.” Which of course, being the smart cookie that I am, I realized it came from the insecurities that people claimed they didn’t have about themselves and the instant gratifications that they used to make themselves feel better about themselves. Which, of course, comes from the projection from the metaphoric phrase “What will the neighbors think?” But already being a misfit and embracing that shit, I ended up getting a thicker skin than people assumed. Working with people, you get many personalities that use manipulation tactics to show a genuine interest in getting to know you. All for the sake of gaining a sense of leverage over you. Which, of course, the natural conversations would always lead to probing about my personal life and what I did other than Uber and Lyft. It made me realize after they discovered that I was a writer and a blogger with a growing following. The paranoia they began to gain from the unethical and belittling demeanor they intentionally acted on began the acts of victimhood, and the slander that they engaged in that ended up also having them gain a disease that psychologist call “foot to mouth syndrome.” It can only be prevented if they weren’t engaging in shitty and shady behavior.

So with that said, what does a narcissist, a Karen, and someone who is self-righteous all afraid of? The one thing is that they are primarily scared of exploitation. Another thing that psychology teaches you is how people engage in self-preservation of an image that they made for themselves. Those with immoral and unethical intentions are afraid of being exposed to the ungenuine person they are. Many of which come from the subconscious need for acceptance. Like many of us, regardless of how much we deny it. They are unconsciously co-dependent. Which many people unknowingly do not know how to depend on themselves. Another quality COVID and the quarantine brought to light.

Another thing that brought to light was the entitlement that people had when shit began hitting the fan. Where people belittled and mistreated essential workers in their act of rationalizing why they were better than them was something that was happening when I was driving for the two rideshare companies. Using their biased judgments and personal experience, which has become a popular truth, those working these gigs have the same limits. The phrase “looks can be deceiving” is something that I adapted to and played my part as a stereotype—only sharing to a limit the accomplishments and milestones I reached in my life and practicing the advice passed from many of my mentors and friends who were successful entrepreneurs. As the advice given to me was, “you will not be a millionaire overnight. You must work hard and develop multiple sources of reoccurring income to get to your ultimate life goal.” This is why I also began as a certified life coach and became tapping into other money-making activities to build block by block, with one valuable trait that each mentor will always remind me to maintain. Not taking things personally, never give up, and always stay humble. As my most recent mentor will always remind me, “if you want to be that positive change, you are working towards being. You must make sure that regardless if they don’t deserve it, never lose your integrity.”

There is one thing that I learned early on in life when you begin to earn power and leverage if you claim to have integrity. One was having power is a responsibility that must never be abused. I found out quickly just how powerful writing was when I published my first book that exposed the discrimination and the unethical actions that included fraud and sexual assault during my service as a retail territory manager working for Sprint in Houston, TX. As those who engaged in an unlawful termination along with a gaslighting attempt to make it seem like I was the problem. I caused not only a corporate merger to change from Sprint buying T-Mobile to T-Mobile buying out Sprint. The book helped others who were also wrongly treated join together in creating a class action lawsuit and help fight against the pending others. Those in high positions that always preached the motto “if you’re not doing anything wrong, then you don’t have nothing to be guilty of” became a hypocritical contradiction that caused that made me realize just how powerful I am. That is how I ended up getting the desire to help others who were wronged by a biased and discriminatory world. At the same time, I realized it was a lot more complicated. As the one thing that hinders the act of fairness is the idealism people embrace. “You got to get in to fit in.” Which people like me. From where I come from have many more challenging to gain justice. The one thing that we neglect to forget is that we will always be a “stereotype” to somebody. The one thing that hindered my journey was that regardless of how proud I was of where I came from from the “westside” of San Antonio. Those who looked down upon people from where I come from. Are stereotyped for being somebody from the wrong side of the tracks, regardless of my education and experience. And no matter how much work ethic I demonstrated, in the back of their mind always expected my “hood tendencies” to come out. Something I embraced gave me the power to be both “street smart” and “book smart.” And “mi gente,” those who I empathize with regardless of the “personal demons” they are fighting against that give this sense of “lost hope.” Immediately stereotyped me for wanting something more in my life. Based on their experiences with people who leave our beautiful and humble community regardless of differences and personal feelings. We will look out for one another in one way or another.

