The thing about anxiety and fear is that it feels like you are living in a box. As fear and anxiety are similar but also different. So let’s clear something up before going into this article by explaining the differences between anxiety and fear. As there is a vast difference between the two, the truth is they are very similar, but at the same time significantly different as Shahram Heshmat Ph.D. from Psychology Today indicates in his article titled “Anxiety vs. Fear. What is the Difference?” Anxiety vs. Fear | Psychology Today, Fear is a reaction to a present danger where anxiety is fear of a potential or unforeseen risk that may or may not present itself in the near future. If you think about it, anxiety is stemmed from something you are afraid of facing again in the future.
A perfect example of this would be toxic or relationships that induced traumatic or excruciating relationships or breakups. Which in my case, being in a very toxic and abusive relationship in the past. Had me in the past avoiding relationships altogether because the truth was. I didn’t trust myself enough not to prevent the relationship. Thus, having me assume that all relationships would end up the same way because I didn’t know how to establish boundaries back then. But I am one to admit to my “pendejadas.” And real talk made me assume and do things through defense mechanisms that made me become a person I honestly wasn’t and a person I didn’t want to be. As stated in the previous blog, my insecurities that past traumas, defense mechanisms, and anxiety caused back in those days.
Anxiety causes so much as it begins to have you afraid of more things than what are. Anxiety, in turn, becomes a fear of the future or future events, which is why many of us are scared of trying new things, as the fear of failure becomes an act of anxiety if you think about it. Because the truth is, we avoid even attempting something new because we are afraid of failure. This is why discrimination becomes a problem because if you begin to think about it. It becomes a fear stemmed from the idea that someone that looks different from them is the one that will cause them harm. We ignore the dangers that are right in front of them, which in my experience are the dangers or people that will cause the present damage in the future, which shouldn’t be confused with phobias, as this is induced by experiences or traumas currently experienced. That in defense mechanisms makes them avoid the unforeseen danger before it starts, which usually stems from childhood trauma.
The one thing I learned in this journey is that you have to face your fears, but to do this effectively. You have to know how to start coping and healing from the past traumas that have occurred. Living life through anxiety and fear is probably dictating your life and making your life feel unfulfilled. In the past, when anxiety and fear dictated my life, I grew envious of other people who possessed the courage to try something new. Of course, being something that I very well knew came from the things that I caused myself because I didn’t dare to face those things head-on after facing my fears and controlling my anxiety. I began to realize that the things that were making me fearful in life. There is nothing to be afraid of because, in every new experience, I jumped into. I found not only pleasure from the new venture. But, I also learned a lot about myself. And in many cases, I felt like an idiot for being scared of the unforeseen.
The truth was, I would never have begun writing because when I use to be afraid through fear and anxiety. I settled for the limits that these emotions stemmed inside of me. It’s hard even to try when it seems like the odds are against it. I know this more than ever. Don’t get it twisted. Many people also settle for degrading things, all for the sake of getting ahead in life. Trying new experiences had me cross paths with a few adult film entertainers, both heterosexual and in the LGBT+ market. As it looks like I mentioned can be very deceiving. You have straight individuals going against their morals to get ahead in life. Many of them live everyday lives, which the look they perceive on social media isn’t as glamorous as it looks. Many of them self-medicate themselves to the point of not being able to do their job. Many of those I gave life coaching advice to was “Stop letting your past dictate who you are now.” As I said before, the past shouldn’t dictate who you are now. Or if you are in the process of becoming, it shouldn’t stop the person who you are becoming.
Many that start in the amateur circuit ends up staying there. Now hindered with a self-conscious mindset, they begin to develop the most anxiety that keeps them moving forward in life. We all have something, and we all make mistakes, but they aren’t meant to make us feel worst about ourselves. They are made for us to grow from them, which is done successfully. Makes us a limitless force. But it starts with us and how we control the way we use our defense mechanisms. Many of us who felt or have felt this way begin to become in denial and rationalize why people give us the advice to see us grow. It is just telling us that because they feel pity or because they are judging us. In the end, it’s the anxieties that make us jump to the conclusion. Where if we don’t gain control of these hindering feelings, we will never get past that moment and miss the opportunity to see just how limitless we are.
When people seek self-help advice, I always noticed that they rationalize why I am the one with the problem—always deflecting their insecurities and why I am the one with the issues in their emotional outburst of both denials about the things they are facing. Many of those individuals become belligerent and defensive with the motive of attempting to induce insecurities. In these situations, many assume that I will avoid the confrontation altogether and begin expressing why this has nothing to do with me everything to do with them. I say it in an unoffensive way. Of course, it only leads to denial in the defense mechanisms that they are inducing to themselves and fleeing from the confrontation altogether. As I mentioned before, these things become a reflection of them and have nothing to do with me. Of course, them leaving the confrontation they created and, in many situations, engaging in anti-social behaviors shows that the fear and anxiety they possess are self-induced. As the anxiety that occurs is the fear of oneself and potential shortcomings.
Many of these perceptions come from advice that is relayed comes from the shortcomings that others had. I firmly believe it doesn’t come from a bad place but comes from the desire to help people. As people who care about people, hate to see others people get hurt. Especially if it’s invested in your well-being, we have to look deep inside ourselves and begin to learn what is causing these fears and anxieties. As for me knowing I can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. It instills hope that they find their way so they can win. Because I want to see, them win if I am going to be completely honest. But we have to become self-motivated if we want to heal from the pain. Because the truth is the only one that can heal and overcome these fears that come from the things that haven’t occurred yet, and start to face the most significant enemy that keeps us from achieving greatness. That enemy is own self.