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A Cruiser’s Paradise

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“No.  Stop.  Please stop. Noooo,” Frank said as he opened his eye swinging, which followed with an agonizing groan.  He opened his eye to see two police officers standing over his bed as he looked up from the lying position.  As he ended up attempting to lift his arm, he heard the clang of his handcuff that secured his left hand to the rail. 

            “Mr. Garcia, we need a word with you,”  Detective Carrio said as he pulled out his notepad.

            “What going on,” Frank said in perplexity.

            “What happened last night.  In your own words,” Officer Romero said as she began to ready her pen and pad for note-taking.

            “Where am I,” Frank said as he groaned, attempting to use his left hand and immediately used his right hand to soothe the aching head.   As he tried to get up, he immediately clinched down on the bed as he groaned in agony.   He pulled the blanket up and began to scream as he saw the nub that used to be his foot.  “What the fuck happened!” Juan said as he started to panic. 

            “Stay still,“  Officer Romero said coldly. 

            “Why am I here,”  Frank said in worry.   “What happens to Tony,” he said.

            “Tony’s dead,” Detective Carrio said. 

            “I warned him about this,” Frank said to himself.

            “Warned him about what,” Officer Romer said abruptly.

            “Officer gives him a chance to talk,” Detective Carrio said in a comforting voice.  “Now you’re handcuffed because we are investigating the murder of Tony Camarillo,”  tell us what happened last night. 

            Frank began to whimper as tears started to cry and looked up at both officers as he said, “He’s dead.”

            “Did you murder him, Mr. Camarillo,” officer Romero said boldly with no emotion? 

            “No, we were,” Frank said as Officer Romero interrupted.

            “What were you doing parked at the Valero on the median of 1604,” Officer Romero asked abruptly.

            “Tony and I would hang out there,” Frank said hesitantly.

            “To find victims,” she insisted back.

            “We are not predators,” he said. 

            “That’s not what Tony’s video recording indicates Mr. Garcia,” Officer Romer said with directness.

            Detective Carrio sighed and said, “At ease, Officer,” and looked at Frank with an empathetic gaze.  “Look, son, you are a suspect for Tony’s murder as we found the video of you two arguing that was found on the dash,” he said empathetically.

            “We weren’t recording,” Frank said insistently.

            Officer Romero walked to the glove dispenser and brought over the evidence bag with a bloody cracked iPhone.  She pulled out the phone and swiped the unlocked phone to pull the Photo app, which revealed a gallery of incriminating photos of the two friends with multiple men and women they met—passed out over them like gaming trophies. 

            “What’s cruising,” Officer Romero asked with a cracked smile.

            Frank went into hysteria as he screamed “Help,” as he saw the ICU nurses ignore his plea.

            “You want to tell us what happens, son,” Detective Carillo.

            He looked at both officers with an entitled and angry  look as he said, “I want to speak to a lawyer.”

            Officer Romero swiped up on the timed out iPhone as she scrolled to play the video.

            Tony appeared on the screen as the video began to play.

            “So we are on our way to see what kind of trouble we can get to,” he said as he stuck out his tongue, pulling out a cheap vodka bottle as he put the bottle in his mouth to take a quick swig. 

            “Bitches and booze,” Frank said as he threw a gang sign in the video. 

            “We are on the way to the usual spot to pick up some bitches and party like rockstars,” he said. 

            “But not like last time,” Frank said in the video.

            “What are you talking about whey.  The bitches wanted it.   Then why would they do our drugs then,”  Tony said proudly.  “You know what they say, homie,” he said as he looked towards Frank.

            Frank smiled in delight as he said, “Gas, grass, or ass.  Or some ice if we are lucky.”

            Officer Romero paused the video and looked at him in hatred.  “You want to talk, or you want your lawyer?”

            “You can’t prove anything,” Frank said in hateful defense. 

            “What are you talking about son,” Detective Carrio asked. 

            “Nothing,”  Frank said as he stayed quiet. 

            Officer Romero unlocked the phone and began to play the second video as Tony showed up on the screen. 

            “Hey, look some victims,” Tony said.

            “Pull up and holler at them.  I get the blonde one.”  Frank said in delight. 

            “Time to get our dicks wet,” Tony said as he sped up as Frank rolled down the window. 

            “What’s up, ladies.  Wanna fuck!” Tony said in arrogance.

            The passenger responds as she said, “Fuck you, assholes.”

            “Fuck this bitch,” Tony said as he swerved into the vehicle.

            Frank looked back as he said, “Oh shit.”

            “Fuck them bitches,”  Tony said in disgust.  “They were ugly anyway.”

            “I think the tire popped,” Frank said as he continued to look back in concern.  “We should go help them,” he insisted. 

            “Let them get murdered,” Tony said.  Officer Romero paused the video.

            “We found two additional cruisers in that car.  A male and a female.  Unidentifiable.  You want to talk now.”  Officer Romero insisted. 

            “I want a lawyer,” Frank insisted with an angry face attempting to hide the fear he had.

            “Son, a lawyer ain’t going to help you here. We found you and Tony’s fingerprints all over the vehicle,” Detective Carillo insisted.

            “Why were your fingerprints on the vehicle,” Officer Romero insisted.   

            “I want a lawyer,” Frank insisted. 

            “You think your so smart, right?” she said.  “I know your type.  Insecure men, acting all big shit and tough and preying on weaker victims to manipulate them into thinking that they wanted it.  Drugging them up and convincing them, they asked for it,” she said as she spits in Frank’s face.

            “You bitch,” Frank said as he attempted to swing,  which Detective Carrio grabbed his hand.

            “Calm down the both of you. We still need some more questions.” Detective Carrio walked over to the glove dispensary and put the gloves on.  He grabbed the phone as he said, “Officer go take a breather.”

            She looked at the detective and nodded, and walked off.  Detective Carrio swiped the phone up as he walked over and said, “Mr. Camarrillo, now these next few videos I am about to show you can incriminate you and have you convicted of aggravated assault, possession, driving while under the influence, manslaughter, and murder.  If you want a minimal sentence, I need your cooperation.” Detective Carrio insisted. 

            “Go fuck yourself, Detective,” he said in intimidation.

            “Okay, Mr. Camarillo,” Detective Carrio said as he swiped the locked phone and swiped left, finding the footage he needed.  He turned the phone and began to show the video.

            Tony appeared in the video as he said, “Look, it’s the bitches.”

            “Where,” Frank said.

            “At the carwash,” Tony said as he pulled in and got off the car.   The video stopped.

            “You can’t prove anything from that,”  Frank said as he smirked.

            Detective Carrio nodded as he looked at the phone and began to show the next video.  He flipped the screen over as Frank appeared looking at the video.

            Frank looked shocked as he said, “We didn’t record that.”

            The video began to play as Tony came running as he said, “I think she’s dead.”

            “I swear to God Tony I will kill you if I go to jail,”  Frank said in the video as Tony looked back and reversed in panic, seeing them both move forward with a loud crash.  The video stopped.

            “So you want to talk now,”  Detective Carrio said with a grim smile. 

            “It was an accident.  He didn’t mean it,” Frank said in a panic.  “If you talk to him, he will tell you,” Frank said as he yelled for Tony.

            “Is psychosis hitting in?” Officer Romero said as she walked in with a cup of coffee. 

            “Seems like it,” Detective Carrio said as he greeted Officer Romero coming in.

            “What happened!  Tell me what happened to my friend!” Frank demanded in tears. 

            Officer Romero looked at the detective and said, “Did you show him the last video?”

            “Not yet.” Detective Carrio said. 

            “What video!” Frank demanded.

            “Can I do the honor Detective,” Officer Romero said. 

            “Be my guess but make sure you use gloves,” Detective Carrio advised.

            She put the gloves on and got the phone from Detective Carrio as she unlocked the phone and revealed the final video.  As a crazed, Frank appeared on the phone.  She began to play the video.

            “I’m going to kill you piece of shit.  I always listen to your pendejadas and always follow you like a lost fucken dog”  as he saw himself stabbing a passed out Tony, awakening in screams as blood splattered over Frank’s face. 

            “Stop, man, stop,” Tony pleaded as he stabbed through the hand he blocked the blade with. 

            Frank looked down, pulling takin the knife down with him as he screamed in agony and continued to stab Tony more violently when the video stopped.

            Detective Carrio said, “You’re under arrest for the death of Tony Garcia and the deaths of Armando Vega and Sonya Castillo. 

            “Wait, the swinger couple that was with us last weekend?” Frank said in shock.

            Detective Carrio began saying the mirador rights as began filming on his body cam. 

            “Officer Romero, the bitches followed us.  We met that couple before we saw those bitches at our usual spot.  We tried to leave, but they followed us.  We got wired and tweaked out, and I thought I saw things.  Tony get’s crazy, so I was trying to defend myself most likely.  Please, the women were psycho.  They shot at us, and Tony got defensive.”  Frank pleaded. 

            “Tell that to the judge asshole,” Officer Romeo said as she escorted the transport unit in to take Frank to the county for medical treatment and booking. 

            “Help me please,” Frank said as he looked at the face of the EMS county transporter as his eyes widen and said, “You did this,  you bitch.  It was you,” he screamed.

            “I need a sedative stat,”  the EMS worker said. 

            “No. No. She’s going to kill me,” Frank said as the sedative began to take over. “Stop,” he said slurring.  “Sto…” he said before he passed out.

            Frank began to open his eyes as he began hearing the introduction of a very familiar medley with a classical beat.

            “Gangster Paradise?” he said in confusion.

            “Why, yes, it is Beethoven.  By 2WEI, to be exact?”  Joanna said as she began walking towards him on the conveyor belt of the abandoned factory.  “Lights, camera, action,” she yelled as her voice echoed in the factory.  The lights flashed on as he saw a crowd of women and men on the balcony above where he was standing.

            “Help me!” he cried. 

            Joanna looked at Frank with a serious face as she said, “Oh no honey, they aren’t here to help. They are here to watch you die!

            He attempted to crawl back as he screamed in agonizing pain and screamed in terror as he saw his bandaged nubs where his hands once use to be. 

            “Help,” he screamed in terror as his hope began to wither away as he heard the crowd boo.  “Somebody fucken does something pl…” he said as he paused and saw a familiar face.  

            Joanna turned to him in a wicked smile as she said, “No one’s going to help you, Hunny,” as she said, crouching to the floor, grabbing his face as he forced to stare at the audience. 

            “Somebody help, please,” he screamed. 

            “Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you our extraordinary guest tonight.  Will, the mystery guest, show Frank what his sentence is tonight,” Joanna said. The clanking of footsteps echoed from the open entrance of the shadow. 

            “Ladies and gentlemen, I am your host for tonight’s main event, Joanna,” she said as she turned to the crowd in her sparkly red sequins trench coat.  Turning to Frank as she said, “Formerly known as Matilda,” she said In a sadistic tone. 

            “Matilda?” Frank said.  “My ex-wife?” he said as he began to cry in terror.  “I thought you were dead,” he said, screaming in terror.

            “I was still our special guest saved my life,” she said as the hooded figure revealed her identity.

            “Officer Romero,” oh, thank god your hear. 

            “I am not here to save you, my dear,” she said calmly. “I’m the executioner,” she said as she began to chuckle.  “You know my daughter Matilda was a nice girl, working on her computer engineer degree until you came along,” she said in agony. 

            “Plastic surgery does wonders, doesn’t it,” she said as she turned to Frank, giving him an evil grin. 

            “Help me, somebody, please,” he yelled in terror.

            Ladies and germs.  Victims and survivors.  I present to you the main event,” each of you has a lovely parting gift—hydrochloric acid.   The first one to hit the target goes away with a beautiful partying gift.  A bedazzled Machete for everyone.  Fuck it. Everyone is a winner tonight,” she said as the crowd roared. 

            “Babe, I love you.  Please don’t do this.  I didn’t mean no harm,” Frank pleaded in terror. 

            She walked in her red bottom spikey studded heels and crotched reaching the mop of greasy hair as she said, “That’s why you and Tony brutally raped me and left me for dead at the car wash, now is it,” Joanna said as she threw his head back as it thudded against the conveyor.  “As you said, Frank, snitches get stitches.  Say hi to daddy for me,” she said as she belted a sadistic laugh.

            “Shall I start the belt, my lovely daughter,” Officer Romero said.

            “Any last words, mom,” Joanna said.

            Officer Romero looked at Frank as she started the coverer belt and screamed as the straps’ churning roared. 

            “Next time you get away with assault and make accusations that a woman is crazy, make sure she isn’t,” Officer Romero said as she started the belt. 

            They both watched as all the victims on the phone she held with her latex hand still on seeing every victim walk as they poured the hydrochloric acid as they reached for the machete as they each took a wack in unison. They were hearing the cries of a slowly dying Frank making his way towards the meat grinder of the abandoned meatpacking company. 

            Officer Romero kissed her daughter on the forehead as she said, “Happy Birthday Matilda!”

            She looked at her ex-husband as each victim he assaulted came to get a piece of her birthday present as 2WEI’s Gangster’s Paradise’s epic intro began as it replayed in the background.  “Matilda would have loved this,” she said as she hugged her mom. They heard one blood-curdling scream as he entered the meat grinder.  She looked toward her mother as one question lingered.  “How did you get him to attack Tony,” she asked inquisitively.

            “Well, when you hacked Tony’s phone and began recording, your Detective Carrio ended up sneaking into the van when they both flirted with you at the Bucky’s and injected him with a mixture of opioids, bath salts, and methamphetamines.  That how we think he sliced his foot off.” 

            She looked back as his nubs slowly stopped moving as she looked at the crowd dousing him with gasoline and lighting his limbs on fire.  As the fire began to glow in her brown eyes, she grinned as she whispered, “Good one, dad.”

Check out next weeks short story titled “Leaving Heaven.” Along with the song that inspired the story line.

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Solace From Solitude – The Power of Loneliness

in honor of being put into the Barnes and Noble's family, I thought it would be appropriate to reintroduced the "Scenic Route to the Journey of an Unraveled Road."

But in the face of threat or fear is when the act that we all engage in is the act of trying to “scare that threat and fear away” that we find in other people. Which just puts us in a predicament that we are full circle to the habits we don’t change. And having the fear remain.

Solace From Solitude – The Power of Loneliness

People assume things, which is something we all know and have experienced. What we fail to see is the fact that people do this out of their own fears. Which one common fear that social norms have conditioned to conform, is this idealism that being single is a bad thing. Which in turn has a lot of people settling for toxic people in their life. Which is how I began to identify that people depend on statuses to determine their worth as well. As the first way to insult me is the fact that I am not surrounded by people in my life. Which telling them it’s a lifestyle choice is hard for them to believe. As this began to show that people were actually codependent on the need to be around someone. Which in addition showed the fear of being alone. Which at first was hard for me to do because I had the same fear. But truth of the matter is, I started getting really use to it. Which happened way more when shit hit the fan during my time in Houston. Where my best friend at the time to keep me company, which I appreciated. But it became a little tedious at time because he was sometimes a little selfish when it came to his needs. Which at the time he was dwelling on a break up he was experiencing, which also had him ghost a bitch when he would be in a a kinship. As he was one of those who put too much work in making others happy than himself. Which ended up becoming more of a burden at times instead of blessing. As now I had to figure out how to not only put food on the table for me, but now a burdening guest.

Which in some cases had people saying silly things like “You think you’re better than me” or “I see how it is. You wanted to see how miserable I was,” which I would get blindsided at first saying “Calm down drama.” Which then went to a whole array of the same thing in offense of something I genuinely did in concern. Which coin the phrase “Not today misery. I ran out of pendejadas for the day.

Frieda Lopez – Solace From Solitude – The Power of Loneliness

Often times, I was grateful he was there as he helped a lot. Most of the time I didn’t. As he would always bitch and complain about having to do something when I was paying the lights and bills to make sure we all where comfortable. I remember the first fight we had, when his entitled ass didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t rushing to go to San Antonio as I was still trying to grasp this getting it together act. Which if he would of waited, which was the cause of me working back to back handy woman gigs. Threw a temper tantrum and said he wasn’t’ going to leave. Using the “that’s why you’re always going to be alone cause you can’t let things go.” The rebuttal to that was “I’m not going to let someone take advantage. Which later on showed that he had “gaslighting” tendencies as well. Which only occurred when he was truly wrong. He’s not a bad person at all. He’s actually one of the greatest people I know. But one thing that he got conditioned to be was have a “condescending” mentality based on the things they had. Which came from a fearful mother who hides away and turns everyone from her home in the midst of COVID. Which is here say based on what my friend told me. Which she is also a good person as well. But in the face of threat or fear is when the act that we all engage in is the act of trying to “scare that threat and fear away” that we find in other people. Which just puts us in a predicament that we are full circle to the habits we don’t change. And having the fear remain.

When i was in solitude, I felt so much relief, especially in this time. Where now having emotional self control of the things that I was fearful of made me not believe the truths in the gaslighting “that I am being anti-social and going crazy.” Most of the times when I would engage, I started seeing that people wanted me around so they can see what was truly wrong with me. Where in intimidation and now knowing I am going to call out bad behavior, avoided me like the plague. Which checking up to see how they were doing would immediately respond to “I’m sorry I haven’t hung out with you,” which my rebuttal was “I don’t want to hang out, I’m just checking if your alive.” Which revealed that in the moment when people don’t feel important or valued, they get insulted. Which in some cases had people saying silly things like “You think you’re better than me” or “I see how it is. You wanted to see how miserable I was,” which I would get blindsided at first saying “Calm down drama.” Which then went to a whole array of the same thing in offense of something I genuinely did in concern. Which coin the phrase “Not today misery. I ran out of pendejadas for the day,” which then go into these emotional outburst (something that my boss Ernie would say) which my smart and sarcastic ass would reply with “Not today Satan.” Which I just stopped doing after a while all together. Another thing I picked up on this was the conformity of “comparing ourselves to others” as discussing my wins would bring up something to “win one up” on me. Which when I would call it out and after failed attempts in gaslighting I would be like “Bye Felicia. If it was a man, I would be like “Bye Felipe.”

As “forgiving and forgetting” has them doing the same damn thing. And when we allow that, we end up not controlling the controllable. Which is maintaining the boundary fairly across the board. Which in turn becomes are our own fault in the end. Which we allow in the presence of our fear.

Frieda Lopez – Solace From Solitude – The Power of Loneliness

Every time after that, I started recording these events and determining the things I could of controlled and where I was in the wrong. Which having people around would have someone putting their two cents in on things they had no intention of working on, which if they would give advise. Would show later that they fail at taking their own advice. Which revealed the bias and the justification as why we were justified in taking an unethical action. Which if we are going to be straight up about it, is entitlement. Which is a desire to gain special treatment. Which when given multiple times, ends up instilling the entitlement. Which made me see that in these acts, we are enabling this entitlement in some way shape or form. As we let people cross our boundaries, we are always justifying the gray area and why it’s okay for someone to get away with it, but not somebody else. Which the “you need to let things go” becomes a form of psychological manipulation as they didn’t earn that right for us to let that go. As “forgiving and forgetting” has them doing the same damn thing. And when we allow that, we end up not controlling the controllable. Which is maintaining the boundary fairly across the board. Which in turn becomes are our own fault in the end. Which we allow in the presence of our fear.

Which those who are already intimidated of you , will lie to themselves and find it offensive when you in their attempted shame and insults show them first hand all the accomplishments you’ve done. Which the gaslighting starts again with the lie they tell themselves in their insecurity is that “she thinks she’s better than me.” Then attempt to bandwagon people to believe that is the truth. Which if you have already fallen for this, you were “psychologically manipulated.”

Frieda Lopez – Solace From Solitude – The Power of Loneliness

Respectfully, I attempted like always to give a fair amount of chances for someone to respect my boundaries. I don’t know where this came from, but another thing that this made me identify was that we conform to believe that “people over exaggerated their accomplishments.” Which those trying to impress people have also been conditioned to do so they can try to fit in. But what happens in that scenario is that your lying ass gets called out for the things you lied about “cause you have no way to prove it.” Which use to work Post-COVID was making excuses as to why you haven’t had time to show proof. Which those same people who lie about the thing tend to use the “prove it” conformal insult that when they asked about my book in mockery in Uber I said “I have one right here.” Which they responded with “Oh shit, you really wrote a book.” Which most times people will Google you to look up how valid your credentialing is. Which those who are already intimidated of you , will lie to themselves and find it offensive when you in their attempted shame and insults show them first hand all the accomplishments you’ve done. Which the gaslighting starts again with the lie they tell themselves in their insecurity is that “she thinks she’s better than me.” Then attempt to bandwagon people to believe that is the truth. Which if you have already fallen for this, you were “psychologically manipulated.”

Of all the things I did wrong with self development, I did something right. Which in the end was figure things out without emotional crutches, including the validation of others. The one thing that I realized is that the advise given was all based on a idealism stemmed from fear. All the behaviors all stemmed from the things that we were insecure about. And all the bad things, enabled by encouraged bad behavior from others. Which we still have to take accountability for if we want to improve. It was too often that I began seeing the another conformity of bad behavior, which was blaming others for the things we failed to do ourselves. Which my childhood ride and dies who are still my ride and dies all have shown me how to master. They knew they weren’t perfect, but they always had to answer. My entitled ass at the time thought I knew better cause of these accomplishments and degrees that I gained that never mattered in the end. The fucked up about it was that it was a scam. But on the bright side, in that scam they actually used University text books that was at the end just over priced and were forced to get it directly from the school. It wasn’t an option, it as a requirement. Which began to change a bit when the for profit school began to show signs of incrimination. And in the end, no one is to blame. As those who believed this was legitimate based off what corporate said. Which the only thing they can take accountability for was the act of continuing when they realized that it was a scam. Which making excuses for that bad behavior only put others in a compromising situation unwillingly. Which now, the only thing they can do is look in helping gain justice. As little do they know, hold a lot of information on inspiring justice in change.

For the longest time, I always believed in the power of numbers. As we always learned that we are stronger in numbers. In physical strength maybe, but not in mental strength. Where being attacked emotionally and mentally and having those surrender proved that their truly is power in the number of one. I began pondering the idea as DC began coming out with the origin stories, which Wonder Woman had the ball rolling and Captain Marvel just confirmed that idealism. As the undertone of both movies was women fighting against the belittling society subjects women too. Which in many cases we fall for it, having those in psychological manipulation using our fears against us. Which after gaining the super power of one did what Captain Marvel said which was her iconic line “I have nothing to prove to you.” Which shows the typical acts that occur in a trauma bond. Which is why I feel the woman power movement never stayed, as we were outnumbered by unethical men, who still saw us as accessories. Which in turn stemmed from insecurity of male ego’s entitlement stemmed from mommy issues. Which many men who feel this way have a history of mommy issues. Which why not expose the characteristics of mommy and daddy issues, shall we? https://www.talkspace.com/blog/mommy-daddy-issues-are-they-real/. At least this way it gives both sides an equal playing field.

It gave me a a lot of time to put two and two together. Which made me see that in the end, we all respond the same way. Which is made me see, just how destructive social norms have become to us all.

Frieda Lopez – Solace From Solitude – The Power of Loneliness

One of the things that was hard for me to realize was that I was more capable than I gave myself credit. As waiting around for someone to save me or help in or do the right thing wasn’t happening. When the livelihood of others is being jeopardized in corruption, you have to either get on the train or get thrown off in motion. Where throwing me off didn’t work. Because this girl learned how to fly and scoop down at the those who once were predators. Being away from other opinions and influences did more good than those who used it as punishment ever imagined it would. As the self sufficiency I always had, made me do my own research and move forward. Which has me wondering if I should open my own publishing company locally and help the talent we have in San Antonio. As there is so much undiscovered talent waiting to be discovered. Because of this systematic bullshit, we might be losing sight of. As one of things that made Beethoven so famous, was people who appreciated his work after his time. Where Moonlight Sonata was something he wrote in his mourning when he lost the love of his life. As she was forced to marry someone in her own tax bracket. Which can you imagine what other amazing works he wouldn’t composed if he was in the limelight. We would have archived composers of music that is kept safe in a vault. Which systematics has been around for centuries, which they just failed to see it then.

No one knows the true struggle until they struggled, which reflecting alone helped me realize this without the opinion of others. As it helped me reflect on all cycles of my life from when I was the poorest of poor to the well off. Which going back to the poorest of poor, ended up being a walk in the park the second time. As “work like an immigrant” which also was told to me at Sprint, was the mantra I took in, which catching COVID in March-April had me save up cash to not only finish the newly added chapter, but get it published. As I told my publisher, if I die from this virus, I want this to be published as a reference guide for anyone who may needed it. Which in the worst case scenario, it helped people face and conquer some of the things they were afraid of. However if that was my fate, would leave people with so many unanswered questions. Which another thing I gained in solace was having appreciation for other’s people wisdom. As I become more open to feedback, eager to ask questions of the things I didn’t understand, and offer suggestions on how to make it better. Which when taken in insult would say “Well go fuck yourself then.” Which would follow why I forsee all the things wrong with it in a big picture mentality. Which another thing I embraced is that sense of mentality. Which my whole life was shamed for it based on the role I was meant to be in society. Or in my world, the person who wanted a relationship with me.

Every time someone offered help, I said I will take it if it’s selfless. Which my ex would always throw in my face when I didn’t appease his attempts of psychological manipulation in his fear of being alone. He attempted to make that fear mine, using scare tactics of the worst case scenario. But never to be found when it occurred. Which made me see him for the true sociopath he was. Which showed signs of always blaming others and showing behaviors of entitlement that if you look closely; could see past in his fake fuckery he swore by. You could see just how selfish he was which he ended up ghosting and reappearing again, trying to use my demise as leverage to make me feel bad about myself. Which sending me a pic through messenger saying “Look what you missed out on” had me saying “If it meant tolerating you’re bullshit, it wasn’t worth it.” Which is the last time I ever heard from him again. Something that he always said that I saw through was his cheap line of “If it doesn’t work out between us, I am done with dating,” which I wish I could see if he was a man of his word. Because either too things occurred. He’s jumping from relationship from relationship. Or he became a man whore. Which again is a conformed idealism brought by society if you look at your history of anyone who said that. Because the truth is, solitude helped me identify the behavior patterns of mine and the behavioral patterns of those who were deflecting the same thing. It gave me a a lot of time to put two and two together. Which made me see that in the end, we all respond the same way. Which is made me see, just how destructive social norms have become to us all.

Marvel Comics Captain Marvel 2019

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Problems that Want to Be Solved – The Truth Behind Self Preservation

There the ugliness of stereotyping, belittling, and deception comes into a selfish act of preserving their well-being. Which staying away from the gray area, still would be selfish when you get backed in the corner. Because the one thing that also revealed was that we purposely turn a blind eye for the sake of self preservation.

Frieda Lopez – Problems that Want to Be Solved – The Truth Behind Self Preservation

Considering what I knew so far before writing the book, I took those who dodge the truth warning. That if they weren’t ready to face the truth to skip to the next chapter. Because it was going to reveal some things that, in their self-preservation of the identity they made for themselves, will shatter their reality, which I may be a lot of things. Still, I am never intentionally cruel, putting the things that I ended up going through and the trend of unfortunate events that happened more often than it uses to, which doesn’t classify as misfortunate events as it’s not the consequence of the situation. It’s induced by others trying to scratch and claw their way to the top. Where the ugliness of stereotyping, belittling, and deception comes into a selfish act of preserving their well-being. Which staying away from the gray area still would be selfish when you get backed in the corner because the one thing that also revealed was that we purposely turn a blind eye for the sake of self-preservation, where those who intentionally do this in selfish and intended action gain more power and become a more evil presence.

Because the truth of the matter is. If we are biologically program to make mistakes. How can we learn from those mistakes and grow from them. Which another sin that social norms have conditioned us to do. Hinder our own growth to be the bonafide badass we were meant to be.

One of the things that I realized in this social problem is that those who didn’t take accountability had one common fear. As the fear of judgment was present in this act of not accepting blame. Which is pretty fucked up if you think about it. As one of the common denominators in this ugly reality of things is that when you make a mistake, you get “crucified on the cross” and made to be the demon, you aren’t. This is why Taylor’s Swift’s “I Did Something Bad” was the muse in writing this chapter, which I could understand why we don’t take accountability most of the time. As in self-preservation, the self-perception you worked you’re entire life for; can be hindered by a self-righteous asshole who thinks they know better. Which, in many of those situations, have been proven to be the worst sinners. As they overcompensate for the sins they commit, which had me gain a lot more empathy for the human condition. Because the truth of the matter is, suppose we are biologically programmed to make mistakes. How can we learn from those mistakes and grow from them? Which another sin that social norms have conditioned us to do. Hinder our growth to be the bonafide badass we were meant to be.

Which being a woman of my word I said “Fuck this. I am going to be transparent as fuck and say the rational behind that.” As the truth is I wasn’t any innocent that anyone else. Because the truth about our modern day society, is that we are all guilty of the same crimes. We just don’t admit to it because of self preservation.

Frieda Lopez – Problems that Want to Be Solved – The Truth Behind Self Preservation

How do we change this? How do we make things better? These are the questions I began to ask myself in this revelation. One thing that I began to realize was that in society, “We have no successful way” on how this looks like. As the ones we look up to are celebrities. Which in the end, once they fall from grace, they are nowhere to be found. Which many of those in the limelight keep their secrets and mistakes in the closet. Which when they are found out, they end up getting shamed and belittled for an error that they made because they were human. Which made me begin to ploy to figure out who I could infiltrate that if I ever get in the limelight. Which is why after finishing the book in a week, had me delay publishing the book. Because the first thing that came across my mind was, “What am I going to do if this comes out,” I was worried about nothing because I rat myself out in the entire book. I was talking about the mistakes I made along with the wrongs that others did. Which is a woman of my word. I said, “Fuck this. I am going to be transparent as fuck and say the rationale behind that.” As the truth is, I wasn’t any innocent than anyone else. Because the truth about our modern-day society is that we are all guilty of the same crimes, we just don’t admit it because of self-preservation.

Which was that I “refuse to live a biased household and that if things wouldn’t change. I will voluntarily leave.” Which in turn had the victimhood rear its ugly head. Which I began to call out the shenanigans and say if they would have mutual respect and just ask me straight up, they would get the truth. Instead of stereotyping and crucifying for those mistakes. Which now, they say I am not going to even start with an argument. “Because you always win.”

Frieda Lopez – Problems that Want to Be Solved – The Truth Behind Self Preservation

I am not going to lie; it was hard as hell at first. To realize that I probably was someone’s antagonist in this journey was kind was heartbreaking for me. Because the truth of the matter is, I always tried to be the right person. Knowing that human nature is the cause of it, I began to forgive myself. When I completely excused myself, I ended up trying to make amends, which revealed those who said, “I didn’t know how to forgive,” were the ones that couldn’t help things go. Which another funny thing about social norms is that it becomes hypocritical full of reasons why we are justified to do bad things. But we crutch on justifications in the gray area and play victim to make people pity us. Which made me also see just how “shitty” social norms indeed were. Which post journey I got a lot of this from my family. The hypocritical part of it. Trying to justify their bad behavior never flew with me. Where it had me kicked out of the house many times, putting me in a compromising situation for less than a few hours, which made me set boundaries up when they thought they could outsmart me again. Which was that I “refuse to live a little household and that if things wouldn’t change. I will voluntarily leave.” Which, in turn, had the victimhood rear its ugly head. Which I began to call out the shenanigans and say if they would have mutual respect and just ask me straight up, they would get the truth. Instead of stereotyping and crucifying for those mistakes. Which now, they say I am not going to even start with an argument. “Because you always win.” And when they begin out of habit, they just nod their head and laugh. Because at the end of the day, it’s just a misunderstanding that is water under the bridge.

Which when the time come when he needed my help. The response I gave him was “I can only offer emotional support as he had no intention of change.” Which was the last time I ever heard from this guy. Which was sad to see. Not because of the bond. He was just an acquaintance. Because the things I saw that he was capable of, he could never see. And with the people he associated with, would never get the chance to see. As another truth that began to reveal was “Misery loves company.”

Frieda Lopez – Problems that Want to Be Solved – The Truth Behind Self Preservation

After it’s all said and done, I don’t take things personally. I began to set boundaries and did not make exceptions to those boundaries. Not for strangers. Not for friends. Not for family. Which is why I think people avoid me these days. Which had me also begin using the phrase, “Not today misery, I ran out of Pendejadas for the day.” Which surprisingly made a lot of the people around me extremely upset. I was taking a blanket generalization seriously. Which also began to reveal things about my everyday interactions. That society has turned very entitled. Because you can’t even say anything without taking it as a personal attack. Which an acquaintance I met said, “I need to understand you talk like your writing a book,” which if it was an insult. I didn’t see it as such because I am a writer after all. But when I started to use that same phrase, I began to identify real quickly that they were telling me what I wanted to hear, thinking they could take advantage of a situation they thought I was vulnerable in. Which another “pendejada of there’s.” Where the truth of the matter is having no mutual respect for my time as they always expected me to wait for them every single time, took advantage of a lot of situations, never took accountability for the actions that they caused themselves, and didn’t want me around his friends as he stressed a comment that “you need to stop cock blocking me,” started to see what was going on. This person wasn’t my friend. He was trying to piggyback off me. Which I guess, in his misperception of the fear he had of being alone, punished me with ghosting me.

Which it was a sigh of relief, to be honest. When the time came when he needed my help, the response I gave him was, “I can only offer emotional support as he had no intention of change.” Which was the last time I ever heard from this guy, which was sad to see. Not because of the bond. He was just an acquaintance. Because of the things I saw that he was capable of, he could never see. And with the people he associated with, he would never get the chance to see. As another truth that began to reveal was, “Misery loves company.”

Same thing with the Karen’s. And the Basic Bitches of society. But why shame one another regarding this rhetoric. Because whether you want be believe it or not, we all are guilty of it. Because that’s how our social norms conditioned us to be. It all stems from insecurity and fear.

Frieda Lopez – Problems that Want to Be Solved – The Truth Behind Self Preservation

Never did I ever think I would be genuinely happy. Which was one thing I got from this journey. Not because of what I gained materialistically or the achievements I have accomplished. I am still a no-name author, after all. The truth that will set us free is being resented with the things people want to assume is wrong with me. It’s because I solely have the power of depending on myself. Knowing that if shit hits the fan again, I can make a positive change in my life. That if faced with those who intentionally want to bring me down, can infiltrate or destroy with ease, and that no matter what people try to make me appear to be, know I will never be. And the superpower that I gained out of this reveals the real truth of what they are hiding in deflection, as social norms have proven to have the same common behaviors in the face of certain dangers. Which if you think about it, it is why we are not original.

We are, in the end, conforming to someone else ‘s perception of the people we are supposed to be, which don’t get me started with die-hard Trump supporters. As they are the biggest conformist, using the same recycled deflections that you see every single one of them in insecurity or fear when they are face to face with the truth. Same thing with the Karen’s. And the Basic Bitches of society. But why shame one another regarding this rhetoric. Because whether you want to be, believe it or not, we all are guilty of it. Because that’s how our social norms conditioned us to be, it all stems from insecurity and fear.

Which another thing that I began to see about society is the fear it also has. That when we don’t understand something, we demonize it in stereotypes. Which made me see another common problem caused by society. We were conformed to discriminate.