Despite the power that I yield, as unrealistic optimistic as people will deem me to be, I found a purpose in life to evening out the playing field in a world that we all have experienced in one way or another. I learned never to abuse the power, but use it for good. In hopes that it would inspire change that I wanted to see and what I also have become. Because with trauma, we try to forget about it in many situations, as the one thing that we are all trying to preserve is the sliver of “hope” that seems to fade each time things pass. But the truth is, how are we going to get the change when we are not willing to treat others with respect and never assume what someone is going through. You never know what people are going through as the “facade” that everyone is accustom to perceive is that everything is going great in life. To avoid being judged for the things that they are facing. Some might be going through the same thing, while others may be going through something much worse. Regardless if it doesn’t seem like it. People have a different way of coping, just as diverse as how we all have different personalities. A simple “how are you doing” may make a big difference in someone’s day, which the smallest act may still provide hope. That doesn’t mean that you should invite them in and walk all over you. Learn how to create boundaries but learn how to balance empathy and kindness in the world.

As we all experienced once in our lives, one entitled person always feels the need to throw someone under the bus when they don’t get their way, which is when we stop the assumptions that lead to stereotyping. You never know what lessons you can learn from them once you gain a little respect for others. You never know. They may have the answers that you need to learn how to face the “shitty people” in this world with one mission in life. Holding us down and taking away the one shot we have to come up with in the world. Which never lose hope because sometimes you will find another way to achieve greatness.

In many cases, in the place you least expect. Not realizing that there is so much great you can do. And for once, “fuck shit up for the greater good.” And when life hands you lemons again, it won’t be a thing. Because now that you conquered the worst, you got something to relax for you’re the next challenge with that lemon and vodka.

The Rideshare Chronicles Novella Series – The Start of Destiny – Destiny Begins

A Rideshare Chronicles Novella
The Start of Destiny

Destiny Begins


Jonathan woke up with a cold sweat as he ejected his bare chest in a sitting position.


"Alessandra!" Jonathan screamed as he quickly reached for the phone to check on her. Which immediately went into voice mail. "Tio!" Jonathan yelled as the transparent figure of Mike Romero entered the room in his hotel in Spain.


"I told you to stop calling me that," Mike Romero scolded as Jonathan shrugged his shoulders.


"It's the only way I knew you would come," Jonathan snickered in humor as he put the phone down.  He stared at the ring that laid on the side table with the letter that Alessandra wrote to him, saying that it felt wrong to kiss the ring. 


"She's doing fine?" Mike Romero said as Jonathan looked at Mike Romero in suspicion.


"You act like it's my first rodeo with our family dynamic," Jonathan rebutted.


"Take my word for it," Mike Romero said as Jonathan pounded the bed in anger.


"Your word is useless to me!" Jonathan yelled. "You don't give me updates!" Jonathan scolded. "You don't tell me how the family is? You don't even tell me how dad's doing!" Jonathan screamed in anger. "How am I supposed to take your god damn fucken word!" Jonathan said as tears began to fall. 


Jonathan's eyes began to widen from the shock of the golden light forming in the hotel room, which had him crawl back as he hit his head on the headboard. Jonathan yelled in pain as he squinted at the woman who was wearing traditional Aztec attire.


"Hello, Jonathan?" Chalchiuhtlicue said as Jonathan began to remember the woman he met a few years back. When he first moved to Los Angeles.


"Chalchiuhtlicue!" Mike Romero scolded. "You're not supposed to be here!"


"Quiet grandson!" Chalchiuhtlicue scolded.


"Oh, yeah!" Jonathan said as Chalchiuhtlicue smiled.


"Come on, let me show you something?" Chalchiuhtlicue said she gestured for Jonathan to come with her.


"Don't, Abuela!" Mike Romero said in disappointment.


"After the sadness and the tears, he cried doing our bidding?" Chalchiuhtlicue said in kindness. "I think he's earned a right to look into what our warrior is up to these days.


"Warrior," Jonathan said with a smile.


"Are you going to sit there and look pretty?" Chalchiuhtlicue scuffed in laughter. "Or are you coming?"


"Can I at least put some close on?" Jonathan said as Chalchiuhtlicue nodded.


"But why are you going against the order of the New Light Order?" Mike Romero asked as Jonathan began to slip into his jeans.


"I was a sucker for forbidden love too at one point in time?" Chalchiuhtlicue said as Jonathan turned towards Chalchiuhtlicue with a smile.


In the rented Nissan SUV, Jonathan was in the front seat as she drove through the night sky in San Antonio. As a rideshare driver for Passeio.


“Chalchiuhtlicue?” Jonathan said as Chalchiuhtlicue interrupted.


"You can call me Abuela?" Chalchiuhtlicue said as Jonathan looked back at Chalchiuhtlicue.


"I barely know you," Jonathan said as he immediately went into the next question. "What is she doing?"


