I remember all too well the feeling that I had in toxic relationships as I have a conversation with a friend who copes with the situation a few days back. The consensus remains the same when I share my experience and the reasons why I had to get out, which always seems to be "it's like dealing with an adult child." As the truth is, you technically are. As this always seems to entail, regression is an expected
behavior among all toxic personalities. Which is defined in psychology as "the act of resulting to childlike behaviors." Acting vulnerable and resulting in temper tantrums is the bottom line of why these individuals are the "adult children" that they become. The truth is that this is enabled behavior, the past interactions they had throughout their adult life.
Why should you be concerned if you aren't dealing with this in your personal life? The answer is simple "you begin to deal with these personalities almost everywhere in public." From the Karen's of the world, using their bullying intimidation in public places to the person you deal with at work who is always whining about the changes that are occurring at the workplace. You know the one, the person who always thinks they are better than you. That comes to your cubicle every often complaining about why they deserve a better job but doesn't do anything about it. Or the person who is so used to getting their way that they makeup rumors and lies all in the act of getting their "parental figures" to handle the mess that they caused because they have rendered themselves helpless after causing something that could have prevented if they only for a slight moment acted like an adult. This is what is referenced as emotional vampires.
Acts from the emotionally "undead"
The truth about these emotional vampires is that they become very exasperating when you are forced to tolerate their behaviors as they will stop at nothing to make you feel helpless as they are. As they individuals have already been accustomed in tearing down someone's boundaries as have a group of people that they have already played to feel "sorry for them." When it comes to dealing with these individuals, it's not just them that you deal with. It's those they have already manipulated to fight their own battles. A behavior that stems to the act of codependency. As the Karen's that I have dealt who have claimed to be "trained in psychology" don't even know the basics of defense mechanisms when they have attempted to use "belittling and shaming" to make me feel less inferior. That turn into using their education that I am currently working towards getting. The result in me defending myself from being bullied and emotionally brought down become their act in doing the same thing as they also become victims in this act. But comes to no surprise as the old saying goes "birds of a feather flock together."
When you are involved in a toxic situation, whether with a significant other or a family member, the feeling is always the same. You feel tired and annoyed as what happens in public settings is life. As it results in acts of self-deception, the person who can't admit to themselves is insecure and starts going through defense mechanisms' motions. That always ends up ending in "regression" as this is how they have learned what the "Achilles heel" per se of a kind person is. The underlying truth is that they have become "incapable" of handling their own emotions and affair. Something I go into extreme detail in my blogAre You Positive or Just In Denial - It's Time To Change that Mindset - Frieda_The_Writer Web Page (friedathewriter.com). That in this act of denial, they continue to engage their vulnerabilities by rationalizing with themselves that they are better without the person, which poses my question to those who are on the fence of determining if this is fact versus the ranting of a bitter woman who lacks something in their life.
In contrast, the reader rationalizes that it's my insecurity. "Why would someone as capable as someone claim to be advised to not only help you identify these to help you build a better life for yourself? Why would the person who's convincing you these things that claims you are nothing without them get up and completely leave the situation if your such a bad person?" Honey, I am not on an emotional rant. It's your life. You decide in the end. But don't fall into the same toxic trap that has you blaming others for behaviors you are now being conditioned to follow. All because you choose not to get control of your life back in your insecurity. If that is what you desire, then deal with it with some pride. I am not dealing with that bull crap.
How To fight against the emotionally "undead"
One of the reasons why it is crucial to be aware of this that it may have some extreme consequences for you in the end. In a personal life, it may have a person trap you. As the common fix all problem our social norms has grown to believe is that "having children is a fix all." As
"having children is a fix-all." As both men and women now engage in as in my life coaching experience. I have dealt with people making that drastic move in poking a hole in a condom, something that both men and women do nowadays. That my theory concludes is a learned behavior that men have picked up from a woman they didn't want a relationship with anymore. Using that same victim card to keep that person in their life, which always ends in the same way. With deceit and an end to the relationship, the kids become exposed to these abuse circles. That bleeds into financial consequences in this scenario, but it doesn't stop there if you live in a state that recognizes common-law marriages. As if you accrue property and are still not technically married and the state recognizes common-law marriages. You now have to file for a divorce from someone you never married to assure that the money you have invested for yourself is not taken by someone who hasn't put any time or money into the upkeep of your home. Thanks to common law marriage, you are now equal shareholders of assets you have accrued. Regardless if you are legally married or not. A trap that by knowing the basic laws and rights, you could have avoided being manipulated to agree too.
In the workplace and in family dynamics, it can be the same scenario as in the end you surrender your own happiness to appease others. The act of avoiding conflicts to keep the peace but still having a person drain your energy and, in many cases, your financial stability in extreme situations. Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter gives in much more elaboration why and how to deal with these toxic people in How to Deal With People Who Drain You | Psychology Today. The truth in with dealing with these entities you start to find not only peace in your own life, but begin to see the true value of your own self. It becomes a very empowering instance that allows you to see just how capable you can be when dealing with these people. As the truth is, this makes up feel powerless and inferior. But like they say, "You have to face your demons." As the truth is, these toxic people become the demons of our past, having that feeling of uncertainty when they use these behaviors in defense mechanisms against you to instill the same insecurities that they have from the things that we all have in common, emotional and sometimes, physical trauma. Society has allowed for the circle of abuse to restrain us from seeing and becoming our true potential. It's not society that holds us down. It's ourselves. Normalizing the circle of abuse is the only thing that gets in our way and takes care of ourselves. But to those toxic emotional vampires, they see it as being selfish. But how can you be selfish if you are incapable of finding happiness within yourself?" If you are having a hard time determining who is robbing your happiness, here is an article to help you start finding these vampires in your life 9 Types of Toxic People That Will Rob You Of Your Happiness (themindsjournal.com).
Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.
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