Frieda Lopez – Problems that Want to Be Solved – The Truth Behind Self Preservation

Going over my life experience post journey, I realized one thing regarding my empathy strength. That I have walked in every shoe being the poorest the poor and pretty well off and living comfortably. I was a reject in high school to the popular sorority girl. To the trauma I have endured to the triumphs I gained. I realized I had universal empathy. Where those who tried to justify I didn’t understand, which I used the scenarios at first. Began to relay this through the feeling they felt at that moment, which begins to freak a lot of people out. Because being that intuitive means, you’re psychic to people’s minds. But even in those situations where I couldn’t relate with people, I knew what they went through as someone who confided about their struggle, shared it with me. Which begins the insults and shaming, which just follows with “Go fuck yourself, you entitled ass.” Which another thing that I began to see about society is the fear it also has. That when we don’t understand something, we demonize it in stereotypes. Which made me see another common problem caused by society. We were conformed to discriminate, which is the cry for help that we need for change.

I mean in my defense, I always had “Plan A-Z” thanks to the gift of big picture thinking. Which in the end became my strong suit. Which without this idealism. I never would have seen the problems we all face in society.

Frieda Lopez – Problems that Want to Be Solved – The Truth Behind Self Preservation

Every experience, both good and evil, became a learning lesson on how to improve me and how I handle situations, which made me a little more powerful and more vital. It made me realize that we didn’t have an example of how to take these things or fight through things. This also made me realize there is no way to handle our inflictions that become a collective of insecurities, traumas, and life experiences. The only example that we have is the worst-case scenario’s putting bandaids on everything to ease the pain temporarily, which made me realize that pain is not meant to be permanent. But we all make it permanent. Which why many people don’t look at the past. Which is why they generalize self-reflection as “living in the past.” You’re not looking to remember the things you once had; you’re looking for ways to keep consistency. Which we all feel is something we can’t count on. In my defense, I always had “Plan A-Z,” thanks to the gift of big picture thinking, which in the end, became my strong suit. Without this idealism. I would never have seen the problems we all face in society.

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Breakaway Little Song Bird – The Start of the Journey to Freedom

Which the third time, getting the offer from Sprint in Houston, I said I couldn’t back down and would follow through. Which turned out to be the best decision I ever made in my whole entire life. Little did I know, it would be the start of the journey to freedom.

Frieda Lopez – Breakaway Little Song Bird – The Start of the Journey to Freedom

Before the move to journey, I had the opportunity to go to NYU, which I resented those who I felt stopped me from leaving the first time. Which in the end turned out to be my personal choice and the fear that I allowed to take over me. Ironically enough it happened for a reason. Finally saying I would go in the Spring, I had a ticket to settle in the dorm rooms of the campus at the time, which had a ticket for me to settle and explore the campus. Which was scheduled to leave on September 11, with a layover flight from a plane that would crash into the twin tower. Which is one the fears I had of flying. As I could of been on that plane. Already conquering that fear with a job I had, which again fired in discrimination that I didn’t see then, I had an opportunity to go to Florida, which the fear of hurricanes stopped me straight in my tracks. Which the third time, getting the offer from Sprint in Houston, I said I couldn’t back down and would follow through. Which turned out to be the best decision I ever made in my whole entire life. Little did I know, it would be the start of the journey to freedom.

Remembering these events and how they could of played out, I realized that things happened for a reason. We tend to live in the past focusing on the things that we could of, should of, would of done. But in the end, we can’t change it or fix. It’s something that we need to learn from and let go of. Which accepting early on the things that already happened that I couldn’t change, it was necessary for me to this. Not for anyone. But for myself. I was tired of living in fear of the unknown. Which anything can happen at any time, even playing it safe. I feel a lot of things happened playing in the safe zone. The best analogy to explain that ideology is this. It’s like when wolves find a grazing herd and see the patterns and the consistency they appear. They won’t prey on the cattle when people are watching. They end up preying on the cattle when it’s least expected. Which this ideology plays the same in human behavior. Which if you think about it, humans have a animal nature as well.

The best analogy to explain that ideology is this. It’s like when wolves find a grazing herd and see the patterns and the consistency they appear. They won’t prey on the cattle when people are watching. They end up preying on the cattle when it’s least expected. Which this ideology plays the same in human behavior. Which if you think about it, humans have a animal nature as well.

Frieda Lopez – Breakaway Little Song Bird – The Start of the Journey to Freedom

Every attempt make me not move was a epic fail. Where those who were dong this wasn’t out anything other than genuine concern. Being completely transparent, I was a bit naive. Which when I reflected on it, I could see why they were so concerned. Which once I was there, began missing my family and my friends back home. Trying to find every excuse as to why I should move back. But truth of the matter, if I was going to grow, I needed to follow and finish it through until the end of completion. Regardless of how afraid I was. Which began to slowly subside after facing the small battles. Which during the elections, I got stoned once when the scare tactics of immigrants began. Which many based on my appearance assumed I was either Arabic or Mexican. Both a stereotype of stereotypical fear. Which is when I started standing up for myself as I began to confront these fearful people, which introduced me to the first Karen of the world, which stopped immediately when we became friends and became my first non blood family I gained in the big city. Which after hearing her story, made me realize she was acting on fear as her husband passed away and now had to fend for herself. Which elderly people have it the hardest in this era. Which this was pre-COVID. One of the most touching moments was when I got a card from her that her son delivered to me with a heartfelt letter of the appreciation she had for my compassion, empathy, and my sincerity. The lunches we had made a huge difference, which she appreciated the company. Which what made me cry reading the letter when she wrote “Thank you for making the last moments of my life the most joyous.”

One of the things that annoyed me the worst from going through what I went through when I was bluntly honest was “poor you” which started to see how others victimized me. How they tried to explain why I was such “a rebel.” Which they always deflected what the truth was in me. That i was sick and tired of being a delicate little flower. Which began my act of “If you want to think I am a delicate little flower, I will play that stereotype too. Why try to convince a person that I am not a victim as it was the stereotype they assumed I was.” One of the most annoying to hear from conformers is that “If that is what you believe that it’s the truth.” Which made me come up with the phrase “That’s your pendejada, not mind.” Because ironically in that act of stereotyping, the mutual respect of insults would rear it’s ugly head. And when they realized I wasn’t started the “gaslighting” and the “bandwagoning.” Which now realizing I was more head strong than they gave me credit for, the ghosting and the silent treatment. Thinking in their mind they were making my life convenient in being there for me. Which made me see the act that bandwagoning and gaslighting does. Which in turn reveals what people are really afraid of. Which in some cases when people found out I had a terminal illness would ignore the fact that I surpassed the worst in their “delicate little flower” victimized stereotype. Even when the news came that I had a rare immunity which is why I am still standing today.

Which what made me cry reading the letter when she wrote “Thank you for making the last moments of my life the most joyous.”

Frieda Lopez – Breakaway Little Song Bird – The Start of the Journey to Freedom

Going through the adversities made me begin to learn how to stand on my own to feet. Which living in San Antonio, which I see now as a safe space not only because of my family; also due to to the ideologies that we got conditioned to believe. Which is a common idealism for anyone who lives or visited San Antonio. Which in the end is how cultures are cultivated and social norms get developed I feel. Doing Uber in San Antonio began to point out a lot of the negative idealisms we do in the act of insecurity. Where many who do Uber mistreat some of the drivers because they feel boogie for having in their heads “a chauffeur.” Which those riders learned quickly that “you got me fucked up.” Those living in Houston that hated it, acted in the same behaviors. Which many of them felt that they couldn’t get anywhere, which many of them asking me about how San Antonio is, later ended finding out were planning a San Antonio move. Which coming here and being accustomed of the melting pot Houston was, made me so bored because San Antonio felt like it was accustomed to living the same life, avoiding change, and fighting to keep things from progressing. Which was why I hated being back home.

Things always happen for a reason, which is why I felt like it was destined for me to return back home. I had to master playing the stereotype and staying consistent in being headstrong. Which throughout the year after writing the book, have proven that I have become. It also helped me realize that we all have something we are facing. Which in turn helped me learn empathy and teaching me how to master the act of the preverbal “Water under the bridge.” Which I chuckle a little when people gaslight as a victim. Because I already been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. Which I gathered from my life experience. Which the training wheel I am now on is the interactions of social medial. Which at one point I was afraid of, but ended up embracing at a theoretical playground. Where the patterns I have seen in my face to face life, experience through social media. Which is a collective of people across the globe. Which learning how to prioritize by list, have a list of many individuals I will confront face to face to prove the theories I have gained on face to face interaction. Which no matter how they spin it in their head, had a plethora of thesis topics when I am on my way into getting my graduate degree in Psychology. God, Higher Power, and Universe willing. Which I’ve been ready for these training wheels to come off so I can go full throttle.

There are a lot of bad things that happened. But ultimately Houston, TX gave me something more valuable than anything I lost in the journey, it taught me how to fly.

Frieda Lopez – Breakaway Little Song Bird – The Start of the Journey to Freedom

In addition to all the things I gained in the observation of behavioral patterns in society. I gained the greatest love all in this journey was the “love for myself.” Which became one of the American Idol songs I anticipated to attempt if I got on the competition. Which is another thing I did . Was facing my fear of singing in an attempted bigger scale. Where karaoke was my sandbox. Which the only reason why I didn’t make it was due to completing the book. Which eliminating fear made me more free. Made me gain gratitude and made me gain strength. There are a lot of bad things that happened. But ultimately Houston, TX gave me something more valuable than anything I lost in the journey, it taught me how to fly. Which I will take any day over the materialistic things I depended on to determine my self worth. For the first time in my life, I was finally solely dependent on me and the power I gained. Which ironically also made me cry a little too. Because although I gained this. The ugly truth is that not everyone in life will know this feeling I began feeling one cold October day. Which writing the book was written to be a self help guide in gaining this power. But in the “victimhood” society attempted to make me be. Looked at it as me “playing the smallest violin.” Which reading it in the act of trying to find what truly is wrong with me. Ended up having those in that mindset miss the entire message.

One of the things I gained in this hurdle was the ability to stay consistent. Where post release of the book ended up having people attempt to gaslight me in the mentality I gained. You can’t ever please anyone I know. And you most certainly can’t convince others what truly is happening when they hype themselves to belief a distorted truth. Which the deflection they presented began to play a similar pattern. Which looking at it closer began to reveal the insecurities they would share. Where in the lack of mutual respect would use the same circle jerk behaviors that everyone does in society. Which is gaslighting, deflection, bandwagoning, scare tactic, shame, and ghosting. Which released the kraken every time I felt a ghosting coming on. Where they were now forced to face the consequences in hearing the ugly truth about they were living. Where revealing the lies they told themselves about their happiness, their success, their gains began to reveal the person they wanted to be, but were far from truly achieving. Where for a while I began to feel sorry for them. But made me realizing from a story told to me by a Uber rider and a friend that “The cruelness comes from the other side doing everything they can to hide their crimes, intentionally hurting people in the lack of mutual respect. Which made me crutch on the cause and effect theory. Where in their crime saying “That was your pendejada, not mine.”

Which I’ve been ready for these training wheels to come off so I can go full throttle.

Frieda Lopez – Breakaway Little Song Bird – The Start of the Journey to Freedom

Nevertheless it became a mission to point out those bad behaviors when those who in their insecurity had this entitlement of using these bad behaviors to make others feel bad about themselves. All fo the sake of fulfilling a misconstrued ego stemming from lies and entitlement. Pointing out the controllables they avoided controlling in their act of desperation and entitlement. Which we all have done at one point, even me. Which is when I began putting together why things never change in society. The fear of being judged was very apparent then. Which when you make a mistake, you’re crucified based on the idealism of keeping a clean perception of ourselves. Which now the ideal that I think about when I am presented with this “How many issues and crimes have you occurred in that fake perfection of yours. As those who are self rightous are notorious for this. As they will do anything to gain acceptance, gain respect, gain an audience engaging in bad behaviors. Which is what inspired the blog series “The Psychology of the Seven Deadly Sins.” Which those who don’t want to admit their faults will shun down doing the same thing that they do when someone is right. Lie to themselves as to “what’s really behind that.” Where the conditioning of “faking it to make it” is the go to idealism. Which in the act of conditioned behaviors begin to see that they have no effect. Where after time, they begin showing their true colors. Which in the end, their fears at this point has them corrupt. Where stopping them in their tracks is me revealing the truth to them. Not because I am being cruel. Because after crossing every boundary they crossed in intention to try to shut me down. They provoked something they weren’t ready for. Forced to face the person in the mirror. Which in this irony, I become the metaphoric mirror.

One of the song that’s that I embraced to me my many swan songs was Lea Michele’s “Cannonball” Not realizing that when I was first introduced to it, didn’t think I would ever be. I never thought I would face my fear. I never thought I wold gain strength, I never thought I would gain self love. Like everyone else, I assumed I would become corrupt as I had every right to seek revenge. But then again, what would that say about me. Where standing up for myself in intentional lack of mutual respect, thought I was in the wrong in the act of victimhood. Which just showed those who did that, crutched on the same misbehaving act. Telling me what I want to hear and then doing it again. This time playing stupid, which after the third strike, I walked away. Which revealed the act of scare tactics as what would follow in this comment “That’s why you’ll always be alone. Which my rebuttal being “I respect myself too much to let people take advantage of me.” Which I will bet money on, that when my name comes up in those groups the act of “demonizing” comes in. As this is another conditioned behavior that we learn in society. Where the fear of telling someone how you really feel about them will never be done in my face due to the fear of the consequences and the unknown of how I will react. is the fear of the unknown. Because not all crimes are created equally as our justice system shows. Where those privileged walk scott free from. Because if I was going to continue this venture, it started with me everyone being treated equally with no exceptions.

Which in the end, their fears at this point has them corrupt. Where stopping them in their tracks is me revealing the truth to them. Not because I am being cruel. Because after crossing every boundary they crossed in intention to try to shut me down. They provoked something they weren’t ready for. Forced to face the person in the mirror. Which in this irony, I become the metaphoric mirror.

Frieda Lopez – Breakaway Little Song Bird – The Start of the Journey to Freedom
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Song of the Day

Rihanna – Umbrella (ft. Jay-Z)

Life sometimes feel like we are going through things alone. One of things that I realize is that we sometimes push people away to as the fear of vulnerability and the fear of getting hurt is what keeps us from the getting the support you need. It’s those who stand by our sides through thick and thin, with no judgement and never taking things personally that are the one’s we must let in.

In my small group, I have two best friends that have been inspiration and someone I always wanted to aim to be like. Truth is, they conditioned me to be humble, calling me out on my BS and kept their distance when I would be out of line. But the rain would come down. Somedays harder than most, the reality is that in the end we always shined together. Because without these two remarkable women who knew me as an “ugly duckling,” see me become a “black swan,” who finally came to her senses and became the “beautiful swam” she was meant to be. But to be able to turn into the firey Pheonix I was meant to always be; wouldn’t be a my greatest moment without them. Which is why today’s song of the day is Rhianna’s “Umbrella.”

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How the Ugly Duckling Turned into Phoenix – Embracing the Flaws and All

Which being told I was the ugly duckling almost my whole life, turned into a firey Phoenix.

Frieda Lopez – How the Ugly Duckling Turned into Phoenix

Before writing the book, I felt like the most physically ugliest person alive. Being a tomboy and being teased about being a SHIM, it kind of fucked with my self-esteem. Even when I modeled for a short time and did little small scale ad modeling, I still was convinced that people just felt sorry for me. Most of it came because I was tall in a city. I grew my whole life up where tall women weren’t a norm. Being Brazilian, Puerto Rican, Cuban, Mexican, and French (which I found out later), explained why I was so statuesque. No matter what anyone could tell me, the stigma came from a stigma that I developed that made me believe, “If my mom didn’t want me, no one would.” Which wasn’t the case at all.

One of the everyday things I’ve noticed in these experiences was that people aim for the most outward appearance. After seeing the behavioral pattern of every single insult, it turns out that it’s a recycled insult that somewhere along the line was conditioned as an insult to use to make someone feel ugly about themselves. Or feel less of a woman. Or feel less of a man. Or feel unaccomplished. Or too poor. Which we all at one point and time use a bandaid to fix. Where those who fall deeper into insecurity become dependent on material items to validate their worth, wWhich if a someone insults me with a “She looks like a man” insult category and after a fair amount of warnings, and after the sign that mutual respect doesn’t show to be existent. Begins the “Don’t make me bend you over and show you who your Daddy is now, motherfucker” actions to show them how to respect me in a mutual sense Those intimidated by the actions that follow will suggest, “To pick and choose your battles.” Which as long as someone mutual respects me, there will be no problem. It’s funny to see how quickly the tables turn when people begin to realize your a woman of action and not of just words.

Which if a someone insults me with a “She looks like a man” insult category and after a fair amount of warnings, and after the sign that mutual respect doesn’t show to be existent. Begins the “Don’t make me bend you over and show you who your Daddy is now, motherfucker” actions to show them how to respect me in a mutual sense

Frieda Lopez – How the Ugly Duckling Turned into Phoenix

Everyone has some sort of stigma if you really look at it. Everyone has an insecurity and a fear. Which if you say “no,” shows your fear of vulnerability. Which denial is not a river in Egypt. What I began to notice in this behavior pattern is that it makes us hide our vulnerability, which goes into a slippery slope of covering up our mistakes. And begins making us due these vial and unethical things all to make the perception we hope the world will see. Which we will get more into depth when I discuss the “The Perception of Public Perception” which is four blog post away. Which we bind ourselves to these specific stigmas per say. In some cases we use it to protect our emotional wellbeing. While others do it intentionally because lets just be real. If they aren’t happy, no one should be happy. Which is narcissism if we want to be blunt about it. Which what I began to realize as people would open up is the perception they had of me was distorted due to a insecurity they had, a threat from a strong personality. Where many of them assumed that I would intentionally hurt them as they used past experiences and judgments based off the people that resembled me. Which low key it was stereotyping. Which also points out, we do it more often than we like to admit.

The correlation I began to identify in my actions, this whole time I was crutching on things to fill the void that I had when my mom and I had our conflict as a kid. Truth of the matter is that it’s always water under the bridge for me. Even the things my mom caused in me. Which became a another obstacle my mom did when she didn’t get her way. Which I started to see that my mom was a narcissist. Doing every constant thing that most American’s do. Use shame to protect her feelings. Insults when the attacks didn’t become effect. Using tragedy against someone to attempt to weaken the opponent. Use empty threats in the face of failure. Then play casper the friendly ghost in the face of defeat. Which if you look at any single feud with someone you have, you begin to see the consistent behavior pattern. What became hard for me was realizing that I engaged int the same behavior. Which we will go over in the same chapter.

Which hearing a common thing at Sprint was “You’re past trauma’s are affecting your work,” when I began retracting my claws. Which being told the same thing “Pick and choose your battles,” which subconsciously is why I fought harder. Because this fear tactic was attempted as “I had a lot against the unethical act that constantly happened” as now it was happening to me directly.

Frieda Lopez – How the Ugly Duckling Turned into Phoenix

Another thing I began to notice while I was in the moment life reflecting back on my life, I saw that nothing I did. Truly never fixed anything, but on the contrary make things worst. It made me play it safe, pick and choose the easiest battles, it never made me stand up for myself. Which I began to see that it was induced by what’s called a trauma bond. Which more info is available here: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm. As going through a very domestically violent marriage, learned early on, which also begin working on helping myself, but never to an extent. Which hearing a common thing at Sprint was “You’re past trauma’s are affecting your work,” when I began retracting my claws. Which being told the same thing “Pick and choose your battles,” which subconsciously is why I fought harder. Because this fear tactic was attempted as “I had a lot against the unethical act that constantly happened” as now it was happening to me directly.

One of the things that made me realize that I was stronger than most people, because I wasn’t doing it for me. Which what always happens in my mind, especially in this time was “Why can’t anyone helping me or doing this for the greater good” which seeing in while doing my research on “The Psychology of Virtues” as Amy Cohen from Inc.com says is one of the signs of mentally strong people https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/10-signs-youre-a-mentally-strong-person-even-though-most-people-think-these-are-weaknesses.html which consist of the following and how they handle those situations:

Which many people will end up say or claim in pride that “I don’t walk away.” Which I do, as being water under the bridge, I let attacks go. Where those who attend to come back for more, end up showing on thing. They can’t walk away and let it go. Where they end up acting like they are genuine (even though you can tell they are fake af), and attempt to get more leverage on things they feel will hurt me and attempt to attack again.

Frieda Lopez – How the Ugly Duckling Turned into Phoenix
  1. Being kind.
  2. Changing your mind. 
  3. Acknowledging your weaknesses. 
  4. Being patient. 
  5. Asking for help. 
  6. Failing.  
  7. Expressing emotions.
  8. Walking away. 
  9. Improving yourself.  
  10. Staying calm.

Which many people will end up say or claim in pride that “I don’t walk away.” Which I do, as being water under the bridge, I let attacks go. Where those who attend to come back for more, end up showing on thing. They can’t walk away and let it go. Where they end up acting like they are genuine (even though you can tell they are fake af), and attempt to get more leverage on things they feel will hurt me and attempt to attack again.

Until writing “The Journey of an Unraveled is when things began to fall into place, which started as a electronic journal that I began typing up. That my friend Dr. Kristy Taylor ended up suggesting to publish it. As it had the makings of a book. Which because of her, I end up getting into this writing journey. Which now fighting against a case with the idealism of “Why don’t people do the right thing” made me come into the idealism that “Everyone in their time” as not everyone is ready to face the truth. Even when it’s staring them in the face. Which when making someone see the truth by truth is a cruel act anyone can do to someone living in denial. However, if those living in denial doesn’t present mutual respect in three attempts, all gloves are off. As it’s there personal choice in free will to not possess that quality of mutual respect. In that sense it’s the consequence from their cause. Which becomes cause and effect theory.

Many of us feel this if we become transparent. We began seeing not only the things others have done wrong and begin seeing the errors of their ways. Which another thing I began to see was that this is conditioned by society. Because another thing that we learn through these social norms “Don’t admit to things that can crucify you for your mistake.” Which the is another thing society does. For one mistake that you end up doing that can be taken as a lesson and that you prove to gain redemption, you always remain that stereotype. Which breaking the chains for me was a must. Because society “has me fucked up too.”

we learn through these social norms “Don’t admit to things that can crucify you for your mistake.” Which the is another thing society does. For one mistake that you end up doing that can be taken as a lesson and that you prove to gain redemption, you always remain that stereotype. Which breaking the chains for me was a must. Because society “has me fucked up too.”

Frieda Lopez – How the Ugly Duckling Turned into Phoenix

The things that society saw as flaws in the past, became my strengths as being over analytical, a big picture thinker, and now gaining my dignity back a little each and everyday in that moment of adversity, I began to be stronger. Which began the strength to fully fight for myself. When I mastered that, I began speaking up for people who were unjustified. Which even though I didn’t know how to do it, now was armed with fighting the attacks back from those in pride. Which the “Three Strikes” boundary rule. Which using the rules in baseball, gauged attacks as balls that were not that serious, and fouls on the way I played defense. As not knowing then, was my way of taking accountability.

the same common mistakes, trying to find the error in our ways. But one thing that we don’t realize. That we get conditioned to do the same acts no matter how we dodge them. We do the same mistakes, do the same things that our predators have done.

Frieda Lopez – How the Ugly Duckling Turned into Phoenix

I began also realizing that everyone is battling the same fights. Engaging in the same sins, which post journey was hard me to comprehend. Which my boss Frank would always try to tell me “Not everyone is a good person” which low key I felt he said as an insult of mocking. Which post journey I began think “What a dumb pendejada” to think I thought to myself. Because another thing that we were conditioned in society was “taking things personal.” Which we all have done in the act of insecurity. One of the things that we don’t realize, is that we all have an insecurity that makes us think that someone is attacking us. Truth of the matter is it’s a 50/50 chance they are. But when armed with boundaries and strong will, it’s more and more easier to identify in the end.

Youthfulness is what causes this mentality I feel. Where in our younger age, we see the mistakes and the trials that we see our parents going through. But in the end we fall into the same common mistakes, trying to find the error in our ways. But one thing that we don’t realize. That we get conditioned to do the same acts no matter how we dodge them. We do the same mistakes, do the same things that our predators have done. The fact is that this is a learned behavior that we picked up along the way. That misconstrues our fight or flight instinct. As a common correlation I realized was that the trigger our attackers do, damage that like a game of Battleship. They sink our battleship. Which we move on to the next insecurity we protect for dear life.

Which I got tired of living. In these invisible change. Which my insecurities dictated the way I felt. Where embracing it and knowing in my time became my solace. Where being away from people did more good than bad for me. As I no longer was being influenced by people and stopped feeling helpless in the act of victimhood.

Frieda Lopez – How the Ugly Duckling Turned into Phoenix

In the domino effect, turn circle jerk, turn ripple, we begin infecting the world engaging the bad behaviors made to temporarily aid those defenses in insecurity. As another thing we get conditioned is to stereotype the threat. Where both sides in good and evil have players who have made their insecurities and they’re tragedies as strengths. Where depending on the motive is a vendetta of getting back at those who have done us wrong. Where those with ill intention prey on those who are the most vulnerable as now they take advantage of a situation as it’s an easy fight to win. Which becomes the problem of society. In proving to ourselves that we are worthy, we begin to attack those who are the most vulnerable, which becomes bullying. Which is in the end taking advantage of a vulnerable situation. When it the face of insecurity we all have done that we either choose to forget or intentionally forgot. As the conditioning of society is “Focus on the good things you’ve done.” “Conceal, don’t feel.” And “Dodge incrimination.” Which is the key to being rejected. But the catch twenty two on that is that it back fires eventually. Where either we face the consequence of the “effect of our cause” or “become entangled in the deceptive web of society.” Now being helpless in fighting back. Which I got tired of living. In these invisible change. Which my insecurities dictated the way I felt. Where embracing it and knowing in my time became my solace. Where being away from people did more good than bad for me. As I no longer was being influenced by people and stopped feeling helpless in the act of victimhood. Which now, the goal was clear. Help people become strong and better versions of themselves. Which is harder that it looks. Which being told I was the ugly duckling almost my whole life, turned into a firey Phoenix.

Featured

Song of the Day

Katy Perry – Wide Awake

The verse of this song, “I wish I knew then what I know now. Wouldn’t dive in. Wouldn’t bow down,” is what I feel after taking “The journey of an Unraveled Road.” Admitting the injustice that was happening to me in a place where it never should of. People who should have known better was a domino that knocked everything—realizing that being vulnerable made me easy prey. And wide awake to see all things that for once in my life realized was more comfortable to overcome. Not acknowledging that fear would no longer reside. And the pain that held me back wouldn’t hold me back anymore. Realizing the next hurdle that needed to be conquered is systematics. This is why today’s song of the day is Katy Perry’s “Wide Awake.”

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Manipulation Tactics Used by Abusers

Photo by Truth Enock on Pexels.com

Manipulation happens to us all. Whether it be in personal relationships, work relationships, and romantic relationships. You are not alone, which is why I included this video in starting this blog with Black Shadows’ personal experience in the situation. Manipulators come from all over, believer it or not, which many in denial will say that it doesn’t happen to them. Because the thought is too unbearable even to fathom. But the truth of the matter is, like I said, happens more often than you like to believe. As we get manipulated on a daily according to Pasadena Star-News in Robert Rector’s article “Statistics Can Be Manipulated to Prove Anything (https://www.pasadenastarnews.com/2014/05/24/statistics-can-be-manipulated-to-prove-anything/).” This says one thing, we have accepted manipulation as our everyday norm and way of living and surviving, especially in our daily lives.

From a visual perspective, if we see it. It must be real. Right? Well, one of the many tactics that many influencers use to stage a glamorous life. Is the act of directing their lavish lifestyles. Which is a form of visual manipulation that makes us wish we had the experience they made for themselves. But we want to for something that doesn’t even exist in the majority of many situations. Where many neglects to realize with the advancements of Photoshop and Reface, any one of us can be incriminated at any given time. But that is another conversation. But one thing you should keep in the back of your mind is that anyone with the resources can put you in a compromising situation through video and images, which is why everything that is made to be real must be questioned. Research is a must in this day and age.

The Goals of A Manipulative Abuser

According to Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT from PsychologyToday.com, there are six goals that an abusive manipulator will strive for, which are the following https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201907/covert-tactics-manipulators-use-control-and-confuse-you:

1. To avoid being confronted

2. To put you on the defensive

3. To make you doubt yourself and your perceptions

4. To hide their aggressive intent

5. To avoid responsibility

6. To not have to change

Which if you evaluate the situations you may have been in or are in, you will see that these are the everyday things that they strive for in their acts of manipulation. I will tell you a funny story regarding facing a narcissistic abuser. Part of re-evaluating the situation was that the guy had little man syndrome since I was 6’0 and he was 5’4. I attempted to date this guy, and well, obviously, it didn’t go well. Well, I ended up going over because he wanted to hang out, which I had no intention of, and made it clear nothing was going to happen. Of course, I took his word as he used many of the most manipulative abusers use (I will get in the next section of this blog). After he attempts for the third time, I told him to stop. He, of course, resulted in slut-shaming and got in my face trying to push me into having relations with him. He attempted to grab, and I pushed him, telling him that he needed to stop. Well, after the fourth attempt, I punched him in the face and body-slammed him, which resulted in victimized calling the cops on the way out and telling them what had happened. I waited in the car until they came and explained what happened. Ironically enough, he already had a few accounts of him doing this but had no proof to convict him. When the police arrived, he was questioned, not seeing I was behind police officers. Of course, he attempted to blame me but paused and stuttered, trying to convince me at that moment that it was a misunderstanding. The cop looked at me and said, “No, because I told him three times, and he attempted to get physical.” As I later found out, he was convicted of sexual assault to a minor (Which he neglected to tell me as he didn’t appear as such), got taken into custody, which is why never judge a book by a cover as this is the most instant way of manipulating someone. Dressing for success is the way these manipulators fool us every single day.

Tactics Used By Manipulators

One of the most common tactics I used where manipulators used to attempt to come into my life is the fear that people commonly have, which is “the fear of being alone.” This is why bandwagoning is often used as fears are used to get people to “see things their way,” which, if you think about it, is how discrimination came to exist. Where using speculation and stereotyping an entire demographic to cause fear that stems hate in that associated group. But how do we fall into these traps? According to Helena Knowlton from ConfusiontoClarity.com, here are the 26 Covert Abuse Tactics (https://www.confusiontoclaritynow.com/blog/covert-abuse-tactics):

  1. Grooming/ Re-grooming – Grooming Grooming is a tactic of overcoming the survivor’s defenses by slowly desensitizing his or her natural reaction to abusive behaviors. (Grooming Grooming is a tactic of overcoming the survivor’s defenses by slowly desensitizing his or her natural reaction to abusive behaviors.)
  2. Gaslighting / Distorting Reality
  3. Confusion / Muddying the waters / Word twistingThey twist your words, and accuse—all while smiling and pretending to be your biggest supporters.”
  4. Playing the Victim – “Every time I had a complaint or wanted to discuss something that hurt my feelings or that he could do better, he would get his feelings hurt so badly. To the point that he would claim that he could never please me and that I didn’t appreciate the good things he did.”
  5. Accusing the Victim
  6. Hidden Blame Shifting / Guilt Tripping
  7. Subtle Putdowns/ Shaming
  8. Circular Conversations “He was messing with my head and spinning the truth into a lie to keep me off balance.”
  9. Diverting / Evading “He takes your focus off what he’s done by getting you to focus on some mistake you made and defending yourself.”
  10. Denying /Minimizing / Rationalizing
  11. Induced Helplessness
  12. Rewriting History They will drive you insane with their version of history.”
  13. Lying by Omission “They subtly lies by leaving things out or distorting how they happened.”
  14. False Remorse and False Apologies
  15. Punishing / Silent Treatment
  16. Covert Control “They undermine your attempts to have your own life in subtle ways- by not encouraging you, by making scheduling difficult, by criticizing someone else who does what the survivor is doing, by making family visits miserable by being grumpy, and other ways.”
  17. Isolation
  18. Covert Intimidation through Fear Mongering
  19. Sabotage
  20. Intermittent Reinforcement“It’s like living on a roller coaster. It’s like going on a train journey and never knowing which stop you are going to get off – is it going to be a nice stop? or a bad stop? And it’s like that every day basically. You don’t know how the day is going to start. And you don’t know how the day is going to end.”
  21. Covert Physical Aggression
  22. Accusations
  23. Fake Empathy
  24. Image Management “He not only fooled me but also mutual friends in our small, close knit community to the point that many of them thought I was a nut case/liar and drama queen.”
  25. Smear Campaign “He’ll smear your character to people he knows he can convince, including your own family, friends or co-workers. He does this subtly, often under the guise of “concern” for you, implying that you are unstable, untrustworthy, deluded, and even abusive.”

The Harsh Reality

The truth of the matter is that in many of these cases, the abused become the abuse as this is a learned condition gained in these situations. When people use this as a defensive mechanism against me, I realize that they are survivors of abusive relationships, whether through childhood or adulthood, as the internalized issues that they deny as they attempt to lie to themselves that these events never occurred. And for a good reason. Many people who have been abused don’t want to admit to it as the shame of being an abused person makes people victimize those coping with it. Having others who have been used and are in denial deflect their reality, saying that they are “damage.” In many cases, the conditioned behavior gets encouraged as that bandwagoning will reassure that malicious behavior and act on that behavior. And as Human Psychology says that deflection is a reflection of someone’s experience. It just comes to prove that we all have been abused in one way, shape, or form in our life. Where those who overcome the abuse they experienced break the shame and find solitude and happiness. Which comes the next attempt of shame when those are inflicted with severe pain “What are you taking?” Well, the answer is simple. Nothing. Because I broke free by resolving the problems from the past that use to haunt me. And realizing I am scarier than my demons as I will confront every single monster that attempts to get in my way.

Conclusion

There comes a time when you get tired of lying to yourself. Either two things occur. You end up wanting to resolve those pains. Or you choose to be a bitter person. That’s a personal choice that you have to make for yourself. But the truth is, there is only so far denial can take you. The repercussions of this is a sense of emptiness and loneliness. Where nothing seems like it’s never enough, holding those pains makes us into people we don’t want to be, I feel. But the truth of the matter is, what are you willing to do to erase that pain from the past. Face your demons that, in my journey, realized are not as scary as I perceived them to be. Where for once in your life, you feel liberated, free, and accomplished. Realizing that the things that were holding you back were what others made you believe in their actions that inflicted your trauma. Or the ugly truth, are you going to allow yourself to become your abuser. If you look at your behavioral pattern, you do the same things your abusers inflicted on you.

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Featured

An Assaulter’s Affair

            “What the fuck,” Antonio said as he erected up from the nightmare that haunted him for days.  He looked for the glass of water that he had on his nightstand and took a hard and loud gulp.  He spits it out in a violent rage. “Damn, how long has this water been sitting here,” as he attempted to recall the last time he filled his water glass after days of binge drinking. 

            He looked at his phone as he saw a message from the fifth girl that accused him of involuntarily raping her that read, “YOU’LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME!” in from a girl he met at a frat party named Jessica. 

            He deleted the message and put it down as he said to himself, “Stupid psycho bitch,” which followed a worried look on his face.

            “No, I didn’t rape these women.  They are overreacting,” he reassured himself as he took another gulp of water to attempt to remove the hangover he had from another night of binge drinking.  As the storm began to get more vigorous and more violent.   He earned his toned naked body up and began to gather some clothes.  As he began to put his pants up facing the dorm room, he resided alone in a flash of lighting hit as he swore, he saw a body standing in the window. 