"Well, you know there are always bumps in the road," Chalchiuhtlicue said as Jonathan turned towards Chalchiuhtlicue in confusion.


"Meaning?" Jonathan said in confusion.


"She is playing the cards she is being dealt with like a champ," Chalchiuhtlicue said.


"But when you said warrior, I thought," Jonathan said in confusion.


"You kid these days," Chalchiuhtlicue said with a sigh. "You never get the concept of patience," Chalchiuhtlicue said as Jonathan looked at Alessandra as she began to roar as she hit the freeway, accelerating the engine as she drove through the empty streets at the beginning of the quarantine.


"You know that is how it began when the first one happened?" Chalchiuhtlicue said as she admired Jonathan's loving face as he stared at Alessandra.


The COVID outbreak was just announced, which brought fear to the world.  With that news that there was a couple who caught in San Antonio. The city was cold and empty as the freeway laid bare.


"What?" Jonathan said as he couldn't get his eyes off Alessandra as he smiled in her delight.


"The first mass extinction," Chalchiuhtlicue said as Jonathan looked at Chalchiuhtlicue.


"So, it's here," Jonathan said in concern. "Fuck!" Jonathan said with a sigh as he fell back. "Is she ready?" Jonathan whispered as he looked at the Mission exit as he looked at the dark street that led into the poorly dim light.

"One can only hope," Chalchiuhtlicue said as he began to hit the dash of the car, causing no damage in his unphysical temporary form.


"Alessandra, what the fuck are you doing!" Jonathan yelled as she went deeper into the park as she rolled down the window to feel the breeze.  


Alessandra was alarmed to see a woman running to the far side as she began to scream for help as a man chased after her.  


Alessandra's immediately felt the fear as she felt her stomach turning as her hands began to shake as she continued to drive away in fear of the anticipation.


"Keep driving, babe," Jonathan said as Chalchiuhtlicue rebutted.


"Hypocrite!" Chalchiuhtlicue said as she turned back to see the man jumping towards the woman.


Alessandra parked the car as closed her eyes. Tears began to fall from her face as she began to breathe in and out. "What do I do!' Alessandra said as she started to cry in fear and helplessness. "What do I do!" Alessandra said as she called.


Alessandra looked slowly down as The Weeknd's "Blinding Lights" began to play on her radio, which initially was off.  Alessandra exhaled as she whispered, "Never turn a blind eye. I am a badass!" Alessandra said she drove over the ramp as the tires screeched as she made a U-turn as she made her way back towards the incident.  


"No! No!" Jonathan yelled as he looked at Chalchiuhtlicue. "Bring me back!" Jonathan said. "We need to help her!" Jonathan said in anger as he looked at Chalchiuhtlicue.


Chalchiuhtlicue nodded her head as she said, "No."


Alessandra immediately lifted the bat on the back seat's floor as she inhaled to calm her nerves as she bolted out the door.


"Come back!" Jonathan screamed in terror as he got out of the SUV without having to open the door.


"Jonathan!" Chalchiuhtlicue said as she grabbed his arm. "This is her moment!"


"Bring me back!" Jonathan said as he hit the metal armor of Chalchiuhtlicue breastplate. "Let me help her!" Jonathan screamed as tears fell from his face.


"She needs to learn how to help herself and gain the power to learn how to have a desire to help others," Chalchiuhtlicue said as Jonathan began to pound on her armor. Chalchiuhtlicue stood unchanged and unmoved.


Jonathan turned as he heard Alessandra scream, which he immediately followed as he fell back as he saw the lavender flames ignite in the dark park. He looked at Alessandra. She looked back as she held her eyes tightly, expecting the worst.

Alessandra immediately turned as she got up in confusion as what appeared to be three men were thrown back. As they began to circle, Alessandra nervously. 


"Run to the vehicle!" Alessandra yelled as she immediately stood up and made her way to the passenger side of the running SUV.


"What are you!" One of the men said in a shaky voice.


Alessandra shook as she held the pack like the sword she once had, as she made sure to keep eyes on the three men.  


One of the men lunged, grabbing the bat attempting to pull it from her hands. Alessandra kicked the man as she dragged the bat back the Alessandra pushed them away as she ran in the opposite direction of the vehicle. 


"9-1-1, what's your emergency," the operator said as the woman answered.


 "Hi, we are being attacked!" The young woman said.


"Calm down, ma'am," the operator said. "Where are you?"


"Somewhere in Mission Park," the woman said in a panic. "Please hurry. They are chasing after her!" The woman cried.


"Who are they chasing?" The 9-1-1 operator said.

