How Victimhood Fuels The Need For Validity and Acceptance

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Have you ever interacted with someone that you begin to notice traumatic or erratic behaviors that don’t seem like their norm? In many cases, this is due to the onset of trauma that they experienced. In many situations, when people experience a trigger in a current moment of trauma. Do you also notice a behavior gets much more exaggerated or intense? This is a way how many copes with those traumas as a way to self preserve the person that they became or have become to avoid these traumas. It’s in that situation when empathy plays an important factor that plays out the effect of the induced trauma that will cause an individual to do.

One of the things that trauma induces in someone who experiences induced trauma is the need for validity. In many cases, it comes from a place of insecurity. While in other cases. It comes from a place of uncertainty about how things will play out. While those who don’t value the opinions of others are still plagued with trauma, it results in anti-social behaviors for the sake of self-preservation. The truth is when we choose to lie to ourselves that we aren’t affected or that we genuinely have gotten over the trauma, we end up hurting ourselves in the long wrong. For instance, in my experience. After getting divorced after a very abusive marriage, I began engaging in the same activity of trying to feel wanted. The truth is many warning signs should have told me to stay away. When I think about I feel like the reason I ended up trying to make it work with him is that we had one common denominator that we both had. It was a traumatic event in childhood that had to do with our mothers. When you look at it, it almost seemed like it was a combination of early childhood separation anxiety and resentment of the thing we didn’t realize we had. His being the dominant abuser in the relationship, would lash out at me when I would trigger something that would remind him of his mom.

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There were so many things that I began engaging in after the divorce that I use to less of early in the relationship, which was promiscuous behavior. Which, let’s be real. After the 2000s, girl power was encouraging this kind of action in a sense. Through reality shows, the birth of Sugar Daddy’s, and many other things until the double standards kicked in when women were sluts again if they had many partners. Which was the outlet that started having me use this to validate my attractiveness. But it always led to one feeling, more insecurity as for the longest time in that same mindset. I also saw commitment as a social status that would have me gain acceptance through social norms. Now having stepped away from that mindset going on five years and directly observing the behaviors of both men and women. I begin to realize that many people continue to have that same mindset and idealism.

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People attempt to gain acceptance through various outlets to assure themselves that they are valuable in the world. These emotional triggers come from many avenues. The number of lovers they have gained in their lifetime, the position they hold, the number of friends they have, the number of followers they gain, the list goes on and on. But one thing that you must ask yourself is, do you still feel something is missing. You can have all this and more and always feel like there is something is missing. But what is cutting can’t be bought or attained.

In many cases, nothing is genuinely missing. The one thing that is missing the appreciation of one’s self. What’s missing is having an appreciation for yourself and how far you have gotten in this journey. And learning how to deal with those who engage in the classic anti-social behavior that is bullying. Because the truth is if someone is truly happy, they will not engage in these anti-social behaviors. Because when people talk down to someone, it’s passive-aggressive behavior that stems from envy from how far someone has gotten and grown in their journey. The truth is if they were truly happy, then they would celebrating wins instead of belittling the small victories of others. If they were truly happy, they wouldn’t be degrading others encouraging. If they were really happy, they would continuously compete with others to strive for their best. If they genuinely were delighted, they wouldn’t be filling the gaps with things to raise their worth. If they were truly happy, they would accomplish their dreams, even if they are small steps. Because of the truth about happy people, even at the hardest, hopeless, and darkest times. Is that happy people don’t run away, depend on themselves, show gratitude for the things they have, and never let the opinions of others get in the way of purpose. Because things happen for a reason. The hardships become a challenge. And no matter how small the step may be, it’s a massive step for them. And just because it’s not success to you doesn’t mean it’s not success to them. Because the truth is, they are working to beat their own odds.

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

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