            “Who’s there? He said.” As he got up to investigate the window where no one was standing at. 

            “I am tripping. He said,” as he began to put up his sweatpants slowly as he began to replay the most recent rape allegations he was involved in.  He started playing the nightmare he had of the five women he raped, seeking revenge in the most horrible way. 

            “No, they wanted it he said.  If they didn’t, why would they binge drink with me, thinking that nothing wouldn’t happen?  And why where they dressed like sluts if they didn’t want anything to happen,” he reassured himself. 

            “Stop! Stop!” the voice of Jessica played in his head as he began to recall that night. Recognizing that, he began to rip off her clothes as she said that. 

            “No, she wanted it,” he said.  As his face began grew worried. 

            “I mean, why would she flirt with me if she didn’t,” he said to himself.

            “I’m new to campus and just want to grow my circle of friends,” the voice of Jessica said in his head. 

            “Get out of my head,” he said.

            “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you,” Jessica’s voice said as he recalled how he held her down to penetrate her.

            “No, it was just foreplay,” he reassured himself.

            “All the girls warned me about this.  What did put in my drink,” Jessica’s voice continued.

            “Something to relax you,” he began to speak back. He looked in fright for a bit, which was distracted by the email tone he got from his as a clash of lighting and thunder made his quick look at the window and then the lights that flickered off with the sound of thunder. 

            “Oh fuck, another outage.  Goddamn it.  My dad pays a ton of money for my private room, and the school can’t even get a decent generator?” He looked at the message that came from his father’s private law firm.

            “Let’s see when my court date is so I can get rid of this guilt of this bullshit rape case!” he said as he unlocked the phone to open the email. 

            The email read:

            Dear Mr. Antonio Baker,

          As there has not been any proof to prove that the rape allegations are accurate, we are pleased to inform you that your charges have been dismissed as there was no sign of alleged date rape drug made in the accusation.  

     He put the phone down as he said, “Because it was a higher dose of stimulant she already was taking for anxiety,” he said smugly. “That’s why it isn’t rape,” he said.

            “But you know it was rape,” Jessica’s voice said again. 

            “No, it wasn’t you lying bitch,” he said as he got up with his chest puffed out. 

            “But you know it was Antonio,” Jessica’s voice said.

            He swung as he stumbled to the floor as he said, “No, it wasn’t,” in a slurred tone.   He tried to get up again as he struggled to the ground. “I must have drunk more than I expected, he said,” as he comfortably lay on the floor on his back.

            “I am just hungover.  Or maybe it’s just another nightmare I am having.  He closed his eyes as he began to hear the thunder begin to role. “I’ll be fine. It’s just a hangover.”

            “It’s not a hangover,” he heard in the near distance. 

            “Who’s there,” Antonio said as he opened his eye in blurred vision.  As the lighting and thunderstruck, he saw the figure standing over his limp body.

            “It’s not a hangover, you cocky, entitled motherfucker,” Jessica said as she was crouched over his body. 

            “Get away from me, you crazy bitch,” he said as he attempted to get up feeling limp. He looked at both arms, trying to move as the fear began to overcome him. “Help,” he tried to scream as he forced a whisper.

            Knelt by his lifeless body, she flashed a grim and wicked smile as he breathed the scent of the tranquilizer. She spiked the water cup she noticed during the attack.   She leaned to his ear as she said, “You hadn’t seen crazy yet,” moving up so he could get one last look before he passed out. 

            “Why can’t I move,” Antonio said in a whispered panic.

            “Horse tranquilizer will do that to you.  Or did you forget I was a Veterinarian Major,” she replied in a sadistic and evil chuckle. “Now go to sleep,” she said as she put the cloth over his face as he slowly blacked out. 

*******************************************************************

Antonio woke up by the bright light and the clattering of metal hitting metal as he began to say, “Where am I?” Groaning from the pain he had in his head.  He attempted to get up but remained lifeless. “Where the fuck am I?” he yelled. “Help,” he screamed as a voice echoed in the background.

“No one is going to hear you, Antonio,” Jessica said coldly.

“Let me go, you crazy bitch,” he said. 

“You know Antonio,” she said in a pause. “Going to these rape support group brought some things to light,” she said as she began to polish the surgical tools she had laid out on the steel surgical table that stood six feet away from the limp Antonio.”

“Let me go, Jessica. I swear to you I will kill you myself if you don’t let me go,” he began to cry in fear as he began to hear the sound of a power tool. “Stop Jessica, please,” he pleaded in fear.

“I also realize that your name comes up a lot in this support group,” she said as she began to move the surgical tray over.

“It was a misunderstanding,” Antonio began to cry out as he heard the clanking of her boots nearing closer.

“Downers that most of the girls take, huh?” Jessica said in coldness.

“I just wanted to make you more relaxed,” Antonio rebuttal in a plea.

“Another consistency in these stories is that we all ask for it,” she said as she began to fill the syringes with a numbing agent.

As Antonio began to hear glass hit a nearby table, he saw in the corner of his eye, seeing Jessica begin to get closer. He said, “I was an asshole. I am sorry.  You want money. I will get your money,” he said, crying in fear.

She began to work her way slowly as she learned in her Psychology class, which triggers tremendous fear. She said, “Fifteen girls.  Four of those girls committing suicide due to additional shame you inflicted, having the entire school slut-shame these girls,” Jessica said more sadistically.

“Jessica, I didn’t mean this to happen,” Antonio said, beginning to sound petrified. 

As she reached over, she began to start the drill as she heard Antonio scream for help.

“Jessica, I’m sorry, babe.  I just like you a lot,” Antonio pleaded.

She stepped over, looking at his petrified face as she said, “Oh, you like me, baby?”

He began to sniffle to calm himself down as he said, “I just don’t know how to talk to girls,” he reassured her.

She looked at him with a sorrowful face as he began to speak.

“Look, all is forgiven if you just let me go.  I want to make you my girl,” he said, trying to infiltrate her attack. “We can be exclusive and be a regular thing.  If you let me go, all will be forgiven.  Okay,” he said in a comforting voice.

Jessica looked at Antonio and smiled as she said, “There’s nothing more than I would want,” she paused as she saw Antonio’s face light up with hope. “Is penetrate you to hear you say, STOP!” she said as she grinned.

“Help me!” he yelled as Jessica attached an adult novelty to the drill. 

“Jessica, please.  I am sorry.” Antonio said as he attempted to lift himself as she saw her pick up the syringe.

Jessica turned as she shanks the syringe in his thorax as she said, “And nothing more than to see that face you gave all the other girls you raped and got away with and me,” she said as she covered his screaming mouth.

He looked up at her with petrified eyes as she let go of his mouth to hear no sound come out.   His eyes began to attempt to yell, “Stop.”

“Oh, you want me to stop, baby,” Jessica said in an empathetic tone.

He was now having no feeling in his neck attempted to nod.

“Is that a nod, baby?  Blink once for yes and two for no,” she said in empathy.

Antonio blinked once.

Jessica leaned into Antonio’s ear as she said, “Why didn’t you stop? Antonio began to see her pick up the ax. His eyes watered for the last time.

            “Excuse me, ma’am,” the police officer said as he came into the support group.

            “Yes, officer,” Counselor Lorenzo said as she stood up to greet the police at the door.

            “I would like to ask the group a few questions if that is okay,” Officer White asked politely. 

            “What is this concerning,” Counselor Lorenzo said in the group’s defense.

            “It’s about Antonio,” Officer White said.

            “Get him away from me, get him away,” Jessica said as she began to get triggered by the sound of her attacker’s name. 

            “Ma’am, I like to ask you a few questions,” Officer White said.

            “No, he’s going to attack Getaway and me,” she said as she darted to the window. 

            “Officer White, please get out of my support group,” Counselor Lorenzo demanded as she ran toward the group that was attempting to keep her from jumping out the window.

            “You crazy bitch get over here,” Officer White said as he attempted to dart towards her as he hit the floor with a sweep kick from Counselor Lorenzo.

            “, Ma’am this is considered assault of law enforcement agent,” he said as he picked himself up. “You’re lucky I didn’t shoot for that,” he said, threatening.

            Counselor Lorenzo pointed to the recording camera in the corner of the room as she said, “For what Officer White.  You accused my girl of being crazy when she is trying to recover from a vicious rape that Antonio acted upon, getting my girls, all these girls no justice for the actions the entitlement his money gives him,” she affirmed. “I can press charges on you for a whole list of things,” she said firmly. 

            “Well, everyone’s a suspect since his family is attempting to press charges against the school,” Officer White rebutted.

            “Well, there shouldn’t be a cause for that now, is there.  I have fifteen girls in here all traumatized from his entitled ass of getting away with rape,” she scolded. 

            “Can I at least show them the pictures to see the reaction,” he demanded.

            “Fine, but if it’s too much for my girls, you need to walk away.  You are recorded, remember,” she affirmed.

            “Fine,” he said as he walked towards the group. 

            “Do any of you girls know anything about this,” he said as he showed them the picture. 

            Jessica screamed as she attempted to jump out the window, saying, “They are going to come after me,” as she flung at the police officer’s hand, revealing to the group the picture. 

            The picture showed Antonio hogtied with a foreign object shoved up his rectum in the cafeteria table near the wall that said “rapist and the picture of a total of six women and the dates they committed suicide.  On the wall spelled in the blood, it said, “An eye for an eye.” “

            Jessica looked down at the picture as she said, “Counselor willy is going to get me,” she said as she began to cry.

            “It’s, okay sweetheart.  No one’s going to get you.  If you, ask me he had what’s coming to him,” she said as she held Jessica close. “Officer White, have you done the proper protocol and dusted for prints,” Counselor Lorenzo demanded.

            “Yes, but,” he said as Counselor Lorenzo interrupted.

            “What did you find,” Counselor Lorenzo demanded.

            “Noth..” Officer White attempted to say.

            “Well, I suggest you leave then,” Counselor Lorenzo demanded as he let go of Jessica. “I’ll be back, okay, Hun. You’re okay, I promise,” Counselor Lorenzo reassured.

            “Okay, Ms. Lorenzo,” Jessica said as she saw Patricia pick up the picture and walked back to the group. 

            Patricia walked back to the group and showed the picture to the group. “We finally got justice,” she said with a sigh. 

            Jessica looked at the group and then grinned at the picture as she said, “Yes, we all finally got justice.”

Check out next weeks Twisted Sister Short Story titled “A Cruiser’s Paradise.” And here is the track that inspired that twisted tale of of vendetta for crimes that were unjustifiably made right

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Featured

INTRODUCTION

THE SONG THAT INSPIRED THE SERIES

INTRODUCTION

Human Psychology has shown that everyone is mapped differently based on the things we experience in life.  In many cases, those who experience trauma in life are the ones that end up suffering the most.  In many cases, people avoid idealism, as people live in denial to prevent the things that replay in their heads, suppressing the nightmares that haunt them of these internalized events.   But we aren’t talking about the traumas that you are thinking about.  As trauma out of our control are what I am referring to as car crashes and accidents, people experience common trauma that keeps people in subtle fear.  However, in a situation where trauma is an ongoing occurrence starting in childhood.  Where those who prey on the vulnerable to cope with the internalized fears of feeling powerless.  Inducing trauma to those around them and preying on the weaker.

            Many of these predators prey on the less vulnerable. They use manipulation tactics to keep their prey in line, forever trapping them in a toxic and dangerous situation.  Where many of those victims with consistent onset trauma never get out.  As the ultimate reason is that they become confused about what is reality and what isn’t.  Many of these trauma cases blame themselves for the things that they cannot control, feeling a sense of helplessness and hopelessness, and finally getting the courage to get the help they need to get out.  The business of those who judge them prevents them from getting the help that they truly need to get out.  Where in that final attempt, all hope is lost.  And the faith in humanity is eliminated.

            In many cases, this is how a predator develops, wherein their ability to feel inferior to their traumas early on childhood, which is why this circle should be stopped.   But it doesn’t work in many cases unless the victim has a witness.  Wherewith, a master manipulator will end up taking away all the allies these victims could have had.  The stereotype of a typical victim becomes more victimized and, in the worst-case scenario, loses their life as justice is never served. But what happens when a victim breaks their chains in this sense of hopelessness?  Which is something you never hear about now, do you?

            As not all people are programmed the same, some will prey on those most vulnerable, causing others to feel pain.  But how about a selfless individual, who in the big picture scenario they begin to see the behavioral pattern that occurs in these predators.  In the state of strategic planning and a will to get justice back, they end up going dark and rouge.  Where in the presence of a failed judicial system in a world of systematics.  The prey becomes the predator with a motive for one thing.  A vendetta for blood and revenge from those who have taken the life they once knew.  Where fear turns into rage, and love turns into a lust for blood.  The only way out is to kill.  Depending on how far they are from the ledge, brutally and cruelly.  Where an eye for an eye is now a taste of the predator’s predator, where good is no longer an option, leans on, embrace the art of sadistic murder. 

Check out the main page at https://friedathewriter.com/twisted-sister-a-short-story-series/

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Featured

The Grimm Wonderland of Social Norms

Holding myself accountable for the things I did help me forgive myself, holding responsible for the actions that resulted in effecting their cause eliminated. Setting boundaries with both my expectations with adding that I also expect those to hold me accountable and as long as open communication that was both safe for all involved would open dialogue that the reasons to why someone felt based on The Who, What, When, Where, Why, How, which in the end is a scientific theory, I ended up being able to hold myself to real accountability, provide if the opposing party was in the wrong, paint a scenario putting them in my shoes made me identify my friends, my foes, and those who in the end had selfish intent. Which made the perceptions that people believed, which initially as a coverup since the stereotyping was what they convinced that I indeed was, and how the emotional crutch that I used in every scene made me realize something I never could see. In a world where we surrender ourselves for the sake of gaining the things that are perceived to be a success, a robust support system, we in the end, as shit hits the fan, are left alone in their self-preservation without intent, revealing those who check up to see how far you fell from grace. In a world where we are told to pick and choose your battles, it only applies to the conflicts that are personally, not yours. When you matter and establish not only material items but the characteristics you set, every battle matters as the adversity, the pain, the blood, sweat, and tears is an act of someone’s attempt to dodge accountability. As in life when this comes to light, you realize that as it started as a small offense, has turned into an offense that becomes a behavioral pattern everyone has done, is the reason why you need to put your foot down and since the principle of the matter and common sense has been neglected, reteach the class the examples and the basics of respect. The ugly truth, your not the only one they did that too, but now seen as the weakest link, the perception is you don’t have respect for yourself. If you don’t matter to them is the baby step on finding the courage to change.

I was naive to think that in a professional setting, these things don’t happen. Real talk, I understand the logic behind it. It’s still wrong and, once visible, makes those a hypocrite. When I first stared at Sprint, I thought it was the employees I managed. Come to find out. It was the makings of a toxic work environment as with every store. I had to prove I could be trusted. The one AE I referred to as Basic Betty in my book, screamed insecurity from the day I started. She couldn’t take a superficial no, constantly deflective, always vain using bragging about her weight loss, ever envious as people mocked her when she never got the acknowledgment that she assumed, forever took credit, and always perceived the staff for what they, in the end, nothing like she made them seem, and in her act of needing acceptance, permanently closed sales in unethical ways.

When a female came on board, her face would show her fear and intimidation, mostly when she was attractive. I already knew what she was about but played dumb as everyone had something to say and how she played dirty. One of those things was seducing an upper management staff and claiming it was sexual harassment. In every situation, she was always the victim. The advantage she had was she had numbers. And the tactic she pulled was already coached by my mentor back at TMobile that things went south, but I don’t take it personally. I was still learning and growing. But how can we stop someone stops something if we turn the other way? Once the execution is complete, it just creates a gateway that just makes more fear, which we now fall into a rabbit hole where change never happens, and running away is the safest thing to do once unethical action begins.

One of the hardest things to do on this journey is to let people learn for themselves. It’s harder not to protect someone from the things that the effects of their cause bring. I’ve had to walk away to avoid my self-sabotage purposely, but the emotional crutch that helped me get this point helped me master it in every experience. As going into the situations already has me knowing what to expect as regardless of the boundaries they continue to cross, you end up deciding that enough is enough. The same thing with romantic relationships, seeing it now, with every disappointment of not being the fairytale ending I use to perceive before the journey, I ended up drinking my sorrows away every day, coming home to an empty house filled with the traumatic events that took place. Changing my home setting didn’t change anything either; still, using that crutch always didn’t take the pain away. With every change came a different crutch. Along the way, I met people who genuinely cared about who I ghosted with every threat of presumed feeling they thought they were better than me. Which also helped in my crutch of staying busy, which in the current time turned into some sort of creative expression, which passive-aggressively helped me come to terms with what was happening at the moment and ended up turning into the domino effect that became The Journey of An Unraveled Road, which still a journey of constant growth within myself made me first started with an act of courage, the unconditional love from my dog Lucas, forgiveness within myself, and knowing that there was no right or wrong way. This domino ended up getting me through the beautiful disaster my life was compared to what I perceive made was way better than I gave it credit. It was not just my work, but the product of everyone who appeared in it, even if it was for a minute. Where strangers who cared shared a few gold nuggets and the ones who were also struggling to find their true selves invested time in this nobody that I called myself pre-journey. That because crutches, self-preservation, and the life we tried to make some accomplished and some failing proved that happiness we perceived is just settling for what we settle for. And that the reason we feel hope is gone, because satisfaction through the media and culture is measured by the material you gain and how together you appear. Which like what was said by a few riders after hearing my struggle, all admit that telling the truth about the trauma has done. They do to numb that pain labels them as psychotic and mentally unstable as the value of perception has hidden a family’s skeleton. It’s been hiding multiple to attain social norms.

The ugly truth is we all have an addiction that we can’t control. It’s the little white lies that we tell ourselves every day not to be guilty or be made out to be something that we are not. We are addicted to not facing confrontation. Even my grandmother, the saint who is prone to this too. It starts with something that’s already defected as in today’s case, my glasses that were already missing a screw and fell apart if you grab it from the eyeglass leg. Where asking her who broke my glasses made her say I don’t know how they work. This, for a second, upset me and just made me laugh in the end because after telling her they were already broken and just needed to tell me that it fell off, had her still covering the truth. Telling her if she just told me it would help fix the issue. Then telling my aunt I must admit to being in a bad mood and telling my aunt they were already broken and her now just smiling herself, saying she always does that. Just because we fib to dodge accountability doesn’t mean our behavioral pattern shows that it isn’t the things we are using. Because of my grandma in relief of not being judged. Because taking accountability and making an effort to change, instead of expecting people to adapt to us makes us guilty of being entitled. And with the examples I’ve experienced and my willingness to change for the absolute better, it starts breaking us out of the things that we do ourselves that were conditioned behaviors based on other people’s perceptions of what our lives should be. Because my experience, which in normal social norms would make me be deemed damage and broken, has demonstrated that even the misfit of society can change behavioral patterns, gain control of her life, and like the ones trying to prove their worth to the world, always in the social norm mentality try to do out an accomplishment I never intended to complete that gives a powerful message. Without even intending to share the stories that I experienced by those who knew better, I never got help from those same people. That the people who gave a shit were the same people that the world turned away and, in the best case, afforded them the success they hold that no matter how many white lies they tell themselves. It always results in not truly being happy with their lives and uncomfortable with themselves, thinking that in my moment of wrath that I have control of, I am a liability that can expose who they are. But with the lack of their self-control of not being able to control their emotions, avoid me as now being clear why the effects that occurred were only a consequence of their cause, disrespect me by disrespecting my boundaries. Because the only ones that helped me gain this logic were the worst-case scenario. Which crucified by their mistake due to so much grief, trauma, and the continued afflictions made by those same people who knew better deemed them worthless all because they had no emotional control of bottling up the things that they endured. The only thing difference between the two, those people who deemed themselves more valuable end up in the end better liars. This results in more and more damage and more and more trauma through, let’s just call it as it is verbal and emotional abuse. When faced with a misfit who had the upper hand, the start of commitment a fib that can lead to illegal activity. And in the moment of desperation, a crime to preserve the assets they gained and the perception they lied to get. And because now, finally standing up to these wrongdoers and sharing these experiences, calling bullshit to the ones that did them wrong, will always be deemed arrogant and vain because not only will they think that a published book will fill me with pride, another thing I gained control of, but those who think they know better that has done them wrong, will convince them and reassure them that because I don’t have the things they have, something must be wrong with me. And in that act, the misfits with no value to the world have sabotaged themselves in the worst way ever. Now under the wing, those people who started as good people are the demons caused by fear of losing their title, the assets, and the image they perceived, which is influence by someone on a higher tax bracket. Where originality is your mindset, as the journey has proven, begs the question, “Are we truly being brainwashed,” as many conspiracists believe. The truth is the only party that is guilty of brainwashing is ourselves. The influence we have on one another on the fantasy Wonderland pushes us down the rabbit hole of our demise. Being fearful of what is at stake. As Macklemore raps in the song “Glorious,” the world is truly in our hands. And that in the end, I wrote this book because, as he demonstrates in his personal and professional life, he always question one motive “did I look out for other people or did I do it all for fame?” Since this also has been told, it’s very controversial and was warned that I would get kickback not because of the content, because it makes you reflect on your true self and the things you’ve done. Which is why everyone deserves a fair chance of redemption. This isn’t meant to shame people. It’s meant to keep honest people as honest as they allow themselves to be on their terms. Because in this life where we feel like we have no control, the beauty is we do. Where thanks to my blogs and pointing out what I’ve done, face myself, and erase what I become as Linkin Park quotes, it helped a grieving mother begin to relive again, grieving in peace that the news refuses to update in her state due to the misjudgment they made and the lack of research they did which discredits their reputation. And a woman filled with the grief of a broken childhood almost losing her job for her manager in a convenient store with unprofessional demeanor got fired because after he seduced her and promised the world and a future which preyed on her vulnerability, retaliated against her because now finding someone else who he illegally gave alcohol to on the job, almost got fired after taking time to rationalize the pros and cons of the whole situation, preserved her job as the 18-year-old also was about to incriminate when she accidentally drank from the wrong cup and found out, there was alcohol. Both cases and what I made a mistake many times before waiting for something good to happen or someone to stand up for me, won’t happen in a dog eat dog world as everyone is trying to protect themselves. Where in each case, after resentment begins to take hold and wrath takes over, it leads to consequences that won’t save us when we face our final judgment in the afterlife. And in each situation revealed a trend of bad behavior and a history of degrading the value of others, not only helped them gain the courage to change but now are convinced that this book has no pressure or no gimmicks. This book has nothing additional product to invest other than the book and others to confirm that it’s effective in the stories told from others of different races, demographics, and economic backgrounds. Because the investment they will invest is in themselves, finding out that the person they devalued is priceless. Because in the end, we are all priceless. And the only motive I’ve had from the day I started this project that started as a journal turned published book is not only seeing people happy but seeing people empower themselves to be greater. This always drove me as a manager. And without the help of my very first mentor who talked about there are things that drive people, concerned that since I showed not to be money-driven. I was driven by seeing empower themselves when they did things they never thought they could do, led me to a career path that now is limitless.

Starting with likes from around the world on the blog post, to interactions with people including some celebrities that will be named nameless to protect their privacy and only reveal themselves on their terms, to long and in-depth conversations with psychologist asking for insight on how to handle a specific case to assure they help people even when emotions both on my end and their end because someone thinks they know better (I’m also prone to that at times) allows us to let the personal feelings go, and focus on what matters. The facts of the person, the scenario, the environment, the history, the triggers shown, and what is causing the behaviors. Is it truly something they did or something we did? Thanking me for helping them eliminate bias behavior, keeping the situation anonymous, and encouraging me to go to becoming a psychologist or life coach. Teaching me something and considering for material in my next book, that balance is not the only important in this journey, but what keeps us driven requires a healthy balance too. As my childhood developed a nature driver to help people, the driver that we create in many cases conditioned at an early age hinders ourselves from being something we do to self-sabotage ourselves in gaining something so many people never get the chance to feel. In my book, I reference it as the greatest love of all—the ability to find absolute and humbled self-love.

Featured

Appreciation of Unsung Heros

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In human nature, we are programmed in our emotions to take things for granted. We tend to focus much more on what we don’t have in life versus the things that we are blessed with. Which one of the everyday stuff that catches us off guard. Which amid; an uncontrollable factor by nature. Has many of us when stricken, with the concerns about the events that haven’t unfolded yet. As seeing my great aunt, one of many surrogate mothers of my life, going into the battle of two types of cancer makes me appreciate her strength much more than I ever have. I was one of the things that I admire about the most in her. In her battle with cancer. It’s how she diligently takes every single day blow and comes out of it with strength. As her battle with cancer, it’s probably one of the courageous things I’ve ever seen her do in my entire life.

Truth be told, no matter how much talent you have, and no matter how much you work towards that goal. People like me that come from the hood never get that chance. Where in all truth would’ve never happened if I didn’t push for that. And with the rejection and the unfairness that occurs.

Frieda lopez – Appreciation of Unsung Heros

I begin to see why things happened as they did. Being an independent entrepreneur as a writer helps me be able to be available for her during her care as I have taken the role of not only a full-time writer but also a full-time caregiver for my father. He, at the beginning of Covid, had a stroke. And at the end of the first wave finding out my aunt had two types of cancer. One being stage four and the other being staged two. Which truth be told, I don’t see my life stopped one bit. All the sacrifices they’ve made for me to attempt to gain the experience they felt I deserved had turned an opportunity before Covid that got me into the profession of writing. Which, in my wildest dreams, would never have imagined it would ever happen. Truth be told, no matter how much talent you have, and no matter how much you work towards that goal. People like me that come from the hood never get that chance. Where in all truth would’ve never happened if I didn’t push for that. And with the rejection and the unfairness that occurs. Well, never thought I would achieved that dreams. It would’ve stopped me in my tracks if I didn’t believe in myself, which makes me fart harder these days because my aunt is battling two types of cancers and having so much faith in herself that she’s going to make it. She fights every single day with so much courage and so much strength.

Ironically enough, as a kid. I was always raised to be a better version of myself that my family never achieved in themselves. However, I don’t see it that way. Because let me go football canoeing to allow me to spread my wings, finding the results out of an interview for a writing position in New York is something that they’re emotionally preparing for as it’s hard to walk away from my family. As I tell them repeatedly, things will happen for a reason, whether I get the position or not. At the end of the day if I don’t get it, I am just honored that I was considered for a writing position for this popular magazine. Which is a significant milestone, the way I see it, because I would never imagine I would interview for such a credible magazine such this one. Which also is something that I would never imagine happening in my lifetime.

But with all the sacrifices and the things that she’s provided overtime. Cordless of the mistakes that she may have made. Which I might add she also learned from an improved. There is no doubt that I wouldn’t be willing to go above and beyond as she’s done for me throughout my whole life.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – APPRECIATION OF UNSUNG HEROS

I was always raised never to have envy for anyone’s success, especially when it’s someone who comes from where you come from. Because even though it might not be your win, it’s a win in a bigger picture. As someone that comes from the same oppressed world that you live in is actually on their way for fighting a bigger fight that we all wish someone would fight for us. But the truth of the matter is we get blinded by the personal feelings we have when it’s not us. which in many situations ends up burning the bridges that we have to get away and out of that oppressed world that we feel trapped. We tend to be little, shame, and insult those who in their Hard work that has finally given a name for themselves. Which usually always comes with an epic battle. Which those who have pushed as hard as they have. I’ve probably gone through the most horrible experiences to get there. Which is true in my case. It wasn’t easy getting to where I got to. Which is another thing that we don’t take into consideration, is that everything that’s given to us can also be taken away. Especially with an ill intention by someone in on new world. What are the things out of our control which also includes terminal illness, we become a metaphoric deer in the headlights. Which if you think about it is this a shitty behavior when we kick those who are already down. But those with self-worth, self-respect, and self-sufficiency pretty always rise up from the ashes yet again. leaving those get again causing additional emotional traumas with the existing ones, to have those be left behind. Not because of the fact that they are being punished for the bad behavior. Because they have no intention of trying to gain that respect that they never had in their jealousy and insecurity. Which truth be told my aunt was very fearful of as she swore that she did many of us wrong. One of the most admirable thing, was that she initially didn’t want to go to the hospital because she did not want to be sick. Because she felt that she was going to be a burden on the rest of the family. But with all the sacrifices and the things that she’s provided overtime. Cordless of the mistakes that she may have made. Which I might add she also learned from an improved. There is no doubt that I wouldn’t be willing to go above and beyond as she’s done for me throughout my whole life.

Facing her fear in her own journey was probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen her do. As a horror stories that you hear in cancer treatments and chemotherapy, would have anyone saying I would rather die. Was at one point she did. Because of the fear that she seen someone else go through was the trigger that made Herbie. But the truth of the matter is seen her fight through it instilled more strengthen me in the journey yet to come. Which ultimately at the end of the day if I do get the position I wanna fight to work remotely. As one of the many blessings blessings that Covid has brought. Is the ability to work remotely and out of the office with many positions. Which in many cases, before Covid. This was definitely something that could’ve been done but has been embraced in the mindfulness of the employees that work for the company. As it shows empathy for many of their employees. Which understandably in some positions you may not get that luxury. Where when it’s all said and done you have to face your fear and just go for it. Which is something that she taught me in her cancer journey.

Seeing her go through her cancer treatments, it made me have so much more respect for those battling that currently. As one of the highlights of the day is going to the Start Center in San Antonio, TX. Which gives me the opportunity to bring some cheer in these cancer patients. Which you can’t do much in our COVID Era, but giving a smile, fist bump, and/or compliment to these patients makes the world of difference.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – APPRECIATION OF UNSUNG HEROS

I’ve never understood what cancer patients go through until I experienced it firsthand seen her fight every day. Or every day is a constant battle on staying alive with the already come promised immune system due to the cancer. But with an added compromising due to the chemotherapy. Which of course in her pride, she tells me to go right so I don’t see her suffer in pain. In the potential of moving to New York, the only advice she could say is that you have to go for it because you’ve been working your whole life did you something incredible and even though that you’re doing it on a small scale. It’s time for you to do it on a bigger scale. What are your talent and being able to trigger emotions and your writing is a gift that can’t be gone unnoticed. Which for me in my humble state I feel my writing is mediocre. However the consensus of many in the industry have shown that it’s a talent I underestimate. Which is probably why the doors are opening to be a potential professional writer for that only one credible magazine. But getting interview request for many other credible magazines. Which no matter what makes excuse I attempt to use, just like Houston. My family is going to push me out the nest to make sure I fulfill that they always felt I was meant to fulfill.

Seeing her go through her cancer treatments, it made me have so much more respect for those battling that currently. As one of the highlights of the day is going to the Start Center in San Antonio, TX. Which gives me the opportunity to bring some cheer in these cancer patients. Which you can’t do much in our COVID Era, but giving a smile, fist bump, and/or compliment to these patients makes the world of difference. The feeling of ackwoledgement and small talk make them feel that they are not in this alone. Which many of these patients feel shitty physically’ already. But by doing this, makes them feel that they truly are not alone. As the solitude in these treatments and have someone going through a traumatic event such as a terminal illness and now a pandemic. Becomes double trauma occurring all at once. Which in the end, empathy is key. Which learning from my newfound hero. Courage takes more than facing your fears. It takes forgiving others and putting your foot down.

One of the common things associated with this illness, is the fear of who their appearance looks. Which I always have to remind my great aunt that “Who cares how you look like to the world. You have enough going on. Who cares what others think or say. And if they say something, I will cut them.” Which of course I don’t mean that. Which she also knows. It’s a way to keep her spirits up with some dark humor. Which she begins to joke and say “As long as you don’t leave me out of the fun.”Which it brightens my day to see her smile during her tough days.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – APPRECIATION OF UNSUNG HEROS

Of course everyone has their moments. Which already living with a chronic or terminal illness is a trauma all on its own. You have moments when you feel hopeless. You feel like what is the point many times. But it’s a just a temporary lapse of emotion subsiding. Seeing how she handles the situation and how she fights, I wonder if I ever would have that fight in me, as Leukemia was something that was a potential death sentence that I was facing some time ago. Which kind of contained itself based on concerns and what my doctor told me during a followup a few months ago. Which my aunt’s little friend that she met gave her some bit of advice during her chemotherapy treatment which was “Don’t look at this as a death sentence.” Which after explaining to me, makes complete sense. Which is your body and mind have been proven in psychology to be untied as one. Which when stricken with doubt and hopelessness that has one fall in to depression. Your system begins to get weaker. And your body’s natural defenses begin to wither. Which is why we tend to keep her spirits up. With the unknown that she feels at times, I get it. It’s hard to keep that mindset 100% of the time. Which is why it’s important to encourage those to with cancer encouragement and attempt to make them realize that it’s okay to not be okay. Especially when they are fighting a huge fight already. One of the common things associated with this illness, is the fear of who their appearance looks. Which I always have to remind my great aunt that “Who cares how you look like to the world. You have enough going on. Who cares what others think or say. And if they say something, I will cut them.” Which of course I don’t mean that. Which she also knows. It’s a way to keep her spirits up with some dark humor. Which she begins to joke and say “As long as you don’t leave me out of the fun.”Which it brightens my day to see her smile during her tough days. But truth is she has more good days than bad. Where the truth of the matter is, she accept it. Where at first she felt sorry for herself. But seeing her come into her emotional power is one of the most beautiful and admirable things to see her do. Because no matter what happens and if she can’t be emotionally strong anymore. I will always remember her as being the bad ass she is today. Which remembering her at her best, which includes her current battle, I will always remember her that way. Which I have no doubt in my mind that she will beat this. Which to all those battling cancer or fighting cancer with someone. Keep your head up and don’t lose hope. You’re going to get through this too. Always know I may not be physically but I will always be there in spirit.

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Featured

Song of the Day

Lady Gaga – Always Remember Us This Way

It’s easy to take for granted the people in our lives. It’s human nature. But in the end regardless of the hurt and the pain that may subside in the people that leaves our lives. It’s most important to remember the good times we have with those who we hold dear in our heart. Which is why today’s song of the day Lady Gaga’s “Always Remember Us This Way.”

Featured

My Ride or Dies Forever

One of the things I’m most grateful for is my Abuela. The other day was talking, and one of the things that she said was, “we had some pretty awesome adventures together.” The truth of the matter is she has so much truth behind that logic. As a beginning adventure that we had together, it started pretty dramatically and Traumatic as it was a time where my father and my mother were battling for custody when I was three years old. Thankfully my maternal Abuela and she were terrific friends. As a free moment in time, my mom forbids my paternal family to see me. Which truth be told, my Abuela would sneak my paternal as well as and my paternal aunt in to spend time with me. I am over there is one point when we ended up having to hide them in the closet so my mom wouldn’t get mad. But they were young and dumb back then as both my parents, regardless of their mistakes, were pretty incredible in the end.

My Abuela’s both paternal and maternal they were pretty gangster. As they ended up threatening, my ex has been at one point in time, one handicapped in the nursing home with a ballpoint pen. And my Abuela ended up coming out with a shotgun telling him to test her patience and see what happens when he gets on her property, after going through a domestic violence situation that left me in the ER as I was pretty badly beaten. When shit hit the van in Houston, she was the first and probably only one who ended up hauling ass in a Greyhound bus to try to make sure that her baby girl is safe and well. She heard us. She did find me on the floor passed out due to mold poisoning that I got from my apartment complex. But after recovery, she ended up being lighthearted about the whole situation and made jokes, which inspired this TikTok video below.

