THE WAY WE COPE AND HOW OUR EXPERIENCES AFFECT CHANGES IN PERSONALITY
Have you ended up being so overwhelmed with negative emotion that you just wanted to stop? So you treat yourself to something that would lift your spirits. Whether it be hanging out with friends, going for retail therapy, eating at your favorite restaurant, or buy that fancy bottle of liquor? Only to later realize that you might have gone a little overboard due to the severity of circumstance you were working through? I think we have all been there. In those moments when you have gone overboard, was it an independent choice? Or was it a choice you made with a bit of influence? Regardless of the situation, you made a choice. Which in many cases, you may have needed the distraction to take your mind off of things. So you can go back into them with a clear mind and less resentment that makes you want to say, "fuck this shit!" In many cases, it's a personal choice. But in other situations, the influence is created by intimidation, peer pressure, and persuasiveness. If the person being influenced doesn't know how to say no. It not only can cause conflicts in the present, but long term can be the reason why you also might be what's validating your insecurities and your misperception of your true self.
In Freud's theory of the psychosexual stages of development, this is what creates many of the insecurities, the pleasures, the emotional pain index. Based on what occurs during this stage Freud's 5 Stages of Psychosexual Development (verywellmind.com). Which the way we respond to certain situations has a lot to do with Pavlov's theory of classical conditioning Classical Conditioning: How It Works and How It Can Be Applied (healthline.com). Which begins as early as childhood but changes over time as we grow out of stimulus (the sound of the ice cream man as children vs. as adults). The conditioned stimulus will no longer associate with the conditioned response based on various events and changes in personality. Our personalities go through various changes based on the things we experience, depending on whether the experience is positive or negative. Can determine how our belief, belief system, our goals, and the way we cope with things Can You Change Your Personality? (verywellmind.com). In addition, if the negative experiences outweigh the positive experiences in life. It's only normal to have a sense of self-doubt. But the beauty of this, we can take control of how we think about ourselves. Though Pavlov's theory of classical conditioning.
When I look back at my life, the first thing I remember about my personality was that I was an overachiever and a big pushover. A small part had to do with proving to myself that I could do it, but being in denial back when I was plagued with unresolved issues. I was doing this to gain recognition from the people that would glorify the accomplishments the most. The motivator of those actions, the abandonment issues caused by my mother in childhood. That caused me to ignore the behaviors that others did with intended entitlement. And if they didn't act upon their emotions, they influenced the feeling of self-doubt through passive-aggressive behaviors that became more frequent in learned behavior that was more than likely adopted through childhood and validated in a professional setting. Not realizing that I was being a pushover in doing some things that I would never normally do. In the workplace, I was surrounded by fear of retaliation and the
consequences that may occur if I spoke up. In my personal life, I was being pushed around by toxic relationships and the conditioned responses those who knew me personally (family) would utilize to prevent me from doing things that they thought were best for me. And because of the internalized and unresolved issues, I was afraid to say no. Because the truth was, I conditioned myself to be co-dependent on other's validation. That I never knew how to depend on mine. Even more shocking, the people I ended up relying on were toxic and utilized behaviors found in narcissistic personalities. Which was the manipulative behavior of gaslighting Am I Being GasLighted? - Frieda_The_Writer Web Page (friedathewriter.com).
the power action plans, routines, and having direction
So let's go back to the section "The Way We Cope and How Our Experiences Effect Changes in Personality." If we based on the decisions on past experiences and avoided situations with "negative bias." Which in self-doubt, we avoid even taking the risk. How do you know if the result will be negative? And "refusing" to try something new shows that you do have the power to say no somewhere, even if it's being led by our knowledge structure (schemas) that utilizes a perception of how the event will play out based on the experiences from the past (assimilation). Those experiences and feelings can't be assimilated in many cases because you haven't even felt the authentic sense, mainly when the insecurities and self-doubt stem from past incidents through our psychological development. This is why creating an action is crucial to success as it gives you a visual of the direction you are heading in a conflict or attempting to reach a goal along with
doing research to better understand what your up against. In addition to this, making a list of things that need to be done to emotionally and physically prepare you. It helps with figuring out if you are ready to take the next step. In addition, keeping a log of doubts, memories, and insecurities helps in understanding what is causing this sense of self-doubt. Whether it be a trigger from experience, an assimilated perception of how it will turn out, or if it's potentially the influence of a toxic person. If you aren't ready to jump out of your comfort zone, continue to do this not only for goal setting. But also when faced with conflicts in life. As routines are compelling psychologically. The visual of seeing your action plan, the steps you need to take to get to the desired goal or outcome, and documenting the doubts, memories, and insecurities. Where routines provide a sense of accomplishment as well as the feeling of gaining control.
If at first you don't succeed. try againuntil you finally succeed
Composing an action plan, a to-do list that focuses on getting to the desired goal or outcome, logs of the triggers that developed doubt, the insecurity, and the events in the past that I felt would have the same negative result; helped me get the courage to fight in Houston after being discriminated and retaliated against after the attempted sexual assault. Which my action plan, to-do list, and emotional wellness log. It had me deciding to stand up to myself and say no to being undermined, belittled, and taken advantage of after missing the opportunities to do so in past experiences in my personal and professional life. In a moment of self-doubt, thinking that I was victimizing myself, I began to write a list of the actions that occurred and why it was portrayed as such. Having a desire to prevent me from being a victim, I focused on attaining rationality and the measures that victimhood and avoiding accountability develop. Many events were misperceptions that developed from avoiding responsibility for my bad behavior. The majority of them were legitimate accounts that occurred due to the internalization of the many unresolved issues I denied.
self-sabotage in validating self-worth through social norms
In social norms, people experienced trauma are looked upon in negative ways. Many of those who experience trauma become victims to the stigmas and the assumptions that people who experience trauma are damaged and emotional. That becomes a vicious circle of insecurity and pride that serves as a defense mechanism to avoid reliving the moments that they, too, experienced. To avoid feeling vulnerable, keep it to themselves, using the same behaviors to internalize pains to avoid the feeling of self-doubt. Slowly de-sensitizing their compassion and empathy, they struggle to find the solution to eliminate the internalized issues that developed their self-doubt—turning a blind eye regardless of having a similar experience that is led by fear and self-doubt. The same thing has us settle for less than we deserve, based on the work we already put in. Allowing those who deflect the pains they internalize and hide in the eyes of society to affect us. When the truth is, they are just masters of hiding it. That follows personality changes to protect their vulnerability while internalizing in denial. Becoming something that, in the end, they embrace to feel a sense of control and power. Where the abused turns into the abuser, turning back on morality. Because of what they feel they deserved but were too afraid to face the issues that stopped them, to begin with.
the power of self-empowerment and exceeding personal expectations
In self-empowerment and by reaching milestones that were beyond on wildest dream. Which in my case, standing up to myself lead to the path of becoming a published author, along with a film production position. That will never have happened if I lead with assimilation in Houston. Having the visuals helped me see that I had control, which prevented the same thing from occurring in this relapse of self-doubt. That was triggered by something I always knew I would gain control of. I am very humbled and gracious of whatever happens moving forward. An important thing to maintain to avoid letting relapses from having you underestimate your triggers. You never know what life has in store unless you seek new experiences that teach you lessons through the failures, provide self-reassurance and self-love, as you begin to see progress within yourself, and when you reach your limits to gain self-efficacy. You gain a new sense of empowerment, and if you're lucky. Experience just how powerful the power of one person can bring. Because in a socially awkward norm along with the internalized conflicts people internalized. They become no match for a person who has proven to rise out of the ashes and face the hauntings from the ghosts of an insecure past.
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Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.
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