Do you remember when you were a kid, and someone began to ignore you for whatever childish reason back then? And when they were over whatever they were upset with you about, you would do the same thing? Do you find yourself making the same habit as an adult? The truth is this is perfectly normal in social interactions and what we get accustomed to in our social engagement. Many of us tend to say we forgive someone but return the treatment. Whether it be keeping our distant or giving them the silent treatment, this is an act that we picked up in our ways of survival or self-preservation. But do you ever think of the reason why we engage in this behavior? Well, I have been doing some thinking, and I think I have come up with an accurate hypothesis regarding this.
One of the things that I recall before my life awakening was the same thing that is a common act that takes place. People in denial will say otherwise, which it’s okay. This is not a blog post to pass judgment on what we do to preserve our emotional well-being. But the reason why I did this was not to be malicious in any way. But because there were a few things that I wouldn’t be able to do successfully, it was the act of setting boundaries and saying no. Which if I can be transparent, it was the reason why I began keeping my distance and blaming others for taking advantage of my good intentions when people were in need. Falling for every single sob story and giving everyone, even those who proved forfeited that right. The benefit of the doubt. The only way I knew how to self preserve myself was to become a loner.
One of the biggest challenges I had within myself was saying no and setting these boundaries. I was always one to give the shirt of my back to people, not taking into account the things I needed to focus on within myself. I did this with the idealism that I was “paying it forward” and that I would get a blessing in return. But the reality that this is not always the case was making me a bit anti-social. Something that was an erratic behavior to the people around. Not understanding why people thought I was becoming inconsistent in action, which had me benefitted when people made empty promises. Naturally, you start to believe that everyone is the same and begin to lose trust in people. But one of the things that had me understand why this occurs is human nature and what has people turn into these characters. This made me see that the adversity that we face is what makes people do the same thing I was doing—all for the sake of self-preservation.
I look back at my journey and realize that I had to learn how to trust myself, my instincts, and my intuition in these times that I lost trust in people. For the longest time, I began to feel that I couldn’t trust myself due to the things I would fall for. In solitude, I started to have that relationship with myself and begin to sort out the things that occurred. It started with fighting the current adversity I was facing and begin to gain a newly defined empathy for the people that left me for the wolves. Why were they afraid to speak up and do the right thing? I mean, it wasn’t about me in the end. It was about everyone involved. Including the families, they had to support. Which in the future, the purpose of my fight wasn’t just mine anymore. It was to set an example that seems like no one ever set. I mean, it seemed like I lost in the end. But how can you lose when your book about the realization you gained in this moment of trauma becomes published. They say a life awakening is different for everyone. But in that moment of adversity when all the chips were down. I began to see where I needed to adjust my actions to get closer to my greatest desire. That did the acts to me could not be returned in spite or vengeance. Yeah, some people got affected in the end. But it was those who engaged in these destructive behaviors that forced them to take accountability for some of the things they did to get their way. This review had a reader say that “I became the pack leader when I was thrown into the wolves.” Which was not my intention at all.
Things just played out after I faced those demons. Seeing that I could face these current demons or “skeletons,” some people would say. It gave me the courage to face the unresolved “skeletons” that I began to realize. Had I do these things, that would result in self-sabotage. Having me set boundaries and saying no when I started to trust myself was not afraid to inquire more about these moments of adversity—and probing to see what they have done to try to come out of it—trusting my intuition and instinct, assuring that if held was warranted. It wouldn’t set me back. I was having them do what I saw that I was doing. Trusting myself and finding the solutions I already had. Because in the end, we always have the answer. We, in the future, don’t trust ourselves.