The video that was inspired by the first introduction to Jennifer Lopez’s “Dinero.” Which during the first part of the chorus, had her immediately saying, “Pues trabaja trabaja trabaja.” The funny thing about the grandma character in this video reflects both my and my paternal I will be more prim and proper. What is the total opposite of what my maternal grandmother was? Which if you haven’t noticed already, I’m pretty straight forward and spoke her mind. Both of them slapped me when I was a bratty little shit at nine when I was rebellious as I told both of them that they weren’t my mom, and they couldn’t tell me what to do. Remembering my act of rebellion was to see how far I could test them, and let’s face it. It didn’t go so well. But one of the things that they both have in common with her strength and courage when it came down to it having to face impeccable doom or a terrible situation. Which if it wasn’t for my loudmouth and my bluntness, I’d be set in the relationship department due to my cooking skills.

My Abuela’s were always loving, but they had their savage moments. Which is why is what made me come up with “Abuela’s be like.” Now, based on the videos, they may appear abusive, but that is not the case. One of the lessons these incredible women both taught me was “never get your feelings hurt,” as they always instilled never to take things personally. Which for a while, I stopped doing as “sympathy” seemed to be the gateway of having people give me the attention that I felt I deserved. As I had so many internalized issues way back when. They also became their Achilles heels because they always attempted to do things on their own in pride. But one of the things that I learned in this is at the beginning of my journey, which I began to show examples of. Is that when people genuinely want to help you, you begin also to hurt someone’s feelings. 1. Because you are rejecting someone’s kindness, and 2. it hurts them to see you in the struggle you are going through. Which my paternal Abuela began to stop doing as we kind of struggle a little at the moment. Not by choice, but because both of us are challenged with two severely sick people. And the perception that everyone has is “you have a book being sold on Barnes and Noble, you not struggling?” But the naiveness that comes in that mentality is that “I am not having books flying off the shelves to make a six-figure income monthly that can afford the chemo treatments and the care my aunt needs as well as my dad’s aid that resulted to a stroke he had at the beginning of COVID.

One of the things that I love about these two women. One was looking over me from wherever she may be and the one who never has left my side no matter how shitty I could be. Was the ability to possess unconditional love. Which I tweaked a little to assure that those who had ill intention by setting boundaries. And forgiving, which not crucifying those who did me wrong on the cross, but also not to give me trust freely as I used to as those must earn the trust that I gave to them out of goodwill and the benefit of the doubt. Which is something my Abuela’s always told me to do but struggle with themselves. The truth is they got this far, but the journey was lonely and pretty degrading in the end. One of the happiest moments for my paternal grandmother was when we found out that my book was now part of the Barnes and Noble inventory. Because the heartbreak and the doubt I ended up almost getting in this journey was a hard one. Because the truth is those fake smiles and those congratulations came with a price.

I was having those expect me to fall on my face and not get anywhere with it. Which many of them say when they belittle and degrade me. Using insult to instill doubt, so the truth they have about me is a truth I accept. And many will assume that I may be codependent on my Abuela’s strength. Which the reality is my paternal Abuela will not be here forever. Which one thing she tells me daily, I know when I die. You will be okay. And when I join your Grandma J in the pearly gates, we both will be drinking Miller High Life and Old English, saying, “that’s our girl.”

Please leave any comments or feedback as they are much appreciated. Donations are also greatly appreciated. To not only help run the website, but to also get more un-biased stories like this one. As it helps provide appreciation for those willing to share their stories. In addition help spread hope to those in need.

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Featured

What Is Illusory Superiority

Photo by Todd Trapani on Pexels.com

Which if you think about it, it’s a positive perfect illusion of one’s own ability. Which is why psychologist these days feel that our survival instinct fails us these days. As the illusions we have in our overestimations in our abilities or qualities. Is the reason why we set ourselves for failure.

Frieda Lopez – What Is Illusory Superiority

While writing last nights blog, the lingering question that remained lingering “Why is it that people think that they are more superior that us?” For me it’s always been hard to see the skewed behaviors that many act on. As the truth of the matter is many who brag about the things they have one common behavior. They all crutch on something that leads to a insecurity. Which not many of them have the same events that occurred are not created equal. But one thing that I gather in these behaviors that somewhere in life they were “belittled in shame” which is why they engage in slander and insults. Which those who can’t let go of the past or “reflect.” As to them, this is an act of living in the past. It’s hard to maintain empathy for those people who act superior than us.

Which illusory superiority is a condition of cognitive bias wherein a person overestimates their own qualities and abilities, in relation to the same qualities and abilities of other people. Illusory superiority is one of many positive illusions, relating to the self, that are evident in the study of intelligence, the effective performance of tasks and tests, and the possession of desirable personal characteristics and personality traits.

One of the things that I remember reading about in my early studies was a superiority complex called “illusory superiority,” which is the first thing that popped up when I asked google to question “Why do people think they are better than us.” Which is grandiose. Which illusory superiority is a condition of cognitive bias wherein a person overestimates their own qualities and abilities, in relation to the same qualities and abilities of other people. Illusory superiority is one of many positive illusions, relating to the self, that are evident in the study of intelligence, the effective performance of tasks and tests, and the possession of desirable personal characteristics and personality traits. Which if you think about it, it’s a positive perfect illusion of one’s own ability. Which is why psychologist these days feel that our survival instinct fails us these days. As the illusions we have in our overestimations in our abilities or qualities. Is the reason why we set ourselves for failure.

Sakshi Shinde, one of my WordPress blogging peers ended up posting a blog named “You can’t talk butterfly language to Caterpillar” which shows a lot of relevance in my journey a long the way. https://wwwselflovee.wordpress.com/2020/11/05/you-cant-talk-butterfly🦋-language-to-caterpillar🐛-people/. Which she makes some very valid points in her blog post. As she also is a self efficacy influecer. Which in writing this blog, makes me realize something, that this is why my blogs never get anywhere. Because those that are still crawling on the ground, refuse to turn into a metaphoric butterfly. They are afraid of flying. Which a common phobia that many have is the fear of success. Not in a way that you think, but because of the fact that through that success. There is a lot of emoitonal pain that comes with it. And to be completely transparent, many are afraid to feel emotional pain. As success doesn’t come easy. It comes with responsibility. In addition with success comes shame, heartache, hearing no more than you expect, hearing that your work sucks (like in my case from those who don’t have credentialing), the act of those you value the most turning their back. As many people who dive in and end up hitting the ground running with the sacrifice of a lot of hard work they put in, becomes lonely. As many who succeed at first, end up having those around them develop the stigmas that those who succeed. End up assuming that successful person develops arrogance. Which the fear of rejection and the assumption that those successful premeditate the act of belittling, is a indication of fear. Which in the end, those who premeditate others to that. Will be the first to act on that behavior. As the idealism is “I’ll get you first before you get me.” Which in the end is setting yourself up for failure.

Which the term “borderline” is always looked in a negative way. As this is the pivotal point that you can control yourself in. You can either stop and reflect and get to know yourself better. Learning how to control it as finding your triggers and resolving those issues that can lead you to a that full fledge diagnosis.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – WHAT IS ILLUSORY SUPERIORITY

Many who have borderline grandiose hold a lot of resentment as I’ve noticed that they present. As many of my family members have shown in their behavior patterns. As many of them are too proud to admit that they need help every once in a great way. As when they lose control of things, they tend to show signs of hysteria. Which has many of them panic when things start slipping out of control. Which the dismissal of help that you tend to offer is never good enough. As many of them in their temporary grief say “I am tired of living this life.” Which is a moment of weakness as they all show to be appreciative of the things they have. Even if it’s the things they need and not what they want. The truth is this act is not an act of not being unappreciative, it’s just a sign that they are trying to sort things out in their own way. Which the acts that they commit never go punished. As although they might just get tired of hearing the things that they should be doing in an act of stubbornness. Which once they realize the bad behavior, they always apologize in the end. And because we have a mutual respect, have stopped crucifying the mistakes I learned from. As it was a long and frustrating process, they learned to not use things against me that I have no intention of acting on again. Which the term “borderline” is always looked in a negative way. As this is the pivotal point that you can control yourself in. You can either stop and reflect and get to know yourself better. Learning how to control it as finding your triggers and resolving those issues that can lead you to a that full fledge diagnosis. Or like many people. Will engage in it more. All for the sake of gaining the sympathy and attention they long for from people. Which in many cases becomes a lonely existence. As with everything in it’s hype, will end as soon as the hype is over. And people do what they need to do to subside the guilt they have for not being there. Making those who have the idealism that “If I am sick, people will care,” will end not being their through the entire ride and trauma that many terminal illnesses bring. As people only come at the most major points in someone’s illness. Where beating a terminal illness, made me realize that no one came to my aid. Except for my family in points and moments. Which is the best thing they could do. Because it eliminated the act of making me “feel sorry for myself” and made me fight harder. As one of the biggest fears many people have is “dying alone.”

And knowing that they actually support you with what they have humbly and without insult. It’s the best thing you can ever get. Especially when it’s help with no underlying conditions or motive.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – WHAT IS ILLUSORY SUPERIORITY

Illusory Superiority makes sets us up for many dissapointments. As it makes us assume a positive outcome based on the things we boast ourselves in. We assume that people with stop their lives to come to our aid. And it’s a hard to pill to swallow when we don’t see those stop in their tracks to help us out. Not because they can’t. But because it’s an unrealistic mentality to have. As many people have their own problems they are sorting out. Which I always attempt to show I am being supportive, even if it’s just a phone call. Where those who are unappreciative. Will not be satisfied with the gesture as they fill their head with unrealistic expectations that surrounds your actions around them. Which many of them begin to assume the reasons why you don’t care. Which in many cases goes with no empathy on the things that you are going through. As “I am sorry you’re going through that” is the universal fix all to the majority of people. Which I am also guilty of doing that myself at one point in time. But the truth of the matter is, you have to stop thinking about yourself and think about others with limits and boundaries. Because in the end showing support for someone is not all about boosting egos and providing financial support to someone who is in a bad situation. Because the truth is in the end, in order for you to get out of a situation. You have to separate illusory superiority and realize that we all are going through something. And when people can afford the support, you have to be apprecative of the things you get when someone gives. Because the truth is 1.00 is better than nothing. And knowing that they actually support you with what they have humbly and without insult. It’s the best thing you can ever get. Especially when it’s help with no underlying conditions or motive.

Please leave any comments or feedback as they are much appreciated. Donations are also greatly appreciated. To not only help run the website, but to also get more un-biased stories like this one. As it helps provide appreciation for those willing to share their stories. In addition help spread hope to those in need.

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Featured

The Bittersweet Lessons of Trauma

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

However, in many cases, even if a fresh wound of trauma is inflicted. Those who survive it will never be victimized as they know that they will get through it once again. As they’ve done before over and over again.

Frieda Lopez – The Bittersweet Lessons of Trauma

Many people would assume that people with inflicted trauma victims. Although many of them have experienced issues that have gone on a result, not all are victims. Many people who have survived hate to be deemed as victims as the sympathy of what they’ve gone through is probably what irks him the most as this is a conditioned behavior that many use taking sympathy. However, in many cases, even if a fresh wound of trauma is inflicted. Those who survive it will never be victimized as they know that they will get through it once again. As they’ve done before over and over again.

Whether it be something I learned, good people I met along the way, or overcoming something that I never thought I would ever do. Which truth of the matter is, knowing that I’ve survived a lot and have overcome a lot without fear and doubt. It makes me realize that there is nothing I can’t conqueror.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

At first, impression, if I asked about my life. Many will immediately sympathize with me based on the experiences that I’ve gone through throughout my life. Ironically enough, it’s those Traumatic moments that are ever so bittersweet as those moments have made me stronger than I ever expected. Resolving those issues has made me face more fear than I could ever imagine. Because in the grief of everything that could ever go wrong, there has always been a light at the end of the tunnel or something to be grateful about. Whether it be something I learned, good people I met along the way, or overcoming something that I never thought I would ever do. Which truth of the matter is, knowing that I’ve survived a lot and have overcome a lot without fear and doubt. It makes me realize that there is nothing I can’t conqueror. Living in Houston was probably one of the most extraordinary things I could ever do. Despite all the horrible things that happened. Like sexual assault, discrimination, sexual harassment, and other things. The positive that I came out of that was my ability to stop being naive. Because a lot of the things that I’ve written about impasse blogs and in my book are all things that happen in real life. We’re in San Antonio, Texas. It’s hard to believe that these things happen in real life as it usually doesn’t happen. Or many of the people in San Antonio protects one another and deflect the realities that occur. Especially in families.

I guess part of that was neglecting the fact that this never happened in San Antonio. Or after looking back at some of the job experiences I had, I should have seen the signs that I was also discriminated against in my hometown. I just never wanted to notice.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

As my family attempted to protect me from every bad thing that the world has to offer. This is why I am more than likely because they tried to stop me from moving to Houston when I first got the opportunity. After facing my fears and facing the impeccable doom that occurred in Houston, slowly but surely began to bring to light some of the Traumatic experiences that both my grandmother, my aunt, and my father experienced. The ultimate reason they wanted me not to move to use and avoid the trauma that discrimination brings emotionally. Which was a huge reality check for me. As I never thought this would ever happen in my lifetime. I guess part of that was neglecting the fact that this never happened in San Antonio. Or after looking back at some of the job experiences I had, I should have seen the signs that I was also discriminated against in my hometown. I just never wanted to notice. I still made me come to terms with one of the most traumatic experiences in my life that I thought I resolved a long time ago, which was the loss of one Carlos, my hat, and my college sweetheart who died after the midst of 911 as a squad got bombed in an unforeseen attack, which I found out while I was finalizing a wedding dress choice at Alfred Angelos. Which now realizing that Jonathan King, and my upcoming fiction based series “The RideShare Chronicles“ is everything that he used to be when he was alive. And although it brings tears to my eyes sometimes. It’s the memory of him and all the great times that put a smile on my face when grief sets in. Because if he saw me now. He would say, just leave Donna thinking that was in my fiction series “yay. You got your powers.”

Which controlling the controllable that you possess vital when facing your fears and your demons. Which for the longest time, I lied to myself, saying that I was doing. Send and making excuses that “I’m picking and choosing my battles.”

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

What are the things that I realized when are used to be naïve? Is that I gave too many people the benefit of the doubt that I never should’ve as red flags were waving way before the impeccable occurred. Which truth of the matter is it was the excuses a maid to justify their destructive behaviors in the gray area that I always tolerated. But at the end of the day, that should’ve been a warning sign as a behavioral pattern that you’ve displayed previously, along with the reputation that they held should’ve been enough to suffice that this was the truth. Which controlling the controllable that you possess vital when facing your fears and your demons. Which for the longest time, I lied to myself, saying that I was doing. Send and making excuses that “I’m picking and choosing my battles.”

No matter what you gain in life or what you have, that insecurity still haunts you in the end. This is ultimately why I feel a lot of celebrities turn to drugs and commit suicide.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

As someone who doesn’t possess mutual respect for somebody should be the ultimate reason, you fight back. Because if you look at the behavioral pattern of that individual, they will show that they have a history of doing the same act. This brings truth to the term “history repeats itself.” I don’t think that it’s intended, as they are trying to fill a void that they don’t have fulfilled yet—using emotional crutches and, in severe cases, chemical crutches to numb the pain that they avoid feeling. But the truth of the matter is is that it always follows you. No matter what you gain in life or what you have, that insecurity still haunts you in the end. This is ultimately why I feel a lot of celebrities turn to drugs and commit suicide.

As one of the common naïve idealism that social norms have conditioned us to believe is that temporary self-gratification is the key to making things go away. At the end of the day, that feeling that you have never goes away. Which resort to drinking till you’re not or doing hard-core drugs just to take that pain away. But it never goes away, not because you can’t make it go away. It’s because you choose not to.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

Like many in a deep depression because of those unresolved issues they have in the world, telling them that they have no reason to feel that way as they have everything that money can buy. Proving that money can’t buy everything as life gets more problematic in that situation as you can’t determine who’s your real friend or not and who gently wants to be around you for you and not for the things you have or that you can give. As one of the common naïve idealism that social norms have conditioned us to believe is that temporary self-gratification is the key to making things go away. At the end of the day, that feeling that you have never goes away. Which resort to drinking till you’re not or doing hard-core drugs just to take that pain away. But it never goes away, not because you can’t make it go away. It’s because you choose not to. As those who care about you and your best interest will tell you to the blue in the face and then walk away because there’s so much that they can do. Because in the end, we always tell ourselves, “we know better.“

Because in a guilty conscience, someone will point the finger and throw you under the bus for something that they indeed are. It’s not intentional, I feel. It’s just an act of self-preserving something that they worked hard to perceive to the world around them.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

Publishing a book with something I never imagine whatever happened to me because I was wallowing in my sorrow’s beating myself up from the perceptions that others would see me. Not because I was truthfully what they perceived. It’s because they deflect the insecurities that they had on me. Which psychology will always tell you the flexion is the reflection of someone’s insecurities. Which many of those individuals who made it seem like I was the bad guy. In the end, I always ended up being that person to be accused of causing trouble and pain. Because in a guilty conscience, someone will point the finger and throw you under the bus for something that they indeed are. It’s not intentional, I feel. It’s just an act of self-preserving something that they worked hard to perceive to the world around them. Which for me, I never take anything personal as most people will say. Because I defend myself when someone attempts to disrespect me emotionally and mentally, or the deflection that comes in the life that they tell themselves is that they’re getting the best of me.

As in their actions, you realize that they can’t be trusted. And many of those cases when people are not willing to work on building that trust once again, it’s a never-ending circle jerk where they attempt to accuse you of being something that you aren’t all for the sake of trying to protect their ego and self perception.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

In many cases, in pride and when someone is not willing to stop their actions, it has me revealing every traumatic event that happened to them in life and childhood, which in the end could’ve all been avoided if they just respected boundaries that I attempted to establish and that I tried to contain, which unfortunate thing about the situation is that we pride sets in. They feel unwanted or unworthy when you turn your back on them because they prove that they cannot respect you as the entitlement they have does not allow them to gain the respect that. As in their actions, you realize that they can’t be trusted. And many of those cases when people are not willing to work on building that trust once again, it’s a never-ending circle jerk where they attempt to accuse you of being something that you aren’t all for the sake of trying to protect their ego and self perception. Were trying to have others turn your back on you is a common thing that people are fearful of. It’s not a fear that one has when they can stand on their own two feet. It has a lot to do because they have self-respect for themselves. And a lot to do with respecting themselves to take out the equation of toxic people but only come in to bring you down. And initially, what happens in that scenario, they attempt to use the trauma that you can fight in them to make others think the worst of you. Which just goes deeper into the deception and the ability to trust someone when they genuinely need help.

But it’s one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done for myself. As those insecurities that used to subside and are no longer the ghosts of my past. O faced my scary monsters. And although I may never trust somebody that refuses to build that trust they broke, I will never take anything personally or hold it against them.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

One of the things that we must realize is that internalizing emotions will always get the best of us. Internalizing the Traumatic events in our lives make us into people that we don’t want to be. Where the resentments and the heat that comes with it just makes us engage in the same behaviors that those who inflicted those traumas create. Which is why we must resolve those issues and let go of the past. It’s very hard, don’t get me wrong. But it’s one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done for myself. As those insecurities that used to subside and are no longer the ghosts of my past. O faced my scary monsters. And although I may never trust somebody that refuses to build that trust they broke, I will never take anything personally or hold it against them. As the truth of the matter is in resolving my own internalized issues, I realize we all have something we’re all trying to make sense of. What if you genuinely think about it? It’s a beautiful thing as this is something that made me realize that we’re not truly ever alone in dealing with these unresolved issues. People always say that they’re OK to put it aside and to make others think that they have it together. But the truth of the matter is, many of them live in an emotional prison that keeps them from reaching the potential that they have. Which is something I always see in people. But that truth will never come out as the pride they consist is hiding another fear, which is the fear of being vulnerable. And you have to admit. People have every right to these days as it’s hard not to feel like he will be crucified on the cross for a mistake that you can learn from.

As I fell for the excuses and made up excuses for their bad behavior when they were wrong. And although they may end up thinking that they got the best of me, the truth of the matter is I’m still standing and stronger than ever. As many of those who purposely inflicted harm and much more worse emotional situation than me.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

With the Fuckery of my life and the trauma that I experienced. It’s hard to believe that someone inflicted with so much pain can have this sort of mentality. In my honest opinion, I feel that it’s the gratitude that I have for still being alive. Because many situations could have gotten worse and potentially cause my life by the intentions of someone who, in the end, had intentional, in all honesty, I feel like I may have enabled that person from doing more harm than expected to. As I fell for the excuses and made up excuses for their bad behavior when they were wrong. And although they may end up thinking that they got the best of me, the truth of the matter is I’m still standing and stronger than ever. As many of those who purposely inflicted harm and much more worse emotional situation than me. Because in pride and entitlement they can never see the light. And they will always make excuses for the things by using victimhood to have a reason why they can do that. which brings to light a new theory in psychology which is empathy biased. Which is a bias that stems from being selfish and thinking of our own pain versus the pain that we inflict to others.

That pain is meant to be temporary. Which those who choose to resolve those issues, will have you end up just being part of a past that they were in brace and grow from forever.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

How will we ever get to the point where we have a quality and will not be judged for the things that we can learn from? We’re just going to jail makes you into a criminal and having one discretion can make you into the biggest villain in anyone’s life. I end this by saying, how are you going to get the treatment you want, when you can’t treat people the same way they deserve.“ Which in the end is the reason why I feel that many of us never get out of the predicament we are in. Because in the end we continue to choose to live in the past and hold onto a pain. That pain is meant to be temporary. Which those who choose to resolve those issues, will have you end up just being part of a past that they were in brace and grow from forever. which in pride, is why we never get the help that we really deserve.

Please leave any comments or feedback as they are much appreciated. Donations are also greatly appreciated. To not only help run the website, but to also get more un-biased stories like this one. As it helps provide appreciation for those willing to share their stories. In addition help spread hope to those in need.

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COVID Depression – How COVID-19 Brought the Worst Out Society

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Which many will not question the turn of events for many reasons. Some because of the fact that it doesn’t affect them. Other’s because they are hardcore followers and believe everything that they are hearing. Others because they refuse to see the reality of what’s going around in the world around them. Not seeing those around them being affected. And those affected by the infection, find reasons that the infection was contracted by the advisement of scientist.

Frieda Lopez – COVID Depression – How COVID-19 Brought the Worst Out Society

As we know as it happens all to often is that we are not told the entire story of what is happening in the era of COVID-19. Where many people that are involved with COVID relief have yet to be transparent or direct with the general public. Some out of their control and some intentionally. All for the sake of not looking like a failure. Which many will not question the turn of events for many reasons. Some because of the fact that it doesn’t affect them. Other’s because they are hardcore followers and believe everything that they are hearing. Others because they refuse to see the reality of what’s going around in the world around them. Not seeing those around them being affected. And those affected by the infection, find reasons that the infection was contracted by the advisement of scientist. Which common sense would say any respiratory sickness can be an airborne contraction. As only those airborne viruses that are made to affect the respiratory track. Will be infected when the virus is breathed in.

Where those who assumed the “brand new me” was a facade for a girl who was attempting to gain pity in the wake of me sharing my story. That we all get conditioned just to say, “I am sorry you went through that” when writing “Journey of an Unraveled Road.” Where if you’re not a Trump supporter, you’re an idiot. If you take precautions amid COVID, you’re conformist.

Frieda Lopez – COVID Depression – How COVID-19 Brought the Worst Out Society

Let’s face it. This year has brought the worst out of many people, even in our closest of circles. It’s hard not to let the worst get out of us sometimes if you think about it. All the sake of choosing sides. Where I have ended friendships for the disrespect that they reciprocate. Whether showing some sort of sigh of jealousy that the writing venture has taken off to things I never could imagine they would. As this has been a new venture, I began in 2019 that I just stayed consistent with. Some will ask, “Why do I know this?” Because of an early congrats, I posted on Facebook that a few only liked. I was giving first congratulations to the applicant that gets the role of freelance writer for a major magazine publishing company. Where for me, just getting an invite to apply was a win. Where those who assumed the “brand new me” was a facade for a girl who was attempting to gain pity in the wake of me sharing my story. That we all get conditioned just to say, “I am sorry you went through that” when writing “Journey of an Unraveled Road.” Where if you’re not a Trump supporter, you’re an idiot. If you take precautions amid COVID, you’re conformist. Where in the end, the Bandwagon Effect and other manipulation tactics have reached an all-time high. And those who were cocky to think Trump had a repeat of 2016 are getting desperate in trying to convince those who already made up their mind, and some already even voting to continue to sway them to change their mind.

That if some that were close read my book, I would realize that it’s the brand new me I always but was afraid to be. And that knowledge I now have boundaries. Have zero tolerance for those attacks. And if they would not live in the past and omit pride and cockiness from their persona.

Frieda Lopez – COVID Depression – How COVID-19 Brought the Worst Out Society

In my circle through social media, I have been belittled, shamed, insulted, and disrespected the way our President has, with only one difference. Defending myself from the attacks where everyone assumes they are pushing a button when the truth is, I am defending myself from attacks that they started. Based on stigmas, assumptions, stereotyping, and a bunch of other destructive behaviors that they picked up by our President. When I strike a nerve or retreat. Saying one common thing. That I think I know “everything.” Which is false. Which is fake news. Which in the presence of a fault. I will admit my wrongdoing. That if some that were close read my book, I would realize that it’s the brand new me I always but was afraid to be. And that knowledge I now have boundaries. Have zero tolerance for those attacks. And if they would not live in the past and omit pride and cockiness from their persona.

As in their failure to self improve and take my advice on a book I gifted. The behaviors that they present have been behaviors they have been engaging in their whole lives. And with some of those people I tolerated, it is a true blessing in disguise. Which no judgment to any of them. Because despite those destructive behaviors, they indeed are good people.

Frieda Lopez – COVID Depression – How COVID-19 Brought the Worst Out Society

Would have the ability to be friends by showing that they can be trusted once again. But like always, pride get’s in the way of everything. And that ghosting me would be a form of punishment, which is a sign of narcissist behavior. That my genuine call just to check on their wellbeing was all I attempted to do, especially after writing this blog series. But the God truth is that they are doing me a favor. As in their failure to self improve and take my advice on a book I gifted. The behaviors that they present have been behaviors they have been engaging in their whole lives. And with some of those people I tolerated, it is a true blessing in disguise. Which no judgment to any of them. Because despite those destructive behaviors, they indeed are good people. Trying to sort out all the bullshit they have dealt with in their life. But why go against someone who genuinely cared about your wellbeing. Even in the worst of their times. And going through what I went through with no one in sight, I should be the one upset in the end. But the truth is, I am not. Because without them, I learned how to stand on my own two feet, embracing the real power of one.

But in the pity party that came from empathy bias, began saying “they don’t know” which is a oxymoron as many of these nurses fought to resesistate many of these left for dead patients and advocate to give them a chance to live. While many of them became independent contractors to become COVID nurses to become home health care providers as they could empathize a lot more with the patients that become permanently paralyzed.

Frieda Lopez – COVID Depression – How COVID-19 Brought the Worst Out Society

I began this blog series as one of the things that I saw in these nurses is the emotional trauma they went through as it was a way to hep them come to terms with their experience. I saw empathy bias unfold with the last messenger message I ended up engaging in where I was told “You think you know everything” and “You have haven’t even visited me” as he was a person who I was pacing for when I found out that he got COVID. Which every attempt to speak with him and arrange to see him was always deflected with “I need time to myself” Which how can I go see him if I am respecting his wishes. Which finding out he was handicapped was a shock to me and made me want to see him more. But in the pity party that came from empathy bias, began saying “they don’t know” which is a oxymoron as many of these nurses fought to resesistate many of these left for dead patients and advocate to give them a chance to live. While many of them became independent contractors to become COVID nurses to become home health care providers as they could empathize a lot more with the patients that become permanently paralyzed from COVID. Which in his deflection of shitty demeanor, made his stereotypes and as behavior patterns are consistent and knowing him since high school, ended the attempt to aim for the jugular which my sign to stop was saying “you sound like you’re Trump supporting mother,” which came out automatically. Which was a sign that I needed to end it before it got worst.

Which truth of the matter is, why go against the people you associate with in everyday life, over someone you will only be able to shake hands with if you’re lucky. You won’t have brunch, breakfast, lunch, or dinner with these candidates. Why show your die hard devotion to someone who you never may meet.

Frieda Lopez – COVID Depression – How COVID-19 Brought the Worst Out Society

We all have similar stories ie this through this pandemic. We see the selfish demeanor everyday. Where the Karen’s of 2020 are low key afraid of everything. Which the stereotypes they hold have fear. You have Trump supporters fearful out of their minds with the fear manipulation Trump throws at them. Believing everything he says. Having some unfortunate supporters inject them self with toxic chemicals and refers to it as a joke. Which if he was really sorry, he would told the families directly he was sorry in the debate. Purposely drawing a line and taking no accountability of the actions that he has done. Which the truth of the matter, someone who is truly sorry would take actions to gain redemption from the wrongs he has committed. Having him become a hypocrite, which many of his followers enable. Which shows a metaphorical trauma bond as one of the characteristics of trauma bond victims is that they tend to do something even if they feel or know it’s wrong. All for the sake of making their capture hard. In the end it’s emotional kidnapping in the end. Which truth of the matter is, why go against the people you associate with in everyday life, over someone you will only be able to shake hands with if you’re lucky. You won’t have brunch, breakfast, lunch, or dinner with these candidates. Why show your die hard devotion to someone who you never may meet. And for that matter. What are you going to do in 2024 when the rat race in politics are over. If you look at your inner circle and see those who stuck around for your hardcore devotion that in a battle of who’s dick is bigger; who can you truly confide in? If that is lingering question that remains. It might be time to re-evaluate your inner circle.

Please leave any comments or feedback as they are much appreciated. Donations are also greatly appreciated. To not only help run the website, but to also get more un-biased stories like this one. As it helps provide appreciation for those willing to share their stories. In addition help spread hope to those in need.

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Featured

The Aftermath of COVID

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Making me wonder, if this virus might be a parasitic virus. As that microbiologist in me, makes me wonder what exactly is going on with this advance mutation of the common flu virus.

Frieda Lopez – The Aftermath of COVID

There is a lot that is still has yet to be discovered about COVID. Taking a step into the emotional part of what COVID has created which is a metaphoric “trauma bond” as many of those abusers have used this as leverage as way to trap their attackers, people have also been dealing with the reality that is has brought to us. With this virus ever evolving. First being a respiratory illness. To attacking the lungs, having some people that has contracted this virus, from complications on the epidermis. Which is the largest organ in the body as COVID Toes are one of the symptoms that occurs during this pandemic. But a most recent breakthrough is that it now highjacks the brain. The way a parasite does. Hijacking one brain cell and reproducing more cells killing off the organic brain cells in the human brain and replacing them with the host cell. Making me wonder, if this virus might be a parasitic virus. As that microbiologist in me, makes me wonder what exactly is going on with this advance mutation of the common flu virus.

The government doesn’t have to impose in that rhetoric. As humans do that on their own voluntarily. Where conspiracy theorist with blood on their hands don’t take any accountability for it.

Frieda Lopez – The Aftermath of COVID

There is hope as the flu virus was once a pandemic at one point. Where people also died from the flu virus like many mention. But I feel it’s the hype that most extreme conspiracy theorist trended that vaccines are a ploy for population control. Which if you ask me, the government doesn’t have to impose in that rhetoric. As humans do that on their own voluntarily. Where conspiracy theorist with blood on their hands don’t take any accountability for it. And although their is a lot of advancement in homeopathic remedies, not all of those homeopathic remedies will cure an incurable disease. Which if that was the case, many of those in earlier times would have a longer life expectancy that 34 in the 1800’s. Which microorganisms tend to evolve way more faster than plant organisms. As the reason being is plants have to adapt to the new world that microorganisms thrive in and go through trial and error on how to survive in the new environments. Which also proves that the balance we think is secure, isn’t. Which one act of nuclear winter, although some plants may survive in this scenario, it won’t adapt quick enough to keep humanity alive.

In the interviews the shocking consensus was that 70% of medical staff were skeptical about the virus. When the virus went AWOL, and was in our reality, almost 35% of these staff members went from skeptic to hysteric. Leaving the field altogether. while the rest of the 70% of hysterics remained. Having 30% of those still working in the COVID units and avoiding patients by sending in lower totem pole staff members to risk their lives in a systematic chain of command. Having those exposed having a death rate of 30% when contracted with the virus. While it’s still a mystery as to what pre-existing conditions the virus thrives on. While confirming that diabetes, autoimmune deficiency disorders, and heart disease is one of the confirmed diseases it attacks. With the new accounts that it attacks the brain, there are a few undeterminable variables the staff questioned. As many of these patients had moment of extreme psychosis on their final days.

In the interviews the shocking consensus was that 70% of medical staff were skeptical about the virus. When the virus went AWOL, and was in our reality, almost 35% of these staff members went from skeptic to hysteric. Leaving the field altogether. while the rest of the 70% of hysterics remained. Having 30% of those still working in the COVID units and avoiding patients by sending in lower totem pole staff members to risk their lives in a systematic chain of command.

Frieda Lopez – The Aftermath of COVID

Mental illness is one pre-existing condition that staff members feel is one of the conditions it thrives in. As the will to fight and live were crucial in the recovery of COVID. Where those already with onset depression nearly had a 99.2% survival rate when they came in with signs of depression. Which is why I feel that the virus has evolved to highjack the brain. Many can lie and keep this image that they truly are not depressed. Which do you in the end. But you can’t lie to a virus that can map the brain and determine that the way your wired has no indication of depression. Which talking to a nurse about my early experience with it back in November and being taken off of depression medications after resolving my traumas. Was the saving grace I had to beat the virus. Where those who survive it and have no signs of onset symptoms more than likely harvest the antibody. As those individuals adapted to a virus that occurred. But this is of course mere speculation. But if you been following my blogs and being presented, one could say I am on to something. As behavioral patterns and trends that I notice hold the keys to how things will play out. And I dare you to read some of the things and fact check my articles. As many of these are theories that I developed writing the “Journey of an Unraveled Road” begin to show truth or developments that play on to the things I write about. The truth is it’s not plagiarism. It’s the idealism that great minds think alike. Because there are more out there who notice these patterns as well. Which maybe everything is a pattern if you think about it. But like I say in these theories, do you in the end. Because you can only do so much to enable prevention. But the truth is you can’t save everyone. Because the truth is, maybe not everyone is meant to be saved. Not because they don’t deserve to live. But because skepticism has taken over. And no matter what you do, in skepticism, you’re always a stereotype that has no validation.

Mental illness is one pre-existing condition that staff members feel is one of the conditions it thrives in. As the will to fight and live were crucial in the recovery of COVID. Where those already with onset depression nearly had a 99.2% survival rate when they came in with signs of depression.

Frieda Lopez – The Aftermath of COVID

Please leave any comments or feedback as they are much appreciated. Donations are also greatly appreciated. To not only help run the website, but to also get more un-biased stories like this one. As it helps provide appreciation for those willing to share their stories. In addition help spread hope to those in need.

