Self Degrading Through Validation

How We Self Sabotage In The Act of Needing Someone’s Validation

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Some of the things I have observed in behavioral patterns through social media and group settings is a need of validation from our peers. One of the things that I discovered in this journey early on, is how self sabotage comes from the negative validation that we need. Which in the end becomes an act of conformity. In group psychology, you would be surprise just how frequent conformity is become in our social group norms. As trends become apparent, which to seek popularity, will have anyone in desperation of being liked be limitless in the actions to fit in. When one person is the influencer it is referenced as the Asche Effect, which is the influence of the group majority on an individual’s judgment. . Which goes into the actual basis of what this exactly entails, which the free learning program is conveniently available for your viewing. Which the big picture of group dynamics is an attempt of gaining obedience. Which if you think about it, makes your realize that you really never made a true choice when your following certain trends. But not all behaviors are bad. As those trends that are meant to be self development turns into an amazing act of growth and self development. So we can dive into the story, here are some of the key definitions lumen emphasizes in this lesson.

  1. Confederate is a person who is aware of the experiment and works for the researcher.
  2. Conformity is the change in a person’s behavior to go along with the group, even if he does not agree with the group.
  3. The Asch effect is the influence of the group majority on an individual’s judgment.
  4. Normative social influence, people conform to the group norm to fit in, to feel good, and to be accepted by the group.
  5. Normative social influence, people conform to the group norm to fit in, to feel good, and to be accepted by the group.
  6. Formational social influence, people conform because they believe the group is competent and has the correct information, particularly when the task or situation is ambiguous.
  7. Obedience is the change of an individual’s behavior to comply with a demand by an authority figure. People often comply with the request because they are concerned about a consequence if they do not comply.
  8. Groupthink is the modification of the opinions of members of a group to align with what they believe is the group consensus (Janis, 1972).
  9. Group polarization (Teger & Pruitt, 1967) is the strengthening of an original group attitude after the discussion of views within a group.
  10. Social facilitation occurs when an individual performs better when an audience is watching than when the individual performs the behavior alone.
  11. Social loafing is the exertion of less effort by a person working together with a group. 

The Negative Behaviors Driven By Social Norms

Everyone has been a victim or a participant in this behavior, even me. Some of it was because I wanted to fit in. Most time it was cause I was fearful. The fear of being alone, fear of the unknown of what would happen if I didn’t conform, the fear of being shamed…the list goes on and on with the old me. But the one thing that I saw a correlation with is that this is the reason why we don’t see the change we want to see. As it’s the fear that one has that stops us from gaining that change and that fairness that we all want to see. If you really think about it, it’s a successful attempt of psychological manipulation in a dynamic scale. Which the truth of the matter is, knowing your true self is the most powerful super power any person can have. As knowing yourself can deflect the most manipulative of attempts that made dark psychology the multimillion dollar industry it gave. But there is a darker presence to that idealism. That this is why we have so many narcissist in our modern day world.

Learning about the psychology of the Seven Deadly Sins made me understand why I made the best decision to change. As the unknown of what happens in the after life, is something that low key became my motivation to change, which the chain reaction made me see the things I did to myself, how others influenced my bad behaviors (which I have nobody to blame but myself and my free will), and why society hasn’t changed. The people that are the most influential it appears are those in the limelight that show these behaviors. But one thing we all distort is reality versus entertainment. Where many of these celebrities I feel have this void that they can’t figure. One of the things that I say in my book is that “celebrities have it worst as they are badgered and criticized by people that distort the reality of things versus what they perceive in the media for entertainment.” In a small scale, it’s easy. But in a worldwide scale it becomes challenging, which is why I feel many crutch on behaviors and chemicals (both legal and illegal) to attempt to erase the void. Which if you ask me, the little people in their own sins can be the evilest of all people. As the things they perceive are not what is truth. And without experience and the acts of also depending on their emotional crutches in the little worlds they can’t even master yet; have no business butting their nose into the business of those who worked hard to gain their success. Which my advise to everyone, learn your true self so you don’t get suckered into these social group criticisms.

For the longest time, I felt that if I had this or that; I would be happy. I gained that for a short time in my life and found myself being extremely unhappy. Which if fate feels I earned back that life, maybe I can earn it back and set an example. The truth is, I am not betting on it. As I was kind of a shitty person to those who mattered to me. One of the things that I always tell those who think they offend me (and for good reason sometimes) is that I have no business in taking the feelings you have of me. All I can do is earn your redemption. In some cases, I earned it completely. In others not so much. And I am okay with that. The only thing I ask is to not let that negative energy dictate your overall feeling of others. Some might take the lead and others might be like “don’t tell me what to do.” Which ultimately, their own free will is what I have no control of. Truth is I have no problem moving on without them. Not that I don’t care about them, as they will always have a place for them in my heart. I am just not going to be held back on the things they refuse to resolve. Because truth is, I am tired of forcing to have people see my logic. Do you and do it amazingly. But treading that same road has just had me fall flat on the floor. And in the same “We are two different people” and “I am better than you” will have them still defending their bad behaviors and crutching on these emotional crutches that only make them feel empty and unfulfilled as a person. Which because of group dynamics, will tell them everything they want to hear as the third party also in their own battle with conformity will make every excuse as to why they are in the right and why I am in the wrong. Even if they don’t agree. Due to the fears that motivate them to do so. Because at the end of the day, while they engage in the domino effect, turn circle jerk, turn ripple effect; we never will see the change the world desperately needs.

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

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