Let’s be real. Sometimes we don’t have the luxury of completely staying away from those who show harmful behavioral patterns. It’s like saying buy a Louis Vuitton bag to increase your social status when you were barely putting food on the table—later finding out that it doesn’t work because of the things that also took factors of getting that same status. Where, in some cases, it’s a lot easier said than done. Thanks to the feedback from Zachary G. from LinkedIn, I can give you those steps on how to establish a sense of security for the things you are working for and your esteem when you are stuck in the middle. Which is why I always ask for feedback so I can answer those unanswered questions you have. So you don’t resent my writing or my purpose. Here are the steps that will better equip you in these types of situations.
Boundaries Are Essential
We must determine whether it may all be a misunderstanding, and let’s be real naiveness from the third party is boundaries. Boundaries are necessary for handling these types of situations, as many people get a little too comfortable in certain situations. Not having an established limit across the board makes us seem somewhat indecisive and biased in many cases. As the reason why many manipulative people will use is the argument of “why do you treat them differently?” Which of course, people that earn that as you guys have a special rapport must always realize that these toxic people find their way to weasel their way into an inner circle, which the boundary you have to set for yourself is either use the “time and place rule” or the “learn the value of no.” Which “time and place” works very well to a point. As one of the most common things in an unsuccessful boundary establishment is the “fear of what others will think of you.” As most commonly associated with toxic people is the act of “gaslighting” and “bandwagoning.” Which is why many of us run away from these situations most of the time. Which is the next step of arming yourself in protecting yourself from these situations.
The Power of CYA
Now before we go into this scenario, let’s just be fair and establish toxic behaviors. Not all people intentionally mean to be unhealthy. Giving reasonable warnings of these behavioral patterns is vital in the making to realize these toxic behaviors. It’s only natural to get a little defensive regarding these situations, especially in someone who has good intentions. The truth is its social conditioning that we all became accustomed to doing. Suppose we want to be honest. So let’s not crucify these people on the cross for this one. However, it’s crucial to confront this behavior to say this in an empathetic and rational manner. I have done this efficiently by telling someone that I wanted to point out a behavior I engaged in at one point in my life and how it perceived to be something I didn’t mean it to come out as. Those who were receptive to constructive criticism and proved to be humble took this well.
A saving grace factor in this situation in a non-authoritative setting and my personal life. People knew that I had good intentions that took this less personal as they knew it wasn’t made to belittle or shame. However, this is not the case with everyone. Which before you begin to face your demons, you must start to CYA. Recording this incidence is the first step, as this helps you pinpoint if this is genuinely an intended behavior or if it’s unintentional. Which will help you begin the paper trail and defense you may need. As one factor you have to look at is behavioral patterns. As one red flag, you have to start looking for a behavior pattern, which may bring to light some things you never honestly noticed.
Prioritize In Strategic Planning
If you are dealing with a horrible boss or someone with ill intention, you will begin to see the events you expected to unfold. In my experience with dealing with people like this is, is that in their irrationality, they will make a mistake. One that if you don’t stay rational and stay composed. Manipulation is the crucial component that these individuals use, first by manipulating you. In efforts to distort your perception so you can think that you are the problem. All at the same time were attempting to bandwagon others to believe the same. Which that I refer to as “pulling a Judas.” Which not keeping a personal record of the events that occur will make you think otherwise. Which if you “hypothetically” were acting in such a manner. This means that your manipulator is living in the past. And if you know that entity personally. Will also begin to realize that they end up having this behavioral pattern. Which keeping a record is the critical source of devising a strategic plan of your escape. For instance, I will use the example I experienced while working at Sprint in Houston for the business department.
One common thing I noticed in this department coming is the deception that they use against each other. Everyone threw each other under the bus and visited unassigned territories just to get a bit of the action, someone, that a successful person was gaining. Partly to see if they can steal a client. And mostly to see if fraud was taking place. As one of the things that had to be true is that “fraud was going on.” Which success for me was easily achieved as the service provided was red carpet all the time. No matter how tedious it would be. As a business rep, I would engage with the business directly to gain a bigger rapport with the business owner and their affiliates. Which afforded me referrals consistently. Of course, those envious of the success, mostly a person I refer to Basic Bitch Betty, was your typical Karen. Which her interference of making my stores think I was committing fraud ended up costing me sales as reps were skeptical about having me be involved in as she convinced them I was committing fraud. Which finding her at one of my stores, she had no business being at and leaving as soon as I got there, showed what the reps were about to reveal was the truth. That she was going around and saying I was about to commit fraud with a legitimate business in the adult industry. She convinced the entire group of the typical “what will they think of us” act to shut down a 500 line sale. Which if they asked me, “how I got that technique?” I would have found out what I learned in business school, which I gained an MBA out of.