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Featured

The Emotional Aftermath of Frontline COVID Staff

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Which was what these staff members would selflessly do in those last moments that these patients had on their final hours of this ever-mutating disease.  Many of these staff members would risk feelings of pride; in some cases, their jobs show these patients that they are not alone.  Which if in the scenario, you were to contract the disease in the present that no one cared. 

Frieda Lopez – The Emotional Aftermath of Frontline COVID Staff

One of the most challenging things that any of these everyday heroes who care about a patient’s well-being is not being there for a dying patient as the demand of an understaffed COVID.  I couldn’t help fight back the tears on one of the most disturbing accounts in the interview.  Which was what these staff members would selflessly do in those last moments that these patients had on their final hours of this ever-mutating disease.  Many of these staff members would risk feelings of pride; in some cases, their jobs show these patients that they are not alone.  Which if in the scenario, you were to contract the disease in the present that no one cared.   You would spend the last days with no comfort, dying alone in a quarantined room, where the most disturbing account was when a nurse and a tech was instructed not to listen to the painful cries of a patient who needed help, which is one report. The patient died in a matter of minutes when they were assigned to the COVID unit and the other four hours into the shift as the patient was needy and dramatic.  Those staff members who have no empathy for their patients, coughing in pain, say they need to get over it.  

  It ends up getting additional demise from the selfish acts of social norms.   In one account, the comment that was made, which was “Let Darwin Theory take of the lives of these entitled, selfish assholes.  They are the reason why this pandemic doesn’t decease” comes from the theories that I have regarding the “Bandwagoning Effect” that many people think.

Frieda Lopez – The Emotional Aftermath of Frontline COVID Staff

         Being a psychology major, I can see where this resentment develops from.  As work-life is COVID driven.  Many of these staff members can careless and selfish acts of the general population showing no respect in their selfish actions of not taking these precautions.  Of not wearing masks.  It ends up getting additional demise from the selfish acts of social norms.   In one account, the comment that was made, which was “Let Darwin Theory take of the lives of these entitled, selfish assholes.  They are the reason why this pandemic doesn’t decease” comes from the theories that I have regarding the “Bandwagoning Effect” that many people think.  Which commonly come from the “Trump” supporters who still believe that this will go away. Considering everything the President says.  I am not going to blame the President for these “acts of carelessness.” Because not all Trump supporters feel that way as many of them take precautions to safeguard them from the unknown of what is true and what is not.  Which those gullible to believe something that is said by someone with no credentialing in the field.  Many of them will say, “Who are you to advise psychology” are the same one listening to someone who is just going by hearsay, which breaks my heart.

As in one situation, a person I know who contracted COVID.  Who lives with a family member who is a die-hard “Trump” supporter.  Still refuses to wear a mask because it’s not proven that a cover will protect them from it.  Which seeing feeds before “Trump” is in office.  Showed a behavioral pattern of living a life in denial, which makes me wonder.  How the person surviving COVID feels.  And they are already being put in a situation where it’s easy for them to be kicked out.  Suffers in silence, living in fear.  Wondering.  Will I survive this next infection if I get COVID again?  

The extreme request on only switching out this equipment when it’s soiled.  It makes me concerned about the other diseases that a patient may also contract in a situation where gowns are used repeatedly until it becomes soiled as MRSA or the Super Bug can too be caught in these scenarios along with pneumonia and the flu.  With a patient already haven’t a lower than average immune system while infected with COVID. 

Frieda Lopez – The Emotional Aftermath of Frontline COVID Staff

 Many of these nurses talk about one thing that bothered me in this scenario.  The tight inventory they ran with the PPE’s or what is referenced as Personal Protection Equipment, was seeing a logical reason for it makes sense.  The extreme request on only switching out this equipment when it’s soiled.  It makes me concerned about the other diseases that a patient may also contract in a situation where gowns are used repeatedly until it becomes soiled as MRSA or the Super Bug can too be caught in these scenarios along with pneumonia and the flu.  With a patient already haven’t a lower than average immune system while infected with COVID.  If you visited a relative with open wounds, are told to change gowns every time to avoid any additional infections the patient can contract.  Two and two together show that the patient’s best interest is not kept in the best part.  Which, to me, seems premeditated as the patient automatically deemed as not surviving.  

Another thing that I found extremely concerning was the consideration for these workers that were given.  As to not be so negative, as Wuhan announced the COVID virus, most of these facilities were quick to take precautions and preparations in a worst-case scenario even if many of the staff didn’t agree that it was going to turn into a pandemic.  I have to commend them for taking a proactive approach as the world wasn’t entirely prepared for what was about to happen.  However, depending on the leadership during the pandemic showed a lack of empathy for many of these patients.  As many with pre-existing high-risk conditions were given a hard time wearing a mask as the protocol for making masks mandatory didn’t go into effect about the third week of March.  Many of these workers were in fear of their lives while working these units, wondering if they would be part of the statistics that were beginning to rise in the US.  Many of them are required to bring a doctor’s note.  Not giving them any time to see the doctor immediately to provide them a note stating that it was mandatory to wear a mask as they were high risk.  And some retaliated against. Giving them more hours and requiring them to work compulsory overtime, having no consideration for their well being. 

Which now facing the idiots and the skeptism in everyday life. To those ignorant and clueless about what really is going on. As they never have to roam the halls in a COVID unit. Will never truly see how real it is.

Frieda Lopez – The Emotional Aftermath of Frontline COVID Staff

In the end, no one seems to win in this pandemic. Where burn out is one of the common feelings that these frontline workers consistently feel. With work life and personal life bleeding into one another. It’s only a matter of time the will of these heroes will wither out. Which many of these staff members including traveling nurses left the COVID unit. As only someone can only bare so much, which I totally understand. Being undermined, under appreciated, belittled, and ridaculed for caring for people is a hard thing to keep consistent in. Especially in this social norm that we live in. As this is the behavior that we are conditioned to do all for the sake of self preservation is a bitch to deal with. Especially when you deal with this in your work life and your everyday life. Where leaving work to escape from the traumas and the problems that you face at the job, now become something that you deal with in your everyday life. Which now facing the idiots and the skeptism in everyday life. To those ignorant and clueless about what really is going on. As they never have to roam the halls in a COVID unit. Will never truly see how real it is.

One of the lingering questions I had in this account is the question “Would you ever go back?” Which many say “absolutely.” With the motive “Who else is going to care for these patients like we did.” As one of the consistent thing as many of these workers are now approaching is the “burn out” that is setting as we enter the second wave of COVID. Repeating the same thing that we first began with as this pandemic reared it’s ugly head. Many of them talk about the great moments that they shared. Which was working side to side with those staff members, especially above and beyond that would fight the “Systematics” that the health industry faces. Where through the sadness and the grief of working in the COVID unit. Shared videos of the doctors who would go above and beyond to not only care for the patients. But made the effort to put a smile on those patients who almost lost hope. Where in one account, the will the doctor gave to the patient the will to fight throw the disease. Where in the best case scenario, when COVID struck their personal lives. Had their family members recover due to the fighting will they possessed. As in one best case scenario, was already planning a funeral based on the inability of being able to be their for their family members, communicating through the facility tablet. Where in the worst case scenario, had those saying goodbye to their loved ones through the tablet. As before some of the facilities stopped paying hotel accommodations to assure the staff kept their family members save, by keeping these workers quarantined. Removed the funding and with some facilites, made it much more difficult to get compensation to keep them quarantined.

felt it was my due diligence to share these stories these frontline workers are burdened with. More for their sake as they have lived this reality for the past year. With hopes with their stories, may also help save a life. That also is unsure of who or what to believe. And the stories that come from the horses life, may not save every life. But may help them be aware. God forbid, face to face with these individuals that really don’t give a fuck if you live or die. All because of systematics.

Frieda Lopez – The Emotional Aftermath of Frontline COVID Staff

Tomorrow is never promised, which this pandemic has made that reality stare us in the face. But that tomorrow can be prevented by taking precautions. Which only one third of the population does consistently. Skeptism is what keeps us from believing this is truth as it becomes a defense mechanism to avoid facing the truth in this dark time. Which is why many of these frontline heroes begin to gain burn out. Which now in the second wave hopefully makes you think twice about it. As it has a bigger cataclysmic affect on those now being infected. Which today I found out that a Facebook friend ended up dying from COVID today while a couple more contracted the virus. Which breaks my heart even more as I feel like I wrote this too late. But the truth of the matter is that no one listens anyway. As the denial of something serious happening in the world is denied for the sake of comfort and safety. Which is why I say “do you.” As there comes a point where those who have the best intentions of others begins to think that “why am I wasting my breath.” Because sometimes it’s not even worth wasting your time to warn the public. As you can’t convince someone who has made their mind up. Sometimes you have to let “Darwin Theory” take it’s course. But in retrospective, it becomes unfair who are on the fence. That in the fall for the manipulation based on false facts and speculation. Truth is, we never got an insight look of what really happens in the unite. Which is why, although I may not work these units. I felt it was my due diligence to share these stories these frontline workers are burdened with. More for their sake as they have lived this reality for the past year. With hopes with their stories, may also help save a life. That also is unsure of who or what to believe. And the stories that come from the horses life, may not save every life. But may help them be aware. God forbid, face to face with these individuals that really don’t give a fuck if you live or die. All because of systematics.

If you would like to share your anonymous story, please feel free to reach out to info@friedathewriter.com

As more stories come in, as a token of appreciation, I am obliged to treat these unsung heroes to something special as more of these stories come in. If you like any of these stories or want to help treat these staff members for sharing these stories, feel free to make a donation. Any little bit helps.

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The Hidden Messages In Horror Films

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Horror movies have been around for some time. For almost a century, horror films have been a massive part of our culture, beginning with the first horror film dating back to 1896 with the movie “The House of the Devil,” according to LIVEABOUTDOT.COM (https://www.liveabout.com/a-timeline-history-of-horror-movies-1873246). Although many of us don’t know, many of these horror genres have hidden meanings to them as one of these meanings in the wake of zombie movies was an analogy to cultural zombification, which was referenced. Or what Vox.com references to cultural fears https://www.vox.com/culture/2016/12/21/13737476/horror-movies-2016-invasion. The popularity of the body snatchers became the analogy of being controlled psychologically by a specific parasite. You have to ask yourself if this is truly happening in our everyday world. Here is an excellent video about the analogies behind horror genres:

Ordinarily, we see these films as entertainment, but what is it about horror movies that scare us? Which plays into the fear of the unknown that we all become fearful of. The reason being as this is the control. Which the sex scenes in the Vanity Fair states are that the behaviors we act carelessly are the act of “Being prey.” Which many people don’t stop and see these kinds of things. If you have time, check out the video as it will make you see horror films differently.

Recently, I ended up seeing the movie “US,” which creeped me out as one of the things that it made me think about is if the parallel universe genuinely exists. Where in biology news, it’s rumored to have been discovered. Which it’s hard to determine what’s real and what is not these days. Jordan Peele, to me, makes him a fantastic story teller because he plays into this idealism throughout his films. Which truth is, makes me anxious to see his take of Candyman, as the original one scared the living crap out of me with his interpretation. I can only imagine what we can expect.

Realism is what makes in our times the best horror movies. However, it also sets us up for failure when we don’t know how real life scenarios will play out. For instance, how many of you all honestly thought that this COVID pandemic was going to be the Zombie Apocalypse? Ironically enough, most people thought we would be living the real-life TWD or 28 Days Later as the epidemic has proven to be some scary shit. The lesson I got from this pandemic is always preparing for the worst-case scenario no matter how “crazy” people think you are. I mean, I did plan last minute on growing a little garden, but amid the third wave, we got enough to get us by for an extreme case scenario. In which worst case scenario, Pedro will become soup. I am just kidding. I don’t think it will get to the survival of the fittest system, but I do feel that being proactive and precautious is key to get through this pandemic.

Other iconic genre of horror films is the idealism of “Going crazy,” which I hate to say that ship has gone and sailed from not being a reality as the pandemic has everyone getting more anxious than usual. But that is not “Crazy” that’s “Human Nature” in the presence of facing an unknown situation. You tend to think about the things you didn’t plan for. Or how you will get by with that 800.00 biweekly pandemic relief check. Which let’s just call it for what it is, we are all struggling. But the truth of the matter, there is hope. But to achieve that hope, we have to work together to gain that hope. But in the meantime, journal and write about your fears and struggles. Who knows, you might end up coming up with a new genre or get creative with your situation. And with what’s happening with pre-pandemic and while we reach post-pandemic, I got many storylines for some remarkable horror stories.

Reality can be a scary thing, but why run and fall like those clique Scream Queens? Like real talk, how many of them said it was nothing and ended up having a date with the Grim Reaper in these films? Almost all of them. As the protagonist who identified the issue becomes proactive and fights the antagonist and, in many cases, becomes the hero of the story. And for those who will argue that “Not all of them survived,” one thing I will say is “Make good choices.” How many of these started by taking a shortcut or having a selfish intent that got everyone in a bad situation? Which if you think about it, that might be the moral of all these horror stories. It is plain “makes good choices.”

And if you like what you are reading or have other things you would like to drop a line at info@friedathewriter.com. Hey, and if you want to help this blog page stay up, don’t hesitate to donate. Hey, anything goes a long way.

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Featured

How Freedom Rediscovered Made Me Hella Strong

That their loyalties to me would prove otherwise. But one reality that we don’t realize. Is when the odds are against the majority, and everything is at stake. Those loyalties will never be intact. As the truth is, it’s a dog eat dog world.

Frieda Lopez – How Freedom Rediscovered Made Me Hella Strong

Everyone I realize gets a second change. When they stay consistent. When they show diligence. When they work at redemption. For the longest time prior to this journey, I felt that God (or whatever Higher Power exists) forgot about me. The truth of the matter that, before the journey. I realized a lot of things that I ended up doing wrong. That I ended up blaming everyone for the things that I had control of. Not taking any accountability for the both the intentional and unintentional things that I did. Which in essence, revealed that I was engaging in the same bad behaviors that for whatever reason would work toward my advantage. Because I had allies on my side this time. Which had power and liked me. That their loyalties to me would prove otherwise. But one reality that we don’t realize. Is when the odds are against the majority, and everything is at stake. Those loyalties will never be intact. As the truth is, it’s a dog eat dog world.

As narcarsism is all a response of fear. As fear on not having control is the reason why so many attempt to psychologically manipulate people or influence per se. Which turned selfish as they feel this emptiness inside.

Frieda Lopez – How Freedom Rediscovered Made Me Hella Strong

Nonetheless, during my new journey of studies. Just taking one class to get a better grasp of the human condition and how the human mind works. As truth is pre-journey, I began resenting human nature. As truth is, everyone seemed to be an asshole when I sincerely wanting to help people. Taking it as me thinking they were incapable or vulnerable. Which learning about fear made me realize one thing. That this taking things personal thing that followed with the behaviors that occurred in a common instance that psychology has documented in the presence of fear. Was in the end a fear response that people were covering up with Super Ego. Which in borderline narcissism. Which made me sympathize for those narcissistic people. As this condition if you really want to think about it, is all a psychological condition that may have been self inflicted. As narcarsism is all a response of fear. As fear on not having control is the reason why so many attempt to psychologically manipulate people or influence per se. Which turned selfish as they feel this emptiness inside. Being in many situations and not being afraid of them. I sometimes ended up going into the lion den. Self infing in transparency. But the great thing that I gained in my upbringing is the sense of strength. Which always called out the bad behavior. Which without the knowledge I had. Made me think it’s was something thy at was wrong with me. Which resulted to physical actions to keep me obedient. However, the idealisms that my family believed. That they didn’t want me to be defenseless, put me in Mixed Martial Art training. Which once the trauma response subsided. Had the emotional strength the fight back. Which stemmed from the refusal of playing victim. Which in those vulnerable times those narcissist shared in victimhood to make me feel sorry. Made me see based on the same patterns they were stuck in, would result to flight in their survival instinct. As in the end. They knew they wouldn’t get the best of me. And if the action was unforgivable and showed they did the same to others. And continued to do. Would infiltrate them to attempt them from going down a destructive downward spiral. To those they pained. And cause more harm to them.

Which the modern day version of slavery is the act of being bond by emotional abuse and psychological change.  Due to bandwagoning and gaslighting.  Which if you look at the bigger picture, is the way we bond not only by people who think they are better than us.  But by our own people.

Frieda Lopez – How Freedom Rediscovered Made Me Hella Strong

People tend to have this “rainbow and gumdrop” mentality that has us not looking at history a lot more closely. As history tends to reveal a consistent pattern of aftermath in social norm. Which adapt. One of the things that we fail to see the modern version problem that vintage version of “slavery and discrimination” as we convince ourselves it’s not that. As we look at slavery as bound by physical abuse and physical chains. Which the modern day version of slavery is the act of being bond by emotional abuse and psychological change. Due to bandwagoning and gaslighting. Which if you look at the bigger picture, is the way we bond not only by people who think they are better than us. But by our own people. Which comes into this idealism of devaluing the value of personal characteristic and valuing the physical wealth that someone gains. Which if you look at the bigger spectrum of things and rolling with some of the elite in Houston, all showed signs of unhappiness. As the addiction to self gratifying the emotions with things, they tend to have everything they want. But not everything that they need. When faced with this hypothetical emotional slavery. I didn’t need things, I needed an army.

No matter as I was told in a exit interview that “I was always going to be a broke bitch,” I always to them be that “priceless broke bitch,” that in the end. They underestimated.

Frieda Lopez – How Freedom Rediscovered Made Me Hella Strong

Over the course of my life. I began co-dependent on praying for a miracle. Which I became unappreciative of the miracle that I was sent. As signs around me proved to be the answer I needed. Which for a long time, made me be resentful and almost denied the higher powers that may be. Which showed that I had no loyalty to faith or the bigger picture of things. Which transparently speaking, I was becoming an entitled ass saying I didn’t believe in a higher power. Which that’s when shit hit the fan. But it all happened for a reason I strongly believe. As I was like everyone else. Quick to run away from conflict, letting myself be taking advantage of, that I was fleeing from a situation that was wrong and letting it be something that I just accepted. Which in turn made me feel worthless and helpless. Which the idealism of victimhood is the motivated by gaining the power of numbers. Of those who if you look at it. Sometimes don’t have your best intention at hand. As they are doing one act to make themselves feel like they didn’t help. And have no problem from walking away. Especially when your behavioral pattern shows you’re not doing anything to help yourself. Which transparently can be deemed as gluttony. Which this time around, I was going to do something that looking five years from now. I would be proud that I did. Which now rationally seeing the real things that were happening, I fought for myself. And in the social norm of victory, won because I had leverage to gain a settlement that was sweet. But helping myself was the work I would of been proud. Which I still am. As I found how just how powerful, the power of one was. But now being able to freely share my story. No matter as I was told in a exit interview that “I was always going to be a broke bitch,” I always to them be that “priceless broke bitch,” that in the end. They underestimated.

Which one thing we also allow to often, is letting people dictate our truth. Although it’s made in good intention, it’s gaslighting non the less. Which in my explaining to them how I really felt, ironically would result to those in good intention of being offended. As another thing that we also became conditioned to do, is make decisions for us.

Frieda Lopez – How Freedom Rediscovered Made Me Hella Strong

Worrying, I found is perfectly normal. As fear of the unknown was rearing its ugly head within me. Truth of the matter is that in this situation, tribalism is the key thing to try to gain leverage. Which the little wins that I began to gain, started realizing just how powerful I was becoming. As I no longer needed anyone to defend me. As in this and the opinions of others, always miscondstrude my truth of what I truly as feeling. Which one thing we also allow to often, is letting people dictate our truth. Although it’s made in good intention, it’s gaslighting non the less. Which in my explaining to them how I really felt, ironically would result to those in good intention of being offended. As another thing that we also became conditioned to do, is make decisions for us. Where this is stemmed as a sense of reward. Where those who don’t know us or don’t have the best intentions to us. Will make us unhappy in the end. Which it made me realize a very important lesson. That the only one that knows what’s best for me. Is me. And that the need for order or for feeling wanted was residual to allowing others make decisions for me. Which all mentors told me. ‘The only one that knew whats best for me is me.” One of the many signs the Universe and the “Higher Powers” that be tried to teach me.

Where we depend on others to defend us and when they don’t. Lose all hope. Where when hope on ourselves and of others, we end up going to extremes that drive us a little crazy. Where those who are people of action, might act on a irrational mainframe that unresolved issues, trauma that is now fueled through lost of hope.

Frieda Lopez – How Freedom Rediscovered Made Me Hella Strong

Either way you see it, we all have signs that gives us the things that we need but that we don’t want. Where we depend on others to defend us and when they don’t. Lose all hope. Where when hope on ourselves and of others, we end up going to extremes that drive us a little crazy. Where those who are people of action, might act on a irrational mainframe that unresolved issues, trauma that is now fueled through lost of hope. Which if you add all the bad behaviors thrown in social norms, its easy for anyone to fall into that social and emotional slavery. Where those who have clean records end up going to extremes to break from the slavery we experience in our own world and in the big world. Where these behaviors are not excusable, all have us turning against each other. Which results to those mass shootings that occur. Some that were due to a way to break free and many of them of entitlement. Which if you break down the behavioral patterns of these entities. Can see what the motive is. Some of us feeling like we are enslaved to the injustice. And some feeling we are enslaved due to the things we haven’t even worked to earn. Which drove me to the thing that I loved. Writing. Writing in unbiased idealisms soley using the psychology as the main indication of depicting these stories. Where being rational and unbiased in the things that event’s that followed. Identifying the same feelings that I had or if those evil acts ever crossed my mind. That no matter what happens in this journey, I refused to bond myself yet again, in this emotional slavery we have accepted as social norms.

As we all have something more in common than we will ever admit. A life of some sort of trauma that we had in our life. Where the motives made by free will and personal choice has many of us staying in these motional prisons. Where our motives in irrationality becomes a more trauma that is induced.

Frieda Lopez – How Freedom Rediscovered Made Me Hella Strong

Running away from conflict is something that we must alway keep in the back of our mind. As fighting smarter not harder is where this comes from. Where identifying whether the motive is rational or irrational. If it’s selfless or selfish. And if it was for the greater good. Which is where my calling came to be. And what made me want to go back to school to get my clinical psychology. As we all have something more in common than we will ever admit. A life of some sort of trauma that we had in our life. Where the motives made by free will and personal choice has many of us staying in these motional prisons. Where our motives in irrationality becomes a more trauma that is induced. Which the main motive is selfishness. Where the rippling effect in these events is that we develop the act of stereotyping in those. Which becomes discrimination based on fear. Where retreating and hiding in our safe zones, making us more vulnerable in a world where we need more people to fight. Not just for one cause. But for a selfless cause. As even in these causes, they engage in gaslighting and bandwagoning. Using number against us. Which in our act of conforming to fit it, become guilty by the crimes that others commit. As we are responsible for stirring the pot that lead to those effects. Which one thing we must all understand. that forgiveness in ourselves is key to redemption.  Where once we commit actions that caused trauma, we can either continue the act or find ways.  In our bad behaviors.  To stop it.

Featured

Why I Said Goodbye To The Yellow Brick Road

Doing the same damn thing everyone does thinking they are going to get a better result of it. Truth of the matter was that in every scenario I was always brought down from grace from someone who was intimidated by me in one way shape or form.

Frieda Lopez – Why I Said Goodbye To The Yellow Brick Road

Before finalizing this chapter, I rewrote the chapter as it wasn’t going to be “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” It will be a self-righteous “do’s and don’t,” which in my aunts struggle in adversity helped inspire this next chapter. Going into this journey, I began to realize that I was a conformist of social norms. Doing the same damn thing, everyone does, thinking they will get a better result of it. The truth of the matter was that in every scenario, I was always brought down from grace by someone who was intimidated by me in one-way shape, or form. As I sincerely cared about people and genuinely was there to help, that is why I had so many people on my side. Which in the end, if we all truly cared about people, we would be there too. Which in transparency is why I couldn’t leave Houston until my mission was over. Little did I know that a sketchy apartment manager would evict me after exposing the fact that it was infested with mold that nearly killed me. My consistency and diligence shut the complex down, which is now being built as a shopping center on the street of Dunvale.

In the end “I got the last laugh” because the truth that came out in this journey was that those at Sprint, also believed this. Which in turn is why they ended doing what they did. Because unfortunately this perception of them accepting that community always had them first in the chopping block.

Frieda Lopez – Why I Said Goodbye To The Yellow Brick Road

Everyone has felt the feeling of being shoved into the corner. Which is the worst-case scenario; we end up getting crucified in injustice and unfairness. Which the quick response is to retreat and move on to the next chapter of life. Right? Well, in my reflection, I saw that I wasn’t that lucky as it seemed that it just followed me. Partly because people thought I was transgendered. Which of course, they ended up believing the lie in their act of discrimination. Which, in turn, made them look stupid. As their assumptions had me not running away as I did before in workplace bullying. I confronted it always and got me in trouble a few times. But the same result was that I still ran away, hoping it would be better. In the end, “I got the last laugh” because the truth that came out in this journey was that those at Sprint also believed this. Which, in turn, is why they ended doing what they did. Because unfortunately, this perception of them accepting that community always had them first in the chopping block.

When I look at the bad ass things I did, I laugh at the things I use to do. Because the truth of the matter was it revealed something I could never see before. That I was truly a fighter.

Frieda Lopez – Why I Said Goodbye To The Yellow Brick Road

Going into the journey, I began to realize something. This metaphorically, Houston and this false perception in dreaming I had made me realize I was chasing Oz, in the metaphoric brick road called life’s journey. The truth of the matter was that those stereotypes and the assumptions were something I was never going to go away. Which reality is, I had to deal with it entirely everywhere. Where someone who said they felt uncomfortable with a man in the bathroom had them looking all sorts of stupid because everything to my birth certificate proved to that I was. In a dramatic protest, I ended up slapping a bloody Kotex in a guy’s face because I got fed up with his bullying, which got me fired consequently, which would have never happened if he had mutual respect. When I look at the badass things I did, I laugh at the things I use to do. Because the truth of the matter was it revealed something I could never see before. That I was indeed a fighter. Which now faced with a second chance of winning the battle in Houston against Sprint. I decided to do the right thing thanks to my one-woman legal team, Bethany. What if taking the settlement would have bound me to a nondisclosure clause that would prevent me from using this as leverage to make me stronger. To tell the world what happens in this world. The things that we are all subjected to and could be victims of. Whatever walk of life you come from, what I realized is that systematic racism would keep us all in chains. Where those who fall from the top of grace will never have a way to fight through it, worst of all, they would know how to survive the life I had to readapt myself too.

Which no matter how much life experience and how accurate I am in predicting behavior will not matter. Which to be proactive, is why I ended up making the decision to go back to school to get my psychology degree.

Frieda Lopez – Why I Said Goodbye To The Yellow Brick Road

In the journey, I began to see that there was a reason for all of this. A bigger picture per se. Where writing was my outlet to tell the stories of the things that we all are afraid to admit fully. That we are victims and targets in this burning world, that something that we see happening can happen to any of us. The truth is that all that happened just prepared me for the release of the book and the criticism that I was about to face. The belittling, the gaslighting, and the reoccurrence of the things I encountered. Which, in turn, made me learn how to fight smarter. Which is what led me to this future psychology venture. As one of the things that I started hearing was, you have no credentials. Which no matter how much life experience and how accurate I am in predicting behavior will not matter. To be proactive is why I decided to go back to school to get my psychology degree, which started with the idea of getting an Associate’s Degree. But had a more prominent and selfless purpose. To become a therapist to not only help people through life coaching, I do but to be a one-stop-shop in assisting people in fixing their unresolved issues so they can stay consistent in their journey successfully.

Which no matter how appealing Oz looks, it’s built out of lies and deception. Which in the end I wanted no part of it. And if I was going to make money or get anywhere, I was just going to work harder and fight smarter.

Frieda Lopez – Why I Said Goodbye To The Yellow Brick Road

Needing change is crucial in this era. With the age of COVID, we have seen just how unjustified life can be. Which I never expected to happen so soon in life. Where many turned away for testing, turned away from care, and sacrificing those lives, who were not deemed worthy. What happens when the next pandemic happens? Are we going to just be okay with it? Which is what compelled me to turn the money away. Which everyone said I was stupid to do. Because the truth of the matter is, they saw the dollar signs versus the real issues. Shutting up and taking the money would make me just as worst as those, which is how “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” came to be. The “rainbow and gumdrops” partially existed as this is always in jeopardy by those willing to sell their souls for something they have no comprehension of what’s to come. As the unknown is believed to deflect with money. But like everything, things end. Resource gets scarce as cash is used to buy the things that will bring us happiness. But like Biggie said, “More Money More Problems.” Which seeing for the first time that the fundamental element of freedom was to be happy with me. Which no matter how appealing Oz looks, it’s built out of lies and deception. Which in the end, I wanted no part of it. And if I was going to make money or get anywhere, I was just going to work harder and fight smarter.

https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Unraveled-Frieda-Josephine-Lopez/dp/1951028651

Featured

The Unwanted title of The Girl On Fire

How easy it was to be outcasted by one mistake that can fixed. Which in turn was a small mistake. Made into a witch hunt after they bandwagon you to be something you’re not and make those believe that the intentions you never had are truth. That the change we all want to see doesn’t happen because it doesn’t effect us directly and that it more than likely is the fear of being a target.

Frieda Lopez – The Unwanted title of The Girl On Fire

Before the journey, I never expected myself to do anything extraordinary. Truth of the matter is that I don’t think I didn’t do anything extraodinary. As the truth of the matter is that I did because I got tired of the bullshit that we see happening in society and in the small world around me. How easy it was to be outcasted by one mistake that can fixed. Which in turn was a small mistake. Made into a witch hunt after they bandwagon you to be something you’re not and make those believe that the intentions you never had are truth. That the change we all want to see doesn’t happen because it doesn’t effect us directly and that it more than likely is the fear of being a target. That you can have all the best intentions in the world and sincerely have a desire to help people but you’re are belittled to be a nobody because of your background or what you haven’t accrued even though you show consistency. I was tired of the stereotyping, the belittling, the naive idealisms. Most important I was tired of being systematically discriminated.

Which for the longest time, I felt liable for their termination. As they always stood up for me and defended me. Which in turn looking at the bigger picture, I felt it was a retaliation act for their loyalty to me.

Frieda Lopez – The Unwanted title of The Girl On Fire

3Everyone who read the book said they can relate to the things that were written in the book. Some of them said it was everyday life, while others said it was an advocacy against systematic racism and the unfairness they experienced. Which was by accident to be honest with you. As I wasn’t purposely attempting to be an advocate. I was just trying to help people find peace in this bullshit society we got accustomed to living. One of the things that one of the coworkers said that I remember them of, was Katniss Everdeen. Which just wanted fairness and stop an unfairness that affected the lives of the people she lived amongst. Even in the final movie of the Hunger Games, she stood up for someone who shot her saying that it was uncalled for. Which my friend when we saw it together pointed out is why people hate me so much. In my confusion I said “Why do you think people hate me so much” which her rebuttal was “You’re book personality matches the in person personality.” Which was brought up during the scene where the scene that Johanna and Katniss have. Which looking this up has all these reasons why everyday people hate Katniss in the movie. Which in the end has no rationality at all. As all the negative traits they say she had. The protagonist always took accountability for. Which in the end I feel is why many hate this righteous and fair warrior.

Which for the longest time, I felt liable for their termination. As they always stood up for me and defended me. Which in turn looking at the bigger picture, I felt it was a retaliation act for their loyalty to me.

Frieda Lopez – The Unwanted title of The Girl On Fire

All my life, I never felt I was going to make a difference or stand for something as I was too busy worrying about the things that affected me personally. Which in the journey I began to reflect not only about the injustice that happened to me, but to everyone around my burning world. Those who didn’t follow through with helping me, never took things personally. However many of them ended up getting terminated under false pretenses at the Houston Sprint office. As the actions that they did were from leadership tactics afraid of the threats made in the numbers game at that office. Where those premeditating to throw those under the bus when they questioned it and some even telling me “It’s there asses not mine,” which very disheartening. Which for the longest time, I felt liable for their termination. As they always stood up for me and defended me. Which in turn looking at the bigger picture, I felt it was a retaliation act for their loyalty to me.

I never took this personally at all, which is why forgiveness is a blessing in this journey. As if I didn’t posses this, I don’t think I would of gotten this far. As the truth is I would of turned to revenge. Which truth is, I have insurance to cover my ass in this writing venture.

Frieda Lopez – The Unwanted title of The Girl On Fire

Considering the things that I not only went through, but those who I valued the most, I attempted to have others see the wrong that was happening. Which many of them couldn’t see as the reality was psychological manipulation reared its ugly head. As many of them saw it in the corporate prospective and defended the company more than they defended the wrong action. Which I began to gain sympathy as they couldn’t see the invisible chains I saw. In addition to that some of those who were vocal about their opinion all said that I had to have done something to provoke it, which in pointing out the truth that I didn’t. I ended up getting ghosted. I never took this personally at all, which is why forgiveness is a blessing in this journey. As if I didn’t posses this, I don’t think I would of gotten this far. As the truth is I would of turned to revenge. Which truth is, I have insurance to cover my ass in this writing venture. I could of wrote and spilled the tea and the identity of every single person. But because I wasn’t looking to get even, I used aliases on those who did me wrong and real names for those who helped me get to where I got to in a positive aspect. Because the truth of the matter was both the negative and positive made into the person I became.

Because one thing I learned in this systematic racist world, that some of us have to “work harder” as some of us are not afforded that luxury. Which one of the naive idealism of society is that we all have the same opportunities.

Frieda Lopez – The Unwanted title of The Girl On Fire

On the flip side to finding peace, I learned how to “fight smarter and not harder.” Which was bored by the “work smarter not harder.” Because one thing I learned in this systematic racist world, that some of us have to “work harder” as some of us are not afforded that luxury. Which one of the naive idealism of society is that we all have the same opportunities. Which is not truth. As those who haven’t walked in those shoes have no clue. I blame the fact that we secure ourselves in this “rainbow and gumdrops” idealism that everything is caused by those who provoke. Or because they have certain connections, will get them to where they want to be someday. Which one of the realities that many never see is the fact of progression. As being under these entities keep them at a standstill with false promises and more and more reasons why they aren’t ready to take on the further responsibility. Which begins to grow the resentment having some of us convinced that it’s not what we want. Some of us feeling like there is no hope. While others plot ways of getting there one way or another.

Which the rest is history. Where once again I never meant to be the “girl on fire.’ I just was tired of staying silent and not doing anything about it.

Frieda Lopez – The Unwanted title of The Girl On Fire

No one knows how it feels until they are there. Which is what I learned the hard way. Hearing this fake empathy, at first I got pissed off. I began to hate those people. But the beautiful thing that happened is that “I learned to love myself.” Which made me fight for myself way more harder. Which made me gain “courage of conviction” as the whole Carrie scene played in my head with “they all are going to laugh at you” which ended up coming from the deflection of shame my family first attempted to inflict to protect me from the unknown. A fear that they all shared looking at it now. Which I have is how the forgiveness began. Seeing that the acts came from the fear is why I gained empathy and forgiveness. Which patience set in when I attempted to have them realize I am not the person my ex fiancé made me appear to be. Which the rest is history. Where once again I never meant to be the “girl on fire.’ I just was tired of staying silent and not doing anything about it.

https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Unraveled-Frieda-Josephine-Lopez/dp/1951028651

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Grandma Lives A Thug Thug – Why This Is Not Your Typical Fairy Tale Red Riding Hood

Even those in the wrong that walked away for me, gained a bit of strength from them and learned a lot from them. Both in the positive and the negative aspect. It made me also see the mistakes they made that kept them from consistently keeping me strong. Which for me it’s water under the bridge. Which one day I know that we will be laughing at the fuckery we both caused one another.

