Silence of Our True Self – Conditioning in Bad Behavior

I always have said this and I will continue to say it but in this amazing and ever self discovering journey there is still a lot that I am learning, some about myself and so much more about the condition that we call human nature and the ripple we all cast into the universe. I owe a lot to the psychology adventure that I am embracing early as the woman that I am in keeping my word, will be going back to the classroom to in the fall of 2020. One of the many things that is constant in the human behavior is the social biology or the evolutionary psychology that we all play a role in all in the sake of our own self preservation and own survival. Many of us have conditioned our mind to focus on one thing and one thing only, ourselves. When I began this journey,

I began with the mindset that personal motive especially in self gratification was the only factor that in a common theory in study of psychology is a combination of both influence, personal choice, and material motive. One of the most important thing that I have been presented with is that the truth about the social norms we live with in America’s patriotic rose colored glasses on now getting distorted each and every moment in an individuals time of injustice, we all subconsciously live in a fight or flight 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In the act of deflection in the lies we tell ourselves at the end of day the Achilles heel to the positive change we whether we want to admit it or not, is what we all engage in and still engage in our own presence of fight or flight; is in the end the reason why change and equality doesn’t occur.

Many will say it’s an act of inability or effort, some will debate its because humans don’t deserve mercy, and some will say in the sake of conspiracy theories that we are already brain washed to be sociopaths so we can destroy ourselves within our own social groups so those seeking absolute power can gain it without effort using the seven deadly sins as the weapons we arm ourselves with for survival made to be success and happiness. Regardless of these things, my mentality, my persona which I am most certain as each day passes regardless of the ridicule, the doubt, and the abuse that comes within my own social group, has remained and intact as the innocence that theoretically should have been lost in my early stages of trauma during my childhood, still remains less naive and now more aware and rational, that our nature which is good and pure has been set of the track in our constant fight or flight mentality. Which in many situations, the things that we willfully choose in the presence of entitlement in our selfish intent to give us that additional chance to redeem ourselves from those we demonize which is a combination of biased opinion conditioned by social norms, our social groups, and our personal life experience in hindsight turns honest people dishonest, making it more and more difficult to break away from the good we attempt to surface through faith, religion, and philanthropy just keeping us chained into the gray area that we can’t break away from, not because we can’t but because truth be told, no one has been able to successfully set a standard of how it truly looks like.

When I first started the journey I talk about in the “Journey of an Unraveled Road” there were a lot of perceptions when I started I realized were biased views of how the world appeared in other words how things are in the world. I started realizing that in the end we all want to fit in and the only way that we can achieve that is by success and happiness that the “social norms” deem appropriate. I believed that people needed to just get empowered and stop focusing on the things that don’t even matter in the end in order to gain true happiness for themselves and for others. Like always, you are not revealed things until you are finally emotionally ready to prepare for them. What I am about to say doesn’t change the hope and unconditional love I have for the human condition and although like I always say, I am not in the business of rescuing people, I will never meddle with free will as the act in egoism is ultimately the only thing that enables the need to feel unsatisfied. In a world where we want positive change and fairness, we will never get that as social norms which fueled by the Seven Deadly Sins is ultimately a world where in order for people to survive one must conserve their own worth and material values they have accrued to gain more and look down upon those who do not meet our caliber. The ugly truth is social norms are all narcissistic character.

Those who disagree with all the things I have mentioned or written and has demonized me, insulted me, or made me has engaged in egoism or what is referred to as “inflated ego” or grandiose which is a self belief in one’s evaluation of inferiority that makes them feel that “no one is greater” than them. Truth is even if you have people that you see as an “equal” you still look down to those who doesn’t meet your caliber or standard. Grandiose also correlates to a psychiatric diagnosis referred to as narcissism. Like all negative, I still will always see the positive or the light of the tunnel. Truth of the matter is, I still believe that this is unintended in many cases, but at the same time there are cases that although is in way to deep, but still have ways to disable a bad behavior that I also believe due to self preservation, is why these behavioral patterns began in the first place. At the end of the day, I feel that truth of the matter is, this behavior started to protect ourselves from the dangers of people and to shield us from the bad intentions or harm they might bring to us if we don’t find ways to prevent these individuals. Of course these characters come in all walks of life, but the most dangerous one’s are the ones we surround ourselves vulnerable, in our comfort zones, and unguarded as these individuals have already found ways to manipulate us, have poisoned us, has already hindered us. The worst part of all this, is that they live with us, they work with us, they sleep with us, and in the majority of the cases came from us.

One of things that many abusers will say “you shouldn’t let people affect you” is an enabling mechanism to allow you to accept this type of abuse. Which ultimately is psychological manipulation which is an acceptable common behavior in our social norm. The ugly truth is, this is why people become violent I believe. We tend to let people insult us, abuse us, and even intimidate us and the truth of the matter is that we let go. In a catastrophic scenario, where the effect of this particular cause affects the lives of innocent bystanders via school shootings, protests, and many other things that cost many lives. I also feel that after adolescence and going into adulthood, is why people who know better do horrible things, some in a selfish manner where children and spouses get murdered by at one point were model citizens and selfless such as terroristic attacks, where not knowing the backstory and not even caring as to where these motives stem from, leave those in pain and agony from more than likely a extremely traumatic past, where for the sake of fitting in and being accepted was the main motive, was manipulated along the way to do horrible things to innocent people that continue to do these things in their everyday life in a more passive aggressive way. Boundaries are the key to protecting yourself from this and being equal with everyone who violates those boundaries. You initially will do someone the favor as many severe cases leads to a person with an inflated ego and inflated self esteem that at that point is capable of causing harm to others in their moment of rejection. In hindsight, this is why I believe that positive change never happens. We don’t hold true to the boundaries, we aren’t sure of what is abuse and what isn’t, and even though our intuition tells us that something feels wrong, we talk ourselves out it. Many in their grandiose will immediately say “she isn’t perfect” and I will be the first to tell you, I am far from perfect. I am not aiming for perfection. I am aiming to continue to become the best me and choosing to be the outcast, as this is not the norm I want for myself. I don’t want to live my life in fear nor do I want to live my life second guessing myself. I’ve done it, I am doing, and I will continue to do it. One of the things I say in the book is that “regardless of the outcome and the treatment of others, when those in their own time are ready to take the courageous journey, I’ll be there” and I hold true to my word. I am nobody to those who will shun me, but I am a somebody to the those I have helped along the way. Because truth is, those who I am a nobody to, is a nobody to me. Truth is I am not going to manipulate you like many religous leaders do in the sake of “being saved” do as I am not going to control your free will. Ultimate power is not something I seek or want. I will not be held accountable for something traumatic that happens to you that is not your choice. Because in the end, when (and I truly hope you never do coming from the poster child of trauma) when your left alone because someone stole the self worth, in the end whether it be as a life coach or as a psychologist, or even through my books, I will be there to pick up the pieces so you never can stay silent again. Truth is, to stop silencing ourselves and protecting us from dangers, we have to identify the threats that are around us. The journey of being humble is admitting to yourself the things that have already happened and the the things you caused yourself.

Despite of all this doom and gloom, I know there is hope. Silencing ourselves from the mistreatment we accept is something that I feel is the key indicator of moving toward positive change. When you start standing up for yourself on the boundaries you establish that involve you earning from someone and vice versa empowers you in a way I can’t even explain. When you stand up for a mistreatment you would never cause someone intentionally (because you can’t help the way people feel) you feel almost superhuman. One of the things we omit in our everyday life is the common sense of respect. I’ve observed many people and due to my late post, I have been traveling around Texas and a few outside states to determine this truth. I have also dressed in various ways to see the type of reactions I would get. You would be surprised the reaction received by each perceived persona. In an attempt to be “right by God” many of them do a half ass attempt to do the right thing. There are only a very few good one’s out there who will invest time and actually do what they can to help someone, and that’s a win right there. When I asked them what compelled them to take the time, many of them all had a personal reason that affected them at one point in time, which I praised them for as many people who endure trauma become more narcissistic in the sake of protecting themselves. Many of those who admitted they did the bare minimum bought a copy of my book which I was gracious and happy to sign, writing a personal message for each that had the tone of “human nature is made to be imperfect, it’s what we do to become better people than we were” while those who were ugly verbally abuse me in their grandiose saying “you are a nobody” or “I will make sure you never get anywhere” and my response was a “oh your hurting my feelings with your inadequate and unimportant influence and existence” which in a few cases had them in handcuffs and majority of them being “religious”. But my question is if I am not that relevant then why do you have to react or result to violence? Truth is we all get judged and the perception we relay is how people view us. But because of that perception, we go to the extremes to self preserve the identity we made for ourselves. Which due to this my biggest wish and hope is that hopefully one day, we can live in a society that being you 100% you, in your beautiful imperfections not for the sake of us in the present, but for the future generations, which at the rate we are going I feel will be even more horrible a world to live in than today.

THE SILENCE OF OUR TRUE SELF IN SOCIALIZATION

PART 1: The Act of Conditioning

“Perception was my Achilles heel, followed by assumption which always turned out to be demise” This is how I start off the introduction for my following book “The Journey of Others on An Unraveled Road that is currently being written as we speak. I feel that this is truth for everyone living, fighting to survive. In my life, the hardest things I’ve ever had to do is continue to have the same unconditional love for the humanity and to forgive both people I hold close to my heart as well people not close to me since they in the end have no direct impact in how my life is directly, as my journey that I chose on my own terms and not one made by those who directly influence me. Through all the lies I told myself, the lie about my individuality was the hardest pill to swallow, because truth is the perception of the authentic me, was not me at all, but version of me that was easily manipulated, wasn’t sure of herself and the choices she made, always second guessing herself, and always letting herself get walked on and always serving someone’s best interest instead of hers. I as just a piece on someone’s chess board. Ultimately In the end, being easily dispensable in someone’s sacrifice in their sociopathic chess game. Always leaving me left behind to solve my own issues after being mistreated and left out to fend on my own, almost every time with almost nothing.


Truth of the matter the COVId19 had put people in the mind set of fight or flight, and the way people have expressed their fear in fight or flight has varied with one common similar action, intimidation. When called out on the act, many have shown different behaviors from denial, self sabotage in engaging in reckless behavior, and even attempted to inflict physical destructive behavior as the intended peaceful protest turned violent in San Antonio became Saturday. Truth or the matter is the ugly truth even if we don’t want to admit to ourselves that the world and the people around is starting to lose hope more and more adversity hits not just a specific demographic, but the threats are hitting to the point that it’s affecting the population as a whole. A way to deal with these threats is by acknowledging the threat and being proactive.