     "My rideshare driver!" the woman yelled.


Alessandra began to cry as she reached a dead-end in the park as the men started to approach Alessandra at the dead-end of the park.


"Getaway!" Alessandra yelled as she began to swing the bat. 


"Must have been luck!" One of the men said, looking at the other two. 


"Now time to die!" One of the men said as Jonathan began to cry.


"Why are you letting this happen!" Jonathan yelled as he Chalchiuhtlicue appeared. 


"Just wait!" Chalchiuhtlicue said calmly. "It gets better."


Alessandra looked down as the men with knives backed away as her phone began to play "Blinding Lights" as the screen began to light up in her cut-off shorts.


The men looked at one another in nervous fear as they looked like Alessandra began to swing the bat like her sword.


"Time to stop running!" Alessandra said as the first man lunged at Alessandra as she kicked the knife out of his hand. Alessandra swung the bat as the man fell back as he flew back. The blood and teeth hit the men as they began to both charges at Alessandra.


Alessandra pushed the tip of the bat into the man's torso as she bent back, lifting her, dodging the knife attack the second man attempted to execute.


"Not today, Satan!" Alessandra yelled as the knife flew up as Alessandra swung the bat towards the blade as it passed into the tree's bark.


The man glanced at the knife as he roared as his accomplice grabbed Alessandra from behind as the man pulled the bat.


"You're dead fucken bitch!" The man said as he lifted the bat.


"Don't be so sure," Alessandra said as she stomped on the man holding her as. She quickly reverses the grip as the bat hits the man on the head, which followed with the man falling to the ground, unconscious.


"You know cheating is only for those who don't have any skills!" Alessandra said with a smile as the man ran with the bat raised in the air. 


The man huffed as he swung the bat as he said, "You want to fight like a man, I will treat you like a man!" The man fell as Alessandra sweep kicked him as hit the ground with a thud.


"Only a fucken pussy would say that you are fucken coward!" Alessandra said as he stood in a fighting stance as she allowed the man to stand up. "You want to fight like a bitch? Well, I treat you like a bitch!" Alessandra said as the man ran with the bat up in the air as Alessandra crouched as she pierced her side with her finger as she executed an uppercut!"

"Now that's a warrior princess, right there!" Jonathan cheered as Chalchiuhtlicue looked at Jonathan with a smile.

"I told you it gets better!" Chalchiuhtlicue said as she smiled in pride as Alessandra finally had the power to start believing in herself.


"Are you crying?" Jonathan asked in humorous confusion.


"Mind your business!" Chalchiuhtlicue said to Alessandra's voice.


"I don't want to hurt you," Alessandra pleaded as the man stood up with blood dripping from his nose.  The man roared as he swung at Alessandra in the face.


Alessandra dodged the hit as she lifted her leg, causing the man to fall to the floor as she brought her leg down.


"I'm not going to lose to a woman!" The man said as Alessandra moved her fingers with a proud smile.


"First time for everything, I guess," Alessandra said as the man jumped at Alessandra.


Alessandra jumped towards him as she grabbed him, using his body weight to throw him back towards the concrete barrier as she quickly stood up.


"Men and the egos they get in insecurity!" Alessandra said as she wiped the sweat off her face.


"Pussies!" The man said as the two other men stood up as they ran away.


"Aww," Alessandra said in pity. "I guess it's just you and me, big boy!" Alessandra noted as the man charged. He was refusing to quit.


"Don't get cocky, babe," Jonathan whispered as the man grabbed her arm as pushed her down as. He grabbed Alessandra's neck as he began to chock her as Alessandra attempted to pull the man's hands away.


Chalchiuhtlicue pushed Jonathan back as he attempted to run to help.


"She's more powerful than you think," Chalchiuhtlicue reassured as Jonathan stepped back. "Unless you lied when you told her that," Chalchiuhtlicue said as he nodded in desperation.


Alessandra began to think in her panic as she saw the man's rage in victory began to appear. As he smiled with a grin of evil satisfaction.


Alessandra began to kick the man on the back with her foot as he began to groan from the pain.


"Stop it!" The man said as he pushed Alessandra as. His eyes began to roll back as she continued to kick.


The man looked back as he used his leg to hold hers in place, overpowering her for a minute.


Alessandra struck him in the eye as the man looked back as the man began to scream as. He immediately let go as he covered his face as he attempted to keep his eyeballs in place.


"You fucken bitch!" The man screams as he fell to the floor as he screamed in agonizing pain.


Jonathan sighed in relief as he saw Alessandra roll over as she coughed from the pressure on her neck as she began as. She rolled on her back as she threw her arms to the ground.


