Blind in Rose Colored Glasses – The Absence in Empathy in a Blind Perception

I will be the first to admit that prior to writing “The Journey of an Unraveled Road” I was still had another pair of rose colored glasses on. I was woke but still not understanding the full meaning of this all. In the book, I also say “I’m still learning and open to getting the answers deemed emotionally worthy to get” which pre-journey I would of cried like an entitled child saying life is over like finding out that there’s no Santa Clause. People who truly get it say “Wait? There’s no Santa Clause?” and ends up in laughter telling me the story when they find out there was no Santa Clause. Some comedic and some tragic. But when we travel down the rabbit hole together, they share something far more intimate, the day they took off the rose colores glasses. Some I identified with in every detail. And in those I had no experience with, I just shut the fuck up and listened. That’s one thing I quote in the book. Sometimes you have to shut the fuck and listen.

Sometimes you have to shut the fuck up and listen.

Frieda Lopez – Journey of an Unraveled Road 2019

Spoiler alert. This blog will end up being part of the follow up book so you know, but far much more detail including the accounts of the stories of those that pre-journey I would of been a horrible cunt to. Devaluing their journey and compare theirs to mine, also quoting that the poor can be the biggest narcissist in the absence of the things life didn’t financially afford them. As the most injustice the people I come from can be capable of doing is perceiving that fortune and fame is the end all and solve problem in life. Where many who have experienced where Lady Luck acted prematurely and Karma is rushing her ass through the motions to make it as right as she can, leave those on top with the worst problems anyone can ever encounter, being absolute in their loneliness where having it all means not having it all, as finding genuine people who actually give a shit about you is as hard as finding sanitation supplies in our current era of COVID.

I first encountered the song “Anyone” by Demi Lovato before writing the book back in 2019. I don’t even remember how I ended up getting my hands on this song then. I want to say that it was a demo of this song that I ended up coincidentally hearing in my many pendejadas that was my self destructive ways dealing with the pains that I was desperately trying to come to terms with that I thought I resolved. When I first heard this song, I broke down and cried. As my lawsuit to try to fight for my lawsuit to get the self respect and the dignity I lost during the time that I was sexually assaulted, harassed, discriminated, and retaliation. Carrie Underwood said it best when the tears come down in “Cry Pretty”. The second time I heard it in the beginning of 2020 I said “damn Demi, you fucken get it”. Today hearing it yet again during my Uber driving after helping someone two rides ago that didn’t want to go through with reporting the sexual assault which I respected and gave them the information they needed and the encouragement that in their own time, they will do it. However giving her the message that try to gain the courage before the deadline to prevent the person from hurting someone else again. After driving my nurse passenger who confided in the pain she had and the fears she has that her family all works in the medical field, after my encouraging words and heading to find more rides, the song came on again on Apple Music Radio. In the middle of nowhere on the service road, I had to pull over as the tears came down yet again. Not because of pain I have. Child, I’ve resolved that most recently back ago. I cried because not only because of what happened in my previous rides, but because I could truly hear in Demi Lovato’s voice the pain that I neglected to hear in the mist of my own adversity. In that same moment, I texted to talked a Instagram post sent directly to Demi Lovato with the song saying the following. Why even quote it when you can actually read it:

Billie Ellish is another amazing talent that I admire. In my book I pay homage to all the artist both starving and thriving and thanking them for the vulnerability they exhibit through their form of expression (Billie Ellish, I see you. I discovered you pre journey but your fucken amazing by the way). To not be able to express yourself as communicative person but be able to express your pain in the form of painting, composing, music, architecture, and all the many ways artist express themselves is truly captivating. If you really notice any form of art work regardless if it’s visual or audio, you can decipher the raw emotion someone feels. Why do you think so many people get drawn to certain pieces, like certain music, express themselves in certain fashion styles, because this is the passive aggressive way we can communicate how we truly feel. Why do you also think so many artist are for the most part happy? But the truth is that when those amazing artist gain fame and fortune, those who admire them tend to forget that they not only put their pants one leg at a time, that they also feel pain in more ways we can ever imagine. Because like Billie Ellish when the parties over, no one who actually gives a shit about our wellbeing is ever around. Because in narcissistic tendency, don’t give a shit except for what benefits them directly.

