How To Detain Your Ghost of Insecurity Past

Gain Control Back from Self-Doubt

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The Psychology in our responses to emotion trigggers

In psychosexual development, which is the basis that creates our IDs. We begin to use our unconscious minds to make decisions based on experiences and other factors in our thought process and decision-making. When faced with certain situations, our defense mechanism begins to take over, relying on the pleasure principle, which can replace these undesirable feelings. During my moment of feeling insufficient, doubtful, hopeless, and lost control, one of the common things relied on emotional crutches. Which in these situations, we are guided by the unconscious superego. This causes us to be rational and irrational, thus allowing our fears to dictate our erratic decision-making. In addition to the erratic decision-making, we begin to tap into our established defense mechanisms that also develop during our psychological development. Which has us lying to ourselves and others, using actions to keep us from feeling vulnerable, that has us erratically engage in self-sabotaging situations. For someone to immediately deny this is engaging in a stage of defensiveness that is denial. Sigmund Freud's Theories | Simply Psychology

One of the things that helped me begin gaining control of my fear responses was identifying the ways I engaged in my defenses. Which served as a map to help me determine what triggers created the certain responses that occurred while being defensive and the actions that steered my survival instinct. My fears were the indicator of what I did next, which resulted from the fears and the past experiences I had with the situation. After analyzing those behavioral patterns, it helped me pinpoint the events that triggered my conditioned responses to avoid facing fears, disappointments, and potential threats that I attempted to face in the past with no success. What I started to realize was that I was misperceiving and inaccurately analyzing the scenarios because my fear was clouding my rational judgment and decision-making. Having me make the same mistakes that I lied to myself, saying that I wasn't. Denial. And running into the same problems in other moments of my life. Which, through the IDs and my defenses, had me deflect my fears instead of facing them. Which resolving the unresolved issues that had me internalize the pain was how once and for all. I began to gain self-efficacy and eliminate self-doubt.

The internalized issues I had, which motivated this need to get the things I felt I never got during childhood and adolescence, as I attempted to gain back in adulthood. A second chance at life, to make it easier. Became the premise of the core values and what I was determined to achieve in life. Already plagued with abandonment issues earlier on in life and being the kid who was bullied in school, the motivators that directed me was being liked and proving to my mom that I would be loved. Even if she didn't love me, which was another misperception I developed. That had me chase these things and become erratic, defensive, and toxic when I began feeling rejected. In many adult relationships, I began to earn the need to feel valued and appreciated. Allowing myself to be taken advantage of and walked over to make people stay. I was allowing myself to tolerate emotional and verbal abuse. My emotional crutches became rewarding myself with overpriced items. A crutch to determine my worth. Being unproductive by going out regularly. A crutch to prove that I could be popular. Welcoming relationships, both social and romantic. To crutch to satisfy the abandonment issues. That began to lead to a codependence on these factors to make me feel a sense of self-worth. But being led by my fear, none of these things satisfied this void.

The truth was, I was making myself prey and vulnerable to those who not only could identify these characteristics. But take advantage of the vulnerability that influences me into doing things I normally wouldn't do, which in the end was psychological manipulation. After identifying these elements, I became more self-assured, self-reliant, and led to self-efficacy. The co-dependencies I had to determine my self-worth were now determined by the challenges I overcame, the milestones I reached, and overcoming the fears that kept me from achieving the aspirations of greatness that I never thought I would reach. Where becoming a writer was the moment of victory in self-efficacy. Because the old me never believed I had the talent or the opportunity to do what I loved.

The moment of relapse and how i got out of triggered self-doubt

One of the conflicts triggered the self-doubt that I haven't felt in a long time. I felt financial hardship when my employer decided to terminate me due to legal liability in how I stood up to their illegal actions. Taking the advice given and still seeing no results on the increase of sales on my books, I began to feel that same sense of vulnerability when faced with my previous financial hardship, which engaged self-doubt and insecurity again, which enabled my survival instincts and began the defense process. But subconsciously, I knew I had the solution. I was just too vested into the fear that the same things that happened before were going to happen again. As you read yesterday, the initial distraction is what made me break away a little from falling into a completely hopeless state. Which had me develop an action plan that helped map out what I was going to do next. That helped me regain rationality, eliminate self-doubt, and hold myself accountable to assure I would avoid being in the same situation and follow through to secure the event from repeating itself. Before gaining self-efficacy, I would solely depend on the best-case scenario, wish it to exist, and have me take no recourse if the results didn't work in my favor, which not only led to disappointment and self-doubt. But also had me settle for something less than what my hard work through life should I deserved much more. Not because I deserve a break. Because I was always willing to put the work into anything I was devoted to.

Gaining control by creating an action plan

Action plans were something that I was taught when obtaining my Masters in Business Administration, having an intolerant idealism that was only used in a business setting. When one of my previous managers said that I should use this in my personal life as well. To gain a sense of control when life gets chaotic, my first thought was, "are you serious?" Which is a moment of defense and insecurity, which had me undermine and belittle the logic as they had no educational background. I kept in the back of my mind and showed effectiveness when faced with the conflicts in Houston. When I obtained my life coach certification, I saw firsthand the effect of an action plan. Especially when you have determined what your core values are in life. It also proved even more effective to map through the "wheel of life" where you are and what is needed further to gain the happiness you're looking for in life. With that already established, I began to not only map out my action plans with the best-case scenario, great case scenario, and good case scenario. Along with the tasks requiring completion to improve the current situations, prevent the same situation from occurring, and what was required to reach the best-case scenario. In addition, to reassure me of my self-efficacy and emotional wellness, I begin to evaluate the feelings that I developed. To assure that these feelings don't occur again and to assure that through an erratic emotional outburst. And to avoid burning the bridges with those who have selflessly vested time in helping me gain success. Regardless of the suggestions given weren't effective due to the current factors that I overlooked.

In tomorrow's post, we will outline the internalized conflicts during the triggered emotions and discuss the steps to gain back self-reassurance. and how I gained back my self-efficacy

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Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

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