The man's screams echoed through the empty park as the neighboring houses began to turn off the lights as the cries grew louder. 


"You're going to rot in prison," the man yelled in painful agony as Alessandra sighed as she stumbled from the dizziness as she stood up.


"You no longer have the power to intimidate me!" Alessandra yelled as the man screamed as he turned towards Alessandra's voice.


"Look what you did to my eyes!" The man screamed as he pulled his hands from his face. He showed the bloody and empty eye sockets as he cried.


"It was self-defense, helping someone you were already hurting," Alessandra whispered as she couldn't help to feel sympathy for the man.  I mean, how couldn't she.  She didn't know what happened to the man to lead to the events that resulted from that evening.


"Why!" The man screamed as the pain began to more substantial.


"If you assumed I was a girl with daddy issues," Alessandra said as she sighed in relief. "That's your pendejadas, not mine!" Alessandra huffed as she finally began to catch her breath. She picked up the bat as she began making her way to the running vehicle.


Maria Romero turned as the door opened.

"Mija!" Maria Romero cried as she ran to see Alessandra's bloody face as the bruise on her neck began to show. "Oh my God!" Maria said as she grabbed her face gently as Alessandra winced from the scream of the pain. 'What happened!"

"Work!" Alessandra said as she gently pushed her Abuela out of the way as she fell into the recliner as she began to moan from the sore muscles in her body.


"No, you are not driving anymore!" Maria Romero scolded.


"Abuela, we have no choice," Alessandra said as she kicked the right shoe off as Aurora Romero stood at the end of the hall.  Alessandra turned as she immediately bolted into the kitchen to get ice and the first-aid packet. 


"We will make it," Maria Romero pleaded


"I'm still in one piece," Alessandra yelled as she hissed as Aurora Romero began to clean the wounds.


"Then it's set. We are selling the house," Maria Romero said as Alessandra smirked with a grin.


"Now who's the cabesuda!" Alessandra said as she sat back as gently pushed Aurora Romero away. "I made two hundred bucks and helped save a life?" Alessandra said as Maria Romero looked at Aurora Romero in confused shock.


"What do you mean?" Aurora Romero said in concern.


"While finishing my last lap around the city, there was the woman who needed help," Alessandra said as she closed her eyes.


"What kind of help?" Maria Romero said in nervous concern as Alessandra opened her eyes as she exhaustedly stared at her Abuela.


"I helped stop a violent sexual assault," Alessandra said as she smiled in humbled pride.


"How did you do that?" Aurora Romero said as she sat on the love seat as she stared at Alessandra.


"Como la gente!" Alessandra said as she smirked as groaned in pain. "How else do you think?" Alessandra said as she looked at the Great Aunt and her Abuela in confusion. "With this!" Alessandra said as she groaned as she put her fist down. 'You were right, Abuela," Alessandra said in a proud whisper. "The bat finally was put to use?"


"Well, is that why you didn't answer my calls that had me worried sick?" Maria Romero cried.


"I didn't go to the hospital," Alessandra whispered as she closed her eyes. 


"So why are you here two hours after you said you were coming home," Aurora Romero scolded.


"Because," Alessandra said in victory. "I helped someone fight for the self-respect that she almost lost because of this," Alessandra said as she looked at her two leading ladies as tears began to fall from their faces. "I did what I thought I never could," Alessandra said as she groaned as she lifted herself. "I inspired someone to fight for justice," Alessandra said.


"Well, did you give those fuckers hell," Alfredo Romero said in pride as he rolled into the living room?


"Let's just say the guy was blinded by the light I thought I never had," Alessandra whispered.


"We have to go," Chalchiuhtlicue said as she grabbed Jonathan as made their way back to his hotel room.


"Why do you always do that," Jonathan yelled as he turned towards Chalchiuhtlicue.


Chalchiuhtlicue smiled as the phone began to ring.

    "Hello?" Jonathan said as Antonio Castillo answered.


"There has been a change of plans," Antonio Castillo. "Starting immediately, we will be shooting a pilot for a local singing competition," Antonio Castillo said.


"Meaning?" Jonathan said in confusion.


"Meaning the tour in Europe will end, and the last appearance will take place in a club in San Antonio."


"How soon?" Jonathan asked as Antonio Castillo replied.


"You fly in a few days," Antonio said as he paused mid-sentence.

"Well, what if I told you I was already in San Antonio?" Jonathan said as he looked at Chalchiuhtlicue.

