Consistency isn't a skill - it's a biological need
Yesterday, I had a conversation with my cousin. He had always been like a brother to me as he has always been someone that had always fought my battles when I couldn't fight them myself. One of the things that came from the conversation was the guilt he felt when I told him about the things that occurred in Houston, which; my lowest point was being homeless for three weeks after losing my apartment and being wrongfully terminated
in the wake of being discriminated and the attempt of sexually assaulting as a form of intimidation to process me out. The truth was that for almost my whole life, I was always depending on, hoping on, and wishing that I would be protected. But the truth was that it's an unrealistic expectation because, as I told my cousin, who was more of the big brother figure, I felt I needed. I needed to learn how to fight and save myself.
In this conversation, I began talking to him about the things I learned from this experience and how the consistency was something that I needed to gain, which is how I ended up becoming a writer. The truth was, I always wrote but always felt I was not good at this, which had me writing journals and stories about my struggles and how I triumph from them. Thus, in turn, in a destiny I thought wasn't my own, I ended up fulfilling a dream of becoming a published author. That would have never occurred if I wasn't consistent, even if that consistency was for my personal need of reflecting and analyzing the feelings that also had me gain emotional intelligence. If I allowed my ex to convince me that I should stop writing because I wasn't talented and because my writing was too real, I would have never become a published author, life coach, or fought against something that happens to us. We don't want to admit to it. The shameful act of discrimination.
During our conversation, a neighboring patron ended up joining our conversation which he ended up sharing the advice his life coach shared as now knowing psychology ended up affirming what his life coach shared that to "make yourself fucken happy, you have to stay consistent as only you can make your self happy." Now before you get all judgy on me, he wasn't eavesdropping. If you know me or have conversed with me, I am a loud motherfucker. When people tell me to use my inside voice, my response is, "this is my inside voice." Which led to our next important detail in our conversation about a video he saw from a motivational speaker that gave an excellent point that always seemed to be a helpful first step inconsistency which is "everyday start off by making your bed." This might sound a little silly but think about the first thing you want to go to after a long and tiring day. You want nothing more than lying on that perfectly made bed. You did right and accomplished something, even if the entire day you had was as unproductive as wasting time with a toxic boyfriend or girlfriend. The truth is, regardless of whatever you didn't accomplish, you accomplished one thing, and that was making your bed. So give yourself some credit. Ashley Fern with Elite Daily talks into more detail why consistency is crucial in our positive thinking in her article Why Consistency Is Vital To Your Life (elitedaily.com). But it goes further Variety and consistency are essential to keep the mind healthy -- ScienceDaily
Why is consistency so important
Consistency is as unique as our own genetic makeup. The making your bed thing is for sure an effective way, but if it's not for you. Then it isn't going to stick in becoming a behavior that you be consistent with. This is why getting acquainted with yourself is a necessity in having this good habit down pact. I shared on my Instagram one thing that helped me get through one of the most pressing times in my life when I faced uncertainty. Something I talk about very often to avoid sounding redundant. I am going to say that music is what always got me through the day. It sounds silly, I know but playing one song in particular on a daily is what was the constant reminder I needed to remind me what I was fighting against and why it was important for me, but for others that were in jeopardy of potentially being put through something not only I went through. But what others have gone through as in the past. Because the beautiful thing about consistency is that when you start working towards positive behaviors in maintaining your consistency, you begin to see the negative behaviors that others are consistent in engaging in. Because the thing about consistency, both positive and negative behaviors pose the same pattern in the interactions that others have, how they engage in defense mechanisms, and their behaviors to express their wants and needs. As I said before, consistency is something we are biologically programmed to find and utilize. Both through positive and negative behaviors.
So what does this all mean and why should it matter? The truth is that these are the consistent behaviors that are holding us back from becoming the person we are truly meant to be. Think about this for a second and imagine the things that you want to achieve. Whether it be a relationship, buying a new house, or changing your career path. What is the one thing that stops you from doing that exact thing? For many, it might be a financial hardship that you might be stuck in, which if that is the case? What are you doing right now to fix that? If it's a relationship you seek, why aren't you putting yourself out there? And if you are. Why aren't you giving someone a chance? The bottom line is that it becomes the fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, and a common fear of failure. One of the things that keep us in our trapped situations is also a solid support system. That, let's be real, has to do with some of those bridges we burn in many situations. That even I have done in the act of fear, hey, it's a common behavior that we engage in through the act of defense mechanisms. But why beat yourself up for it, right?
We all make mistakes. We never should let those behaviors justify who we are in the act of mistakes. The truth is, there isn't a training manual to tell us how to overcome adversities, heal from heartbreaks, or make us financially secure. I mean, if there is, can someone please send me that manual, please? I would love to see what defense mechanism and self-sabotage lies in that instruction packet. The reality in life, there isn't a magic pill that will give us what we want, what we desire, or what we want in our lives. The bottom line that it starts with consistency and being consistent in making yourself happy in the end.
The hunger for certainty a.k.a. Self-certainty
So why do we crave consistency? It comes down to human nature, and the hunger with have for certainty. This will be a question I am going to ask those individuals who read my blog asking themselves, "Who does this bitch is?" You think it, but I say it, something that I learned to be consistent with just for your information. So back to the question to those naysayers who say they don't need any self-improvement and who, for the most part, seem happy. That always follows when I ask those who have that mentality in my inner circle, "which is 100% happy." What would make you 100% happy? When I bring up the idea that if they had a grip of certainty, they would make them completely happy. Nine of ten who are honest with themselves tend to agree. But this goes deeper than having a certainty of what happens in the world around them. Those who have humbly asked me to be their life coach end up discovering together that the certainty they have a hunger for is the certainty of self. Through this realization, I had to begin the act of self-consistency and emotional consistency, and social consistency as many of those with the uncertainty of themselves. End up turning their backs on toxic people, and although they don't have what they want, they are certain through their consistency that they will attain it. David Rock from Psychology Today talks about how uncertainty causes the pain we feel and stresses why certainty is key to happiness. Which the bottom line is a self-certainty that we need.
In retrospective, consistency is universally more powerful than you think. As consistency has a ripple effect through the world, we engage in. It also shows to others that you can be trusted, but on top of that, it allows it to help you measure progress and find areas of improvement. Eric Holtzclaw expresses the power of constancy that in essence improves your livelihood and happiness in his article Power of Consistency: 5 Rules | Inc.com. But let's not get too ahead of ourselves and jump right in. Which if that is how you go about things, more power to you. But I will give yourself some wiggle room to make mistakes by having self-compassion if you don't fully succeed. Remember, there isn't an instruction manual to this. Remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes and not be successful the first time around. But the key to staying consistent is not to throw in the towel if it doesn't work for us entirely. As inconsistent negative behaviors, it's something we immediately want to do when we reach a stopping point, failure, or heartbreak. Learn from the mistake, find the areas you were successful in, find the areas of improvement, and get back on that saddle slugger.
Because when you are equipped with self-certainty, no matter how bad things might seem. In the end, you have that certainty that you are going to be alright.
Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.
View more posts