The first thing that people feel when someone comes up is jealousy and rage. The first question that people ask themselves to determine their own self worth is “What makes her so special?” Coming from someone who is not even B rated yet will tell you exactly how it is. There is nothing special that separates me from you and I. Timing, determination, and consistency along with pain, struggle, heartbreak, tragedy, deception, rock bottom is the only thing that separates my come up as small as it may be to those who have the habit of degrading me already. The reward of getting my voice heard was not a cheap price to pay either. The lost of those who I valued the most was the most consequential price to pay as those who I valued that held a special place in my heart had to be left behind by their blind perception. Becoming toxic in their own envy and making me into a person that I truly wasn’t. Out of the pains that I still live with to this very day is the lost of the people I cherished the most that are still living. Little do they know is that they helped me get here, and even if they know it will never truly appreciate the gratitude I have for them if I let them back in. Selena Gomez expressed it best in the song “Lose You to Love Me” as in order for me to love myself I have to cut the ties with those who have selfish intentions as many people on the bottom that choose to stay on the bottom, will never be happy for you because they aren’t happy for themselves. This is why I stand true to my mantra “I am not in the business of being no ones hero. The only one that can save you, is yourself.”

“I am not in the business of being no ones hero. The only one that can save you, is yourself.”

Frieda Lopez – Journey of an Unraveled Road 2019

Those haters that still to this very day think they have some sort of affect on me (Narcissist much) talk shit in my writing style saying why are you talking to people like they are going to answer? You’ll never get an answer. The ugly truth to their misconception through their narcissistic perception is this is what in the communications that I personally get is what separates me from all other writers. In that moment that like Demi Lovato expresses in “Anyone” is the answers that those who feel like they aren’t being heard feel like they are finally being heard. When they read the thought process in my words turn to phrases they see the genuine understanding that I have been gifted to share, regardless if I don’t understand. Being empathetic or as others who give me too much credit reference me as an “empath” gifts me the ability to not only walk in someone’s shoes but genuinely feel their pain. Those who respect me get it. Those who are narcissist will tell me what they think I want to hear and when it’s time to face the mirror, deflect everything that I know they feel causing them to have an emotional outburst in their fear and their rage that someone is calling them out how they are. They also gain empathy when they show that they are done playing me like the violin they think I am and sincerely get the help they need. Another thing that people don’t realize is that I will always have empathy for people, I will never gain a complete attachment to people as I already know that in life people come and go. I am not being cruel or negative, but truth is human nature will always show otherwise. Human nature and the inability to respect someones boundaries is what keeps us as a whole separated. As with me letting people know what my boundaries are, where they stand, and when they cross them has repeatedly shown that in self motive, they will get away with as much they can to attain personal gratification. But the unfortunate thing about self gratification is that it’s the want we are trying to fulfill, never what we need. In this day in age we are always after what we want and never appreciative of what we need. And until then at that moment when you can appreciate the things that you need, happiness begins. And that is when the universe will begin giving you what you want, as consistency in being good person with no bias judgement is when you have earned it. Which today, is the day like One Republic expresses in their newest song “Wanted” in my favorite line in the entire song “She said, I’m counting up my Karma and I think it’s time to cash it in” with all the things that Ive done, I have to absolutely positively agree as well.

The Positive and Negative Effects of Confidence

To have the talent to evoke human emotion is a super power all in its own. Like many great expressionist in the form of art is an amazing gift any artist can have. Have you ever heard a song that makes you cry? Or a movie that fills you with love? Or feel the wrath in a choreographed dance? Or identified a human condition in a painting? These are all ways that empathy in the form of humanities that the artist communicates to the audience. Which is why I give props to the artist both starving and known around the world and throughout history. To make yourself vulnerable in a burning world is the bravest thing anyone can do regardless of what is said. This was pointed out to me in a ride today. Mesmerized as she said by my story and being an artist herself asked if she could get the web address to my blogs and reading one of the most recent blogs, began the dialogue of the emotions it made her feel and the pain she previously had, said you have a gift. Relating to this it takes me back to the days I felt this way but it gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Adding that if it was a regular person, it would get them pissed off because of the things we all refuse to see and lie about the person we are. Like always in a humbled manner and thanking her for her kind words, like always say, it’s not meant to do anything but say the things we all want to say. But for whatever reason feel we can’t. There are many greats in our today’s world and so many throughout history. Before the book release I want to thank all of those artist starving, rising, and established an applause for the sincerity they put in their work. Many of these artist have confidence in their work and themselves in each new piece they release showing growth in every aspect. Even singers express this in their vocals and my audition venture in American Idol made me realize that when you are sure of yourself has a different impact and range than it did that reflects in your speech as someone also mentioned I have a memorizing voice, which although I don’t think it, thanked them for the comment.