So it’s no secret that I am an Uber driver and it has helped my intention to reveal the ugly truth based on theories that those who always discredit my logic due to lack of credentials to assuring that the ideologies I provide are valid. Eventually i am sure that someone’s going to take it upon themselves to stop this as anyone in fight or flight will attempt. but truth is, it’s not going to stop me from revealing this truth. Naturally people will assume it’s cause I’m not happy or some bullshit, but truth is thanks to the mindset of think about yourself before you think about others may put you in a predicament that will cost you your life. Like my dads stroke that spared his life as the front line my family didn’t take his fall seriously and would of not seen the symptoms that could of cost him to potentially be paralyzed or even life, but with my assertive nature and the ambulance in their own fear of catching COVID19, could of had the EMS team drag their ass in trying to validate their own safely first which per the doctors that day told me, if you didn’t react the way you did, he would of been another non-COVID19 death this year.


Condition is the act of enabling a bad behavior. One of the acts in human nature is to condition ourselves to lie about the threats around us. A modern conditioned behavior is out of sight out mind to avoid the dangers that surround us that at any given moment have the potential to strike. But how do we recognize a threat? The only threat human nature in the modern world only recognizes is other people. An interesting fact that a psychiatrist confirmed is that the human brain has to stare at something for 10-30 seconds to compute the information given. To identify a threat in a human, it takes 30-60 seconds to analyze a human threat. Id no threat is identified, the human brain will automatically stereotype the individual and is conditioned to treat the person like everyone that is identified as such. Ugly truth, we have all stereotyped someone having us treat them like the people they have worked hard to become. If you say you never have done this, your full of shit and once again are conditioned to think such nonsense. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s human nature for us to make mistakes, it’s what you do to correct it. Which is where the entitlement that isn’t intended to be becomes. I bring this point up not to scare people, but in this era of COVID and other threats we neglect to see that springs from the forces of nature, we don’t know where everyone is in their fight or flight stage. Where if that one moment we degrade someone in our act of fight or flight might trigger something in someone to have an act occur in the effect of our cause, costing innocent people’s lives. And no matter how amazing you are at lying about the accountability you played a part in, will not excuse you on your judgement day, where if your religious will not dodge your fate in eternity. Thus why I’m in the business of not shaming, but keeping good people honest.

Journey of An Unraveled Road Official Release

Absolute Authors Publishing House

Official News: Journey of unraveled Road will be available for purchase paper back effective May 20, 2020 on Amazon.com. Special thanks to Melissa Caudle and absolute authors publishing house, my family, my readers, and above are the higher powers for giving me the courage to change myself in hopes of helping others gain the courage in their time. ❤️❤️❤️

Un-conforming The Act Of Comformity

We all have conformed or still conform in our everyday lives just to fit in. Whether it be betraying a friend because of what are faved group of people think about the odd ball of the group. Or broke up with someone because of what our family or friends thought of what they thought of someone. Or rocked a high end designer bag or even bought a vehicle for the brand. Or the most degrading of them all, put on a brave face to the world and put an act that would win an academy award for the things that happens behind closed doors, leaving you in a situation that has you self medicating and crying from the mistreatment, emotional abuse, and/or physical abuse you conceal with makeup. The ugly truth is your confirming to individual social norms that are associated in the social group who are all trying to get ahead in life to reach the regular social norms that gain success and a happy life. Ugly truth is, you may with drive and persistence reach a success that is may surpass your usual social group, but you’ll never go above that social level because truth is, there is a crowd with the same ideas, same perception, and the same expectations in this burning world we live in. Ignoring the danger and truth you refuse to see through a distorted pair of rose glasses.

Think back to high school and the group of friends you use to hang. Now let’s add a college experience if you had one. Where you in the same social group? Let’s factor in the first job you had. What social group did you associate with then? What about every job after that? Now factor in the groups you associated with out of work? Let’s now factor in the social settings that are social organizations like churches, country clubs, fraternities or sororities? What were the perceptions you gave to each one? Where they different or similar? Were the odd balls of the group accepted or where they caste out of the group and your life?Statistically speaking only 20% of those groups will be similar based on the small study I’ve been gradually getting for the last 5 months. When funding allows, to assure the current percentage is truly accurate to make this theory truly accurate. How were you treated when you were the odd ball? Did your old friends stop being your friend in current and past ground? Survey says 95% of those people now the odd ball were not accepted and caste out themselves. To be true to science, these surveys will be redone by a third party entity to eliminate bias.

We subconsciously conform and we don’t even know it. Subliminal advertising is a business practice used by marketing and is an actual part of curriculum in marketing in college. Have you been able to give a genuine reason why a brand is your favorite brand of clothing? Vehicle? Bag? What made you buy these luxury brand items or even want them? That’s a question for you and only you to come to terms with as once again you do not need to justify this for. I’m not hear to judge, I’m here to help only when you are ready for it. The same subliminal messaging in advertising is why I believe subconscious thinking comes into play within ourselves on the actions we engage in, the purchases we buy, and the feelings we get in certain situations. Subconscious trauma, even if we say is something we come to terms with is something we lie to ourselves about because seeing in my own actions that I use less fight or flight intimidation and take more action, has me convinced that, although in unknown situations is when I get that butterfly feeling in my stomach, still engage in action when I need to make it a point that my boundaries are crossed in a 2nd non physical aspect that has me assure both parties are responsible to take accountability and assure that if this is a continued behavioral pattern that is consistent, depending on that individual they don’t attempt to offend you with their irresponsible actions or blame you for the actions they themselves had control of.

People since I’ve found my unique path have always said something similar to “not everyone is genuinely happy” or “you’re the one not happy with yourself” always saying actually I am. When they ask why am I so sure comes the coined phrases in my book “I’m good with my own pendejadas” which in English translates “I’m good with my own fuck ups” as I have control and admit to the consequence of my actions. I’ve been dragged in the bus, been thrown under the bus for too long by people who knew better and people who didn’t know better all in the sake of their own self preservation, seeing them get away with it and seeing them engage in more problematic and illegal activity. Like Enron, being a well respected company turned tragedy. When I use this example on business professionals, lay down the history and start one by one piecing the puzzle, it scares them, it worries them, it shames them because seeing the one match that light the fire is getting dangerously close , causing one of my accounts from my previous job bring me in as a Training Consultant and in one day let go as the suggestions given where taken as personal attacks, which now is shut down and under federal investigation. Because the person who knew better took a suggestion of good faith into a personal attack that had no undertone of it. Like trauma, guilt of something takes a toll and clouds your perception. Revealing that guilt is another subconscious demon your also being influenced by in subconscious mind that’s influenced by others around you and those who you haven’t made amends with. With this revealed, yes I’m sincerely happy, because people who are dealing with issues that they deny become a distraction turned to liability. Because when it’s all said and done, when the chips are down and everyone disappears for what ever reason as they are just keeping their head above water, the only person that can save you, in the end is you.

The Second Lesson Must Always Hurt

Mortimer Dempsey w/ Saatchi Art “A Lesson Lesrned Through Lies https://www.saatchiart.com/print/New-Media-A-Lesson-Learned-Through-Lies/283932/4406795/view

They say the Nile is not a river in Egypt. Ugly Truth is almost everyone has tubed this river like it was Labor Day on the Guadalupe River in Texas. Some of us stay on this content until you fall off and get pulled down by the current until you can’t breath anymore giving up the fight to break free and staying there till they turn blue. In this analogy, my role is to play EMS in hopes that instead of waking towards the light you fight to live and start living. This continued even post journey, as my hope that COVID19’s worldwide pandemic scared everyone my death thinking that this as I referenced on a previous blog that with nature taking the lives with the “gaslighting” CNN interview said about the actions taken to protect the people, we are given false hope that the virus would disappear with a warning given by the same entity, the CDC has been publicly warning about the virus against the request from the President, it got worst and claims more lives each day. As those who followed on blind faith and no understanding of the biology and chemistry it takes to make these treatments effectively safe by chemist who measure the quantities and after testing, has literally poisoned some to the point of suicide stemmed by the fear of dying. Which the lies they my essential workers on rideshare consensus having people who treat them with less respect, and misperceived ideologies that some organizations preach, making these people have a sense of Godly protection, which has me worried that with the warnings no one seems to acknowledge stated that this second wave is going to be far more fatal due to flu season and as we are conditioned to not cares until it affects us, which by the info being reported in scientific news that there may now be interact with other microorganisms, will only be reported until it starts affecting us directly, which by then it will be too late to stop it, as the man still shows behaviors of a “out of sight out of mind” approach, will not make it a big deal until it becomes worse and possibly be too late as he has proven time and time again. That not only nature will continue to allow it to get stronger and until it officially jeopardizes him personally and depending on if higher powers (from any religion intervention) may have be what could maybe be the end of humanity. Reading that itself, making excuses just proves my point. We as people don’t like to be scared as it causes panic, which when fear hits, makes people do the most erratic things to protect themselves from unknown doom. Those who give up don’t care about what happens and continues to self indulge, while others go to extremes to the points that they do things to harm themselves. Because for whatever reason, they see no light at the end of the tunnel. Some of those who don’t see the light, live on a day by day basis. Neglecting the bigger picture with the lost of hope just finding a way to survive another day whether it be self medicating ghosts from the past. Then you have those big picture thinkers which in adolescence starts as the big dreamer. Those who only want great things for everyone they love. Then those from broken homes have hope of having of having a better life, for their kids, things their parents never were able to have; something to give back for their parents efforts, to be something that their family is proud of and something their future kids will be proud of.

