Have you ever had a situation where you had high hopes or expectations for an outcome? Better yet, have you ever had this same idealism as a person? The truth of the matter is I think we all have in one way or form. A long time ago, I avoided certain things such as confrontations or talking it out with an ex-significant partner or a toxic person. Some of it was due to the lack of self-control and how I always had this euphoric idealism. That let’s be real about. Still have the giant red flags waving at you saying, “Don’t Do It!” While other times it was fear of facing the person or situation, which the truth is. History had a way of repeating itself. But as I begin to reflect on these events in life. I began to see a correlation of these behaviors that had me believing that I was doing things differently and getting the same result. Where after my self-awakening, I began to see that this was not indeed the case. What I found that I was doing the same thing with different people. And hoping. For a different result.
One of the things that I have learned in my Awakening the Soul training is that we all perceive happiness. As a life coach, it’s my responsibility to help those get as close as possible to that goal. Helping those find tangible goals and pointing out the obstacles that they will face in the reality that they live in. The truth is the challenging part is taking action towards the first step. But when the first step doesn’t work, what do you do? Human Psychology has proven that we tend to focus on the sophisticated tools that we don’t have. Which consciously makes us feel that this is the end game to achieving our goals. The influence within our environment and society also conditions us to think that this is the absolute truth. But that is not necessarily true. As it may prove to be an obstacle and time consuming, it can still become a reality with the limiting tools you have. For instance, in my interaction with a man I used to love (we will get to that later in this blog), a keyword piqued my interest. Which was “it would be easier if I had a car,” followed by all the possibilities a car would bring. This idealism contradicts my map of the world. One of the questions that could potentially be the scenario is, “what if you never get a car?” And if so, “how strong is your will to follow through the action plan you made when you get this resource?” The will and want will push people through the boundaries and hurdles they get presented within their journey. Many might ask why this idealism contradicts the map of my world—well, growing up with limited resources.
I was always taught to work with what you have. And since half of my childhood when my father gained custody. We didn’t have a vehicle and relied on public transportation. Which truth of the matter is that it’s a relief often not to be burdened with a car payment, maintenance budgets, gas budgets, and insurance payments on vehicles. Which in the future, has me pondering a future residence in a commuter based city. The truth is with so many jobs going remote (which a positive outcome from this pandemic), traditional public transport, rideshare services, delivery services (now including alcoholic beverages, fast food, and essentials). It’s made life so much easier for us to continue our daily routines from the comfort of our own home.
So why is will so important? The will is tied to hope, which encompasses the hope for ourselves and the goals we want to achieve in life. Which if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. As one of the things that we don’t realize is that instance of trauma. Is that will get taken away from us. My blog page’s basis was to depict how trauma affects us subconsciously and realize it feeds into our unconscious. Which maybe if I paid a little closer attention in psychology class would have picked up the unconscious. In all honesty, professors don’t believe in the unconscious mind if I am transparent. But one thing that I can genuinely speak in confidence is. Unresolved emotional issues keep up from becoming our better selves and physically hinder what we are willing to do to get there. In social norms, we hear the phrase “dog eat dog world.” Which truth of the matter is I prefer to be a crocodile. As not only is a crocodile able to move in and out of water. It can chase a dog and eat it if it desires to have two ways of infiltrating its prey by land and by water. If you wonder why I use this analogy, flexibility and open-mindedness are needed to reach the goals we make for ourselves.
When we have limited resources and an outdated map that takes us back to where we started, being receptive to other suggestions was something that I had to adjust to get me as far as I have gotten in life. It’s not much to the many. But for me, it’s a huge accomplishment. When those who intentionally in their insecurity and their self-doubt. Attempt to have no respect for the boundaries I have established within the rapport. I engage the inner crocodile in me. Attacking on land. And if necessary. Dragging them into the water, hoping in optimism that drowning isn’t the fate they are destined to follow through with.
So breaking my behaviors of being a creature of habit and seeing whether this change that was perceived to be was genuine. I ended meeting up with a person with who I was temporarily involved. Euphoric approach to happiness. In my darker days per se. Being a master manipulator and having other behaviors that I will not say. The person I spoke with months back seemed to be a better version of themselves. Which I was thrilled to see. The interaction had many questions dodged and unanswered. Which already told me, somethings truly never change. Conversing with this person could already see all the red flags that waved already, having me feel betrayed and lied to. Which already showed that he hasn’t changed one bit. It was easier to take to the same route that involves no effort or hard work if he had. Which already contradicts my core values. Many vital components already had me roll my eyes. Thirty minutes into the conversation took no accountability, and the entire world is to blame. Using scare tactics to scare me into believing the world in his reality, we briefly talked about survival instincts and what I would hypothetically do if I were faced in a life or death situation. Some other keys components that had me realize things hadn’t changed was the fact that in the interaction, getting offended was another thing that his body language and facial expression showed. Because every time made an expression, it followed with a negative critical assumption.
“You’re a psychology major, huh? So you psychoanalyze everyone, huh?” Or “You’re a liar. I never did anything shady to you.” Which in victimhood. It followed with reasons and excuses as to why I should tolerate the behavior committed. Which after the back and forward that occurred. All in the attempts to make me feel whatever, he failed to make me think ended up merely having me say, “You need to go!” Which the empathy I had. It turned into sympathy, and the deflection just turned into dismissal. And with the continued attempts to get to me emotionally, I realize that there is nothing I can do to help this person and wish them the best in their endeavors. I don’t hope or expect bad to happen to this person.
On the contrary, I wish him all the best of luck finding whatever he hopes to find. Because one thing that you must do is cut your losses and move on with life. Not to punish someone but to allow you to move forward with the life that you are making for yourself. Which still makes me believe in my heart of hearts that no one is completely broken or damaged. The truth is people can change only if they desire it. Which when they don’t wish to change, there is nothing you can do or say. It’s like talking to a brick wall that tends to annoy and frustrate the hell out of you after consistently using manipulation to convince you that this time. Things will be different. One of the biggest mistakes I would commit is taking someone’s word every time. Which in my awakening and my eyes, you can only give someone one change “the benefit of the doubt.” Don’t get this confused with not forgiving someone. You can still forgive them and not grant them the benefit of the doubt. What those offenders seem to maybe subconsciously or unconsciously forget is that when trust, broken. You must earn it. In the eyes of those living in an entitled reality, they tend to think forgiving someone is giving them the benefit of the doubt again after they broke the trust in the first opportunity that they granted the doubt’s use, which is why I ended up after being betrayed. Having people earn the trust I freely gave.
Because let’s be real. They were doing this over and over again, getting the same result every time. It is discouraging and makes us feel like we are the problem. Because when we come face to face with an entitled manipulator. That is always the case in their reality. No matter what help you give to them. It’s never enough because it’s not the help they want. After all, they are somewhere along with their development. They created this map that evolves around them. Never feeling happy enough, never being satisfied, and never being grateful for the things they have fulfills the basic need. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first in many compromising situations. But when that map on self-gratification and worldly gain. It tends to be a lonely place because it becomes a phase and temporary emotional crutch. Many begin to find the answers within them that inspire a life awakening—having those become courageous and stepping out of their comfort zone to tweak some routes on their map to get closer to what they envision as happiness. Where to the one I use to love. It benefited me more than I could ever have imagined. As the old saying goes, “curiosity killed the cat.” Which in my curiosity, which is naturally a part of human nature. The only thing it killed was the perception of the cat.