Frieda Lopez – Grandma Lives A Thug Thug – Why This Is Not Your Typical Fairy Tale Red Riding Hood

Strength came. Naturally, I feel at the end of the day. That all the women in my family tree consisted of. Even those in the wrong that walked away from me gained a bit of strength from them and learned a lot from them, both in the positive and the negative aspect. It made me also see the mistakes they made that kept them from consistently keeping me healthy. Which for me, it’s water under the bridge. Which one day, I know that we will be laughing at the fuckery we both caused one another. Because at the end of the day, the things that they did to attempt to stop me in a failed attempt from a misperception of the things that they thought were indeed my character. Will have us all saying, “Can you believe the stupid shit we believed in this journey we both took.” Which if the world could have that mentality and work to make amends for the mistakes we make. The truth is the world would be a better place.

ife were the reason why I was sober. Which is the basis of the line. And as tragic as it was to see the truth for the for what it was, was the hardest thing to let go. So I thought at first. As more and more that I began to prove to myself I was more self efficient than I thought before, I began to truly begin to stand on my own.

Frieda Lopez – Grandma Lives A Thug Thug – Why This Is Not Your Typical Fairy Tale Red Riding Hood

Togetherness is what I was taught from the women in my family. As one of the most admirable traits that we all have in this dysfunctional family tree is “We stand by one another” from the threats we misinterpret. The lies to protect those emotionally inflicted are made to protect those from feeling worst than they thought. The lesson I learned in this journey is being overprotective keeps those you save more vulnerable to the dangers in the real world, which is why I was even more compelled to move to Houston, TX when the scare tactics were attempted to keep me from growing into the person I was meant to be. Which, in turn, like Kelly Clarkson’s “Sober” had me doing which “pick the weeds and keep the flowers.” As I began to realize that the toxic people I kept around in my life were the reason why I was sober. Which is the basis of the line. And as tragic as it was to see the truth for what it was, was the hardest thing to let go. So I thought at first. As more and more that I began to prove to myself, I was more self-efficient than I thought before, I began to stand on my truth. And when I mastered that, I started fighting for other people. Which is psychology shows to be a characteristic of the most “strongest people.”

The injustice that they experienced and saw their sisters and their daughters both by blood and the one’s they took in. Which one of the things that they always instilled in me “Rise above it all and always believe in yourself in a righteous and rational mindset.”

Frieda Lopez – Grandma Lives A Thug Thug – Why This Is Not Your Typical Fairy Tale Red Riding Hood

Remembering some of the events I had those amazing and phenomenal women stand up for me for, I realize that they always had that power in them. What kept them from staying consistent was the fact that they didn’t believe in themselves regardless if they say they did, which made me realize that it came from unresolved issues that came to light before my maternal grandmother confided in me with. Which is no one’s business, so stop asking. But one of the things that I recall the most was that my Abuela’s lived a thug life. Not by choice. But all for the sake of survival. Which they always warned me about some of the injustice I might face being a woman. The injustice that they experienced and saw their sisters and their daughters both by blood and the ones they took in. One of the things that they always instilled in me “Rise above it all and always believe in yourself in a righteous and rational mindset.” Of course, this was told to me in Spanish.

Which my ex-sister in laws proved to be. Liz was a beautiful and strong independent woman who raised three amazing teenagers. And Mandy, the sister in law that saved me from almost losing my life after a vicious domestic assault situation, raised a beautiful daughter. Which I admire both of them and still see them as family.

Frieda Lopez – Grandma Lives A Thug Thug – Why This Is Not Your Typical Fairy Tale Red Riding Hood

One of the two most gangster things I remember them doing in the face of greater good was coming out with a physical arsenal and letting a physical threat know to never cross in disrespect the linage they set themselves. My maternal Abuela in a nursing home after she found out my ex-husband was abusive and was in ICU for two weeks, came at him with the sharpest thing he could find when he came with me for a visit, which was truthfully to keep tabs on me. My ex-husband went to the house to try to win me back after the second time of almost losing my life. Which she came out like Tyler Perry’s Madea and said, “See what happens if you force yourself in to see my granddaughter,” which he fled immediately when she cocked that rifle. Which the one thing that they also taught me is that when your life is threatened and in danger, you fight till one of you is down. Which after the last straw of beating the fuck up by my ex-husband and beat his ass with a skillet, he had me thinking that one of us is going to be six feet under, and it’s not going to be me. Which, in turn, is the reason why I finally filed for divorce as none of us needed to be six feet under. As one of the things my ex-husband neglected to realize was that I saw something in him that he didn’t see. As the truth is the abandonment issues, he carried in his adult life. Had he misconstrued what his mom truly was attempting to do? Playing the cards, she played to the best of her ability to give him a good life and keeping him from a toxic environment, which his dad once was. What I knew from him when I met him the only time was that he learned his lesson. He embraced me with open arms and admired the strong woman I was, which my ex-sister in-laws proved to be. Liz was a beautiful and strong independent woman who raised three amazing teenagers. And Mandy, the sister-in-law who saved me from almost losing my life after a vicious domestic assault situation, presented a beautiful daughter, which I admire both of them and still see them as family.

To be totally transparent, looking at the big picture, I think he always knew I was a good woman. I think that also haunted him was the jealousy he had for my deceased ex-fiancee. Which partially my bad in this was jumping into a relationship to try to fill the void that Juan Carlos left when his platoon got bombed when he got deployed.

Frieda Lopez – Grandma Lives A Thug Thug – Why This Is Not Your Typical Fairy Tale Red Riding Hood

Nevertheless, I still have a heart for my ex-husband. Other than the issues that he presented to show, he saw his behavior using relationships to validate his worth still wish him the best regardless of the things he put me through. He had many outstanding qualities, as he never failed to provide and showed to be a hard worker. Truth is how I see it; it was the demons of his past and the unresolved issues that made him a horrible person. Which is how I gained that idealism that the things we don’t resolve make us into a shitty person. I hope that he decided those issues and became the person I always rooted for him to be. Because the truth of the matter was that it wasn’t intentional, I felt. When looking at the things at it again, it was the fears that caused him to have such harmful and destructive behavior. Which truth has cost us more as he ended up being physically violent and costing us more money, replacing the things he would destroy in his emotional outburst. If he hasn’t done that yet, I pray that he one day does as this man was capable of ruling the world. To be transparent, looking at the big picture, I think he always knew I was a good woman. I believe that also haunted him was the jealousy he had for my deceased ex-fiancee. Partially my wrong in this was jumping into a relationship to try to fill the void that Juan Carlos left when his platoon got bombed when he got deployed.

How did they know it got worst. Their granddaughter went through the same they went through when they were told things would get better. If you look at statistics, it appears that these crimes quadrupled as the eras pass. As the gaslighting and bandwagoning to self preserve those in the wrong, it’s about time that we begin the fight to change. Don’t you think?

Frieda Lopez – Grandma Lives A Thug Thug – Why This Is Not Your Typical Fairy Tale Red Riding Hood

Going through all the gangster things my Abuela’s have done, I can see how I became the woman I am. The truth is, it wasn’t always a gangster as the fact was that they gave up somewhere along the way. Losing hope of the changes they hoped to see one day. As those hopes, they had in the things that desperately needs change, which is what society allows to happen in the act of injustice. Discrimination, sexual assault (that both my Abuela’s went through), abuse, sexism, and hate crimes all got worst. How did they know it got worst. Their granddaughter went through the same they went through when they were told things would get better. If you look at statistics, it appears that these crimes quadrupled as the eras pass. As the gaslighting and bandwagoning to self preserve those in the wrong, it’s about time that we begin the fight to change. Don’t you think? Which is why I go hard no matter how dark it may seem.

As the gaslighting and bandwagoning to self preserve those in the wrong, it’s about time that we begin the fight to change. Don’t you think? Which is why I go hard no matter how dark it may seem.

Frieda Lopez – Grandma Lives A Thug Thug – Why This Is Not Your Typical Fairy Tale Red Riding Hood

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The Problems In Culturalism

Photo by Elly Fairytale on Pexels.com

Culture is a beautiful thing. It’s where our origins lie. However, with everything, there is a positive and negative part of culturalism. Which not speaking on any other cultural behalf, I speak from my experience within my cultural realm. The beautiful thing about culturalism is that we all share both positive and negative aspects of that culture. Where no matter if your Latin, African American, British, French, ect…there are some similar aspects that culture uses to gain obedience.

Which the modern culture of things is using gaslighting and bandwagoning to get our way. Which if we look at it, these narcissistic behaviors have become part of modern day culture.

Frieda Lopez – The Problems In Culturalism

Until finishing and reading the published form of my book “Journey of an Unraveled Road,” I began seeing some things that were predominant in social norms. The typical behaviors of gaslighting and bandwagoning. When looking at it on a smaller scale, I saw it was commonly used in my cultural background. Where looking at the folklore and the urban legend around the world, they all have a similar antagonist or a form of that antagonist, which saw an article on dark lullaby’s from BuzzFeed, had common denominators that lead to a similar antagonist. In many scenarios, a version of the boogeyman or the “Coo-Kuey” in Latin culture. But what is the culture, you ask. It is defined as the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social groups. Which if you break it down, it becomes on a small scale. Family traditions. Which n many situations become generalized to fit social norms.

In many cases, especially when it’s those who gain a sense of “culturalization,” begin to simplify it as in my family dynamic. Turned to be “barbaric, boring, out-dated, or unorthodox.” Which the modern culture of things is using gaslighting and bandwagoning to get our way. Which if we look at it, these narcissistic behaviors have become part of modern-day culture.

But growing up in the Y2K era, many people freaked out when it was believed to shut everything ground. Which ended up being a folktale. But if you look at the bigger scheme of things and reference our COVID Era. It’s easy to speculate that it was a prediction of what was coming.

Frieda Lopez – The Problems In Culturalism

Losing ancient traditions is very counterproductive. I feel like many of the findings report events that have repeated itself. Which, in a sense, was dismissed due to the idealisms that we had it under control as we depend on technology many of the time. But growing up in the Y2K era, many people freaked out when it was believed to shut everything ground, which ended up being a folktale. But if you look at the bigger scheme of things and reference our COVID Era. It’s easy to speculate that it predicted what was coming as the entire world shut down and ended up being a physical concern as the idealism of those who were not returning to work due to the scare.

I had everything from energy sources to gas being in jeopardy of not being distributed to carry on the everyday life we have grown accustomed to. Which one thing in the culture we gained is that we forgot as humans to adapt. Which, in the end, is the things that we need to stay alive in hard times. That the act of adapting is something that was gaslighting, making those taking extra precautions in worst-case scenarios deemed as “paranoid” and “crazy.” Which when COVID was first told that it hit the Americas, it resulted in growing a garden and stocking up on non-perishables and water. Which my friend at the time said, “You’re paranoid.” Which my rebuttal was ‘Better safe than sorry.” When it was time for quarantine, we were prepared and just needed to gather things like toilet paper. Which my Abuela already was ready to primal on our asses and said the things we could use for toilet paper. Where if water wasn’t running, had buckets filled with water that were sealed, and already prepped on making a commote, as Hurricane Harvey already taught me how to make in the worst-case scenario.

However, the irony of this is that they won’t believe someone is sick, but trust the person that really is sick. Which makes them believe lies that they were told. Where if you would identify the behavioral pattern of that individual, would show you just the kind of person they are. Which when you look closely that hunch you have about someone when you eliminate bias and stereotyping, can see all the red flags about that person.

Frieda Lopez – The Problems In Culturalism

Thinking about these cultural norms we engage in, my life long friend and I had a conversation while I was taking her to work. About her aunt with cancer and how she covers her head. Which brought up the way the Latin culture handles the things they are not aware of, which is unfortunately through shaming, demonizing, victimizing, or even dismissing someone that they see as a threat. Where those with chronic and terminal illnesses get this too many times. But looking at the bigger picture, society does the same as this is an automatic defense mechanism that they get in fear and ignorance. You can tell someone till you are blue because you’re not contagious, but people will not believe you.

I blame those entitled asses who are either in denial or so jaded that they intentionally infect people on purpose. COVID also has shown us. They were having people not stay indoors when they were sick—shrugging it off to be something else. Which in hindsight, it shows that the person is a selfish ass and possibly a narcissist. Which it’s very understandable why people get a little comprehensive in believing someone sick. However, the irony of this is that they won’t think someone is ill but trust the person that is sick, which makes them believe lies that they were told. Where if you would identify the behavioral pattern of that individual, it would show you just the kind of person they are. Which when you look closely at that hunch you have about someone when you eliminate bias and stereotyping, you can see all the red flags about that person.

Where if you think about it, the easier things become, the harder it becomes to adapt.

Frieda Lopez – The Problems In Culturalism

Until COVID, I don’t think people realized how delicate the balance is in society. It seems like we have lied for the sake of not causing panic, but that just causes something that you could have prevented. In the case of Harvey, we were told it wasn’t going to be wrong before it landed. Then the next thing you know its, a Category 1 to a Category 3. Which thankfully ended up calming down. But still didn’t save lives ultimately, which shows one thing about social norms. Why would we panic if we weren’t living in fear? Because the only way we panic, according to human psychological nature, it’s because we are face to face with the fear that we never thought we would face.

It gives that sense that we got it together. Which one thing we avoid, which many articles say that “human survival instinct has failed us,” is stemmed by convincing ourselves that nothing could ever go wrong.

Frieda Lopez – The Problems In Culturalism

Recognizing this fact helped me understand people more. And in turn, it helped me the things that those who put up a good game face deflected. That when they end up using insults, it is mainly the fears and the things they feel insecure about. Which truth be told, is one thing that you begin to see in behavioral patterns. People become very predictable, which comes from a human need for order; our survival instinct is rearing its head as humans feel safe and secure when a routine is established. It gives that sense that we got it together. Which one thing we avoid, which many articles say that “human survival instinct has failed us,” is stemmed by convincing ourselves that nothing could ever go wrong. Which is pride rearing its ugly head. We talk ourselves into being so sure about things. We neglect to see the other outcomes that can make a solution go wrong, so I always had backup plans. Which many said I was “paranoid.” But it’s worked well for me since. Where they maybe sometimes that, I may have miscalculated something, but there is always a solution. And in my new state of mind, it’s meant to happen as it’s a learning lesson to make me wiser and more vital for the next rodeo.

Which what I take from this setback is “strengthening my adaptation skills.” Who knows what life is going to throw that I will learn how to adapt too.

Frieda Lopez – The Problems In Culturalism

Everyone is a critic, and we all know that. When it doesn’t fit into our everyday life, we reject it. When the truth is present and not convenient for us, we regret it. As people don’t want the truth, they want convenience. From food to sexual gratification is a touch or click away. Where those who feel worthless find someone more helpless than they are to boost their ego. Where you can pick up a meal in less than five minutes and curbside pick up electronic devices, we all got accustomed to living conveniently. Where if you think about it, the easier things become, the harder it becomes to adapt. And why everyone waits for this Era to pass.

Who’s to say if there is another era coming, that is far more worst. In these scenarios, hope becomes lost, and it begins to feel like it’s not worth living. But that’s not how we see things. That was apparent when my Great Aunt found out she had cancer and felt she would rather die. Was when the doctor told her, “You do have that option as we can put you on hospice if you don’t think you can fight,” she quickly changed her mind. And as cruel as it sounded when she felt like giving up and repeating the “I rather die” scenario reminded her that it was an option. I am glad she didn’t give up. As I never knew her as a quitter. But seeing this woman adapt to her new life and fighting like the warrior she is, it’s admirable. Which one of the things she always says is that “I’m sorry for being a burden.” I had to hold off on my book release due to financial barriers that were due to her Chemotherapy. Let me just say it isn’t cheap. Like I told her, “I’m happy to do this, and I am happy to struggle with you as it makes both of us stronger.” Eating breakfast with her today after coming back from a quick trip to Houston felt terrific. Which what I take from this setback is “strengthening my adaptation skills.” Who knows what life is going to throw that I will learn how to adapt too.

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The Bad Behaviors in the Entitlement of Revenge

Which in this presence. An eye for an eye was all inspired by a domino effect of bad behaviors that if those who knew better would of done the simple thing; the right thing. This story line would have never occurred in the first place.

Frieda Lopez – The Bad Behaviors in the Entitlement of Revenge

Revenge was an ABC who had a TV Series that I go into great detail that I will leave out. Little did I know that I realized then that this would be my way of revealing the grim reality that we face as this was the way “The Rideshare Chronicles” came to life. Which will have to be pushed back for release due to the unexpected medical expenses I have accrued with the Stage 4 Cancer diagnosis. Which, as she didn’t have kids, is the reason why I take full responsibility for her; if you’re wondering. But in this chapter, I began to see that we are more entitled than we would like to admit. I mean, empathy bias wouldn’t be a thing if it wasn’t, right? One of the things that we all felt and some of us acted on was something that sounds like “an eye for an eye?” In the show, it portrays a girl who was seeking revenge for the death of her father, who went to bed with the Devil, as Victoria Grayson lied about a crime her husband acted on. To clear him from the crime by framing Daniel Grayson, which the protagonist ended up plotting to take down everyone involved due to her loss. Sounds familiar and legit, right? The irony of that was that if her father didn’t have Victoria Grayson, who to protect her life and self preserve the “good girl” personality, which deception was taught to her early on in life. Daniel Grayson would have never had the events that played out happen to him. Thus not having the abuse Amanda Grayson, the protagonist needs to gain revenge. Which in this presence. An eye for an eye was inspired by a domino effect of destructive behaviors that if those who knew better would have done the simple thing; the right thing. This storyline would have never occurred in the first place.

The comment she gained this stereotype from was, “As degrading as it is for me as this was told to me by my boss. Suppose I have to shake my ass to get the money to fight for justice. I will do it.”

Frieda Lopez – The Bad Behaviors in the Entitlement of Revenge

Everyone at one point in time has all felt this need for revenge. But the unfortunate thing is that it tends to come from a place of entitlement. As it’s typically from a feeling that we didn’t get what we wanted to begin with. Which if we took control of the controllable, we would not have been in a predicament too. However, when someone does something intentional in a setting that it shouldn’t happen in, that’s when it becomes a problem, as this was the scenario that I was facing. Those who misconstrued it as a road of revenge told me I should just look for another job. Which the automatic response was “You provoked it,” which my maternal aunt that I called “my fairy Godmother” told me I did. Her avoidance and the bandwagoning attempt she caused that had “my mom,” the person I worked so hard to gain a relationship with, along with the rest of the maternal family, the things that my ex-fiancé had her believing. Which was that I was a drug addict. Which she stereotyped strippers for all being the same way. Based on a comment that I made when she accused me of asking for money to get my retainer fee for the first lawyer who fucked me over and told me that I wasn’t eligible for “litigation.” Their tactics on winning my case seemed a little degrading to those involved who were scared to come forward. The comment she gained this stereotype from was, “As degrading as it is for me as this was told to me by my boss. Suppose I have to shake my ass to get the money to fight for justice. I will do it.”

Which the most significant no-no in Texas after a potential workers comp incident forbids, have my work after the accident. Which I was forced to do right after. Which the erratic behavior came from the pain that I was having for weeks on end.

Frieda Lopez – The Bad Behaviors in the Entitlement of Revenge

Which all she heard in her selective hearing was “stripper.” That’s when the truth came out of what she stereotyped me to be as she said, “I knew you were on drugs. I knew I should have believed Ross.” Using my behavior at her Christmas gathering as erratic behavior. Which if she would have asked me then instead of acting erratic in her pre-stereotyping. I would have got the answer that ‘I was scared of what was about to happen at the job.” Which happened precisely as it did. As they attempt to fire me with was an accident that my boss neglected to tell me should be reported as Workers Compensation, which no one asked reached out when I called. Not even the director. Which the most significant no-no in Texas after a potential worker’s coy mp incident forbids, have my work after the accident. Which I was forced to do right after. Which the erratic behavior came from the pain that I was having for weeks on end.

Which “commoners” was a common name for those they used to belittle those in not so great situations. Which revealed something to me, if I am going to break the cycle, this behavior stops with me.

Frieda Lopez – The Bad Behaviors in the Entitlement of Revenge

Vengeance was the first thing that came across my mind. But something happened along the way in this journey. Which, in the end, was very fortunate. I gained selflessness, which I feel came from the act of the compassion my grandmother and my Great Aunt gave me, which both infiltrated my father’s idealism, making him see that it just wasn’t for me. It was for everyone involved. But don’t get it twisted. I wasn’t innocent either at this start of the journey as I am for the jugular immediately calling out my aunt for going against her own identity. The consistent behavior pattern they all have shown in childhood was the abusiveness they indeed possessed that engaged in insults. That after being belittled her whole life, my cousin pushed my aunt, who ended up fracturing a rib. Which her abuse that came from jealousy and un approval of how she should raise her daughter that; she also gave my aunt slack in an abusive demeanor just lost it in frustration.

As the family conditioned us just to take it. And if we can’t take it. We are weak. Which already had a traumatic childhood showed they had no empathy and resulted in Systematic racism as those with careers; those married looked down on everyone. Where my aunt Janie which they referred to her and her partner as Bear and Cub, ended up being shamed in their whole relationship for being part of the LGBT community. Which “commoners” was a common name for those they used to belittle those in not so great situations. Which revealed something to me; if I am going to break the cycle, this behavior stops with me.

Which is another reason why I began to see the truth in ghosting. It’s not that they have a personal hatred for us. They just are too afraid of facing the reality. And when you hold truth, people rather live their lives in silence and in lies. All for the sake of fitting in.

Frieda Lopez – The Bad Behaviors in the Entitlement of Revenge

Everyone had a familiar story of how the circle of abuse played in the family dynamics. I would say it’s the majority, but in my discovery, it seemed like this was the social norm for many family dynamics as insults were an expected behavior used to gain obedience. In many accounts, many of these adults were dealing with a much eviler situation. Being face to face with their child molester, many families used shame on the child to keep them obedient, which was a hard pill to swallow. Can you imagine how it must feel to be faced to face with your molester in every single family function? Hearing their stories and showing empathy helped me begin figuring out how to gain the courage to face it, which some of those who followed through felt a huge sigh of relief. Where those in fear would just ghost me, which is another reason why I began to see the truth in ghosting, it’s not that they have a personal hatred for us. They just are too afraid of facing reality. And when you hold truth, people rather live their lives in silence and lies—all for the sake of fitting in.

But one of the crimes I feel you never could come back from is killing someone in the sake of entitled revenge. Which if you think about it, becomes an act of entitlement. Because the only way I see someone being redeemed is in the act of self defense, when someone plays the grim reaper.

Frieda Lopez – The Bad Behaviors in the Entitlement of Revenge

Nothing is crueler than living a lie I began to see. However, it’s crueler when you make people know the truth. Which after a successfully setting, boundaries began to reveal. As those who didn’t want to see the truth and in their act of being forced to know the truth become victimized. But if they had mutual respect and avoided insulting and demeaning, maybe they wouldn’t face the consequences of cause and effect, which showed that both sides began to reveal this sense of entitlement. This also began to show the predictable pattern of how we resolve conflicts and threats from third parties. It’s not that we intentionally do this. It’s something that we conditioned. Would be made set boundaries in empathy as well. Which if someone commits a sinful crime, it’s something you can’t come back from. Which ultimately in the end. My purpose was to not only help people prevent them from doing this crime but gain redemption. But one of the crimes I feel you never could come back from is killing someone for the sake of entitled revenge. Which, if you think about it, becomes an act of entitlement. Because the only way I see someone being redeemed is in the front of self-defense when someone plays the grim reaper.

I hate seeing people in emotional and physical pain. Which compelled me in establishing boundaries with more intent. Which seeing how people act and do what they do in efforts to try to fulfill their self gratified pride, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Frieda Lopez – The Bad Behaviors in the Entitlement of Revenge

Going through the motions that the journey revealed was that when people are convinced they are just in self-righteousness, it’s hard to break the mentality of that as the lies they tell themselves is the truth they believe. Where the irony in this is the only way to break this mold is by having a traumatic event that affects their self preserved well being. This was revealed to me during the era of COVID. As the mentality I had was that the emotional or physical pain factor would do the trick. Which started to reveal that even though you set boundaries, people will stop for a moment and then continue their acts of what Freud referred to as the “Super Ego,” As the only way to get them to learn their lesson in their senseless act of intimidation, sometimes you got to tear someone a new ass hole, which was also hard to do as I hate seeing people in emotional and physical pain, which compelled me in establishing boundaries with more intent. Which seeing how people act and do what they do in efforts to try to fulfill their self gratified pride, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Which in the end, began to make me contemplate. If I didn’t want to fall in this trap. What am I going to difference. Which in turn made me say, how am I going to break these invisible chains I bonded myself in through social norms.

Frieda Lopez – The Bad Behaviors in the Entitlement of Revenge

Everyone is capable of good and evil. It’s human nature. But you have to stop to think of where the intention is coming from. Is it selfish or selfless? Is it for the greater good or self-gratification, which we live in a society full of self-gratification? We get inspired by so many false and unrealistic things in life. Which social media, I feel, has a lot to blame in this equation. As many sources reveal that the lavish lifestyles people lived are staged. Where the seven deadly sins come into play, and when the reality is not the truth, disappointment sets. It was finding other ways to gain this perceived and unreal reality that is part of a multimillion-dollar market. Where those do it to smell something that is not the truth, engaged others to chase that reality desperately. When it doesn’t fix the emotional issues someone has, they end up finding another quick fix in resolving those issues, whether it be through chemical dependency or behavioral dependency. Which, in the end, began to make me contemplate. Suppose I didn’t want to fall into this trap. What am I going to differ? Which in turn, made me say, how am I going to break these invisible chains I bonded myself in through social norms.

https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Unraveled-Frieda-Josephine-Lopez/dp/1951028651

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The Unkept Promises of the Perceptions of Public Perfection

Where my short time going to a private school, I got expelled for giving a student a swirly because the bitch thought she could insult my background. Where made me see early on, the effects of how cruel systematic racism truly was.

Frieda Lopez – The Unkept Promises of the Perceptions of Public Perfection

Some of the things that I began to notice about myself was that I was worried about the things that people around thought. Low key I said I didn’t, but why was I always concerned about the materialistic gain I had and why was I so concerned about flaunting designer labels to show my worth? Which doing the research regarding perception and why people get obsessed with this. Which made me encounter something that nearly broke my heart. As it revealed it’s psychological trigger based on emotional trauma inflicted by the act discrimination. As somewhere along the line, that we were shamed so bad that labels become a emotional crutch to avoid that feeling. The the disassociation of being deemed as poor is by having brand name items. Which looking back at my high school days and the peers that bragged about having brand names was avoiding looking poor. Which of course passed on by a family members obsession. Which in rationality, makes no sense. We are in the same low income school. If that was the case, then you would be in private school. Which Holy Cross and St. John Bosqo were the boogie schools in our little West Side Community. But even those who went to that private felt a bit out of place when they went there. As my amazing cousin would talk about the experiences she had their. Where my short time going to a private school, I got expelled for giving a student a swirly because the bitch thought she could insult my background. Where made me see early on, the effects of how cruel systematic racism truly was.

Which victimhood to those is their form of psychological manipulation. Which if you see the movie “The Crush” staring Alicia Silverstone, you will see just how scandalous woman can be at times. All to try to get what they want. Where in this era both men and women can be just equally evil.

Frieda Lopez – The Unkept Promises of the Perceptions of Public Perfection

Often times, I would get teased from where I lived as in San Antonio, the West Side other than the South and East sides were considered the poor sides. Which to this very day, my dad who gets food stamps cause he’s disabled told me yesterday to go to the grocery store pausing saying “You have to use the food stamp card. Are you comfortable with that?” Which came out with the reason why. Because he wanted to make sure I wasn’t embarrassed using it. Which why would I? He’s in a bad health situation that he is trying to fight through. Which goes into the story of my aunt, as the reason why she says constantly that she would rather be dead. Is because of how expensive her Cancer has cost us, which has me picking up more odd jobs to try to help pay those expenses. Which she always says in Spanish “Why did I have to get sick” and follows through with “I am being a burden.” Which being poor is the most hardest life to live. To me it’s not hard, it’s challenging. But doable. As not many feel the same way. I talk about the events that happened at Enron and the scandal that occurred. Which we all know the history of that event. Which ended with many committing suicide as they thought the worst case scenario and saw being poor being something they couldn’t do. Which if we could eliminate systematics, maybe we all could work together to find the solution for this.

Considering that I wrote the book pre-pandemic, I mention in the story about the worst case scenario happening. Which some people compare me to Nostradamus, which i ain’t no Nostradamus. I am rational and big picture thinking which has me looking at things rationally with everyone involved. Which maybe I am, I just don’t want to think of myself as anything extraordinary. As this is what makes narcissism. As they over hype their abilities, which being humble is good for me. But on thing that I saw which a negative ability of social norms possessed, the ability to induce more trauma through cause and effect. As bullying was a norm for me in high school, which if it wasn’t for someone’s kindness. Could of fucked me over royally and lie with a guilt that I would never escape. As it wasn’t the peers from my school that were cruel. It was the parents and the people who knew better that inflicted the cruelest attacks. Which were the parents and the teachers. After talking with some of the now friends I made, one of those consensus it was actions that were encouraged by their parents. Which made them amazing parents in the end. But the only reason why I felt I had to go to extremes, was not because I was an evil person. It just 1. I wasn’t emotionally strong and 2. I just wanted it to stop. As I just wanted to be a normal teenager. Which in my mentality was a cry for help that went bad. That no one who knew better never answered. Which they’re are worst acts of cries for help in desperation. Which trying to preserve a perception of public perception. Will have you liable with blood on your hands by guilt of association.

Which my mentality was a cry for help that went bad. That no one who knew better never answered. Which they’re are worst acts of cries for help in desperation.

Frieda Lopez – The Unkept Promises of the Perceptions of Public Perfection

I wrote the “Psychology of the Seven Deadly Sins” to demonstrate how insecurities trigger the at of sin. Which of course most dodged and unfollowed me on Twitter. I can’t assume what the motive was, but one of the things that is common is people dodge me to not be called out. Which truth is, as long as you mutually respect me, we are good. While working Uber, for those who needed council, I became a life coach. As many people I could feel hurting. I helped a lot of people in it, which I became an advocate for those who showed the signs of sexual assault. Being there for them through the first act of grief. Keeping them assured that they were safe and that they had support. Because many who are victims feel shame and embarrassment in the act of someone’s actions they couldn’t control. That in the end stem from entitlement that follows an attempt of psychological manipulation. Which in the end comes from the lack of mutual respect. But the one instant I couldn’t help was a mother who was grieving the lost of her son that committed suicide. That giving the benefit of the doubt to someone who never had good intentions, accused her son her son of sexually assaulting her, which first glance at the girls Facebook profile had all the signs of Daddy Issues which, she also mentioned was molested by her own father that girls mom confessed about. As the girls mom said “She felt that she was putting her daughter in danger as she misjudged men as she also was molested her dad.” In the act of rejection, which she had video of the event that her son said no, the next day followed with cruel shaming as systematics took the girls side. Regardless of all the warning signs and her indiscretions that had her serve detention for having sex on school grounds. Which cost her son a full fledge scholarship, had him register as a sex offender, and feeling that hope was lost. Committed suicide. Which many will ask how are sure. Without prejudice and without judgment that causes us to make excuses for bad behaviors. The red flags can be seen all over the damn place. Which victimhood to those is their form of psychological manipulation. Which if you see the movie “The Crush” staring Alicia Silverstone, you will see just how scandalous woman can be at times. All to try to get what they want. Where in this era both men and women can be just equally evil.

I was tired of being this perfect perception of what a woman should be. A prim and proper woman that consistence of being a delicate little flower who was a damsel in the distressed. Because truth be told I became my own knight and shining armor. As those men who claimed to be a knight and shining armor was just a man dressed in tin foil.

Frieda Lopez – The Unkept Promises of the Perceptions of Public Perfection

All of us have some sort of battle we are fighting. Some harder than others. Some with less hope. But that is how we know we are not alone. As we are all in this battle together. Truth of the matter, for the longest time. I thought why me? Why was my life so much more harder than others? Which little by little, I was getting the answers I always was looking for. It wasn’t the answer I wanted at first. As I didn’t believe I was cut out to be. But after trying to be this person I wasn’t just to appease those intimidated that got me no where but losing it all. I said fuck this shit. I was tired of being the puppet to social norms. I was tired of being this perfect perception of what a woman should be. A prim and proper woman that consistence of being a delicate little flower who was a damsel in the distressed. Because truth be told I became my own knight and shining armor. As those men who claimed to be a knight and shining armor was just a man dressed in tin foil. Truth is it became more of a burden at times when they acted like they had it together, tried to make me feel like I was the problem, and found ways on intentionally hurting me. Which made me loose respect for them as they were being bitches in the end. Trying to self gratify in victimhood, trying to make feel like I was the damsel in distress. Which is how I identified that act of deflection and gaslighting. Which found in men, began seeing it women as well.

That regardless of all the doubt people had about hope and of me, I couldn’t back down. I was already too deep to retreat. And when those would say “You really think you can make a difference.” My simple reply always is “At least I am trying.” And “trying” is good enough for me.

Frieda Lopez – The Unkept Promises of the Perceptions of Public Perfection

Life has us picking and choosing sides to help us battle our own personal battles. However, in this society no one really cares. As something that was also pointed out in my research of finding the answers to human behavior was the act of empathy bias. Which stemmed from stereotyping and discrimination https://www.intechopen.com/books/empathy-an-evidence-based-interdisciplinary-perspective/a-less-attractive-feature-of-empathy-intergroup-empathy-bias. Which has us assuming things and never getting the help that we hope that we get. Which in retrospective has us turning blind eyes. But why feel hopeless when we can make change. One of the things that I was told my whole life, is who are you going to make things better if you don’t make the effort. Which stopped a few of my family members in their track due to fear. Which is something I had to conquer in this journey. Which now succeeding in this, made me unshakable. Which in gaslighting will be able to vocally express why this opinion is based off deflection and stereotyping. Which a trigger word that makes people run away after they can’t prove I am this is “stereotyping” and “discriminating.” Which as a kid always saw people as individual “humans.” Which I am glad that stuck with me. As this probably would of been my Achilles heel if I was certain this was the case. That regardless of all the doubt people had about hope and of me, I couldn’t back down. I was already too deep to retreat. And when those would say “You really think you can make a difference.” My simple reply always is “At least I am trying.” And “trying” is good enough for me.

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The Destructive Domino Effect – The Power We Take For Granted

As the truth was, that they were using bandwagoning tactics to attempt to have me believe something that I didn’t think was truth. Which later on in the journey realized that it was a response of the constant trauma bonds I put myself due to the fear of being alone

Frieda Lopez – The Destructive Domino Effect – The Power We Take For Granted

Never ever did I ever believe I would gain the power that I gained during this journey. I almost fell in the trap that we all fell into. Which is feeling helpless and victimized, wishing things would just go away. Which in my experience it just comes harder and faster; as now your a wounded prey in line for other predators to come in for the kill. Which I feel this is where the saying of this is a “dog eat dog world.” Which for the longest time, I didn’t want to believe that the world was like this. But seeing it happen to often, in the world around me. It was hard to deny that this wasn’t how the world truly operated. Which seeing those in attempted bandwagoning, using scare tactics to scare people into joining a side. Where using the power of numbers to infiltrate a opposing view and using the things that they are most afraid of against them. Which if you think about the childhood lessons we were given, always consisted of a scare here and there. Which we been conditioned to obey in the action of scare tactics. Which is why I began mastering the act of playing the stereotype.