As adults the big picture is being proactive, being prepared, and planning for the worst and hope for the best. And you have those who are cautious, protective of their status their persona as in today’s age, perception is the only thing that will get you anywhere. But why even try, if with the things we have, the things we protect, the things we value mean if we see nothing changing, nothing improving, no one to do the right thing. Why even try when change never happens? This is what I thought every time I get used, abused, and mistreated. Ironically enough, those that face adversity say similar or exactly the same thing. Why try? Why even bother? Ugly truth is that we settle. When things get good. We settle. When things get great. We settle. When things are it best. We settle. One thing we don’t settle is status that’s motivated through personal motive. The triggers being social norms stemmed by culture and heritage, by the ghost of our pasts and by the ghost of others. Saying the little people never get ahead? Why the value one perceives on the outside. But my journey blessed me with one thing, being presented with the truth I was wanting to see. Which we all have seen, not personally but through art and history. Where future of the rich and powerful give it all up in hopes of finding happiness away from the stability and security money can buy as hardships develop a persons character in hopes to find their true identity. And the poorest of the poor hit rock bottom and rise above the ashes. This is what I neglected to see driven by my ghost, by the ghost of others, and what that social norms perceive as accomplished, where my modeling, my designing, my resilience was never enough because I wasn’t known, I wasn’t rich, and I wasn’t desired. Making me want more and getting good, better, best at things I desired was never happy. I was content in every milestone, I settled to the point of comforting myself saying if this is good as it gets I’m good, raising a standard on everything but my own needs and raising standards to the wants I was missing. Even attaining that. I never was truly happy. I was good at perceiving this but never genuine. Which once denial is eliminated that those who see call out, but in my insecurities and trust issues always waited for “I’ll be rewarded one day on my good deeds” which became the absolution that never came which denial eliminated that my insecurities fueled by someone else’s was something that I tolerated and after isolating myself began to evaluate the rational pros and cons of the situation that lead to a journey that in self realization, people affected me to the point of holding my true self hostage out of the fear of things that I actually enjoyed. That the consistencies that in childhood changed by adults in my life where things that as an adult were shared with me started adjusting to things that they personally felt. Ugly truth is in childhood, we have been conditioned to listen to those that appeared to know better, but were battling things they hid, following blindly into the path of un-genuine happiness that disappeared at the signs of unappreciation and “insubordination.” And when you disobeyed, they take it all back, including the image you gained by them. Why? Because of the unknown fear of your own abilities. That if you matched them, you become equal or rival. And if you succeed, become better. That after taking you in, you might be better and leave them behind.

One thing I’ve been asked by essential workers is “Why do they mistreat us if we are sacrificing out lives and family when it’s hard to get employees to come in and people who say need jobs but don’t want to even apply?” I will tell you I don’t know, I have ideas, but I know it’s out of fear of COVID19. What I do know is we don’t know how to genuinely appreciate people. That because the things we appreciate are not the same, so since we can’t provide you the material aspect in the “I wish I could help you” comes from what we don’t have for ourselves yet stems, but it’s the small acts of kindness that service people in the front lines want. In all honesty, for me it perceives as being safelessly reckless is the lie society says as we are convinced since we think we know ourselves, our better judgement in circles that provide us what we want when we want even if it’s for a moment and regardless of it’s a lie. Which seeing the behavioral patterns and the defensive response from every day people is that my stock went up because you survived the pandemic. Whether it be a false perception of higher intervention, kissed by an Angel, given the luxury of not having to work, or whatever it may be turns into false entitlement and the rationalization of why your life is not as important to mine as I was blessed with the ability to not have to work, in some out of genuine necessity but n many working the system, which now has gradually getting more difficult as those workers begin to gain after a 8-12 shift dealing with the same sob story they have heard over and over from another opportunist trying to get a free ride by excuses after excuse turned to verbal abuse of nit getting what they don’t deserve.

Pre-Journey I almost became the same person, over and over dealing with the same people, doing the same thing, and getting the same result was discouraging. Nothing changed within me, my character was the same but had different outer perceptions. We do this everyday of our lives from being one person at work, one person, and school, being a different person to fit in every social circle we associate with. Defensive? Only if your guilty of it? Are you justifying to yourself why I’m wrong and all the things wrong with me? Why? If you don’t care about yourself why should I? Truth is we invest so much time to those who aren’t willing to do things for your virtue or at least take a chance on doing something that may lose a security blanket that they settled for is just a form of fear that through the idea of letting go of the things that don’t get the change we can expect means change will be something you expect or thrive for. You expect it to be given to you on a silver platter that everyone is in line for waiting for the same silver platter. Where the advice given for free doesn’t matter since it’s free and has no worth other other than the temporary confident boost you get with no intention to do anything but only come back around when your security blanket runs out of bleeding you dry of hope and drive, having you blame me for the things you don’t take responsibility and accountability for. Does this sound familiar? Have you been told or said that before? Well lovelies those are the people that truly cared about you that you left you in the moment you needed the most and you to said less likely “shit on them” after exhausting their resources and kindness out of your own selfishness and haven’t apologized yet due to your pride. Or in your grief, as you may be reflecting back on a day that you had to walk away and the guilt of “I should of done something more” is something you have to forgive yourself for and let go as the hardest love to give someone is tough love as in life, it’s takes physical and/or emotional pain to learn our lessons. In my day I was spanked. Not because of my parents inner demons that’s what drinking was for within my dad who one day I hope and feel he will come to peace with what haunts him, it’s cause I did something extremely shitty that if conditioned to adulthood would throw me into jail or worst. We live in a society that people want something to be fair and across the board. However, it’s skewed when perception is just a disguise to make us fit in. Which the traumas people face seem to become far worst than the traumas from previous past generational traumas begin earlier than the past generations of self sabotage and self medicating, where I am shocked when I hear young adults at 19 saying they started at early 5 years old. Where social norms make these trending items of luxury that are impossibly attainable become the light started at the end of the tunnel now just gets dimmer and dimmer with each each passing generation, where self mutilation and humiliation is the only way you will be noticed as with each conspiracy theory is a rumor of biased untruth made to turn each other against one another, where because a child now made to be the outlet to their parents continued attempt to be an example turned into a traumatic existence that had some e willingly degrade themselves hoping that this was the only chance to have a better life, and through those willing to forget where they came from with the fear of potentially losing what they think brings them joy is the anti-conformity those born into inflicted with the traumas we can’t understand that we gain by the power of forces to be, is why lacking the ability to empathize, show gratitude, and omit the sincerity, as temper tantrums of not getting what we want and work with what we need at the time, just might be when the power to be deems that those higher power resources are exhausted, be the lesson that if fearful of losing the things that perceive the vanity of accomplishment may be the lesson that human nature just might need, all because we thought we knew better. And seeing this genuinely me is why I had stop turning my head. Knowing that no one will listen, but why not try. As the priest before packing away back home in a church I prayed in, overwhelmed by fear, agony, and the question, why have you forsaken me, had the priest say that sometimes the blessings we want actually hurt as someone pained who come out of adversity is a reminder that we are human. Being able to out of it with a different perspective, resurrection, and those who come out of it still with love and compassion for not only people, but those who have inflicted them with scaring power, but those with the pain turned love baring the scars in a burning world is the most greatest gift one can ever be given. Being kind and cruel leaving rationality is a blessing, it encompasses compassion and mercy that today’s world can’t even understand. It’s a divine power blessed to those that deserve. My question to him “why does it have to be so full of trial and tribulation?” He gave me a answer I didn’t understand at the time, until today. Being a human, has us always questioning our logic, even at the most happiest. Asking myself the same question of “trial and tribulation.” Having compassion from the human condition and coming to a truth I finally was able to see made me question it today “as empathy who think they hide it well” plus things that in a normal environment (business environment) as an incident to help a friend turned brother at the Days Inn at Downtown Riverwalk has the night desk clerk give me an explanation talking to me if I never ever traveled out of San Antonio, speaking to me like many women get spoken in the city of San Antonio that i loved, resulting to retaliatory behaviors after revealing his condescending tone, degrading me, and ignoring me entirely which in s business environment would not be acceptable, having to reach customer service also mocking me when I asked what I did and told them writer, could hear the the call center outsourced that the first representative said they all worked at, had the supervisor think out loud “oh shit” after looking up my webpage that the blog stats showed a view as stats appear in real time. Having more views that same day, still being underminded by a non returned call made by the Wyndham Corporation that thanks to the respect that these employees choose to give, has hindered the perception of a once glorified perceived notion, that has demonstrated something we tolerate in our place of work, a toxic work environment that bleeds into the treatment. That begins to infect the personal lives of the majority that like a virus mutates/evolves with the ghosts of everyone’s past. Which true be told, ifs you have the courage to wear the armor in unknown territory, will see just how unfair the world can truly be. Prove me wrong by physically walking in someone else’s shoes for a 24 hours to its entirety, being the raw and vulnerable version of you. But the beautiful thing is you see those amazing people who do for everyone out of necessity and start seeing those who do it out of being unhappily comfortable, which was revealed by the priest in my speaking to the higher power I was raised on. The ugly truth that I was given, to have a gift of insight and don’t persevere through the abyss of doubt, there really isn’t hope after all. People may not understand now or ever, but many souls are willing to sacrifice themselves which is why we have free will. Which the reasons behind the advice given is unique as it was meant specifically for me, played the undertone of Elton Johns “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” as every conquered chapter in life is another yellow brick road left behind.

Those Phoenix Wings Were Meant to Fly

When you rise out of the ashes, you earn your wings every time. Where the people who care about you always hope that your not wasting your life, will prove to not only you and them, that the wings you always earn where meant to fly. When I was first presented with this song was on Dancing with the Stars when Amber Riley, Mercedes on Glee performed “Wings” as her song. Everyone who said she was overweight, braced us with her presents with a mesmerizing performance. Girl got it and those who doubted her got got. It happens more than we want to admit, where people who commit crimes and get away with it leave those hinders in grief and irrational states as many hate crimes occur that get spinned as hate crimes when ugly truth is, its a an act of devaluing someone. No one wins because no justice is gained and the act of conditioned devaluing begins a slippery slope in believing this behavior is okay and to social norms, normal.

This is what created the toxic work environment that I was subjected to. Conditioned behavior becomes a culture where this behavior is welcomed in not only work environments, but social and family environments as well. Which is why I applauded the ending of revenge, where Amanda Clark’s father David Clark stopped the slippery slope that he stopped, where her daughter was able to find peace in her happily ever after, where money wasn’t her motive in her journey. It was the need to seek justice for her father.

https://youtu.be/cQ31mMvJBo

Rising from the ashes had me let go two things the materialist aspect of the life I gained and the perception that others who wouldn’t understand was going to leave of me. But in a world where we feel justice is never met, it was necessary. It would be on those who didn’t understand and wouldn’t try as they didn’t invest time to find out, was their responsibility and as long as it doesn’t affect them, it didn’t matter. The journey has also shown, it will eventually affect you later, as words don’t mean a thing when it’s all said and done. And learning to fly, seeing those who thought they were nobody has always shown them as it showed me that you may have a match, but capable of making an explosion when taking back your life, as Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song” recites. As you just moved mountains for those also in the same boat. As your effects from your cause just rippled to everyone in the same battle. Which is why I believe we are never on it alone. Which has truth to “we are in it together.”

