The Psychology of Chastity

For The Modern Times

Chastity has always been to reserve one’s pureness, which is your virginity. Well I hate to break it to you but in this modern day and age, that ship has gone up and sailed a long time ago. Like many, we still stay true to old school idealisms. But truth is, we need to need to break from old school traditions and idealisms and start adapting to a new approach to things. Unfortunately is one of the things that has people beating themselves up over this is the fact that in early on childhood, they were victims of molestation and sexual assault. Where the earliest happens at age three, which many of those who come forward with this tell me they remember vividly. Which many of them gain this resentment when the family protects the attacker and attempting them to believe that it was something they are over exaggerating on. Which truth be told, no one ever wins in this social norm. Which is why change is much needed.

At one point in time, I couldn’t comprehend why bad things happened t good people. But before I get to this, I would like to propose a new idea of chastity. If chastity is associated with something that is pure in us, virginity. What’s not more purer than our true selves and the things that we have to offer. Where the new idea of chastity is preserving our true authentic self and the amazing things we have to offer to the table. As unique as we all are, we all have a unique thing to offer to the world. Why not preserve that true self for someone who’s earned it As virginity is also associated with having some work for it. For the longest time, I gave myself up willingly. Attempting to prove to someone who really wasn’t worth crap, that I had value. Fast forward twenty years into now, I realized a few things.

  1. Those who I tried proving my worth too, was doubtful of their own self worth.
  2. They easily were manipulated and ended up going into some crappy situations thinking they knew better.
  3. They never appreciated my worth, because they struggled with their own self worth.
  4. Intimidation and scare tactics where the only reason why I stayed in crappy situations.
  5. They are unhappy because they don’t know what they want and who they are.
Photo by Luke Barky on

Why Giving Special Treatment Is Sabotaging Your Boundary Defense

Rewind back to that time I didn’t know myself. I met this one church guy who tried to shame me for not being a virgin. When I asked him about him, he dodged the questions. But when I mentioned double standard he flipped. I know that this is suppose to be a blog about chastity, but chastity is taken when we don’t know how to say no, right? When I was young, do you know what I faced when I lost the V card. But then again, I was always a smart ass. When I was scolded and deemed to the gates of hell I told my dad flat out “Didn’t you have me at eighteen and didn’t marry my mom till I was already conceived?” which he couldn’t argue with that. One of the things I realized is that boundaries where the things that kept those people from taking the best parts of me. From my experience, setting boundaries helped me revamp the self respect I had for myself. Realizing that I was letting others get away with doing some fucked up shit along the way. After all maintaining your boundaries is what also preserves your virginity after all.

Does anyone remember the way they lost their V card? Well mine wasn’t special at all. It kind of made me feel shitty after hearing all the other ways everyone else lost it. I would think to myself “assholes” which started the whole hateraid idealisms for me. Well preserving your true self is the modern day chastity. Sara Eckel makes some amazing points in her article “The Power of Boundaries” on . Funny things is that i never could find ways of making this point which she gives steps on dealing with this in everyday life, how to face it in the workplace, and how to even deal with this in social media. Check out this woman’s amazing logic

So boundaries are not as hard as they seems to create. The one main thing someone must do is ultimately being consistency in the end. One of the things that I have observed in our behaviors is that we hypothetically give people special treatment when it comes to having people violating our boundary line for whatever reason we give ourself. Whether it be “You have to pick and choose your own battles.” Or “It’s not worth it,” because baby, you are always worth it. Whether you’re back in a corner or in a compromising situation, I get it. I’ve been there too. However, you have to do this strategically and in your own time. Here are some tips by the   Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. from (Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. 10 Way to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries. October 8, 2018.

1. Name your limits.

2. Tune into your feelings.

3. Be direct. 

4. Give yourself permission. 

5. Practice self-awareness. 

6. Consider your past and present. 

7. Make self-care a priority. 

8. Seek support. 

9. Be assertive. 

10. Start small. 


In this world that everyone expects to have no consequence by the cause, we must let these individuals who assume they can take advantage of our vulnerability, should be shown the effect or consequence of their actions. We give ourselves too many time willingly and without a fight. Chasity being preserving your true self and what you have to offer should be earned I feel. Because you are amazing. Truth is there is a balance that we must find, where we resolve that insecurity that makes us over confident. Which if you ask me, is unattractive. Which if you look deeper into the person just shows the true self doubt that they have and the emotional crutches they use to contain it.

Nevertheless, it’s something we shouldn’t be ashamed of, because we all do it. Or did it at one time. Even me. Where I was voluntarily giving away my self worth to prove to others that I was worthy of their love and affection. Which I feel is the conditioned behavior we gain of needing to feel important. We tend to gravitate to the treatment that others give us in their self doubt to compensate the empty feeling we have within ourselves. And to add, take for granted that kindness. Which you have to forgive yourself for that. You were misguided. But if you do it after reading this article. That’s on you. Because truth of the matter that denial, another insecurity; is what causes the belittling that we create for ourselves. Truth is there comes a point where breaking from those emotional crutches is key in getting to your final destination in life. Would you rather strengthen your survival instinct or would you rather play in the safe zone? Because one traumatic reality is what happens when that is no longer a safe zone? Are you going to sink or swim?

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

error: Content is protected !!