Which every time I attempted to come out of a bad relationship, got suckered in until they found the next easy target. Which pissed me off a little. Which started to reveal itself was that they were taking advantage of a vulnerable situation. Which was preying on the weakest link.

Originating to the first lesson I learned, I began to evaluate it. Starting there and working my way to the present in reflecting, I began to see the correlation. Which is why I depended more on myself than on other people’s opinions. Which made me research how groups influence people. The results were shocking and traumatizing all on their own. I am not going to lie I was scared of being around people for a very short while. As I began to wonder who had my best interest at hand and who didn’t. Once I began to see I had all the reason to trust myself more than anyone else, as I always knew what was best for me. I began to realize that it was my fear that was dictating my life. Which those who said “Fear is controlling you” began to see that those who gave me that same advise, was deflecting. As the truth was, that they were using bandwagoning tactics to attempt to have me believe something that I didn’t think was truth. Which later on in the journey realized that it was a response of the constant trauma bonds I put myself due to the fear of being alone. Which every time I attempted to come out of a bad relationship, got suckered in until they found the next easy target. Which pissed me off a little. Which started to reveal itself was that they were taking advantage of a vulnerable situation. Which was preying on the weakest link.

If those with selfish intent can fuck shit up for the worst, my mind had me thinking “I can fuck shit up for the greater good.” Which is what became my mission moving forward. Which in return made my mantra “If I am going to fuck shit up. I am going to fuck shit up for the greater good.”

Frieda Lopez -The Destructive Domino Effect – The Power We Take For Granted

Recognizing this is what had me realize that the domino effect occurring in each scenario was the insecurity one had taking over. Where the reason why i was always left was nothing to do with me. It was because I was becoming harder and harder to control. Where the last relationship I had, which was my ex fiancé in Houston. Lied to me according to the boundaries I set in attempts to psychological manipulate me yet again. Which is common in narcissist and sociopaths. As the charm and the fake sincerity was all a ploy to psychologically manipulate me. Using my most vulnerable situation against me to try to put their foot in their door. Which being a negative opportunist all was for the sake of feeding their ego and feeling like they had control again. Which once they lose it completely, ghost the fuck out of you. Which made me cut ties with all the toxic people in my life. Which another thing that began triggering the fear of being alone; made me wonder if I was truly going to be alone. But the silver lining about this was that those who had my best interest at hand were forgiving. And showing them the sincerest effort of gaining back their trust, had them coming back in my life. Making me more stronger. Helping them understand that I take accountability of my faults and no the best and worst case scenarios of my personality. Another thing I gained from solitude. Which telling them that “tell me to shut up cause I don’t know when to the shut the fuck up” has them telling me straight up when to shut up when I am going over board. Which those knowing me the good, bad, and ugly of me will have no hesitation. But try telling that to someone who is use to conforming. As they take it as me beating myself up. Which if they would ask me “Why do you feel that way,” would be straight up and tell them that “it’s the flaw I know I have.”

But try telling this to someone who doesn’t have that much fate in themselves. And has been lying to themselves their whole life. Since I had no materialistic game, no one wanted to hear it. Which knowing this had to consist of being consistent, diligent, and hella head strong.

Frieda Lopez – The Destructive Domino Effect – The Power We Take For Granted

Most people would see this and feel even more hopeless. I feel the reason that this occurs is that we don’t have a example on how to fight against this. We are told that “this is the way things are” and we say “okay.” After my family stopped being defensive and taking shit personally, they shared something interesting. I was always the “but why” kid. Not understanding why people didn’t think the way I did. Which also had be outcasted on a lot of things. I never wanted to fit it. I was already a reject, which is how my childhood mind looked at it. If my mom didn’t accept me, why would anyone now? Which became my opportunity to be different like I always have. Which helping me see the light, which others who cared about me did; I began using logic versus my emotions on a lot of things. Being a big picture thinker, I began using this logic as well. Which became my best course of being rationally logical in the end. Seeing the behavior patterns and the consensus of emotions and the things that “people were afraid of doing” and seeing that this wasn’t all their logic. As in many cases seemed to be very out of character for many of the people in my life. They showed good and moral actions at one point, which made me come up with a theory. We live in a chaos world that begins with a domino effect of insecurities, which the bandwagoning; the circle jerk. Which once brainwashed leashes the destructive ripple effect. That if those who would resolve these unresolved issues could be the bad asses they were meant to be. But try telling this to someone who doesn’t have that much fate in themselves. And has been lying to themselves their whole life. Since I had no materialistic game, no one wanted to hear it. Which knowing this had to consist of being consistent, diligent, and hella head strong.

That when some people are too in, sometimes there is no turning back. Unless they experience excruciating physical or emotional pain. But sometimes you can’t even save those individuals. As the ugly truth about stereotypes, is that once someone has their mind made up of you. The farther you rise, the more they hate you. And that is a prison I refuse to be in.

Frieda Lopez – The Destructive Domino Effect – The Power We Take For Granted

After acknowledging this, is when I came up with the Domino Effect, turn Circle Jerk, turn Ripple Effect as this is what group conformity does. In the presence of full insecurity, those who feel this find people victimized with the pain and begin the act of bandwagoning. Which in the end is psychological manipulation. Convincing those that this is truth and that’s the way it is having those who they manipulating bandwagoning the same song to others in the same fear. Like they say “Birds of a feather, flock together,” right? Which if you have a ability to persuade someone to bandwagon, you have the power to influence someone. But one thing that these people don’t realize that it’s stemmed through fear. Which in negligence fail to see, that not everyone has the same fear. Which is when the narcissistic tendencies come in. Where not all people are narcissist. It’s just the easy way to get rid of a potential fear. But what happens when you don’t have the same fear and you are filled with selfless intent? If those with selfish intent can fuck shit up for the worst, my mind had me thinking “I can fuck shit up for the greater good.” Which is what became my mission moving forward. Which in return made my mantra “If I am going to fuck shit up. I am going to fuck shit up for the greater good.”

But sometimes you can’t even save those individuals. As the ugly truth about stereotypes, is that once someone has their mind made up of you. The farther you rise, the more they hate you. And that is a prison I refuse to be in. Which in turn is the fault of the destructive domino effect.

Frieda Lopez – The Destructive Domino Effect – The Power We Take For Granted

Life throws us many obstacles; which is no secret. Which both Abuela’s preached that “God may choke but he doesn’t kill.” Which both Abuela’s use to knowing all about “the struggle is real” just took it as social norms. Which both pushed me hard as fuck to get an education. There was one instance that my maternal aunts attempted to persuade me to drop out of high school, which I was prepared to do. My maternal abuela on the other hand said “You fucken selfish snakes” which sounded a lot more powerful in Spanish. I was always told I was her favorite, which I couldn’t understand why. As I loved my cousins all equally and thought the world of them. My closest cousin I had Lorrain also was in consensus of this idealism. Which she was more amazing than I was I always thought. She ended up being an amazing mom. And an awesome person. Which if she saw what I saw, she would rule the world. Which one thing that followed me from childhood was that I was no more important or great than anyone else in the world. For me I felt like I found the light at the end of the tunnel and I wanted to share this information with the world. Which becomes bittersweet because another thing I realized that you can’t save everyone in this journey. That when some people are too in, sometimes there is no turning back. Unless they experience excruciating physical or emotional pain. But sometimes you can’t even save those individuals. As the ugly truth about stereotypes, is that once someone has their mind made up of you. The farther you rise, the more they hate you. And that is a prison I refuse to be in. Which in turn is the fault of the destructive domino effect.

https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Unraveled-Frieda-Josephine-Lopez/dp/1951028651

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Psychology of Patience

Society I feel, has distorted many of the values with meanings that become convenience to them that has been passed down from generation to generation. Patience in a sense is a behavior that I feel is convenient for those who said “be patient” to allow them more time to if I may be blunt “get it together in general.” Which in a general sense get together what they tried to finish in time that they lost somewhere along the way. Which in the end as long as it doesn’t interfere with the progression of someone’s day, self, or work; it should be acceptable to limits of course. But patience isn’t just waiting on someone, it deals with a lot more than that. Truth is, patience is more valuable and powerful than you think. And involves way more than just wanting on someone.

The definition is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. Which if you have been read my book, read my blogs, and seen my TikTok videos, it’s harder to have than what you think? You have experienced this as well. When the logical truthful answer is in someone’s face regarding their character (let’s leave politics out) and you’re trying to tell them why they are in the wrong (as they crossed your boundary) and they continue to in an entitled response say why your in the wrong without having any regard for anyone but themself and how it affects their own personal life. You sometimes want to just bitch slap someone in the face. Where I hate to say this, is you failed patience. Which is why boundaries are the utmost importance (again a record repeating itself), as this keeps you and the other person accountable in the spectrum of disrespect. It helps you gage who truly has your best interest at hand or is taking advantage of a situation. But like always, there is a fine line that you have to cross when it comes to this act of patience. As both parties must have mutual respect for one another.

The Science Behind Patience

Often than we want to admit, our patience is tested on the regular Judith Orloff M.D. mentions this on Psychology Today, in her article “Power of Patience The importance of patience as a coping skill and how to achieve it” which she has explains all the many factors that contribute to this. She says ” We need a new bumper sticker: Frustration Happens. Every morning, noon, and night, there are plenty of good reasons to be impatient. Another long line. Telemarketers. A goal isn’t materializing “fast enough.” People don’t do what they’re supposed to. Rejection. Disappointment. How to deal with it all?” which shows truth to this. The link is conveniently listed so you can read more about this https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-freedom/201209/the-power-patience. One thing I will say I have that has been hard to explain as it’s also her subtitle which reads “Emotional Freedom” as she specialist in this. If I could talk to her, I would love to see if the emotional freedom I feel I possess is the real thing. Cause I will admit, this journey has me trying to figure out if I am the real deal. As the only tests I have is my interaction in life and social media.

Photo by Sharon Snider on Pexels.com

In hindsight to the topic of patience, upon my research that I have also that is more remarkable than the benefit. As their is a neurological science behind the act of patience. Which Christopher Bergland which is explained in the subtitle of his blog title, which patience increases “Serotonin increases “the patience effect” if a timely reward is 75% guaranteed.” Which patience plays a huge part in our psyche. Which truth of the matter it not only helps our mood, but helps develop our brain that is not fully understood. Mr. Berglan also brings up a point that he made regarding an analogy of waiting in the drive thru in his article. In a study he references this was he said regarding that study; ” Mice in a lab aren’t much different than humans waiting at the drive-thru or for ketchup to dispense from an old glass bottle. In a recent experiment, researchers pinpointed the role that serotonin plays in “the patience effect” depending on the confidence a mouse has that it’s worth waiting a few extra seconds for a delayed food reward. The new study, “Reward Probability and Timing Uncertainty Alter the Effect of Dorsal Raphe Serotonin Neurons on Patience,” was published June 1 in the journal Nature Communications. This research was conducted by Katsuhiko Miyazaki and colleagues in the Neural Computation Unit at the Okinawa Institute of Science and Technology Graduate University (OIST).” Which only gives us a glimpses of the neuroscience behind this act of patience.

What Truly Is Patience

Contradictory to what people claim patience is, these are the following:

  • the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper, or anger.
  • an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.
  • quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.

Patience is not a behavior it’s a quality that is persistent to these specific characteristic. That lets face it, is tested more than we would like.

In life somewhere along the line, we learned the act of concealing, not feeling. Patience is harder to attain more than we like to admit. Our patience is tested on the regular Judith Orloff M.D. mentions this on Psychology Today, in her article “Power of Patience The importance of patience as a coping skill and how to achieve it” which she has explains all the many factors that contribute to this. She says ” We need a new bumper sticker: Frustration Happens. Every morning, noon, and night, there are plenty of good reasons to be impatient. Another long line. Telemarketers. A goal isn’t materializing “fast enough.” People don’t do what they’re supposed to. Rejection. Disappointment. How to deal with it all?” which shows truth to this. The link is conveniently listed so you can read more about this https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-freedom/201209/the-power-patience. One thing I will say I have that has been hard to explain as it’s also her subtitle which reads “Emotional Freedom” as she specialist in this. If I could talk to her, I would love to see if the emotional freedom I feel I possess is the real thing. Cause I will admit, this journey has me trying to figure out if I am the real deal. As the only tests I have is my interaction in life and social media. For the most part, having balance; I would like to say that boundaries are my saving grace in this.

How to Gain Patience in a Burning World

Sometimes I wish I had a magic wand to just instantly give people the qualities they struggle to attain. I wish I had the simple solution, which ultimately I feel that I do. The irony of this is that people tend to want to dodge the real issue at hand. Which is handling the fact that it works on resolving the underlying issues that prevent you from your growth. Which many people will deny, shame, and gaslight saying that I am the one with these issues. Which my answer is simple “I use to be that person and like you,” but before I can finish that statement, I get the deflection part of it. I feel that it truly comes a sense of conformity that we were all conditioned to do in obedeice of social norms. Kindness is one way to deflect that act. But the what, when where, why, and how always came into my head for me. I’ve always been a overthinker. So for you all who are the same way here are some great tips from Inc.com which I also included the link https://www.inc.com/rhett-power/4-tips-to-help-you-be-a-more-patient-person-science-says-you-will-be-happier.html.

1. Make Yourself Wait

2. Stop Doing Things That Aren’t Important

3. Be Mindful of the Things Making You Impatient

4. Relax and Take Deep Breaths

Conclusion

My mind tends to lean on anxiety when I began doing this research, as nothing really correlated to that in the articles I read. But if you really think about it, it sounds a lot like anxiety. Which tells me when you gain patience, you’re less anxious. Which having patience has proven t be the case for me. I feel a lot more free, a lot more in control of the life around you. Patience is a virtue we all deserve to have I feel, as it allows both parties, the giving and receiving to gain more empathy. We all need some extra time to get things in line, don’t you think. Why not begin the process of earning that in your journey into patience. If you want to gain a super power, begin the process of resolving those demons and skeletons in the closet. It makes the venture easier and makes you more sure of the things you struggle with. As in the end, it seems like it stems from these unresolved issues. Which tends to wilt naturally and in your time. Always remember there is no time table as progress is progress in self development. Which with consistency and persistence, you will achieve that sooner than you think. Like I always say, if I can do it. It should be a walk in the park for you. Don’t forget, I am the poster child of trauma. I’ve been told and attempted to be convince of. Love and respect.

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Pain Turned Beauty to Productivity – Behavioral Addictions Exposed

The one thing drilled in my head; as a child, “The devil finds work for idle hands,” which is common in a strong religious upbringing. Another I began to identify early on with a child psychologist that my dad had me see was that emotional triggers. Which, as an adult, I ignored. As the rebel in me used risk perception swore, my family was trying to control my life. Which is one of many people who thought they knew better disregarded. I didn’t realize it was with this ”idle hand” logic, and avoiding facing the demons I told myself I did a lie I continued to say to myself my entire life. When shit hit the fan, I started reflecting; I began to notice a constant behavioral pattern that I was keeping busy on purpose to avoid going through the emotions of the things that were genuinely bothering me. When the busy work took me down a workaholic path of burnout, it led to side projects when I wasn’t in school. That led to multiple projects that would lead to drinking to relax. Which, if the antidepressants wouldn’t work, binge drinking. Or I was treating myself as a reward, which led to overpriced pedicures that led to luxury items. It was not realizing that when I felt pain, I began crunching on other things, which led to writing, which I loved doing as a kid. I was told my sophomore year of real college. I had a talent for it and should pursue it. But in my head, I wanted to change the world and felt I couldn’t do it through writing. Who knew that it would not only become a career. But also would change my life.

One of the thing that I realized during my reflection was that I would purposely more than I can chew in excess. There were times that I am not going to lie, I procrastinated on a lot of things and waited to the last minute. Since I work better under pressure, it seemed like the best thing to do. But procrastinating too much made me get behind on a lot of things. During the dark times when I wasn’t making money from being purposely revisited and reinstating my job responsibilities that my now fired boss stripped off, it began to look like an intentional act. As calling my old boss in the field, my director of my department; followed with no call back. What I began doing while I made the calls I was told everyday, which average would be about 40 max from 8 AM to 5 PM which consisted of about 8 no answers and 10 hangups. Even when I ended up landing activations, truth of the matter is I was told I couldn’t go into the stores, which how am I going to activate phones if I can’t step into the store, right? Truth of the matter is this was ultimately why it felt like retaliation. Which showed a huge history of that with the Sprint Houston office. The one reason why it wasn’t a big deal, was the assumption was that the problem will go away. This is where the undermining, stereotyping, and discrimination does. As most of the people who would be fired were minorities. The worst part, Basic Bitch Betty was white and with her track record, had many minorities fired. Which the word in the office was she was a snake in the grass. For a no name nobody that my boss told me I was, not bad hun. Truth is, in the Houston office. Now seeing it, before the merger of T-Mobile, corporate consisted of white men. Only for the exception of my boss Ernie Douglas. Which even in the district manager rankings in Houston showed to be relevant.

Which even in the district manager rankings in Houston showed to be relevant.

Frieda Lopez – Pain Turned Beauty to Productivity – Behavioral Addictions Exposed

Right now, thinking about this, I am like damn. Truth is the only way someone would get to the top in the office is through sabotage, which made the Houston office a toxic environment. But armed with the mindset of “work hard to get everything back,” I became a handywoman. Which one of my favorite projects was building an old school cabinet. My favorite boss in the team, Boyd, got me interested in an obsession with Cowgirl boots, which woodworking in a small apartment is what I think made my condition worse. Where mold was growing, more than likely infecting the wood, which the disinfectant treatment is why it wreaked havoc on me as it was going in me in all ways.  I began to do after the attempted sexual assault, and the vulgar recording was overworking myself in projects.  That also revealed I was now enabling the trigger of not dealing with the realness of the event.  In my head, the idea that “How can a man ruin my entire likelihood,” which the MeToo Movement that happened simultaneously was something I didn’t want to face the grim reality of what happened.  Which following the same behavioral patterns of keeping busy, just ended up catching up to me.  

The day that I lost hope was the day that my Godmother assumed that I wanted money from her and then stereotyped me based on letting her know that I didn’t need her money and I was prepared to do what had to do to fight back. Which in the moment of not thinking rationally, I was a bit suicidal. The reason being was after all the blood, sweat, and tears that it took me to get my degree, it was all going to be in the hands of a unethical man. Who saw me as a threat. As the reason for this was because he was national trainer that trained many other companies. Which I saw the good he possessed. But in the mist of fear, he was going to do whatever he could to protect his stability. Which began the domino effect of beginning the see what was really happening. Which was the fear of “retaliation,” which he was forced to do by his boss to get rid of the problem I felt. Which his boss, from the very start could tell was fake as fuck. Something about him always had me cautious for some strange reason. Which later, I could tell as the minion that he sent after they found a replacement had the qualities of a gullible ass kisser. Which in his retaliatory act and the way he fired me, played a similar pattern, that in his fake kindness could tell it was fear that was embodying him. Part of me and part of the guilt he had in the actions he was doing. Which I can say he felt was wrong. The funny thing about people who are afraid, they ignore the problems and the victims that are being harmed. Hoping that they don’t see the same fate, as long as they remain subordinate and in conformity. Which if you look at the bigger picture, is mostly the reason why we stay busy in these moment of others getting hurt. We find ways to occupy our time to ignore what’s really going on.

In my head, the idea that “How can a man ruin my entire likelihood,” which the MeToo Movement that happened simultaneously was something I didn’t want to face the grim reality of what happened.  Which following the same behavioral patterns of keeping busy, just ended up catching up to me. 

Frieda Lopez – Pain Turned Beauty to Productivity – Behavioral Addictions Exposed

In graciousness, I was able to get back home and recovery from the trauma. Where coming home, it opened my eyes to how the world really was. It triggered something in me that I never imaged that it would. I began to stand up for others in injustice or unfairness. From entitled women who treated the cashier disrespectfully and looking at me with this disapproval look. Then bragging about using the child support to buy a designer bag. Which now being an automatic response being “So you mean to tell me that the only skill you acquired in your adult life is laying on your back and keeping up with the Kardashian’s when you should be keeping up with the bills. Great job slugger!” Which talking with my long life friend said I was always like this. Which I have to thank my dad for that as he busted his ass to help me emotionally heal. Which his systematic racism he faced as a single dad was the biased view that “Men shouldn’t raise little girls,” which him being a workaholic is probably a way he dealt with that stigma as an emotional crutch. Which I must say, no matter how much my dad beats himself up for this. He did a amazing fucken job.

Going back and reflecting on my life, I began to look at the moments of trauma I began to see something similar, was the actions of using behaviors as emotional crutches. From spending money on things that I didn’t need, keeping appearances up with the idealism of “dressing the part” will make me gain respect, using labels to determine myself worth, going out and acting reckless, engaging in relationships with unhealthy people. All because I doubted myself and wanted to fit in to society. But at the same time, it had me deflect the reality of things. That things were not as fair as I perceived it to be. Because the lie that if I climbed up the social ladder a little further, I would get the fair chance to make it. Where the “fit in to get in the “shake hands with the devil” and “it’s a dog eat dog world” made me begin to realize that the things society promises becomes an empty promise in the end. It’s who you know and how much you fluff their ego. Which all of us have been in a situation like that. Where we do the most degrading things and then get stereotyped and shamed to protect those with ill intentions. Which the consensus was “I was stupid for not taking short cuts.” And why should I do that. It would only attracted people who didn’t believe me and make me into a person I wasn’t. All for the sake of appearances. Which when told, it’s the only way. My rebuttal was “You got me fucked up.”

Which all of us have been in a situation like that. Where we do the most degrading things and then get stereotyped and shamed to protect those with ill intentions. Which the consensus was “I was stupid for not taking short cuts.” And why should I do that. It would only attracted people who didn’t believe me and make me into a person I wasn’t. All for the sake of appearances. Which when told, it’s the only way. My rebuttal was “You got me fucked up.”

Frieda Lopez – Pain Turned Beauty to Productivity – Behavioral Addictions Exposed

Getting to where I hope to get to in the motive of inspiring change for the greater good hasn’t been easy. But consistency and dignity were key in this journey. Which not realizing I applied a lot of the business logics I was gifted by many amazing leaders. Shanon, Frank, Ernie, Armando, Linda, and Margaret. Which they saw something me I couldn’t see at the time. They never gave up on me, even when I acted like an entitled shit, which I was grateful. One of the things Frank, who was like a work father figure said “I spread myself too thin,” which I am not going to lie. I took offensively and personally. But looking back at it, I am glad he was the way he was with. He had high expectations on me and during a lunch told me “I am trying to make you a better leader than I am,” which I have to thank him for. As he made me a leader that I never imagined I would be. Always telling me to “not underestimate my ability” to “never have doubt in the decisions you make” and “always take accountability,” which then not being able to use cause and effect I have to say I mastered. In the end it made me realize that things don’t happen for a reason. The people we meet, the things we experience, and the things we do. In human nature it’s said that we are biologically programed to make mistakes. But it’s not about dwelling on them, it’s about how you fix them. Which in every time I fell flat on my ass, I stood back up stronger and more determined.

Because in order for that to happen we get shamed and degraded with a possibility that we were given false promises. Which you think about it is kind of modern day slavery. Which if you don’t have power or money, will always be part of this grim reality of things.

Frieda Lopez – Pain Turned Beauty to Productivity – Behavioral Addictions Exposed

Graciousness is also what I gained after I stopped relying on emotional triggers, which beating myself up began to fade more and more. I was the worst critic of myself, and now I don’t criticize my faults I fix them. Where being grateful of the mistakes also occurred. As which each and every mistake, I learned something new every time. Which the feedback I get is that “I’m overly grateful” which the way I see it. It’s not a bad thing. From the workers who even though being forced to work to put food on the table, am sincerely grateful for their services. The charity I get from those who don’t want to see me struggle , grateful for their kindness and keeping my hope alive. And those who donate to help me get to the place where I can truly inspire change, grateful for the faith they have in me. Because for the longest time, I thought I was not capable of it. But which every single battle win or lose, I find solace in it as it’s something I never would do when I was living in fear that I didn’t want to admit to to pride. That stopping the emotional trigger of keeping busy, led me back to the writing venture that I was told had a talent for. That my sword being the pen or keyboard and the shield being my dignity; made me into a woman I never imaged I would ever be in this lifetime. Attempting to maintain the boundaries that people with the lack of mutual respect, try to disengage. When it’s proven that this is not the case, release the kraken. As something that becomes relevant is that their emotional crutch is engaging in bad and toxic behavior. That is stereotyping and discrimination.

Everyone has a story that seems hopeless of ever seeing good coming. Which is why I began writing my story. Which knowing that it wasn’t my truth, would not listen when people said “I was feeling sorry for myself.” Truth is stoicism is what was the main determinant as to why this wasn’t my truth. I took everything with my head held high in courage of conviction and never complained about the adversity I was facing. In fact it just enabled me more in my need for change. Because in this society, the thing that also came to light was the things we get conditioned to do that just makes us and others feel shittier about. Which is why I had to expose the bad behaviors that are told to us gets us somewhere. Because in order for that to happen we get shamed and degraded with a possibility that we were given false promises. Which you think about it is kind of modern day slavery. Which if you don’t have power or money, will always be part of this grim reality of things.

Which began the mentality of “I’m tired of running and I’m tired of hiding,” which became the motivation to fight against my company which you won’t be told of the second battle to keep appearances of power. Because what fueled in my heart was “It’s time for this David to face the Goliath’s of this damn world.”

Frieda Lopez – Pain Turned Beauty to Productivity – Behavioral Addictions Exposed

Respectfully, I don’t think it’s an intended act. When it becomes intentional is when those who act on it in personal choice has lost all hope in people, themselves, and in life. Which is why I feel drug addicts turn to chemical dependency because they rather not face the reality that we refuse to see. As this is their reality. At the same time it doesn’t justify the intentional wrong doing that they do. But what if hope was instilled or attempted. Those who are truly gracious will show it. Those who won’t will show it. But why stereotype all addicts based on a few bad habits. And why shame them as well. We all are addicts when pained which behavioral addiction is a thing. Which caused by an emotional trigger. Which becomes a bandaid for temporary relief of a deeper problem. Which being a workaholic is a behavioral addiction if we are going to be transparent. Which began the mentality of “I’m tired of running and I’m tired of hiding,” which became the motivation to fight against my company which you won’t be told of the second battle to keep appearances of power. Because what fueled in my heart was “It’s time for this David to face the Goliath’s of this damn world.”

Check out Journey of An Unraveled Road today available on e-book and paperback https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Unraveled-Road-Frieda-Lopez-ebook/dp/B08BLQYXHJ/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=journey+of+an+unraveled+road&qid=1598019390&sr=8-2
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Psychology of Diligence

Diligence is something we hear about, but it’s not explained it feels. You hear “Do your due diligence” many times, but what does this really mean? Well the definition of diligence is as follows: careful and persistent work or effort. Where something I preach about, consistency goes hand and hand if you really think about it. One thing that we don’t realize we are currently working on due diligence in everything we do. Some struggle with it while others master it like a champ. From dating, to work, to planning, to entertainment. The one thing that I feel we all failed in a fast growing world, where we all feel we are competing at times, is the due diligence within ourselves. Where when we don’t do the due diligence on ourselves, it seems like no matter how much we try. It seems theirs a void. Where taking the journey I took which inspired the book “Journey of an Unraveled Road,” for once in my life I felt that I achieved self love.

In my journey, I remember i cried when I heard Whitney’s Houston’s “The Greatest Love” as I realized that I started to unconditionally love myself. Another song that made me cry in this journey is Selena Gomez’s “Lose You To Love Me” as I gained something that no one could ever take away from me, my dignity. Which has three definitions 1. the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect, 2. a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect, and 3. a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect. Which realizing that I had all three was truly a win for me. Some people tend to argue with me, in an attempt to psychologically manipulate me into thinking this isn’t the case for me as they attempt to point out reasons why I have no self respect, which one rebuttal to that is; I never let anyone verbally or psychologically abuse me. When they say I hurt others intentionally, my rebuttal to that is; if that person who believed they felt they could disrespect me in a sense of verbal abuse and psychological manipulation they were given three chances to respect my boundaries. Which shows they have no mutual respect. And when people say I am not classy based on my verbal defense, I point out one thing that many people fail to realize. That they have attempted a psychological manipulation called gaslighting. Which opens a whole can of worms and endless debate that points out the true intention of someone. Which being empathetic is water under the bridge, but if they are not genuine about the apology? Has them doing the same predictable behavior trying to find another cheap shot at me as the lack of self dignity that they have for themselves in their attacks to make another failed attempt to try to emotionally cut me down, turns into the realization that many people don’t seem to realize. That they became their abuser. As the truth of the matter of why dignity is no longer present at the time, they didn’t resolve the issues that are haunting them from whenever their abuse started. Which continue to use victimized tactics to get sympathy. Which then becomes a cycle that corrupts the individual due to the lack of persistence they refuse to take in their gluttony. Which in their wounded pride could be avoided if they would stop belittling me. Which comes from stereotyping due to a fear they have. Which in the end becomes discriminatory. Which if you look at the behavior pattern of that one individual, will show that they have a dark history of discriminatory bias.

The Characteristics of Diligence

Going back to diligence, one of the things that you must realize is that diligence doesn’t happen over night. Diligence takes time, which through my life experience takes the mastery of consistency. Which another truth of social conformity is that we all got conditioned somewhere along the line to make excuses for our down falls. One thing that I gained out of my consistency is that although I am not good at organizing as organizing becomes a over complicated task I over complicate as organization for me consist of presentation and artistic display. Which is why I need someone to organize for me and add the artistic touches. I will say I am great at time planing. As everything must align with a bit of wiggle room for worst case scenarios. One thing in this that makes me realize I have dignity, is I don’t beat myself up for the things that are out of my control. Where if it was in my control, I take accountability for improper time management. I find the problem and I create a solution. Now I am not going to dodge the flaw that I have in organization. Being an artist everything has to be optically aesthetic, which is something I am working on. Enough of the story times, here are some characteristics of diligent individuals according to AuntyFaith.com https://auntyfaith.com/2019/11/06/5-characteristics-of-a-diligent-person/.:

1) A diligent person is an excellent planner

2) A diligent person produces excellent work

3) A diligent person is faithful in everyday tasks

4) A diligent person pushes through obstacles of all kinds

5) A diligent person is self-motivated

Nevertheless, we can’t talk about dignity without following with the characteristics that people with dignity have, which includes the four types of dignity which are dignity of merit, dignity of moral stature, dignity of self image, and menschenwurde which is the universal dignity that pertains to all human beings to the same extent and cannot be lost as long as the person exists according to Lennart  Nordenfelt and Andrew  Edgar  in The Four Notions of Dignity https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/14717794200500004/full/html. Here are the qualities of people with dignity according to Skip Prichard https://www.skipprichard.com/10-elements-of-treating-people-with-dignity/:

  1. Acceptance of Identity.
  2. Recognition.
  3. Acknowledgment.]
  4. Inclusion.
  5. Safety.
  6. Fairness.
  7. Independence.
  8. Understanding.
  9. Benefit of the Doubt. 
  10. Accountabilitye

In our current world of leadership, dignity is something I feel that any leader should possess. Which making the excuse that no one is perfect is nearly that. As once again in human nature, we are programmed to make mistakes. It’s about fixing those mistakes.

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

Conclusion

To be fair, we all have experience some sort of conditioning to lose sight of dignity. From the things we were told as kids, to the things that we see in the media, and the experiences that we have in social media. Well now that you are aware of it, it’s what you do next to improve. Where those who truly want to gain dignity and diligence will attempt to get a grasp at it. Yeah they might fall a few times, but as long as they continue to get back up, they mastered not only consistency, but diligence and dignity. Which puts them a mile ahead of the game. Props in advance readers who continue to get up. This where we get the opportunity to gain a bit of empathy as one thing you must always remember is this “the lies that they tell themselves in the act of deflection which paints a picture of their insecurities is that they choose to be left behind. Which hopefully they will see the light one day and work to becoming a better version of themselves. One of the things I always like to use in the example is a clip form the Walking Dead as in the fall of Alexandria, some of those who chose not to leave was their choice stemmed by fear. Which in the end you have to wish them the best and hope they make it out alive. Which if the current theory of social zombification is a thing, you got to make it alive and realize not everyone can be saved. Here is the clip of the classic episode.

You matter in this universe and always remember that. You make an impact and set things in motion, no matter what you think. You’re meant to do amazing thing. The things that hold us back is the lack of diligence and dignity we have for ourselves, which is hard to grasp. As this concludes the blog series of “The Psychology of the Seven Virtues” I want you to take away something from this, while everyone is engaged in the sins, the way to make the change and gain your self back is through the virtues. We all have made mistakes in the past, but now is the time to change it and make your life better. Who cares what the Beckys, the Shanons, and the conformist do, if you want change, it’s time to make it happen. I hope this helped many of you in your journeys. But with that idealism in mind, tomorrow starts the series where I will dissect the “Journey of an Unraveled Road” and pick my brain for you. On what was going on in this head of mine when writing the chapters. Here are the chapters we will be discussing each and every day throughout this series:

  1. The Unknown Path to Freedom
  2. Pained Turned Beauty to Productivity
  3. Ugly Duckling Turned Beautiful Swan
  4. Breakaway Little Song Bird
  5. Solace from Solitude
  6. The Destructive Domino Effect
  7. Perception of Public Perfection
  8. Problems That Want to Be Solved
  9. Entitlement of Revenge
  10. The Big Small World We Live In
  11. Grandma Lives a Thug Life
  12. The Girl on Fie
  13. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
  14. Freedom Rediscovered
  15. This Ends

Which according to a bitter person who shows envy, jealousy, and a bit of psychosis said this was a trash book that is used for toilet paper. My rebuttal to that was “They why did you buy the book.”

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How I Discovered The Unknown Path to Freedom

The Unknown Path to Freedom

For the longest time, I felt like I had it worst. For the most part I think we all feel this once in a while, more often than we like to truly admit. Recalling some of the stories my late maternal Grandmother Jaunita would tell me, which I started to recall in the lessons she taught me as a child. I began to think about the things that I experienced in my current moment of adversity. I remember her telling me about the hard times she experienced as a single mother of eight, still raising most of the grandchildren as her own; she always made sure that family was never without. She was head strong, but also an emotional person. As being with her most of the time time in childhood as she became a savior for me for reasons that I will not disclose to protect my mother that I love very much and truly forgiven her for the things I couldn’t understand at the time; had her sharing her pains with me when I felt like I didn’t fit in. What I remember about her is she never gave a fuck about people’s opinions. She did what she wanted as long as it was for the best interest of the everyone involved. Some of the things she shared with me during my time in high school before she was admitted into a nursing facility was the discrimination she endured as a single Latina women. And the grim reality of how the world really was. Which everytime I would beat myself she would say “No eres victima” which in English translates to “You’re not a victim” as she helped me beat one of my demons early on in childhood.

And the grim reality of how the world really was. Which everytime I would beat myself she would say “No eres victima” which in English translates to “You’re not a victim” as she helped me beat one of my demons early on in childhood.