Rising from the ashes also showed me that no matter how dark it is, I’ll go hard with it. Miles Morales in into The Spider-Verse shows that even regular people who come into power need to perfect their skill to make it effective. Being a rideshare driver has helped perfect it and also has bit me in the ass when people assume my blogs are a rant of complaints on the things I feel that I’m gonna humiliate them. I hate to break it to them, some of them are not that important or interesting. It’s those looking for change and receptive are the ones that their stories featured in my post, anonymously of course. Today I was deemed the love doctor and “Hitch” amazing character that Will Smith plays who like me, gives advise so people can find happiness, admitting his mistakes. Momma, poppa, abuelas, tías, and tíos all told me not to waste my life, and it might not pay the bills now, will eventually, where the wings, a dragonfly that my first ex destroyed, was the gift my dad gave me one birthday which was a glass and swavorski crystal ornament that I yet still can’t find a replacement of. In a world where everyone was a butterfly deemed me his dragonfly, which Swift and confident flying with a purpose, is both beautiful and cunning in its purpose. Which is my next tattoo. And where people say I’m looking for danger has me saying “What’s Up Danger” now has been to proven to myself that as in the song by Blackway and Black Cavier say in the same song “can’t stop me now.”

The Power of Rising Out of the Ashes

David Getta’s song “Titanium” is the song that was the power to begin my metamorphosis of rising out of the ashes. The lyric “I’m bulletproof nothing to lose. Fire away” is what made me emotionally prepare for what was about to happen. “You shoot me down, but I get up. I am titanium” which made me realize I was starting to rise above the ashes. This has afforded many compliments saying I they needed a sign deeming me in one ride the Angel of Mercy. She also said I was the poster child of the quote that deserves a fist bump saying “Be the girl that when your foot hits the floor, the devil says: Oh shit she’s awake.” But during my morning commute, I saw a marque road sign that said “Thank You Essential Workers. There’s Your Sign” proving that we all want a sign but we take them for granted, as the consensus of all the essential workers that enter my ride share saying that everyday people have been acting shitty to them and that post quarantine hasn’t change anyone’s behavior but be more shittier than they use to. Asking myself, what is it gonna take for people to change their ways, a zombie apocalypse?

One thing I had to do first was save myself as Ed Sheeran expresses in his song “Save Myself” which the lyric that made me emotional to this day now filled with a bittersweet happiness remembering the grief I was stricken with when disappointment set in. Post journey it’s made me be able to speak up, but for others along the way., as today’s example takes us to Firestone in Balcones Heights. The only offense what seems like a new employee committed was being disrespectful of my time and the young lady in lines time. Where he went outside after completing the order and who seemed like the boss being disrespectful of his. Trying to get back on the road to get the rush hour my initial response saying “thanks for respecting my time” being nervous that the appointment I had was not entered correctly. Reassuring him it’s not his fault, and sorry for the rudeness as the young woman behind me was probably trying to be somewhere to. Girl on fire came from my injustice at work when someone who has seen this happen on her years of service with the company, which she warned what was about to happen and in the end said, I was doing a noble thing and an angel. Let’s not get it twisted all, I ain’t no angel. I am just an everyday person tired of seeing people be shitty to others asking myself why isn’t there any change.

Rising above the ashes started with me first, working on perfecting my boundaries and perfecting enforcing my boundaries. Yes, you lose people along the way, but how the hell you gonna help someone else if you you can’t help yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself, humble yourself…the list goes on and on this. Now like use to, are a hypocrite. The truth is no one knows themselves more than yourself. Rising out of the ashes doesn’t mean holding on to your past life or the materialist things you accrued along the way. People always say I am bitter and unhappy well they can go fuck themselves because truth is that deflection would be nothing but celebrating my wins instead of trying to fix me. I fixed myself with the help along others along the way. My publisher who is more like family in my journey called me out the first day she approached me with my opportunity of being published which we conversed at the end of the day. She passed on the wisdom my now late grandmother her mom said to her “When your at your darkest moment, it’s time to reinvent yourself. This helps you find your invincibility and no matter if they beat you down like a water, as you know you can take more than you can take more than you ever dreamed as Kelly Clarkson says in “Invincible”. Once you find yourself through the wreckage you have self reflect and see if this is the person you want to be.” And it’s absolute truth, as in my darkest moment afraid and overwhelmed with the feeling of being alone, she helped this woman when no one else could help me find myself, the Universe providing, gave me my dear friend and publisher. Sharing the same words that she was shared in her own journey, which now is the beginning of what is going to be “The Journey of Other’s On The Unraveled Road, helping many in the short time I have with them find faith. Because as the legend of the Phoenix, with all it’s scars and flaws, ended becoming a mystical creature that we have no business trying to understand. Instead of finding the answers or the logic behind it, we have to just trust our instinct and intuition. Because when you finally find the fire deep inside you, you sometimes have to say fuck and like Ellie Goulding says in “Burn” just throw your hands in the air and say “We’re gonna let it burn. For those facing adversity remember this “I’m a survivor, I’m not gonna go give up. I will survive. Keep on surviving.”

The Motives of A Journey Unraveled by the Ripples Of Others

Bananarama’s “Venus” is the victory song I jam out to now that post quarantine traffic presents my new examples of the everyday people capable of both good and ill intentions in the sake of self preservation. Those who admire the song for whatever reason will show props while others will show disappointment or in extreme ways humiliate. The consistent expression who have me blurting our “She got it, yeah baby she’s got it, I’m your Venus I’m your fire your desire” which those praising it will sign along and show their appreciation, while those in a failed of humiliation in stray sad puppy face look of disappointment. The only living creature I will save are stray animals when it’s all said and done. Bringing me back to the happy moments with my mom saying to myself, mom we did it.” There are so many greats that exhibit this Venus persona. From Lady Gaga to Lizzo who is feeling “Good as Hell” after facing adversity regardless of what to come which coined my “pull a Lizzo” quote. Regardless of what other see her as is 100% comfortable in her own skin at the end of the day.

“Piece by Piece” by Kelly Clarkson hearing this song for the first time was another American Idol song I wanted to perform as it expressed the pain the I had about an event I fully didn’t understand. Which is why I have so much forgiveness, the missing element being a love I still haven’t gained only the love a father who did evening he could to give me the life he felt, but still was not true to my story. I didn’t need someone to save me because I saved myself. And although a family in their act of self preservation thinking I blame them for all the bad or the things they didn’t do is not the truth to my story either. Because in a collaborate effort, they played a huge role collaboratively. In their struggles, gave me the power to save myself, with no intention helped saved others save themselves on this beautiful disaster I call my unraveled journey.

P!nks “So What” is the anthem to this journey. As in this journey, I was always told I was a bad ass, and even when denying the comment, have proven more ways than one that my irratic behavior was just the makings of a rebel, who had fun in the process as I was being me 100% of the time. Funny thing is those who actually genuinely see this in all walks of life, bringing me to the advice of seeking a life coach career from a collective consensus from all walks a life, made me take it more serious from someone falling from grace, someone living in a gated community needing id verification before entering, a gated community residence, and someone now homeless due to COVID19 quarantine made me think that before the psychologist credentialing is the way to stay grounded in the venture to being a psychologist. I’m a huge Sinatra fan and express my love for him in my book as his song “My Way made me come to terms with the unknown fate of the unknown fate I was about to face, with the doubt that I repeated in my head is I should of listened to the advise and worried about me. The same from the honest people knowing I lived in a mole infested apartment being told by my friends, their children “be careful with her, you don’t want to get what she has” which in their ignorance would of research was done that it’s not contagious, unlike COVID19, which their fear turned ignorance. Which we all are guilty of in one point in life. But the things left unsaid and the lyric that in powered me the most even those I was being a voice for unknowingly by their injustices life gave made “I did what I had to do without exemption” was the result of me turning my head in silence. Not getting involved even though doing nothing made me just as guilty. And that no matter what is said about me “the record shows I took the blows and did it my way”. Which in the process, as the universe provides and with the agreement that I would be their forever life coach after exchanging numbers and saying, they would get me the credentials to get the credentialing I need to begin my life. Thus from a rider, who I helped see the errors of their ways and helped make his wife feel like the diva she is in Austin, TX. And after swapping childhood trauma stories with someone who made a great name for themselves, telling me that I found my calling, having someone who came from the wrong side of tracks like me and being the representation of all of my close childhood friends who I’ve lost physically looking down and feeling in my heart saying “this bitch is doing it”. Brave and bruised, well bitches look out cause here I come. Regardless of the mistakes I’ve made, I gained an unbiased perception that no one can take away. In the end like “This is Me” says, “I’m not scared to be seen, this is who I’m meant to be. This is me.” Because little do you know, when you find your power, you too will be someone’s like my new friend says, be the preacher the world needs. Unapologetic and calling out the bullshit that we don’t the change we want to see. Finally in your act of courage, being the hero you always wanted to be. In the end also saying “this is me”.

Intro to The Motives of A Journey Unraveled by the Ripples of Others

In “This is Me” that is featured in the movie in “The Greatest Showman” starts with the poweful lyric “I’m not a stranger to the dark, hide away they say we don’t want your broken parts. I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars . Run away, they say. No one will love you for who you are”. When I first heard the song my FGM or my fairy God Mother told me to listen to it, in my my own self preservation assumed it was because she saw me as damaged, which later in the journey revealed it was her admiration. My publisist, who will remain unnamed out of respect for her has the need to put me on Dancing with the Stars, which is dream of mine. But of course depending on popularity gained will determine that plan, as Ke$ha’s “This is Me” will be my personal discovery song. Which post journey afraid of the things that may be revealed, gave me the courage to say my infamous “fuck it “ mantra being 100% transparent about my journey and deny nothing as the lyric “I am brave, I am bruised, this is who I’m meant to be, this is me” gives me the courage to come clean with the whole ugly of life. Because it’s not about me anymore, it’s about everyone else who wants to truly say this is me, as now my back story along those who have trusted me to share theirs is my motivation to become a better version of me, but for everyone else. That Keala Settle portrays the bearded lady became the voice of her gang of misfits. Realizing that per journey where sexual harassments, assaults, and the bad things that happen in our world were a naive notion I developed. And the the story of the coyotes, the women of Coyote Ugly just play a role as the girls around the nation reveal, that this is a false perception. As their stories show the reality where discrimination, sexual harassment, and other misconceptions are the evils they face in their everyday lives.

Writing the Wrongs in Accountability

I start this blog off with Imagine Dragons “Thunder” as the lyric “I was lighting before the thunder” because this was the absolute truth. Telling those who’s ability I underestimated telling them the passive aggression action that I lied to myself that I would do. But still allowed the shit to happen, which made me foot my down when those who thought would cross them knew I meant it. Leaving them caught off guard deflecting things they knew were the reason into guilting me into thinking I had a problem. Now that my loan forgiveness application submitted, I’m a semester away from going back to school for a degree psychology, I am on the way to credentialing myself to those who continue to doubt my logic to better equipped myself with the training to enhance my knowledge further. And I have no resentment or hate either. Haters are gonna hate even after I get my credentials. Hoping that I don’t complete my studies and knowing that I will, will day things to discredit me when I’m passing them up. That’s always going to be the case. Because it has nothing to do with me, cause truth is I broke the chains. And the bitterness comes from being left behind in their unethical character. But as long as they show sincerity to change, will give them the opportunity to still in the end gain redemption.