"Well then, take a week off, and we will begin after you return. The next few weeks are going to be hell," Antonio Castillo said with a chuckle. "I expect you at the studio the following week!" Antonio said as he hung up the phone.


"Are you ready to venture into the destination to destiny!" Chalchiuhtlicue said as Jonathan looked at Chalchiuhtlicue as he nodded with a smile.



Alessandra stopped at the car wash to rinse off her vehicle before she began her Rideshare shift.   The hose from the car wash as Alessandra put the hose back in place.   Three weeks passed since her first initial incident, which motivated her, assuring that she drove a few hours every day. Not only to put food on the table to help her family but to help others in need. Who wouldn't usually help with the turning of society's blind eye.?


She began to think of her journey so far as she began to smile. As she pulled from the bay of the carwash, she began to smile as The Weekend's "Missed You" began to play as she entered the entrance to I-10 on Culebra road. Alessandra began to smile as she admired the city's skyline. She had so much resentment upon her return. 


She began to smile as she began to think of the memories she had throughout her life.  She pondered how Seraphine Harkness was okay.  I wondered how AR Jay and Christina were, after their falling out from her emotional outburst as she put the emergency lights as she parked the vehicle on the median of 281 as she crossed as she fireworks flew into the sky as she was taken away.


"How could I ever resent this beautiful city that was home to so many things?" Alessandra said as her honey hazel eyes glowed as she admired the firework display that she assumed were left over from the Fourth of July holiday that passed. 


Alessandra looked down as she thought about Jonathan as she began to realize why she constantly pushed him away. "I'm not going to let the abuse my ex-husband did after high school stop me from loving again," Alessandra whispered as she thought about Jonathan.  Alessandra looked at the time as she turned to the flashing police lights.


"Is everything okay, ma'am?" the officer asks Alessandra. "Can I get your license and registration, please, ma'am?" he asked in a charming and pleasant tone.


The officer was young and very attractive, with dark brown eyes and a naturally tanned complexion.  He was clean-cut and had very little facial hair, with full and kissable lips.  He was five foot eight and very fit, with biceps popping out of his creased sleeve like a stray hair.


"Yes, Officer Martinez, everything is fine," she said politely.


"I saw that you were kneeling on the side of the road taking pictures of the Alamo," he replied in a comforting tone. "I just wanted to make sure you were emotionally okay," he said kindly.


"Yeah, I was just taking in the scenery.  Why would I not be, okay?" she replied humbly.


"I saw that you had tears in your eyes." he reassured." The city is beautiful, isn't it?" he replied proudly. "Are you not from here?" he asked inquisitively. 


"Born and raised, but I just moved back about three months ago, which today just now driving for Passeio had me see the true beauty of it for the first time," she replied in the same reminiscent voice she felt.   


"They say it's a city with a small-town feel, which, if you ask me, is the charming part of San Antonio," he replied like a narrator on the History channel in his deep sultry voice.


"You know it is.  For the longest time, I had resentment for my hometown as I was always undermined", she said in assuring tone. "Living in Houston, I began to miss the more I was gone.  But the truth of the matter is that San Antonio gets underestimated.  People don't realize the power and the strength this city has.  Despite of all the contradictions, tonight I realized that I wasn't appreciative of the things I had here." she said humbly.

"Well, Miss Romero, I am not going to hold you up any longer as you do more for this city than you know being a rideshare driver.  Since Passeio, our drunk driving rate has gone down.  Thank you for your services, ma'am.  We police officers always get thanked for the services that we provide, but we rarely thank our rideshare drivers." he affirmed humbly. "If not, one hasn't told you yet. Thank you for the service you provide to this city daily and welcome back home, Miss Alessandra. It's a pleasure to have you back home.  Be careful out there." he said in a thankful and appreciative tone.


"Thank you, Officer Martinez, and be safe out there too.  If I am in a jam, I might need a kind and amazing soul like you", she replied.


"Call me Alejandro, all my friends do.  Have a great rest of your day, Alessandra", he said as he got into the car. 


Alessandra waved goodbye as she entered her vehicle as she smiled at the whistling sounds that followed explosions that brightened the night sky


Alessandra heard that chime of the incoming pickup as "Waiting for Tonight" played.


Alessandra smiled as she began to think about prom night but then thought for a moment about the time in Houston with Jonathan.


"You'd be proud, babe," Alessandra whispered as she switched the gear to drive. "I feel like I am on my way to being a true badass!" Alessandra said as she went off into the night and destiny.


The radio began to get staticky as she was halfway to the pickup as the "Blinding Lights" began to play.


She looked at the screen that showed the cover of the album of her favorite artist.


