Yesterday I had a follow up with the doctor, and according to the doctor. The worst is finally over. I was starting to lose taste which is slowly returning, but I’m not going to lie. It was kind of an extraordinary experience to have. The fascinating thing about not tasting was how my body and brain reacted to spicy foods. As although I couldn’t taste it, my body would still respond to the spicy food. Which, in turn, made my mind remember how spicy food felt, giving my tongue a sensation of spicy. Kind of like a late reaction in preventing me from eating more of the spicy treat. Which today, I am able to taste certain foods, which seems anything with iron and acidic acid. Which only last for a few seconds. The coolest part of this not being able to taste things was that I could still feel sensations. For instance, I wasn’t able to taste a cough drop, but I could feel the menthol sensation in my mouth that was much more intense than I ever felt. I might sound like a 90s Gusher commercial when I say this. But it was like a “menthol” explosion in my mouth.
I know you get tired of hearing this, but the doctor said being vaccinated prevented the worst-case scenario, which I will avoid repeating. I’m over having to explain to those who say, “why should I get vaccinated and wear a mask.” As my mentality at this point is not “if” you get it, it’s “when” you get it. And if you want to put yourself through the grief that my doctor says “would have been worst” when it already felt worst than anything I felt before. That’s your pendejada, not mine. Do you but “go with God” or whatever higher power you believe. It’s not about being right at this point. It always was about keeping others from going through unnecessary grief. And since I’m 100% about not wasting time. That’s your decision, and I’ll respect it. But don’t expect sympathy if you refuse to do the things that will protect you. And I hate to break it to you if you think the vaccine is meant to tag us, we are not that special or that extraordinarily incredible for the government to be compelled enough to want to keep tabs on us. Can we get over ourselves for a bit and admit it has nothing to do with the paranoia we developed, feeling that the whole world is out to contact you. 🤦🏼♀️
Today I woke up with minor body aches and a stuffy nose. Which is better than the previous feeling I had when I first contracted it, as it felt like my throat was gang banged by a Black and Decker, which I never got strep throat. But my doctor said it’s 50Xs as worst, which today is the first day I woke up feeling like myself. Which finally feeling myself today has me in the mood to write. Which of course, in my recovery developed so many story ideas that today I have the strength to write about. Of course, many will circle the anxiety that it caused people that are close to me worried about if I would make it through quarantine or not.
It was a humbling feeling to know people cared enough to want to see me make it out of this alive. Regardless of how many people took my “if this is how I go, I am okay with it” as me being worried or scared that I was going to meet my fate. The reality is, I got a peace that is hard to explain. Like you have this virus that has killed more than any other virus worldwide, which I felt terrible that I wasn’t scared. As it made me feel a little insensitive to those who COVID has taken. But at the same time, I couldn’t help to be relieved. As it reminded me that we are not so different or so superior to anyone else. The truth was, it made me feel ordinarily human, as, before my life awakening, I was always concerned about the things that never mattered, focusing on things that I thought made me happy. But in reality, it never did. It made me see how we all have this idealism of finding happiness and finding a sense of importance in all the wrong places. Places that, in the end, make us feel unfulfilled and even more insecure when we lead with our pride and the many personas we show to the world. The truth was if this was my fate, I was happy to leave this world the person I indeed was. Not the fake version of me that in the past had people liking me for all the wrong reasons. That at the end, when the party was over, and I was left alone, no one would be there to help me pick up the pieces. Which revolved in a toxic and unproductive circle of lying to myself while I rationalize why things happened the way they did, only to make the same mistakes.
I was constantly wondering why things never get better and why I am unhappy—not realizing that I was engaging in all the things that never really made me happy. Satisfying the one thing that we all mistakenly fulfill, thinking that it will ease the pain from the past, we all rationalize in a lie that we are over. Which in turn becomes our pride. But the truth, for me. Pride was humility I gained a long time ago. Which waking up to a comment a Facebook friend quoted, “it’s not your time because you still need to inspire others,” made me realize that for once in my miserable life. I’m doing something I always wanted to do in life. Inspire others.