Breaking the chains is a a self powering moment anyone can experience in life, it not only presents the opportunity to empower yourself for better, it gives those in their errors learn from their mistakes. Which accountability is learning tool to improve one’a self. In lighter days with time I spent my mom, something she doesn’t have to admit to me. She saw the power I had to influence when she would sing Bananarama’s “Venus” which all the good memories that brought so much happiness to my life will never be forgotten. No matter what I will always love her which is why the American Idol in this last goodbye, Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” as I only enabled her bad behavioral patterns in my insecurities. Because those who truly value in their misperception and their guilt will in the end alway make you the person that you are really not. Because your when you know what you need to get yourself right and already proving that you can perceiver. A misconception that lets face it, will alway be the way they perceive you throughout life, with a false perception that they knew you better. Will end up being as when they enable you in the bad behaviors in their guilt and sympathy will be the excuse in the end you will win with in justifying the attempts you really didn’t give your all as the excuse why you never succeeded. Another ripple that decredits the character you gained in your initial struggle.

So before I started my day of rideshare driving I ended up of course, holding the couple accountable of their emotional outburst that put me abs others in danger by trying to side swipe me, that car cam showed they did after saying that they threatened them, which showed their flicking me off and erratic behavior in their actions. And after they avoided me in traffic by going the opposite way I was, wasn’t even important to me which hopefully manipulating the truth as the officer said would not be tolerated, only proves what I’m about to say next. I’m only proving a point because of my theories in a book I wrote. That after it’s done and you serve no purpose, I will walk away as the importance you shown of your self and your actions is going to be the disrespect. I I need to walk away from you till you prove otherwise. And in that lesson, that couple learns not to play with fire as there is always someone who will always show us a lesson on accountability.

Brie Lawson plays the perfect Captain Marvel. In the epic fight scene she has in her solo debut in Captain Marvel, she holds everyone accountable to the very end of the movie, putting hope and faith in everyone that valued the most including herself, stopping a behavior she showed in the beginning, the conflict she had within herself. This is the ripple we do to ourselves conditioned to be afraid of certain threats. Like Macklemore raps “Legend is exodus searching for euphoria” in “Glorious” making me realize that I another lyric sings “I’ve made it through the darkest of the night and I will see the sun rise” as my next example shows my conditioned bad and comprising behavior ended being excuses for my half ass efforts before.

Today was a way to keep myself accountable on the psycho babble I talk about in my blogs and my book. While seeing a elder lady attempting to pass a busy intersection that she almost got hurt as everyone honked at her to move, and looked while they felt bad stopped to ask if she needed a ride. Already convinced she was taking my time, stopped and looked for her in a grocery store that she left as she said to come back in an hour. Telling a rider who said girls can’t find things after he said he was near a tree with a stone base that had multiple trees with the same base st the complex. And in the same ride getting insulted by my response after he demanded in confidence to hang out still told him he was a good person. And when he said your crazy to care stand up for others said, that’s why we never see things change and said in a minute silence, your right. And my dad who after saying the rest that I knew I needed to feel better said it was me being lazy, had a broken heart crying and said you pulled my head out of my ass and thanked him as he knew I was having a flare up of systems said it’s not his fault. If someone first did the right thing at Sprint, I would of had FMLA and benefits to get her care I needed. But it was my fault as well. I knew the warning signs as I was told by so many people before. That even though I hold myself accountable, they didn’t hold themselves accountable. That in their act of underestimating me, I have a bigger purpose. To say the things that we never want to admit. And the hoe Basic Betty made me out, as in Gwen Stefani’s “What you Waiting For” quotes “take a chance you stupid hoe” cause if I didn’t, I would never saw how great life could be now, if I kept waiting. Brings my question to you the reader, What you waiting for? Now as she also says “I know it’s so messed up on how society thinks. So go rewrite your journey.

The Power of Goodbye

I’ll be the first to admit, I was never good at saying good byes. One the rising artist I’ve seen start at the bottom and work his way to the top is the miraculous man who’s name Post Malone. Excuse my French when I say “I fucken love this man” and regardless of those people who think his brand is of poor taste can fuck off. Because Post Malone keeps himself 100% authentic is his lyrics, the mood that matches the lyrics, and in his song “Goodbyes” is the basis is how I begin this blog. Which to avoid bias judgement for those who haven’t heard this song, include just the lyric version of this video.

This journey has afforded many blessings. It’s afforded me the ability to gain knowledge and get insight on how to deal with problems better than I use and many cases effectively than I did before. Counselor Brandon, who I encountered in my blogging journey, after reading some of his blogs can see the inspiration that comes out the writing he expresses. I’m not gonna say it was all me. Truth is it just wasn’t my input as some ways he expresses his words have a bit of my message but has his originally. It’s a collaboration of many things like my blogs include. I start with this because mastering my ability to let go was also a process of trial and error and when discovered, mastered the art of saying goodbye by identifying my own triggers that kept me in bad situations that just caused more grief and the things I needed for myself to heal.

I know I’m long winded in writing and when I talk, that’s one of my flaws. Truth is I don’t know when to shut up sometimes 🤷🏼‍♀️, which is why I cone across a know it all, but truth is I’m not. But saying that won’t work for me just set me up for failure, because in my deflection the disservice I did to myself was that I was convincing myself and saying out loud that since I thought I knew myself well enough was the reason why I knew better. I always knew myself well enough but the guilt I wasn’t in tuned with kept me from growing. Because the people around me and the constant doubt it would provoke, that the decisions I made were of selfishness and that because of this, I’m causing people to suffer, which my first DM who I wanted to work with so well as he shared the same leadership style told me in my guilt of leaving San Antonio and leaving both my families in worry and hearing their adversities from the effect of my cause, almost had me prematurely move back to San Antonio, as the fear that I started getting which was how my ex almost got his way in getting rid of me so he can have his cake snd eat it too, which perceived that he wanted to do what he wanted to do. If he only could be transparent with telling me what he wanted, would have made it much more easier after he had a history of jumping from relationship to relationship and giving bad advice cause he knew better, wound have more genuine people in his life that he always expressed that their was someone who wanted to wring him. Well there is always an underlined reason as to why. In his pride thinking people were envious, only was in his case righting they wrongs that he did, and once again the ripple effect of those actions is revealed.

Ke$ha’s learn to let go was the anthem in the start of the healing process. In Houston, I taught myself woodworking, which being a beginner DIYer afforded me a paying gig that pre journey fed my dog Lucas and I in the beginning. This song as we know I’m a crier made me break down when I heard it because of the one lyric “I think it’s time to face all my demons” as this was the thing that I knew I had to do as “the past won’t haunt me if I don’t let it” would be the only way I could get my life back. And as the Universe provides always and after the fight of others who were wronged, as writing this blog has afforded me to apply for the loan forgiveness program to free from my debt of my MBA. And as this is a sign that I’m on the right track now affords me after submitting the application, will take me to what I was meant to truly be, be a psychologist.

The Positive and Negative Effects of Confidence

To have the talent to evoke human emotion is a super power all in its own. Like many great expressionist in the form of art is an amazing gift any artist can have. Have you ever heard a song that makes you cry? Or a movie that fills you with love? Or feel the wrath in a choreographed dance? Or identified a human condition in a painting? These are all ways that empathy in the form of humanities that the artist communicates to the audience. Which is why I give props to the artist both starving and known around the world and throughout history. To make yourself vulnerable in a burning world is the bravest thing anyone can do regardless of what is said. This was pointed out to me in a ride today. Mesmerized as she said by my story and being an artist herself asked if she could get the web address to my blogs and reading one of the most recent blogs, began the dialogue of the emotions it made her feel and the pain she previously had, said you have a gift. Relating to this it takes me back to the days I felt this way but it gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Adding that if it was a regular person, it would get them pissed off because of the things we all refuse to see and lie about the person we are. Like always in a humbled manner and thanking her for her kind words, like always say, it’s not meant to do anything but say the things we all want to say. But for whatever reason feel we can’t. There are many greats in our today’s world and so many throughout history. Before the book release I want to thank all of those artist starving, rising, and established an applause for the sincerity they put in their work. Many of these artist have confidence in their work and themselves in each new piece they release showing growth in every aspect. Even singers express this in their vocals and my audition venture in American Idol made me realize that when you are sure of yourself has a different impact and range than it did that reflects in your speech as someone also mentioned I have a memorizing voice, which although I don’t think it, thanked them for the comment.

Music has always been my writing, betting at a young age that this was journey. We all were positive in one way shape or form about how things would play out, which also reflected in us as whole. But disappointment always changed that, potentially if afraid to take the journey would have made me jaded. Although it wasn’t my life still was part of my existence. When my parents were fighting for custody in my childhood, the first song that made me realize I had the power to empathize was from an American Tale Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram’s “Somewhere Out There” that gets me emotional to this very day. Torn between two parents who adversity and trauma plagued them, couldn’t understand why both parents felt that I didn’t love them. I loved them both very much. I go on in more detail in the book about this and how I only wanted to see them both happy. In the Disney mentality happy with me together. Madonna with so many others made me explore that more as a teenager. Still plagued with adversity, made “The Power of Goodbye” the song that made me realize the losses I invested in people had to be cut no matter how heavy my heart would be. Which “Ray of Light” would be my swan song not realizing what the song meant until now. I added both links to both songs which is necessary to understand the differences of the moods and help you realize my next point.

The effects of a positive confidence will keep people humble and since we are not perfect, in the moment of mistake make them rationalize the accountability they had in the part attempting to make things right by apologizing for the things they had control of. Where in a negative confidence will justify their actions, blame others for the effects of cause, and never deliver a confidence. They go into a downward spiral of sin, unintentionally and in most cases intentionally because they are confident they will get away with it. Those unsure of themselves in positive confidence will doubt themselves and slowly but surely become more and more jaded. Which believes that the domino effect, turn circle jerk, turn ripple effect is the never ending chain. Although I never had a relationship, understanding behavioral patterns, is why so many connections break. In my love life both short and long term have never worked out because both of the emotional baggage we carried that we collected in everything life throw. You’ll be lying to yourself that when you say you can be friends is not genuine because we all were positive that this next time around the ex lover will realize what they are missing. Sometimes it occurs at the same time at both parties, which is why you both hate each other now. You both fucked up. Why lie I did this too many times 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️. It doesn’t devalue you one bit. If you admit it 👏🏼👏🏼. You’re ahead of the game. But after reflecting on it with no influence, no bias, and taking away the devaluing we do to make ourselves look like we were not in the wrong, makes you see the things they could of done different. With the desire for changing for the better, see the triggers that we caused. Then seeing that in their enabled behavior, that in the words of Selena Gomez “I needed to hate you to love me”. Which post journey, again since I’m a crier, overwhelmed with happiness, cried when I realized this. That not only did I have to lose the romances I had, I needed to lose the life I had that never really made me happy.