"Sounds more appropriate for a night like this," Alessandra said as she smiled as she looked at the road. Alessandra chuckled softly as she remembered what Jonathan said about her being a hero one day. "Maybe one day, Charming," Alessandra said. "Maybe one day," Alessandra said as she pressed the gas pedal as hugged the curves of the curving road. 

She kept steady as she stayed perfectly in the lines as she made towards the stop on the St Mary's Strip. Which later that night, she would encounter Jonathan in their final and permanent reunion. As now her adventure is about to begin as she reaches her destiny. The destination of destiny. 

The Rideshare Chronicles Novella Series – The Start of Destiny – Fear of the Unknown

A Rideshare Chronicles Novella
The Start of Destiny

The Rideshare Chronicles Destination Destiny

fear of the unknown


Alessandra looked around with a defeated face as she looked around in her apartment. As she began to walk around is the quiet, dimmed lit apartment tried to fight the tears.  She walked into the room as she looked at the bed that she spent with Jonathan for the off-on weeks he came as she grinned. A single tear fell down her face.


"What is the reason for this?" Alessandra said as she slowly made her way through the living room as Frank Sinatra's "My Way" began to play on the mini speaker that was on the kitchen table.


Alessandra couldn't fight the tears as the song began to play. She began to scream through her tears as she violently grabbed the speaker as threw it into the wall. The speaker hit the front door as it fell into pieces to the floor. Alessandra began to breathe fast as she attempted to control her emotions as the music stopped, still with tears flooding her face. 

Alessandra closed her eyes as she attempted to control her tears as placed both palms up and down slowly as she tried to meditate. Alessandra opened her eyes as she looked down at her cut-off shorts as the tears fell with a mournful cry. She violently pulled the phone out of her pocket as she paused as the arm was mid-air, almost throwing the phone. Alessandra began to cry harder as she gently put the phone on the dining table and rushed to the living room. She plopped onto the couch as began to let the tears she held for that few months. From the defeat of losing the court case against her employer. Not only for the attempted sexual assault but the discrimination the law firm pointed out to her. That Alessandra didn't want to admit happened.

Alessandra began to scream in her defeat as she immediately sat up as she began to wipe the tears as she could hear the rattling of Jonathan's keys as he entered the door. 

"Hi, babe," Alessandra whispered as he dropped his travel bag as rushed towards Alessandra. He held her as she began to cry.


"I know, babe," Jonathan whispered as he shut his eyes tight as his tears began to fall as he held her until she was ready to talk.


An hour passed as Jonathan and Alessandra sat at the bar that Harkness used to work at before moving in with Seraphine. Jonathan looked at Alessandra in sorrow, who was looking at the top of the glazed wood as Frank Sinatra continued to play since they arrived at the bar.


"Do you want to talk about it?" Jonathan whispered in sympathy.


"What is there to talk about?" Alessandra whispered in defeat. "You try to do everything right and for what?" Alessandra said as she looked at Jonathan with tears. "Just for evil to conquer, yet again," Alessandra said with a sigh as she wiped her tears from her eye.

Jonathan looked down at the table as sighed.  Jonathan took a drink of his draft beer to help clear his throat. "It's my fault, you know?" Jonathan said as he began to show an expression of guilt. "I should never have had you make that film with me," Jonathan said as a tear fell from his eye.

"Don't you do that," Alessandra yelled in empathy as she stood up from the tall bar stool as slowly put her hand over Jonathan's shoulder. "Don't you blame yourself for something you did to help me genuinely!"


"I should never have had you attempt to fight the whole thing in court," Jonathan said as his bloodshot eyes began to release tears.


"If society is going to assume that I asked for it because I had no other way than to pay my bills," Alessandra said as tears rolled down her eyes. "Being an adult entertainment actress, then how the hell is you are going to take the blame for someone biased and judgmental and let a guilty man walk away. All because I did a film, with the man I am deeply in love with. At the same time, they turn the other way and watch the film. Then who is the problem in this scenario?"


"So why can't you take your advice?" Jonathan said as she quickly retracted as she sat back down.


"Because after all the things people complain about with bad things happening to good people and turning a blind eye. With the possibility that it could happen again. Why they wipe their hands clean of the liability," Alessandra said as tears fell from her eyes. "Change and justice seem like it will truly exist," Alessandra said. "I'm afraid of what's coming next. I'm afraid of the unknown," Alessandra said as she looked down at the wood. Close to her untouched beer.


"Well, it sounds like an opportunity?" Jonathan said as he looked at Alessandra.


Alessandra squinted as she looked at Jonathan as she began to laugh.