When I began to have problems, I denied taking sales from the stores I set up deals for, as 1. even though I gained them personally, it was unethical to take away as it was set in their store. 2. It would hinder the customer experience as if they ever needed in-store troubleshooting, they would have to travel to a store almost 40 miles out since the stores would deny the troubleshooting that wasn’t done in the store. 3. Was not given a grace period to grow a new territory. After a conversation about my performance and after having others being terminated for sales (some due to not taking action and some attempting to) was told that this job might not be cut out for me, which followed a worker’s comp accident while traveling to another store, which was made to work immediately after I ended up getting picked up by an associate traveling to another store. And if it wasn’t for an old boss, I use to work for, told me to file workers comp that I qualified for. The intentional avoidance of my calls and emails made me realize it was intended, especially when my boss tried to fire me for a no need no show. Texas law says if you are not given adjusted work due to the accident, you are not obligated to work, and they still have to pay you. Which if it weren’t for my documenting of the events, it would not have gotten as far as I have acquired, which qualified me for Unemployment due to the negligence of the employer. Which after being turned down for litigation, I gained a pro-bono lawyer that could have won the case with an ill recording that my boss had with me on the last conference call. But if I took it, I wouldn’t have been able to share this story with you. Because of non-disclosures. But why keep my mouth shut when I can help others fight for the greater good. It was a learning experience that I can share as these occurrences don’t just happen at Sprint Houston still. It happens in other places. More often than we like to admit. And why we never catch. Due to manipulation by those in power.
Learn How to Not Take Full Accountability of Those Who Have Ill Intention
As hard as it might be, you have to learn not how to fall on the sword for people who have ill intentions. Yeah, there may have been some things that you could have done differently. But some of these things could have been corrected with coaching or guidance. Which one of the everyday stuff that occurs in this situation is the act of being stereotyped. The truth of the matter is many assumed I was a man in the job. As those who bullied me a work seeing it did not affect me, found ways to demonize me, and criminalize me when they would look stupid when those allegations came up and brought my birth certificate and identification to prove otherwise. Which if that were the case, it would have been no one’s business. But the truth of the matter is, most of these situations are made from assumptions and stereotyping. This is the hardest thing to admit to and the reason why you don’t win the fight. It’s hard to think that this happens in our everyday world. But the truth is it does, which is why the Karen’s of the world came to exist in this modern age. And why I know this exactly. Well, let’s just say not even two weeks in my workers’ comp case, I get various phone calls by clients and loyal reps asking me, “Is it true that you no longer work at Sprint?” And another reason why I knew it was Basic Bitch Betty? “Many said that same person mentioned I was fired because I was a man?” This is why stereotyping and discrimination may be the reason why these attacks are happening.
You have to look at it like this. You have no control over other people’s actions. People don’t need a reason not to like you. They end up doing this on their own for whatever reason. You don’t need to know the reasons why even though you may want to. I hate to be vulgar as I am trending on LinkedIn, but you don’t want to see the fuckery of whats’ going on in those people’s heads. What you should know is that it comes from unresolved issues and fears they have. Which is why I reposted “What Abuse of Power Looks Like.” Because this is the reality, we live in a world where this happens all too often. One of the things you must realize is that this is not your doing. You might have made some mistakes along the way. But keeping a thorough record of these incidents and the ability to correct them doesn’t mean you should crucify yourself on the cross. And if you didn’t fix, you can fix them the next time around. The critical takeaway from this is that keeping a record or a journal if you were want to officially journal gives you the ability to gain control of situations that you feel you have no control over. With technology, you don’t even have to write these things down. You can text to talk about it if it’s more convenient. You must stay rational, and you must remove bias. Don’t defend the gray areas you already committed or pre-meditate doing. Walking in those shoes at one point in time makes you just as guilty. If you have done this already, let it go and work on avoiding the “fire with fire.” Outsmarting your predators by playing your stereotype and keeping records makes you have the upper hand. Don’t get overzealous, and don’t get overconfident. And avoid bandwagoning. You don’t know who can trust in these scenarios. As the truth is, everyone is just CYA-ing in a toxic environment.
The truth is that we all experience these things. One thing you have to realize is that people can have no valid reason to like you. You just trigger this in them due to an unresolved issue in their life. As it’s not something you can change. Manipulators will make us believe we are overreacting. The truth is people are creatures of habit. And one thing that toxic people don’t realize is that they follow the same behavioral pattern partially because people are too afraid to infiltrate the bad behavior. Others because of the fear of losing security. While others, let’s just say they have another interior motive. You can’t blame yourself for toxic environments, which is why boundaries, CYA, strategic planning, and not blaming yourself is key to overcoming what I reference as abuse in the workplace. Which, if you think about it, is universal for everyday instances as well. When toxic environments are present, it’s because people are afraid to speak up for whatever reason. That is not your problem. And don’t stay stuck in the “why’s” of things. The only thing you must realize is that people are toxic due to unresolved issues. Behavioral patterns will show that this harmful behavior will continue to happen even when you leave the environment. I mean, if you think about it, it was already like that, to begin with. Regardless of what you do, do it—but doing it with these steps. Suppose you decide to stay silent. Do it. And don’t explain why you have your reasons. But the truth is if you do choose to leave the situation, you have the leverage to walk out with a bang. As if the experience you have and decide to report it on your last two weeks will have you powerfully shake the ground.
As even if you don’t have to endure it, others still do. And if they dismiss you for these reports, well, that is retaliation at that point, which gives you another leverage as there is zero-tolerance for this in many workplaces. And depending on where you reside and get released sooner than your two weeks. Well, in some states, they still have to pay you. This helps me get justice when I was released early from a two weeks notice and never got paid for it. Because you have nothing to lose at this point, and the most liberating thing you can ever feel is making a difference when all hope is lost. Where you may not only walk out with your head held high, you can now step out a hero.
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