When I hit this new level of thinking, I started thinking of the beautiful souls, the guys and one woman (yes bitches a woman) knowing after that one experience I was strictly dickly introduced me to so much. Like many I’ve encountered who remained mutual friends with their ex’s, as my Las Vegas Puerto Rican mamasita shared that in that experience, she began multi-cultured and selflessly helped my ex giving me things to look for that helped me later in life. Rumor had it that they got back together, which I hope wasn’t true as he wasn’t willing to change. Not that he isn’t any less worthy, in his unwillingness to change, deserved someone who was willing to earn her respect as she has so much to over that she doesn’t realize. Where even my friends with benefits situation turned into the stepping stones of my evolution. Where one beautiful man on my way to graduate school touched me in a way he will never understand when The Flogging Molly’s “If I Ever Leave This World Alive” May have turned into the anthem of wanting to give up to be with my late relatives, but my late second attempt to walk down the isle after his death in the military post 911. Turned into the song with his beautiful persona, the song that gained perseverance to be someone to remember. And a drunken night with a guy I always envisioned to be with, turning me onto The Florence Against The Machines wouldn’t realize that in a dog eat dog world, that happiness hit me like a bullet to the head in the song “The Dog Days Are Over”. Because the strength I gained now is better expressed in David Getta and Sia’s “Titanium”. And the ray of light I wanted to be was I then didn’t realize I was becoming, with so many others needing help to be able to shine there light.

The Beauty of Imperfection

Entitlement is shown in everything we do in life. Whether it be trying to get ahead in traffic, cutting in a line or even showing an action to someone in the act of degrading all the shows is that we feel more important than the ones that are around us. Entitlement is shown in everything we do in life. Whether it be trying to get ahead in traffic, cutting in a line or even showing an action to someone in the act of degrading all the shows is that we feel more important than the ones that are around us. Which then leads to an act of selfishness and recklessness that the ripple effect that occurs in the self preservation of ourselves but shows our act of devaluing someone else’s self worth and the property that they have attained in their life. We are the effect of a cause that have people protecting their assets and in a catastrophic effect in the example of traffic, leads to road rage. But once again due to dodging the consequences and not taking accountability, demonize those whose blood sweat and tears were devalued. But the arrogance that we demonstrate is the only thing that has triggered the effect. As showing someone in our actions of arrogance Leads someone to put us in in our place. To learn that the things they surround themselves are a cover-up. And the things are only a cover-up for the insecurities they really have. Captain Marvel in the DC universe has a unique power that the others not have, which is possibly why in The Avengers End Game can single handedly defend herself against Thanos. Because when hero’s allow deflecting like Captain America attempted to do in the same movie when he attempted to guilt her in taking accountability of the catastrophe that happened in their world, had no hesitation to also say that the comment comes from selfishness as he did not consider other universes that others were experiencing also and that her help was needed where hero’s did not exist.

In Captain Marvel, the closing credits theme music of Celebrity skin is the poster child song for this journey. Talking about the adversity that I presume Courtney Love faced trying to make it in the music industry, which in the assumptions of others, affords the choice to decide when she leaves and comes into the limelight as she chooses. Which truth is her big picture mentality has financially prepared her that regardless what her journey her humbled nature and her previous endeavors regardless of what opinions say, will humble her to be content with the things life brings her. Seeing tragedies that celebrities face, it shows to be a difficult path as the world is telling them that they have no reason as only few are chosen to get that attention in this journey. And because of the material things they gained in their adversity is the reason why they are being ungrateful. The commoner mentality will always in their fall from grace always judge those that in one mistake lose it all. In my book in congratulate those celebrities successful and fallen as they helped me probably never knowing the effect they had as well, to make this ordinary person into the Captain Marvel, the Wonder Woman of the real world that others deem me to be but refuse as pride is something I gained control of in this journey. But also because I’m only human, can also be prone to losing sight of it as well. The journey has blessed me with being able to cross paths with all walks of life from the lowest of the low society deemed to the rich and famous that everyone strides to be. Not revealing those people as I’m not here to get validation from anyone because my validation is good enough. Have all said one common thing, never stop being a good person. Reality is that the only resin I could accomplish this was because the beauty of the imperfect society deems is the reason why I’m here to begin with.

I have the highest respect for Eminem. He shows a lot of growth in him with the song “Not Afraid” as this song in my crossroad made me very emotional. This song is the epiphany of what I have seen in everyone’s journey. Seeing the things I was doing and allowing, I refused to keep living this way where raising the bar. Being a misfit of the music world, he to did things to change his life. Before this, I began to have a love of country due to Carrie Underwood as her music talk about the the lives of everyday people just like all country songs due. Wasted helped me start seeing the current mistakes of my life and seeing the mistakes that those who beat themselves up for their mistakes faced. In Something In the Water we hear her sing about being saved and the positive effects it has. Religion is beautiful to me because it brings greatness out of people. It’s a beautiful thing to see. but pride is always the downfall to good intent. Those I lost along the way instilled something in that made me coin warrior king and queens. Those fallen have always shown me the way. Even the though the battle is lost, doesn’t mean the war is lost. Along with those outcast who always embraced me into their life. In there pain came out a beautiful characteristic that those who know better never possess. Compassion. Compassion on its purest forms of expression in the journey that anyone can receive. It shows genuine compassion and the act of someone truly caring. Because when we want to feel special, we never ever feel that sincerity when we get it from and ingenuine people. Any world were we never see change, we also never experienced your compassion because of the fact that we are blinded by the values we try and force to gain. In this journey, when you genuinely want to change, is when the change you hope starts to happen. Because that change has now become you. Because when we’re looking for a savior, we don’t realize that we now just became your savior as well.

Wronging the Rights in the Act of Revenge

Life is full of many moral slogans. Let go and let God, or Karma is a Bitch. But that Confucius quotes is best said when it comes the act of revenge, you dig two graves. And in the act of righting the wrongs, you end up wronging they rights at the same time. Pre journey I almost fell into the same trap, I called out everyone who had a positive effect and also the ones who did me wrong. Using both the summarized the back story. Reaching mid ending learning something very valuable lesson. That we all have a similar beginnings and that we all made similar mistakes that we all were crucified at one point and due to self preservation. I was about to do what I called everyone else, I was about to be a hypocrite. As I’m a huge Jennifer Lopez which is no secret. Post journey, I ended up being presented with her song “Limitless” which said everything that I identified that I was doing in the act of self preservation which could of turned into self sabotage. The beginning starts “ I couldn’t fight anymore. I wouldn’t lie anymore. All of truths that I couldn’t ignore. I wouldn’t fight in this war” was the self conflict that I with myself pre journey, confirming that everything I did, which has me rewrite the book now keeping everyone anonymous and using some backstories of others making them mine and using mine as some of there. To assure as I mention everyone deserves the right to redeem themselves as long as they earned it. Which in the process made me limitless. People will always debate that is not truth cause of the things that I have. Things are just things. They don’t make you who you are. But the reality is, with my writing, I ended up getting a opportunity of a published book that people discredited, which lead to a blog page, which ended up earning my strips, that afforded me an audience that I never expected. Those who see what I refuse to see is a writer with the ability to bring down every person who’s done her wrong down. This in the end defeats the purpose. Although now I talk about the settings where it took place. And those only involved would know the events as they were part of that moment in time. Which in the end, the crimes and injustices that were committed, should not be something that should crucify those who still haven’t done wrong, would still gain there moment of mercy as I too would without judgement defend them in the moment of shame when those as those willing to change deserve a voice, would allow them with their own leg work and effort to work towards their redemption with just being a voice of reason. As I’m only there to rationalize walking away when they show no appreciation or mutual respect , will allow them on the bed they made, still in a additional attempts after they work toward redemption until fate takes over. As in the journey shows with power comes responsibility regardless of the heartbreak I leave. As the game of revenge shows, that more than one person is affected by the acts of treacherous gain. And that those people are the ones that need to pick up the pieces you unintentionally left behind.

In this journey, as everything you come across those who perceiver and those who want things handed to them. Those with selfish motive which is a conditioned behavior of what social norms, the people on their lives, and what people think play a vital key what happens next. Those who devalue those individuals will always in their guilt dodge the feeling of guilt they held by saying I’m not responsible for actions that they have caused. The positive effects who perceiver become the makings of an inspiring tale, while those on the negative path will become a villain. In this positive form this characteristic, the person will push themselves to the absolute limit. Disregarding their overall emotional and physical well being. It always starts like this. But when you have a ticking clock that fate has nothing to do with, because those who endure this treatment driven now my vengeance or revenge, will do anything in their power to stop those from hindering their progress. Now playing victim, demonizing the person wrong, and in their desperation commit what I reference pull a Judas, only come around to see their progress just to use their unusual behaviors that they present which when not having a rational mind will end up being the tool that helps us pull in our self preservation defamation of character through their act to perceiver, what they perceive because already shown in prior interactions when someone they held close to their heart was degraded and devalued by the insecurities you have, and now faced with the person you unintentionally became, have been the villain that the reality with sincerity and transparency could of helped stop a bad thing from occurring. And based on other elements occurred and the time they have can determine if their struggle, which those passive aggressively hope more harm so they don’t make it, now in the form of envy and greed, the progress they made secretly hoping that they fall on their ass because the person you devalued proved to have more value than you under estimated, wishing they would just die (we all said that at one point about someone on our lives whether a child or adult) would of envious wrath. Some who gain negative courage will take action and stop.