Frieda Lopez – How I Discovered The Unknown Path to FreedomHow I Discovered

My paternal Grandmother was a saint in my eyes. She was very religious and very brave, which at first she was hesitant of me fighting my battle because of the fear of the unknown, which my dad influenced her decision a little, which for a temporary time brought in some resentment and a mini feud. Which shortly after, she came to my defense telling my dad it was necessary; as the things that happened to me happened to her in a sense and that he was in the wrong for having me run away. She raised my father with morals, which he passed on to me. One of the things my father never liked seeing me was in pain, which the only way to protect his own was trying to persuade me in running away. Which when my abuela, Socorro found out what else what was happening and how my maternal family turned their backs on me as they believed a lie my ex-fiancee told them was that i was a hard core drug addict. Which ultimately in the end, came to light that he was doing this behind my back to try to have my family convince me to stay with him. As the narcissist he was and which his ex wife; which I was friends said he had a history of doing this in the past. The day she came to check on me, as I told her due to my father, I would not associate with the family until I get the courage to fight so I wouldn’t be scared into backing down: found me almost dead as later events would reveal something that became my second fight. I was getting killed by the mold infestation in my apartment.

Relating with my resolving a previous sexual assault and the attempted one through Sprint, she did everything she could to try to have me move back to San Antonio, TX which telling the apartment about the mold problem in a civil manner giving them time to resolve this without a written notice, evicted me from The Dunvale Apartments. After being homeless for a good 24-48 hours a second time; but losing it all this time, the kindness of a stranger had me come back home and also having the help of a very dear friend and classmate in Grad School (which ended up being fraud), help me pack and come back to San Antonio. Which also had a similar story to my Maternal Grandmother’s story. The act of discrimination, belittling, and gaslighting as her accounts also tells the story of people taking advantage of her in vulnerable moments. The correlating lesson they taught me when faced with this type of adversity, is work hard to gain the life you lost. Which my Great Aunt, Aurora, facing the same injustice in her current work life; she was being belittled and take advantage of, being told to not show up to work, she the message by a friend from her boss. Would have her relinquish her rights as a independent contractor after sacrificing her entire life to serve a family she loved as her own family.

Every time I thought of this, I had to fight. Seeing what was happening in the world around me, it was my due diligence to try to make a change. One of the ironies of this that I neglected to see as a spoiled brat just worrying about my own dam self, was that we all go through this. Men, women, young, old, and everyone who is looked down upon or is in a vulnerable situation. It was hard to just turn my back on something I was starting to see, even though people were too proud to admit to it. The first thought to my head was “This is why change never fucken happens. It’s the pride we have and the fear of being shamed that we don’t share our struggles with anyone.” Looking back at the instance when I attempted to get help, which everyone ignored my plea was “This is why injustice fucken happens,” which made me see the reasons why. As fear is the main motivator of this act. And can you blame them? For the longest time I just thought about myself in the bigger scheme of things realizing that no one fights back because we are scared. We play the pawn to try to get ahead in life. And all we get is a pat on the back with empty promises. Which made me think about all the unfulfilled promises I was given that ended up just fucking me over in the ass with no lube. Which an automatic response of victimhood is not standing up for ourselves. Which Shoshanna Katzman makes perfectly clear in her NO MORE VICTIM: STAND UP FOR YOURSELF IN LIFE on SelfGrowth.com https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Katzman1.html. Which if we are going to be completely transparent, how many life changing battles have those who tell us “pick and choose your battles” did they really face. Which my dad being one of them, transparently admitted nothing like mine. And looking at the behavioral patterns of those who gave this advice, revealed that they only picked the battles with the weakest opponent. One that they knew they could win. Which it’s okay, but the difference between them and I was I had too much to lose that was lost already in the process. That for me, if I didn’t fight for. Would lose, which is my dignity.

That for me, if I didn’t fight for. Would lose, which is my dignity.

Frieda Lopez – How I Discovered The Unknown Path to FreedomHow I Discovered

The problem that begins to occur in this, which I began to realize in my self reflection, was we never break the habit as another thing that was revealed in my reflection was that I was afraid of the unknown, afraid of losing, afraid of what people would say about me if I didn’t lose. In that moment which could have swayed to selfish, realized that I was selfless. As the only thing I could think about is “everyone who remained silent” and allowed this bad behavior to happen. Which in the work place should have zero tolerance for. But it sometimes holds a biased tolerance. Which in my case, realized whatever made the company more money and wouldn’t be a threat to that. Which coming out the scenario without a non disclosure have a plethora of unethical and illegal things Sprint Houston did, including terminating those employees who in were thrown under the bus for the unethical leadership all to cover there ask and reach quota. In the end, I was offered a settlement that I refused. Which the attempted psychological manipulation that came behind this was “You’re always going to be a broke bitch.” Which I use the same line in “The Rideshare Chronicles” saying “I am a priceless broke bitch to you.” Which if need be could reveal the illegal practices to gain quotas, which included manipulating customers in bundle packages, in opening business accounts for non business customers as that was the offense I was accused of, embezzlement, bribery, and even using the Good Old System in discriminatory fashion.

Every time I use the name “Harvard from Da Hood” I get a smile on my face. As I was told by Basic Bitch Betty in front of the whole team, stop acting ghetto, following her thoughts on what she thought of San Antonio, TX and the residence of the city. Which many people look in big cities look at us. Being naive, vulnerable, uncultured….but I am here to say we are more cultured than many. Mind you we have our issues, but we care about people. Yeah we have our fair share of narcissism, but a lot has to due with being dominated by old money. Doing Uber has revealed a lot of injustice due to fear. Which let’s be real, we all face. But being open minded and actually caring for people’s well being opened my eyes to so much of the things that a typical San Antonian would see. Regardless of all the bad things that happened in Houston, TX. I still love the city with all my heart. As it made me grow and it made me break the pride I had when I first went to San Antonio. There was bad, but there was a hell of good. My team, my supervisor Ernie Douglas, who helped me a lot. He helped me grow out of naiveness. He cultivated the power that I never thought I had, which I ran with. It gave me hope, and regardless of some of them turned their back in fear, I still love them unconditionally. Although some have to prove to me they can be trusted, it made me not take things personally. It revealed one thing I knew but never really paid no mind to at the time of selfishness, that we all have a struggle and are trying to find a way on breaking the chain.

It revealed one thing I knew but never really paid no mind to at the time of selfishness, that we all have a struggle and are trying to find a way on breaking the chain.

Frieda Lopez – How I Discovered The Unknown Path to FreedomHow I Discovered

Another thing I realized in that venture is that I should trust myself more. As the reflection of things made me realize, I always knew the dangers. I was just a bit naive in that everyone had the best intentions. Which made me want to see what I was capable of. Which made me say to myself “If I can face this, it’s time to face my demons.” Which made me realize that the unknown path to freedom was letting go of everything by facing the demons, including the trauma. I learned how to be self sufficient and set boundaries, which in transparency I had no clue of facing. It made me stop using labels and seeing people in one simple way, human. Which in the unknown path of freedom had me trust myself way more and avoid getting opinions of others, unless it affect them directly. Which realizing that the unknown path of freedom began with balance and self efficacy. Which became a swan song not only for me, for the phenomenal woman in my life. And for everyone who couldn’t fight for themselves in injustice. Our fight.

Which realizing that the unknown path of freedom began with balance and self efficacy. Which became a swan song not only for me, for the phenomenal woman in my life. And for everyone who couldn’t fight for themselves in injustice. Our fight.

Frieda Lopez – How I Discovered The Unknown Path to FreedomHow I Discovered

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The Movement That Became

The “Journey of an Unraveled Road

For the long time I wanted to write a book. The “Journey of an Unraveled Road” first started before it was even thought to be a book. Truth of the matter is, I thought life was completely over. It initially started at the place of employment I use to work at Sprint at the Houston office which started as a request to take sales that I made from a territory that the person who I reference as Basic Bitch Betty gained control of as she made the district I was working with believe that I was committing fraud. Which when she attempted to accuse me of such act, which resulted into a investigation where they found no fraud committed. Had employees fired for the shady practices she condoned that she threw under the bus to save her own ass. After being transferred, leadership told me that I needed to process the sales that I made for those stores at another assigned store. Which being cornered to complete, which was partially justified as the Store Manager at the time who assisted with the sales, was the SM for that location, which had me asked “What about the assistant managers store?” which originally working with them at a store they both were at, ended up getting separated to two different location. Which pointing out my concern and being told “I need to look out for myself” which I pointed the slippery slope, began the attempt to find ways to fire me or have myself processed out.

In the mist of this, after having one of my employees fired, after having us take a training course in Kansas City having us learn a process that I felt was really awesome, ended up threatening the team with termination if quotas weren’t met. Which my question was “Why did you have us learn a new technique and expect us to get results?” Which being a Retail Training Store Manager, I knew that it would take at least 60 days to show results. Bringing this up and being told “You need to be brave and find another job as not everyone is cut out for this,” in shock I ended up having an accident that totaled my vehicle one hour away from where I lived. No one called me back after the accident as I left a message for my manager and my regional manager. Also leaving a message for his boss. Which finally getting a hold of a territory manager, ended up working immediately after the accident as I was forced to attempt to work, according to what the territory manager informed me.

After telling my boss I had an accident and I was feeling the effects of it, he attempted to start with a no call no show, which after being told by a previous boss I use to work with, that I needed to file for unemployment. Which he refused to tell me who I needed to contact. After doing my own research I ended up getting Workers Comp, which he attempted to fire me for first a no call, no show, then after a rebuttal that it would be illegal to fire me for not being able to fulfill my job duties as with a totaled car, thought that I wouldn’t be able to afford another one did it as he thought I did not have a vehicle. Which started the act of changing my job duties. Where visiting stores were not allowed anymore, which I was the only one given that restriction. Where checking on me was not heart felt as voice infliction and the coincidental questioning was more focused on what was going on between my boss and I. And no one would return my calls when I would ask what’s going on and what am I suppose to do now that I was made to do outbound calls, which the minimum was fifty calls a day. And when my boss said “I can do 50 calls a day, why can’t you?” Rebuttaled with “Since the training program you claim to be doing is not being efficient, when can you show me how to do this effectively?” Which he said “You had enough training, I don’t need to show you anything,” which after emails and a conference call that had him have an emotional outburst that said “We will never be on the same page! And I swear to God Frieda if you don’t stop retaliating the only thing you’ll do is shake your ass and give head for a living!” That was the trauma that began the journey. Which in turn followed something I never expected would occur, attempted sexual assault in the workplace.

The topping on the cake was that I was getting sick in my apartment, getting evicted because of not wanting problems as I ended up getting an infection from the mold that was growing. Which ultimately in the end almost killed me. Along with my ex making my family think things that had them turn there back on me and almost not fighting back as my family were saying I wouldn’t win the lawsuit. In the end I didn’t win the case, which I did on the second attempt have a chance to gain the settlement from my legal team which is my gurl Bethany; it was time to make a change. Time to make an impact. As the fear that subsided at Sprint Office now T-Mobile, ended up being afraid of fighting back as the consensual thing that people I talk with still say are afraid of “retaliation.” Which is something that I am compelled to talk more about after we dissect the “Journey of an Unraveled Road.” As my story is similar to many stories. As the work place pre COVID, sometimes was not a safe place, can only imagine how it is during the COVID crisis. Which I would hope that my account in a published book helped those still battling gain the courage to stand up for themselves. That they end up taking back the power they have in a place shaken with fear of losing livelihood. Where in rationality and evaluating both the controllable they posses and separating the uncontrollable which in the act of another person, is not the controllable. But also realize that this is another social norm we conditioned to accept. Where if you can’t be safe in the work place, where the hell can you feel safe at. Which Friday, we begin dissecting the first chapter, where we review the motive to my venture. And where I say goodbye to the yellow brick road.

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Song of the Day

Lady Gaga – Born This Way

One of the biggest stigmas is that being gay is a choice. In biology, it’s been proven that asexual creatures or in human biology a condition called intersexed.. Which contradicts the religious belief that it’s a choice. Ironically in childhood, I was the one that everyone came out to as I always knew. Which maybe is where I gained my empathetic nature and my bonafide badass, as I would always protect them from people’s intentional physical harm. As wrong is wrong. In honor of National Coming Out Day to all my LGBT peeps. Know that I love you with the passion and always remember “you were born this way, baby!” Which in honor of this glorious day makes a special song of the day dedicated to my LGBT community; Lady Gaga’s “Born this Way.”

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Psychology of Charity

Charity is one of the instant gratifications that one gets when doing this genuinely out fo the kindness of your heart. Charity is something that changes you instantly as it’s a immediately good deed that you do. Do you recall that time that you saw someone who was without something they needed, and you helped them be with the necessity that they were needing? It was an amazing feeling wasn’t it. Let’s set some boundaries and talk about the ugly that is the act of charity. For starters charity has its own market and how to attain financial gain through the act of charity. Which Elizabeth Chung rights in Classy.org, ways to help non profits gain financial stability if your a non profit as she expresses the three psychological triggers Which are as follows (Elizabeth Chung. 3 Psychological Triggers That Can Help You Win Donations. October 2017. https://www.classy.org/blog/3-psychological-triggers-to-win-donations/.) :

1. The Identifiable Victim Effect

2. Goal Proximity

3. The Martyrdom Effect

But if we are going to be transparent when someone inflicted with sloth is going to use this for a selfish way to fulfill a want and not a need. Where let’s be real. In entitlement, people associate with want and need a little too fluidly.

Hypothetically Ms. Chung wrote this for the best intention, right? But here’s the ugly truth. Many people will use this for their personal gain, becoming the elaborate story tellers. Which is why going with your gut is the most important thing of it. So let’s step away from the negative and focus on the positive. There is actually a whole science behind the act of charity. According to DavidKinner.org as the act of altruism gives what’s called the “warm glow” feeling (The Psychology Behind Giving Back. July 10, 2017. http://davidkinnear.org/psychology-giving-back/.). Truth of the matter is true charity is selfless act that eliminates judgment and bias. We all hold back in the act of charity as we assume the intentions of the person using our own standards as to why we don’t give back. Whatever the case is, we can’t assume and we really don’t know that for sure. One of the interesting things that this article also mentions is what is called, the empathy gap. Which is defined by effectiviology.com is a cognitive bias that causes people to struggle to understand mental states that are different from their present state, or to struggle to consider how such states affect people’s judgment and decision-making. Which at the end of the day, I feel it’s conditioned by social norms.

The Problem With Cognitive Bias

At the end of the day, to do this charity right, we have to have 100% empathy. Back to the cognitive bias thing, we condition ourselves to talk ourselves down from things. Which is perfectly normal as this our risk perception taking over. However when you mix internalized emotions, trauma, and resentment, it becomes a little distorted. How do you ask? What is the first thing we do irrationally when we make irrational judgments that are hyped by a super ego? We tend to over compensate own abilities. Hold that thought for a minute? What happens when we see another person who may be a threat? Well let’s say psychologically speaking, we do this not as it is meant to be, but as stereotyping. Which is another things I feel has been conditioned by society. German Lopez with Vox.com makes this perfectly lucid in his article Study: people see black men as larger and more threatening than similarly sized white men; which the studies will semi shock you as this is a thing that is happening in our modern day society that has sprung the BLM movement (German Lopez. Study: people see black men as larger and more threatening than similarly sized white men. March 17, 2017. https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/3/17/14945576/black-white-bodies-size-threat-study.). Which is no surprise. Okay so let’s take a non threatening situation, where you didn’t like someone for some unknown reason. Don’t lie. We all have felt that once or twice in our lives. Hey, it’s always been those people who I become friend with in the end. Well what was the first impression that you got? Why did you hate them. In my experience, it’s our own misjudgment that is triggered by an event in life. Followed by a passive aggressive threat that we feel about them? Think of animal planet and how animals get territorial. Same concept. Ultimately it’s a fear of what we feel we will lose with them in our natural habitats. In my case, because the girl was prettier, smarter, and I hate to say a total Betty. When my girls and I talk about this, we always get a good laugh at it. The truth of the matter, they helped aid me in some of the wins I had in life. It’s like I said before, when I was down, they carried me to the finish line.

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The Ripple of Charity

Nevertheless, the same thing occurs when we attempt the action of charity. When we attempt the act of charity, we tend to make up excuses as to what a panhandler is going to buy with the money they get. Of course, people do this to make their source of income playing the part all the way to what they wear and actually make that an everyday living. In Houston, I knew a few of those as well. But in all fairness, there are non-profits that also do the same thing as well. Religious organization, which I have also met my fair share as well. Which primarily the excuse of not being charitable is the number one excuse of “We can’t trust anyone these days.” Truth is that is a dime a dozen and many of them have mastered the art of psychological manipulation, which you already are probably giving money to them already. The majority are everyday people like you and me down on their luck. I use to be one of those people that gave charity under conditions. But the funny thing I always knew who where the real one’s in need and who were the fake ones, as one thing that comes out is entitlement. When I was homeless for a short while, I was too proud to get charity. I remember that during my eviction sick and with a terminal illness that more than likely was induced by mold, from an apartment complex that evicted me because of the fact that they “didn’t want problems,” I packed my rented car from a local dealer that gave me a month free. I was hungry and down of luck so I was at a local art supply store trying to salvage some materials so I could make some pieces to sell, a very well mannered woman approached me to talk with me. She asked what I was doing and of course I was very embarrassed to tell her. Which she could tell I was lying. She ended up handling me a envelope with money she withdrew and she said “I feel you need this more than I do. I was just going to get my nails done,” which I couldn’t hold back tears and told her what happened. She told me something told her to check on me, which when I told her this would help me get back home to San Antonio, TX. She gave some words of wisdom. She said “Keep fighting the big fight. And never forget this moment. When you feel someone is in the same predicament, do what I did.” Which I felt faith tested me, which if it truly was, I passed the test. A year later and I am still trying to get back on my feet, but I did what any normal girl would. I wrote a book. And published it as I felt this was a bigger thing I needed to do for society. Sure, I might of used the money I saved to get back on my feet, but I needed to share this knowledge to help those in similar situations find humbled strength. I never got anything in excess, but I am blessed to have a blog page, a roof over my head (even if it’s my families), as I am able to do what I love, live my passion, and selflessly help others. I may not get what I want, but I am humbled to have what I need. Which it gets frustrating at times, since sometimes have to improvise since I am slowly but surely am getting recognition, but that is why I am Jackie of all trades I suppose.

The Effects of Charity

Great things never happen to good people I believed for the longest time. But that changed when I never was without the things I needed. I’ve been without a cellphone, I’ve been without makeup, and takeout, and beauty regiment. Which becomes a treat when I get treated to them. Which in charity, my friends tend to say “Let’s do something special for you!” Since COVID I take tranquility in writing. David J Linden Ph.D. from PsychologyToday.com elaborates on this feeling as he tells a story where a banner he saw “Give till it feels good” finally made senes. He elaborates more on the warm glow and the effects it has to your brain. One of the things that I realized about selfless charity without no bias, no stereotyping is that you begin to gain a great feeling. Charity doesn’t have to be a well known organization. It also takes the form of your inner circle and small world. Have you ever had that feeling of hopelessness when the world was crumbling down on you? But no one came to help? But have you ever assessed the things that you have in abundance? Do you see how many lipsticks and nicknacks you collected that you probably don’t even notice? Girl, pre journey I was a spoiled entitled diva. Truth is, I did the bare minimum and ended up donating things to Goodwill. Which is great. But do you know how many smiles I could of put in my friends face that admired the things I had and gifted it to them? When I see a panhandler and I get that feeling, I always ask them what’s their story when I have time. You would be surprise the smile that lights up on their face when you spare a couple minutes. Charity is not about always giving money. It’s about giving the things you have. Time is something we all have. Which picking up the phone and checking on a friend would make the difference in the world in this pandemic. You might have some things that you have that you don’t want or need that can help change someones life. For me charity is about donating something that will make a difference. During the pandemic and the money I ended up getting when I got COVID, I ended up buying a brisket and making plates to give away to our neighbors so they didn’t have to cook. Some appreciated. Some didn’t and that’s okay. I did my part to make a difference.

Everyone in this world cannot be made happy. Always remember that. Giving what you can is doing your part. We can’t change perceptions of people, we can only make a difference. If someone doesn’t appreciate it, then don’t offer a helping hand again. We have to give charity from our heart and not take things personal. Houston taught me the true act of charity. As I saw the good and the appreciative in the wake of Harvey. In my personal experience, I have experienced this more than once by many people who cared about me. We live in a society that we take things for granted. We can’t help those people who feel a certain way. We can only hope for the best and give gratitude for things we were able to supply in abundance. There are too many factors in a persons personality that drive them to feel what they feel. Worry about what you’re giving out. That’s how I feel you is the recalibration of karma. Hey there have been some recent times that I wondered how I was going to put food on the table and sometimes, but the Universe has shown it provides. I feel it’s because of the things I do. Where writing, donating my time to anyone who reads this, is a way of helping me heal in a larger scale. For now it’s good enough for me, but I have plans. I have a list of the ways I plan to give back. Financially and physically. In my community and bigger scale. Call it a charity bucket list per say. As this is what keeps me accountable of those deeds. Because in a burning world with many of us who struggle to keep our head afloat. It’s nice to know there will always be a helping hand along the way.

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Self Degrading Through Validation

How We Self Sabotage In The Act of Needing Someone’s Validation

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Some of the things I have observed in behavioral patterns through social media and group settings is a need of validation from our peers. One of the things that I discovered in this journey early on, is how self sabotage comes from the negative validation that we need. Which in the end becomes an act of conformity. In group psychology, you would be surprise just how frequent conformity is become in our social group norms. As trends become apparent, which to seek popularity, will have anyone in desperation of being liked be limitless in the actions to fit in. When one person is the influencer it is referenced as the Asche Effect, which is the influence of the group majority on an individual’s judgment. . Which goes into the actual basis of what this exactly entails, which the free learning program is conveniently available for your viewing. https://courses.lumenlearning.com/wmopen-psychology/chapter/conformity-compliance-and-obedience/. Which the big picture of group dynamics is an attempt of gaining obedience. Which if you think about it, makes your realize that you really never made a true choice when your following certain trends. But not all behaviors are bad. As those trends that are meant to be self development turns into an amazing act of growth and self development. So we can dive into the story, here are some of the key definitions lumen learning.com emphasizes in this lesson.

  1. Confederate is a person who is aware of the experiment and works for the researcher.
  2. Conformity is the change in a person’s behavior to go along with the group, even if he does not agree with the group.
  3. The Asch effect is the influence of the group majority on an individual’s judgment.
  4. Normative social influence, people conform to the group norm to fit in, to feel good, and to be accepted by the group.
  5. Normative social influence, people conform to the group norm to fit in, to feel good, and to be accepted by the group.
  6. Formational social influence, people conform because they believe the group is competent and has the correct information, particularly when the task or situation is ambiguous.
  7. Obedience is the change of an individual’s behavior to comply with a demand by an authority figure. People often comply with the request because they are concerned about a consequence if they do not comply.
  8. Groupthink is the modification of the opinions of members of a group to align with what they believe is the group consensus (Janis, 1972).
  9. Group polarization (Teger & Pruitt, 1967) is the strengthening of an original group attitude after the discussion of views within a group.
  10. Social facilitation occurs when an individual performs better when an audience is watching than when the individual performs the behavior alone.
  11. Social loafing is the exertion of less effort by a person working together with a group. 

The Negative Behaviors Driven By Social Norms

Everyone has been a victim or a participant in this behavior, even me. Some of it was because I wanted to fit in. Most time it was cause I was fearful. The fear of being alone, fear of the unknown of what would happen if I didn’t conform, the fear of being shamed…the list goes on and on with the old me. But the one thing that I saw a correlation with is that this is the reason why we don’t see the change we want to see. As it’s the fear that one has that stops us from gaining that change and that fairness that we all want to see. If you really think about it, it’s a successful attempt of psychological manipulation in a dynamic scale. Which the truth of the matter is, knowing your true self is the most powerful super power any person can have. As knowing yourself can deflect the most manipulative of attempts that made dark psychology the multimillion dollar industry it gave. But there is a darker presence to that idealism. That this is why we have so many narcissist in our modern day world.

Learning about the psychology of the Seven Deadly Sins made me understand why I made the best decision to change. As the unknown of what happens in the after life, is something that low key became my motivation to change, which the chain reaction made me see the things I did to myself, how others influenced my bad behaviors (which I have nobody to blame but myself and my free will), and why society hasn’t changed. The people that are the most influential it appears are those in the limelight that show these behaviors. But one thing we all distort is reality versus entertainment. Where many of these celebrities I feel have this void that they can’t figure. One of the things that I say in my book is that “celebrities have it worst as they are badgered and criticized by people that distort the reality of things versus what they perceive in the media for entertainment.” In a small scale, it’s easy. But in a worldwide scale it becomes challenging, which is why I feel many crutch on behaviors and chemicals (both legal and illegal) to attempt to erase the void. Which if you ask me, the little people in their own sins can be the evilest of all people. As the things they perceive are not what is truth. And without experience and the acts of also depending on their emotional crutches in the little worlds they can’t even master yet; have no business butting their nose into the business of those who worked hard to gain their success. Which my advise to everyone, learn your true self so you don’t get suckered into these social group criticisms.

For the longest time, I felt that if I had this or that; I would be happy. I gained that for a short time in my life and found myself being extremely unhappy. Which if fate feels I earned back that life, maybe I can earn it back and set an example. The truth is, I am not betting on it. As I was kind of a shitty person to those who mattered to me. One of the things that I always tell those who think they offend me (and for good reason sometimes) is that I have no business in taking the feelings you have of me. All I can do is earn your redemption. In some cases, I earned it completely. In others not so much. And I am okay with that. The only thing I ask is to not let that negative energy dictate your overall feeling of others. Some might take the lead and others might be like “don’t tell me what to do.” Which ultimately, their own free will is what I have no control of. Truth is I have no problem moving on without them. Not that I don’t care about them, as they will always have a place for them in my heart. I am just not going to be held back on the things they refuse to resolve. Because truth is, I am tired of forcing to have people see my logic. Do you and do it amazingly. But treading that same road has just had me fall flat on the floor. And in the same “We are two different people” and “I am better than you” will have them still defending their bad behaviors and crutching on these emotional crutches that only make them feel empty and unfulfilled as a person. Which because of group dynamics, will tell them everything they want to hear as the third party also in their own battle with conformity will make every excuse as to why they are in the right and why I am in the wrong. Even if they don’t agree. Due to the fears that motivate them to do so. Because at the end of the day, while they engage in the domino effect, turn circle jerk, turn ripple effect; we never will see the change the world desperately needs.

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Song of the Day

Sia – Unstoppable

In the face of tragedy, it’s hard to feel unstoppable, as those who prey on our vulnerability take advantage of the situation. Which courage of conviction and consistency is what helped me realize just how unstoppable I could be in my own little world. As the struggles we all face will not completely go away, getting the strength to continue your journey, getting up with every single time we fall, is how we gain the power to be unstoppable. Which is why the Sia’s “Ustoppable” is my song of the day.

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Song Of The Day

Naomi Scott – Speechless

Naomi Scott’s portrayal of Jasmine was a remarkable. As this Jasmine was a fighter. The song “Speechless” was a powerful song in this journey as there was a point in time that I almost didn’t included the final chapter “Freedom Rediscovered” as there are many fears that we must overcome in order to gain the true courage to fight. We hold ourselves back on so many things. Which is why Naomi Scott’s “Speechless” is todays song of the day.

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The Psychology of Temperance

Many of us have never heard the word temperance. And if we did, we never were given the true meaning behind it. Temperance is used commonly with the abuse of alcohol but it’s only part of the puzzle. As temperance is defined as moderation or self-restraint in action, statement, etc.; self-control. habitual moderation in the indulgence of a natural appetite or passion, especially in the use of alcoholic liquors. Which with many of those in religious leadership roles, have failed to not turn to alcohol. Which I am not saying this as a slam or insult. Let’s be real, there are so many things that drive us to drink these days. And don’t say you nailed this, as you’re pride is getting in the best of you, which falls into the seven deadly sin category. Let’s be real. And if you swear that you nailed it, this is your perception versus everyone else’s, which they probably don’t tell you anything anymore because of your stubborn pride again.

Nailed It – Netflix Series Original

Okay, so you haven’t nailed it entirely. It’s okay. That’s what I am here for. To help you overcome this pride I feel is conditioned by social norms. The reality of this is this. We are not perfect. And we aren’t meant to be in the end. It’s about improving and making sure that we continue to grow through ever situation. Temperance in the end is having self control. Which truth of the matter is, is based on the insecurities, the fears, and the traumas we internalize. Which the automatic response for us I have noticed in every situation is dodging the subject or situation and crutching on something that offers comfort. Or for many of us a good hangover. Truth me been there. But one of the things that I suggest that one should realize, is the mistakes, the failures, and the moments we feel like we have no worth is meant to be a stepping stone in learning our true self.

The funny thing is that I didn’t start realizing this until not being able to put my finger on it, found I was doing. Which Leslie Lyle mentions in her article “Developing Temperance” which reading it realized; hey this is what I was doing, but in a version made for my personality. Which of course needed a little tweaks since I am so use to being undermined. Here’s the basis and tips for each one of these basis can be found in the fabulous Leslie Lyle’s article (Leslie Lyle. Developing Temperance. March 2015. https://www.thepositivepsychologypeople.com/developing-temperance/.).

I.  Forgiveness and Mercy: This strength involves forgiving those who have wronged or offended us. Forgiveness entails accepting the shortcomings of others, giving people a second chance, and putting aside the temptation to hold a grudge or behave vengefully. Forgiveness allows one to put aside the self-destructive negativity associated with anger and to extend mercy toward a transgressor.

II.  Humility / Modesty: Humility and modest involve letting one’s strengths and accomplishments speak for themselves. Individuals with this strength do not need to have low self-esteem, but merely avoid seeking the spotlight and regarding themselves as better than others. Humble people are honest with themselves about their own limitations and the fallibility of their own opinions, and are open to advice and assistance from others.

III.  Prudence: Prudence is a practical orientation toward future goals. It entails being careful about one’s choices, not taking undue risks, and keeping long-term goals in mind when making short-term decisions. Prudent individuals monitor and control their impulsive behavior and anticipate the consequences of their actions. This strength is not synonymous with stinginess or timidity, but instead involves an intelligent and efficient perspective towards achieving major goals in life.

IV.  Self-Regulation [self-control]: Self-regulation is the process of exerting control over oneself in order to achieve goals or meet standards. Self-regulating individuals are able to control instinctive responses such as aggression and impulsivity, responding instead according to pre-conceived standards of behavior. This strength can apply both to resisting temptations, such as when a dieter avoids sugary foods, and to initiating actions, such as when someone gets up early to exercise.

The Things We Need To Consider

In retrospective, it’s easy peasy, right? Well going into the venture with this mindset it’s setting yourself for failure. Not that you are not capable of getting this accomplished. Because if you ask me, if I did it, anyone can. I am the poster child of “failure” apparently, remember? Truth is what stopped me from accomplishing this was the internalized feelings, emotions, and traumas from the “Pompeii” of my previous endeavors. The constant comparison is what stopped me from having the appreciation I have for myself, my accomplishments, and the blessings I have currently. Truth is it’s because of this that helped myself develop into this bonafide badass that people label me as. Truth is, I think people are giving me too much credit honestly.

On a brighter note, I realized a few things gaining this temperance. I learned that the things I ended up depending on to eliminate the feelings I had, only made them constant and more consistent. As I became my worst enemy. There’s truth behind that idealism. Because it’s the fact that the comparing ourselves leads to this downward spiral that never fixes anything. I feel in my experience, it got me complacent. Where the more that I felt this, the more I lacked the self control that I always had. It’s the emotions and the feelings that got the best of me. Where now, I embrace it all and seldom crutch on the things. Well, expect in one frustrating moment. When your giving someone the answers to the test but they swear you know nothing. Knowing that they are the right answers and in that frustration, you say “fuck you.” The empathy never goes away as you hate seeing people go into that burning building already seeing the building is about to collapse. Which personal choice and free will comes to play. Under normal circumstances you would look at it and be like “Oh well.” For me I see it like “You poor unfortunate soul” thinking how else can I prevent that situation from happening again?

Conclusion

Never in my life did I ever think I would make sense. Because I was always undermined. I never realized I had wisdom, until my mentors in my previous career pointed out that. The Margaret’s, the Huron’s, the Douglas’s, the Rowe’s, and even the Boyd’s of the world always made me realize that some of the qualities I had were golden nuggets. Truth is the one’s who backed me up 100% were the Margaret’s, the Huron’s, and the Douglas’s in the world. Which first started by breaking me down in a positive way. Showing me that some of the things I thought were on the naive side, but they helped develop those traits to be stronger than I ever imagined. Where being open to constructive criticism was the reason for this. If I thought I knew better and never was receptive to it, I would never have gotten to this level. One of my favorite partner in crimes, Shannon Henderson, was always a breath of fresh air. I have to give her credit for the things that she taught, which her iconic saying was “That’s why we can’t have nice things!” had a lot of truth that I didn’t realize at the time. But I see what she meant. Instead of coming together, we trash one other, not able to gain additional knowledge that is gained and improving it, giving credit who those instilled in us. In this rat race, we never give credit where credit is do. And this is the reason why I mention them. Because without them and the work ethics they provided and instilled in me, I wouldn’t gotten this far. And with that note, the Armando’s of the world is why I chose to fight. With that said, thank you all.

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The Power of Showing Up

In Someone’s Time of Need

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There are times when we feel that we feel like we never have time in her hand. Sometimes we feel like we are spreading ourselves too thin. This feels like the reality for me many times, as I am a caretaker and author full time. Multitasking through caregiving to my disabled father, who currently is fighting through the depression he feels from not being able to walk. Where truth of the matter is, when he gets past that emotional hump, he’s going to be a badass. What can I say, I am my daughters father. My aunt, who currently right now I am sitting with her for support on her first treatment of chemotherapy. Being her first treatment of chemotherapy, she is terrified. As my great aunt died of bone cancer and a complication of the spread of it. Which her biggest fear is that the chemo is going to end her life sooner than she wants it to. With no matter what I tell her, that will be her truth until she see’s it for herself. Which when she saw that I came back after having her set up for her first treatment , her face lit up and said in Spanish “You came back”. Which my answer always will be to those who I love “I always will come back.”

I remember the day when my dad had his stroke and fought to not go to the hospital as he’s deathly afraid of hospitals due to the stigmas that are associated with the realness that Systematics brings in the healthcare world. After dealing with the scared EMS staff who refused to get him at first when COVID first hit; which had me directing the staff through the entire process of steps and checkpoints to reassure them after I made head rolls. The reasons why they were safe from COVID in our home. Which dealing with an erratic and fearful man of realizing after he gained conscious and realizing he was going to the hospital, how to make their jobs easier by keeping him calm; had him respond the same way. I only stayed for a half hour, but it made his day as he began to develop tears in his eyes when he said “You came.” The thought that had him think I wouldn’t show up were for two reasons

  1. Because I worked Uber for twelve hours straight before the book put food on the table.
  2. Because of the fact that he felt guilty about missing my Junior High talent show.

Which in the end I told him, I understand why you missed it. You went through a traumatic experience at your job when you were stereotyped and had Systematic Racism used against you. One talent show isn’t going to take away the years of selfless sacrifice and the ha