"Should I wear armor and carry a sword," Alessandra said with a chuckle. 


Jonathan shrugged his shoulders as he grinned. "The world needs a hero these days?" Jonathan whispered with a smile.


"And I am that hero, Jonathan?" Alessandra said in humor.

 "You never know?" Jonathan said as Alessandra turned as she began to chug the beer.


Alessandra slammed the half-full glass as she nodded her head in defeat as she said, "Let's be honest, Jonathan. People, especially women like me, aren't capable of change.


"You're more powerful than you think?"


Alessandra looked at Jonathan with hope and with doubt as the music began to stop.  Alessandra turned as "Blinding Lights" began to play as she slowly looked at the jukebox in shock.


"Babe?" Jonathan said as he stood up as clenched his fist. "What's wrong?" Jonathan said as Alessandra turned slowly towards Jonathan.


"This song?" Alessandra whispered as her expression of shock stayed in place. "Is supposed to be a demo concept?


 Alessandra bolted up from her nightmare as she surveyed the surrounded the following day. Alessandra looked at the clock as she jumped out of bed in panic.


"Oh fuck!" Alessandra said she quickly slipped on the cut-off shorts and the tank she wore yesterday as she opened the door to find her apartment neatly packed.


"Be careful with that!" Jonathan yelled as the movers picked up the box carelessly. "That's precious cargo right there!"


"Jonathan?" Alessandra said as Jonathan turned quickly with guilt on his face. "What is the meaning of this!"


"I know you're probably pissed right now," Jonathan pleaded as he walked towards Alessandra as grabbed her hands. "But I couldn't just come without doing something to help before I fly overseas."


"Oh yeah, I forgot," Alessandra said as she looked down to the ground, fighting tears.


Jonathan looked at Alessandra with growing hope as he said, "The option is still there if you want it?" Alessandra looked up as he immediately said, "But I know our family needs you."

"For the first time in a long time, I finally would have said yes to something. To you," Alessandra said as Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" began to play on both Alessandra and Jonathan's phones.


"As I said, you're more powerful than you think?" Jonathan said as a tear rolled from his eyes.


"It's just coincidence," Alessandra cried as she kissed Jonathan for the last time.


"Why can't you just say yes, Princess," Jonathan cried as he hugged her tight as he began to cry in mourning.


"Because you don't need the distractions," Alessandra cried. "You gave me the chance to find myself, and now I am doing the same for you?"


"But you're my person," Jonathan said as he let his mournful cry out.


"And that is why we have to do this. To find our power, so when we come back together," Alessandra said as she looked up into Jonathan's sorrowful blue eyes. "We can finally be that power couple you always said we would in college."


"I don't know how to let you go, Alessandra!" Jonathan cried as he held her tight.


"You're not letting me go," Alessandra said as she fought back the tears to be strong. "I'm your person, remember," Alessandra reassured as she toughed up in the message.


"I don't want to go!" Jonathan said as he pulled Alessandra away.


"You're not!" Alessandra said as she slipped the ring off.


"No, you need to keep it!" Jonathan said as he stopped her. He looked at Alessandra as he said, "All it will take is one call!"

 "You're giving up too much for me," Alessandra pleaded. "I will be damned. I let you give all that up."


"But isn't our love worth it?" Jonathan said as Alessandra sighed.


"Why don't you carefully think about it," Alessandra said as her face got hard. "I'm going to let the apartment office that I will be out by the end of the day," Alessandra said as she turned as she rushed towards the door as tears began to fall from her face.


The door shut as he made his way to the wrapped sofa and sat down.


Jonathan pulled out his phone as the song continued to play.  Jonathan stared at Alessandra and his picture on his lock screen. He nodded as he pushed the phone icon as began to dial the number Infliction Films.


"Hello," a voice answered.


"Castillo, how are you?" Jonathan said in a regretful voice.


"Are you ready for the finale tour to your former role?" Antonio Castillo said. "We are excited that you are taking the lead in the San Antonio office upon your return.


"That's why I am calling you," Jonathan said in pause as he heard the text notification. 


"Bad news?" Antonio Castillo said in concern.


Jonathan sighed as he said, "I can't wait to start next year," Jonathan said as he fought the tears.


"Perfect," Antonio Castillo said. "We are looking forward to having with us," Castillo said as he hung up the phone.


The song began to repeat as Jonathan began to cry from the message as he threw the phone down on the wrapped coffee table. Jonathan put his hands to his face as he let out mournful tears due to the message.


It was Alessandra who text that read, "It's over. Not because I don't love you. Because I need to do the right thing.

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