The thing about someone who gains the power to perceiver will not stop. With nothing to lose they keep fighting. Which brings me to what I’m about to prove. That those who devalue others who prove to perceiver will use absolute power, which now mimicking the higher power will show a corrupt intent on stopping the character that everyone envy’s is perceiverence. It’s what separates people from being ordinary into being great, which in the form of artistic expression reveals in an inspiring story. The thing is we all have the ability to perceiver. In our small world, that when allowing the fates or higher powers to be,to do their job. Stepping into the different chapters in life, greater than the last one, the power to perceiver always had me misjudged by those who devalued it. At one point I’m time I took it personal. But now, being able to see the disappointments that came with their journey, it only makes me empathize even more. Those who devalue, even the almighty and powerful will reveal something when they meet their judgement. When death is knocking at your door, ready to take you with them, brings out the true fear and doubt of their live they lived to surface. And once the left for dead, bring the true character where family feuds start and those self righteous showing what they really think as greed and immoral intent surfaces having everyone sabotage each other in gaining materialistic values that were left behind. My ex-best friend told me that funerals were made for the living. It’s absolutely true. Grief is the overwhelming product of those guilty morn the lost of the ones they left behind. I’ve seen through history and through the deflecting during these first time interactions. As emotions cloud your judgement and reveal things that you won’t realize. I won’t go into the my personal loses that came in my maternal grandmothers loss and my paternal uncle and Godfathers loss and the characters I’ve seen at their funerals. Let’s just say this is what had me question people’s integrity. When being a attendee at a funeral, I can’t help but break down giving my condolences as empathy provides me the same grief their given. After these interactions, later on brings questions they have and some telling me I might have the powers of an empath. Maybe, who knows. That’s something that if it exist will be revealed. In the journey we meet many people, those who doubt and those who admire. But what happens when the works of the people we admire go unfinished. Both my maternal and paternal grandmother endured struggles that were left unfinished. Both being immigrants, they endured so much adversity that they stopped fighting saying it was too much.

My late uncle had unfinished business, always seeing the good in everyone and being knocked down by grace with health conditions his employer also preyed on, ended his life early. This also happened in my work life. I’ve seen so many people be pushed to the limits, showing signs of health complications being told that those were excuses, those were the lack of whatever behavior the boss tried to spin, and their own doing. When the truth was it was the pressures given tal those who didn’t want to get an understanding of. They were to important to care. Writing this book, I say I stress I don’t want to know what is gonna happen next. I’m leaving up to the fates. But what if through the collaboration of stories in my journey but others inspired someone, reveals a harsh reality, and in my power to perceiver ends my fate on things, someone refused to do the right thing, ends my fate. Because toxic mold syndrome, Lyme disease, and other complications left untreated will be diagnosed on the things that Medicaid and Medicare will get compensated for. And what those slowly and surely I’m shining an unintended light, will being a chain of events that starts as a domino effect tuned circle jerk, turn ripple effect will misconstrued my initial intention where everyone has the right to redemption and begin a game of revenge. Triggered by those who knew better, degrading those who see the truth. And those who neglect to see it out of self preservation, will end up playing victim. As the effect to their cause may be so catastrophic, someone who in good intention may possibly take someone’s life. And that hope for positive change that we all really want to see. As once again, in the act of self preservation victimizes those who do wrong, are now enabled in their bad behavior stemmed by fear from someone’s misinterpretation of what the morals of my writing are meant to reveal. Where accountability meant as a tool for improvement because in the flawed imperfect world when because of the mistakes we made is our end game and because not fitting social norms is not perfect. In the end, your adversities and flaws make you fucken perfect to me.

Our Degrading Behavior of Our Own Self Worth

“You Need To Calm Down” cover art, Taylor Swift, Drew Kirsch, Republic Récords

Being the degraded is the circle jerk is the worst self sabotage. With the feelings we partake that presents as the 7 deadly sins, always sets us up for failure. When guilt spins into doubt, we begin to question are actions, leading to thinking the things we did or said wasn’t the right thing, thus now having those who if in a rational mindset battled the demons that currently taunt them in the most recent events they allowed they when you reflect on the sequence of events. Leads to the first demons that inflicted the behavior. Where backtracking each attempt of unintended degrading that caused us to lose control, is the reason why our emotional outburst in the end is the reason why we demonize those who have our best interest at hand for being something we saw they poses, self worth. As being sure of one’s self humbly, will prove that when the guilt we deflect is our own for not taking the advice to gain something we don’t have, deflects the things that make us unhappy into the reasons why they aren’t happy. Because they obviously have a problem based on our own prejudice. That element of freedom they are so sure of, later on in life will prove that even when they admit they are flawed and still make mistakes, every day is a new day to begin anew. As a more wiser and improved version of the things we truly admire that we in our grief seems out of grasp. Proving that in one way or another, ironically enough; we are all connected. And that receptive to feedback could of been the making of a man hater, as what temporarily happened in mine, pointed that both men and women were capable of the things the new traveler experience already identifying it was on both sides.

The journey has made me embrace the many flavors like Meredith Brooks’ “Bitch” describes. Being a little bit of everything isn’t a bad thing. It’s required for our own survival. Now comfortable with knowing my personality, have to be sweet, salty, sour, and lethal at the right time, right place, and right moment. Which is why when pointed out one of the reasons David Getta sings about. One of the great and fulfilling journeys is when someone, who admires the quality you possess and actually shuts up and listens. Where the things that use to hinder my ability to wants to gain the courage to change, and regardless of the deflection that even when those crucify her for the same mistakes, gets the allí always needed to face the demon intentionally holding the bad behaviors she has committed that she’s already corrected. The result in that is having someone who no matter what is said about the them and no matter what’s deflected back reveals the things they wouldn’t admit to, finally admit the person they enabled to result to a lifetime of bad behavior, that in their attempt to self preserve their good parenting they did as a child are covering up the sins that their son committed on the relationship, now reflecting on their own actions because the hero that the pained person deems, showed no judgement and made them realize that their self preservation is the only thing that made them into the demons that they really are not. Now being reassured that in the whole scenario, no was the better person, everyone degraded each other, and during the conversation seeing her now finding the balance of her empowerment, me knowing she had this the whole time now only struggling and identifying the self conflict that knowing she’s a good person to making her be like those people who did her wrong. Now making her a close friend, a person in my next project as the others didn’t pan out or have the impact I needed, The Journey of Others on the Unraveled Road, gaining something no one has ever earned voluntarily, a mutual respect sharing the same standard as she transparently told me what she needed as the expectation I set based on what she needed. Avoiding the mistakes of hearing what I want to hear and telling me in destructive manner. Now teaching me things that I never took into consideration. And even if we take a few steps back in the progress we made, will always have those when in doubt and ready and reclaim their crown; without judgement, will still be there as with all things in the journey, we are all works in progress. When we reach the end of the journey, starts a new beautiful beginning on the life that we never imagined to attain in the beginning.

In Taylor Swifts “You Need to Calm Down” expresses everything in this journey you discover. On my way to start the hustle of Uber, before leaving got a thank you for the pizza I bought so she could relax with all the advantages she gained on her pre journey. She already showed enough gratitude but that showed she had it together and not guilting me the whole interaction to feel sorry for her at all, which in those who don’t do things to help themselves shows, there was a hidden intention. This chick was killing it which made me so fucken happy. I can’t wait to see what this powerful woman was capable of. I corrected her when she said she could write about her life so I can include it, but since she worth more than copying her story, that the time that would be invested is worth every moment. One of the things that Taylor quotes is one thing that holds absolutely truth “we figured you out” and it’s okay. Where the serpent in the story of Adam and Eve was a representation of temptation, which at one point in life played a role on because at one point played a role in, whether filling someone with doubt, grief, or no sign of never getting hope which after the journey brings truth to the lyric “snakes and stones never broke my bones. Which brings the truth of the lyrics of everything else. Causing intentional harm whether it be physical or emotional in rage or wrath, eliminating the gray area is now an action of hate. Which is severe case is now eliminating the social standard elements is a hate crime. And shaming the people both men and women who are killing it are a true threat. Because stepping on my gown won’t phase me, truth is you just need to calm down.

Today I learned that there is no formulated sequence on how to take this journey. Just because my way work, doesn’t mean it will work for you. That’s me playing it safe. The objective is to become and remain humbly happy and find your true self. Which is why The Journey of Others on the Unraveled is of the essence as the follow up, because real talk, the pressure to write a how to guide when others people lives are at your hands is really fucken hard, which my first attempt made me call myself out and say “I sound like a bitch who knows better” and literally laughed at myself and say “what a fucken hypocrite”. In The Foo Fighters learn to fly it talks about telling the angels that help is needed and a Devil might be the only way to come out of it. Hey we are no hero. If that’s what you need, do beau. It doesn’t make me judge you. But you ain’t dragging me into your pendejadas. A now copyrighted slogan in the works of being a catch phrase for a shirt is “I’m good with my own pendejadas” as it’s now a saying in my book with a paper trail to prove it. Hey if I fuck up it’s my fuck that I admit to. Ain’t nobody got time for others. The point I’m getting to is that it’s okay to need help. But of pride gets in the way makes you see the things that really aren’t real. The “what you need to do” turns into “what you should do” or “what I would do” which although this all the time can be determined by one thing, being humble. You are not humble if you have to make yourself seem important and the actions you are willing to prove to show you are talking the talk you say. It takes time. I’ve also fallen into the hands of people who mastered the art of deception and manipulation. It’s okay. We aren’t perfect, it’s a learning process. It doesn’t make you or I any better. It’s a learning experience. It’s okay to allow to people to fight for you. We aren’t strong 24/7. Hey I need someone to fight for me too when I’m dealing with shit and because of my flaws, assure that I don’t fall into the same trap. It’s not they think they know better. It’s because they genuinely care. As the second first of “Learn to Fly” it also says tell the angels I’m alright. Because saving our lives don’t mean we are weak. It shows that your stronger. It shows a humble mature. Which reflects without trying, the gratitude you automatically give. Because when you are truly show gratitude, the fake polite turns into appreciation, which when faced with an person who’s not genuine will give you the reaction that without knowing, the true intent of that gesture. Because the best thing I’ve been in life like many call different or a wild card is looked at a compliment. In a world where everyone is willing to sacrifice their own selfs for the sake of social or financial gain, the difference that those shown in all walks of life that perfected their journey is a wild card. Which now a published work as of tomorrow, can use the things they didn’t take into consideration that was adjusted based on my adversity, have a tool to improve their pursuit of improving and preserving the good people that they always been, avoid the gray areas that in the moment they were temporarily in my life, still struggled with as they also thought they knew better when I pointed out their flaws. And no matter what, when they earn their respect like I’m ready to earn theirs, will be unstoppable force they one day knew I would be as they saw a potential due to my distorted perception of the world and myself became the unstoppable force they wanted me to be. And because of them, I’m for forever grateful. As they will never show it, is emotional because I made my way back way home when I finally learned to fly.