Music has always been my writing, betting at a young age that this was journey. We all were positive in one way shape or form about how things would play out, which also reflected in us as whole. But disappointment always changed that, potentially if afraid to take the journey would have made me jaded. Although it wasn’t my life still was part of my existence. When my parents were fighting for custody in my childhood, the first song that made me realize I had the power to empathize was from an American Tale Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram’s “Somewhere Out There” that gets me emotional to this very day. Torn between two parents who adversity and trauma plagued them, couldn’t understand why both parents felt that I didn’t love them. I loved them both very much. I go on in more detail in the book about this and how I only wanted to see them both happy. In the Disney mentality happy with me together. Madonna with so many others made me explore that more as a teenager. Still plagued with adversity, made “The Power of Goodbye” the song that made me realize the losses I invested in people had to be cut no matter how heavy my heart would be. Which “Ray of Light” would be my swan song not realizing what the song meant until now. I added both links to both songs which is necessary to understand the differences of the moods and help you realize my next point.

The effects of a positive confidence will keep people humble and since we are not perfect, in the moment of mistake make them rationalize the accountability they had in the part attempting to make things right by apologizing for the things they had control of. Where in a negative confidence will justify their actions, blame others for the effects of cause, and never deliver a confidence. They go into a downward spiral of sin, unintentionally and in most cases intentionally because they are confident they will get away with it. Those unsure of themselves in positive confidence will doubt themselves and slowly but surely become more and more jaded. Which believes that the domino effect, turn circle jerk, turn ripple effect is the never ending chain. Although I never had a relationship, understanding behavioral patterns, is why so many connections break. In my love life both short and long term have never worked out because both of the emotional baggage we carried that we collected in everything life throw. You’ll be lying to yourself that when you say you can be friends is not genuine because we all were positive that this next time around the ex lover will realize what they are missing. Sometimes it occurs at the same time at both parties, which is why you both hate each other now. You both fucked up. Why lie I did this too many times 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️. It doesn’t devalue you one bit. If you admit it 👏🏼👏🏼. You’re ahead of the game. But after reflecting on it with no influence, no bias, and taking away the devaluing we do to make ourselves look like we were not in the wrong, makes you see the things they could of done different. With the desire for changing for the better, see the triggers that we caused. Then seeing that in their enabled behavior, that in the words of Selena Gomez “I needed to hate you to love me”. Which post journey, again since I’m a crier, overwhelmed with happiness, cried when I realized this. That not only did I have to lose the romances I had, I needed to lose the life I had that never really made me happy.

When I hit this new level of thinking, I started thinking of the beautiful souls, the guys and one woman (yes bitches a woman) knowing after that one experience I was strictly dickly introduced me to so much. Like many I’ve encountered who remained mutual friends with their ex’s, as my Las Vegas Puerto Rican mamasita shared that in that experience, she began multi-cultured and selflessly helped my ex giving me things to look for that helped me later in life. Rumor had it that they got back together, which I hope wasn’t true as he wasn’t willing to change. Not that he isn’t any less worthy, in his unwillingness to change, deserved someone who was willing to earn her respect as she has so much to over that she doesn’t realize. Where even my friends with benefits situation turned into the stepping stones of my evolution. Where one beautiful man on my way to graduate school touched me in a way he will never understand when The Flogging Molly’s “If I Ever Leave This World Alive” May have turned into the anthem of wanting to give up to be with my late relatives, but my late second attempt to walk down the isle after his death in the military post 911. Turned into the song with his beautiful persona, the song that gained perseverance to be someone to remember. And a drunken night with a guy I always envisioned to be with, turning me onto The Florence Against The Machines wouldn’t realize that in a dog eat dog world, that happiness hit me like a bullet to the head in the song “The Dog Days Are Over”. Because the strength I gained now is better expressed in David Getta and Sia’s “Titanium”. And the ray of light I wanted to be was I then didn’t realize I was becoming, with so many others needing help to be able to shine there light.