The Grimm Wonderland of Social Norms

Holding myself accountable for the things I did helped me forgive myself. Holding accountable for the actions that resulted to effect from their cause eliminated. Setting boundaries with both my expectations with adding that I also expect those to hold me accountable and as long as open communication that was both safe for all involved would open dialogue that the reasons to why someone felt based on The Who, What, When, Where, Why, How, which in the end is scientific theory, I ended up being able to hold myself to true accountability, provide if the opposing party was in the wrong, paint a scenario putting them in my shoes made me identify my friends, my foes, and those who in the end had selfish intent. Which made the perceptions that people believed which initially as a coverup since they the stereotyping was what they convinced that I truly was, and how the emotional crutch that I used in every scenario made me realize something I never could clearly see. In a world where we surrender ourselves in the sake of gaining the things that is perceived to be success, a strong support system, we in the end as shit hits the fan are left alone in their own self preservation without intent, revealing those who check up to see how far you fell from grace. In a world where we are told to pick and choose your battles, only applies to the battles that are personally not yours. When you matter and establish not only material items, but the characteristics you established, every battle matters as the adversity, the pain, the blood, sweat, and tears is an act of someone’s attempt to dodge accountability. As in life when this comes to light, you realize that as it started off as a small offense, has turned into an offense that becomes a behavioral pattern everyone has done, is the reason why you need to put your foot down and since the principle of the matter and common sense has been neglected, reteach the class the examples and the basics of respect. The ugly truth, your not the only one they did that to, but now seen as the weakest link, the perception is you don’t have respect for yourself. If you don’t matter to them is the baby step on finding the courage to change.

I was naive to think that in a professional setting, these things don’t happen. Real talk I understand the logic behind it. It’s still wrong and once clearly visible, makes those a hypocrite. When I first stared at Sprint, I thought it was the employees I managed. Come to find out, it was the makings of a toxic work environment as with every store I had to prove I could be trusted. The one AE, I reference to as Basic Betty in my book, screamed insecurity from the day I stared. She couldn’t take a simple no, constantly deflective, always vain by the means of bragging about her weight lose, always envious as people mocked her when she never got the acknowledgment that she assumed, always took credit, and always perceived the staff for what they in the end nothing like she made them seem, and in her act of needing acceptance, always closed sales in unethical ways. When a female came on board, her face would show her fear and intimidation of that women, especially when she was attractive. I already knew what she was about but played dumb as everyone had something to say and the way she played dirty. One of those things was seducing a upper management staff and claiming it was sexual harassment. In every situation she was always the victim. The advantage she had was she had numbers. And the tactic she pulled was already coached by my mentor back at TMobile that things went south, but I don’t take it personal. I was still learning and growing. But how can we stop someone stop something if we turn the other way? Which once the execution is complete, just creates a gateway that just creates more fear which we now fall into a rabbit hole where change never happens and running away is the safest thing to do once unethical action begins.

One of the hardest thing to do on this journey is let people learn for themselves. It’s harder to not try to protect someone from the things that the effects of their cause bring. I’ve had to purposely walk away to avoid my self sabotage, but the emotional crutch that helped me get this point helped me master it in every experience. As going into the situations already has me knowing what to expect as regardless of the boundaries they continue to cross get crossed, you end up deciding that enough is enough. Same thing with romantic relationships, seeing it now, with every disappointment of not being the fairytale ending I use to perceive before the journey, I ended up drinking my sorrows away every day coming home to an empty home filled the traumatic events that took place. Changing the setting of my home didn’t change anything either, still using that crutch still didn’t take the pain away. With every change came a different crutch. Along the way I met people who genuinely cared who I ghosted with every threat of presumed feeling they thought they were better than me. Which also helped in my crutch of staying busy which in the current time turned into some sort of creative expression, which passive aggressively helped me come to terms what was happening at the moment and ended up turning into the domino effect that became The Journey of An Unraveled Road, which still a journey of constant growth within myself made me first started with an act of courage, the unconditional love from my dog Lucas, forgiveness within myself, and knowing that there was no right or wrong way. This domino ended up getting me through the beautiful disaster my life really was compared to what I perceive made was way more better than I gave it credit. It was not just my work, but the product of everyone who appeared in it, even if it was for a minute. Where strangers who cared shared a few gold nuggets and the ones who also struggling to find their true selves invested time in this nobody that I called myself pre journey. That because crutches, self preservation, and the life we tried to make some accomplished and some failing proved that happiness we perceived is just settling for what we settle for. And that the reason we feel hope is gone, because happiness through the media and culture is measured by the material you gain and how together you appear. Which like what was said by a few riders after hearing my struggle all admit that telling the truth about the trauma has done and the things they do to numb that pain, labels them as psychotic and mentally unstable as the value of perception has hid a families skeleton, it’s been hiding multiple to attain social norms.

The ugly truth is we all have an addiction that we can’t control. It’s the little white lies that we tell ourselves each and every day to not be guilty or be made out to be something that we are not. We are addicted to not facing confrontation. Even my grandmother, the saint who is prone to this too. It starts with something that’s already defected as in today’s case, my glasses that was already missing a screw and falls apart if you grab it from the eyeglass leg. Where asking her who broke my glasses made her say I don’t know how they work. This for a second upset me and just made me laugh in the end because after telling her they were already broken and just needed to tell me that it fell off, had her still covering the truth still. Telling her if she just told me it would help fix the issue. Then telling my aunt I must me in a bad mood and telling my aunt they were already broken and her now just smiling herself, saying she always does that. Just because we fib to dodge accountability doesn’t mean our behavioral pattern shows that it isn’t the things we are use to. Because my grandma in relief of not being judged. Because taking accountability and making an effort to change, instead of expecting people to adapt to us makes us guilty of being entitled. And with the examples I’ve experienced and my willing to change for the absolute better, starts breaking us out of the things that we do ourselves that were conditioned behaviors based on other people’s perceptions on what our lives should be. Because my experience, which in normal social norms would make me be deemed damage and broken has demonstrated that even the misfit of society can change behavioral patterns, gain control of her life, and like the ones trying to prove their worth to the world, always in the social norm mentality try to out do an accomplishment I never intended to complete that gives a powerful message. Without even intending not only sharing the stories that I experienced by those who knew better, never got help from the those same people. That the people who actually gave a shit were the same people that the world turned away and in the best case, afforded them the success they hold that no matter how many white lies they tell themselves. Always results to not truly being happy with their lives and uncomfortable with themselves thinking that in my moment of wrath that I have control of, will result to me being a liability that can expose who they really are. But with the lack of their own self control of not being able to control their emotions, avoid me as now being clear why the effects that occurred were only a consequence of their cause, disrespect me by disrespecting my boundaries. Because the only ones that helped me gain this logic, was the bad case scenario. Which crucified by their mistake due to so much grief, trauma, and the continued afflictions made by those same people who knew better deemed them worthless all because they had no emotional control to bottle up the things that they endured. The only thing different between the two, those people who deemed themselves more valuable end up in the end better liars. Which results to more and more damage and more and more trauma through, let’s just call it as it is verbal and emotional abuse. When faced with misfit who had an upper hand, start of commitment a fib that can lead to illegal activity. And in the moment of desperation a crime to preserve the assets they gained and the perception they lied to get. And because now, finally standing up to these wrong doers and sharing these experiences, calling bullshit to the ones that did them wrong, will always be deemed arrogant and vain because not only will they think that a published book will fill me with pride, another thing I gained control of, but those who think they know better that has done them wrong, will convince them and reassure them that because I don’t have the things they have, something must be wrong with me. And in that act, the misfits with no value to the world has sabotaged themselves in the worst way ever. Now under the wing, those people who started as good people are now the demons, caused by fear of losing their title, the assets, and the image they perceived, which is influence by someone on a higher tax bracket. Where originality is really your mindset, as the journey has proven, begs the question “Are we truly being brain washed” as many conspiracists believe. The truth is the only party that are guilty of brainwashing is ourselves. Because the influence we have on one another on the fantasy Wonderland that pushes us down the rabbit hole of our own demise. Being fearful of what is at stake. As Macklemore raps in the song “Glorious” the world is truly in our hands. And that in the end, I wrote this book because as he demonstrates in his personal and professional life, he always question one motive “did I look out for other people or did I do it all for fame?” Since this also has been told it’s very controversial and was warned that I would get kick back not because of the content, because it makes you reflect on your true self and the things you’ve done. Which is why everyone deserves a fair chance of redemption. This isn’t meant to shame people, it’s meant to keep honest people as honest as they allow themselves to be on their own terms. Because in this life where we feel like we have no control, the beauty is we do. Where thanks to my blogs and pointing out what I’ve done, face myself, and erase what I become like Linkin Park quotes, it helped a grieving mother begin to relive again, grieving in peace that the news refuses to update in her state due to the misjudgment they made and the lack of research they did which discredits their reputation. And a woman filled with grief of a broken childhood almost losing her job for her manager in a convenient store with unprofessional demeanor, almost got fired because after he seduced her and promised the world and a future which preyed on her vulnerability, retaliated against her because now finding someone else who he illegally gave alcohol to on the job, almost got fired after taking time to rationalize the pros and the cons of the whole situation, preserved her job as the 18 year old also was about to incriminate when she accidentally drank from the wrong cup and found out, there was alcohol. Which in both cases and what I made the mistake many times before waiting for something good to happen or someone to stand up for me, won’t happen in a dog eat dog world as everyone is trying to protect themselves. Where in each case after resentment begins to take a hold and wrath takes over, leads to consequences that won’t save us when we face our final judgement in the after life. And in each situation revealed a trend of bad behavior and a history of degrading the value of others, not only helped them gain courage to change, but now are convinced that this book has no pressure or no gimmicks. This book has nothing additional product to invest other than the book and any others to provide confirmation that it’s effective in the stories told from others of different races, demographics, and economical backgrounds. Because the investment they will invest is in themselves, finding out that the person they devalued is priceless. Because in the end, we are all priceless. And the only motive I’ve had from the day I started this project that started as a journal turned published book is not only seeing people happy but seeing people empower themselves to be greater. This always drove me as a manager. And without the help of my very first mentor who talked about their are things that drive people, concerned that since I showed not to be money driven, and I was driven by seeing empower themselves when they did things they never thought they could do, led me to a career path that now is limitless.

Starting with likes from around the world on blog post, to interactions with people including some celebrities that will be named nameless to protect their privacy and only reveal themselves on their terms, to long and deep conversations with psychologist asking for insight on how to handle a specific case to assure they help people even when emotions both on my end and their end because someone thinks they know better (I’m also prone to that at times) allows us to let the personal feelings go, and focus on what matters. The facts of the person, the scenario, the environment, the history, the triggers shown, and the what is causing the behaviors. Is it truly something they did or something we did? Thanking me for helping them eliminate bias behavior, keeping the situation anonymous, and encouraging me to go becoming a psychologist or life coach. Teaching me something and considering for material in my next book, that balance is not the only important in this journey, but what keeps us driven requires a healthy balance to. As my childhood developed a nature driver to help people, the driver that we develop in many cases conditioned at a early age is something that hinders ourselves that ends of being something we do to self sabotage ourselves in gaining something so many people never get the chance to feel. In my book I reference it as the greatest love all. The ability to find absolute and humbled, self love.