November 12, 2020, is the day I will never forget. As I realize this was available resolved all of my internalize issues. It was about 9:15 in the morning when I ended up seeing something that just triggered a reaction. I was driving up on Hillcrest Drive reaching the intersection of Cheryl when I ended up seeing a young woman walking away in fear from a young man that was following her with her daughter clinging to her. When I saw this man push the woman with all her might and when I saw that face that I recognized all too well. Which was the face of fear and desperation for help. I circled speeding 80 mph to get to her. Seen her a block away, I could still see the fear in her face, the little girl crying as she was on the ground, and the young woman cornered with the guy in her face intimidating her as she was looking for a way to escape.
I rolled down the window and asked the young woman if she was OK, which in many abusive relationships. With an angry face, the young man said, “mind your business.“ This just pissed me off a lot more as I got off the car, and I said, you need to let her speak because I’m not speaking to you. The young woman wouldn’t respond, so I asked, “do you need to get to a safe place.“ When the young man attempted to speak on her behalf yet a gain, I told him to “shut up because I’m speaking to her,” as he said, “you need to mind your business.” Which my response was “It’s my business now.” It was very upsetting that after all the cars passing by. Seeing this confrontation occur, no one bothered to stop and help
As a young man attempted to come at me, I pushed him lightly and gave them a warning not to even get near me. I think to stand him a little bit, but in a second attempt after trying to reason with the woman and him looking like he was about to swing as he approached closer, I pushed him in so much fury. The iron gate that was blocking her between an apartment complex and the street got bent wish I could see the fear and escape growing as he threw down the folder and said, “I’m walking away now.” Which thankfully, my friend, who I was taking to work that day, was there, as she was able to resume with the young woman and her daughter. And also call me down because I blacked out and was afraid of what I would do next. Which ironically enough, I gained rationality quickly thinking in my head all the scenarios I would play out an improper miss calculated my next move is, which allowing him to strike first in physical confrontations. Was I was waiting to inflict a job that I know will knock him out. As I trained for five years in MMA. And as my friend who I’ve been friends with since junior high no the kind of strength I’ve had, has seen in person. Knock someone out in one punch. Which back then, when I had no self-control as I was still dealing with my internalized fears and issues. Talked me down from not striking a pressure point that would perm permanently paralyze him as it was the wrong thing to do as I wasn’t that much in threat. Since I was a big fan of Xena, she was there when my uncle began teaching her and me how to bring people down with Patrick Armour as he was in special combat train forces in the Marines when he was serving. Has also taught weapons combat training both with guns and with Miele weapons and sword combat. Let’s just say I’m ready for the apocalypse.
One of the most disturbing things brought to my attention working with the detective handling her case was that 99% of the time, people will never interfere with a domestic violence situation in public. When people see a domestic violence situation occur in public, they ignore it hoping that someone will stop it eventually. The truth of the matter is no one ever does as this detective in San Antonio alone has handled murder cases that occur because domestic violence was never stopped. The truth is, in the era of COVID, it happens much more than we expect. And finding out later in the scenario was why she took to her family’s house, this guy was plotting to kill her. Wood made matters worse and something that I didn’t realize that I said at the time that I didn’t even notice that she was, was pregnant. Thirty-six weeks with the low placenta. Which the truth of the matter is is a risk pregnancy. Which finding out from her mom the next day, this occurred more than once. Having her need a blood transfusion the last time this occurred.
One of my theories also became real that I was the reason why men end up being violently domestic violent with their partners is because he internalized a childhood trauma of molestation early in life. The truth of the matter is one of the most common things that identified with violence domestic violence cases is that the need to regain their manhood in this event makes them violent in such a way because it’s hard to deal with your issues without being made fun of as a man. As the whole ideology of social norms is that men need to be masculine and not show emotions. In my mind and ideology, it’s pretty fucked up for society to say such a thing. But at the same time, that does not give you an excuse to become your abuser and take it vantage of someone else is a vulnerable situation to prove your manhood. In my opinion, you’re not a man when you do this. You become a bitch. Because you’re resulting in normal female behavior on dealing with your emotional traumas like to peripheral grow with daddy issues. I may sound pretty abrasive when I say that. But the truth of the matter is I don’t think it’s meant on purpose. Because of a lot of the situation, they see the good in many of these men. But that’s what happens when you live in your past and don’t let go or resolve the things that plague you in adulthood. It makes you into a person you’re not meant to be because you’re not that person. Why conform to social norms and do what social norms tell you to when deep down inside, you’re just hurt. And why turn into a stereotype that’s social norms already thinks of you to be. You just give them leverage to make them stereotype you and crucify you on the cross when you act on the things you have no self-control over, because how are you going to gain self-control if you don’t even tackle that issue first hand.
One of the most disturbing things that I witness that day is even into the physical confrontation; no one stopped to assist. In most cases, it’s because of fear. In other cases, it’s because “it doesn’t matter to me if it doesn’t happen to me.“ Which you never know when you’re going to be in a situation like this. Many domestic violence cases start with someone never thinking that they will be in a situation like that. It’s easier for your predator to make you think that you’re not in that situation, as pride blinds you from realizing what is occurring. And as unfortunately, these people who just need help don’t want the help in most cases. They will emotionally manipulate you to think that it’s your fault, have pity on them, and never work towards making a change. In a situation such as this, when they are not seeking help, it’s safer just to walk away sometimes. For both parties.
As one of the things that I mentioned to this victim who’s turning survivor. Is the idealism that made me want to walk away from my ex-husband was something I told myself. One of us is going to be 6 feet under, and it’s not going to be me.“ I was already beating him with the frying pan after trying to defend myself and having the cop who intervene in the situation, after investigating the incident that had me in ICU left for dead for three weeks. Tells us both as my ex-husband played the victim of me going crazy, not knowing that this was the officer who came to the first call said to quote for all I know I came in, and you were already dead after her defending herself.” Telling me, “I’m going to let you decide on what you need to do to move on with life, “ which the thought did cross my mind. However, because I did see a lot of good in him, I let him walk away tell him to get the help that he needs to live a legitimate life. Which was the last time I ever saw him again. Rumor has it that he ended up going to prison because he did. These issues just escalated and got involved in some things, and you should’ve never got involved with it. All for the sake of numbing the pain, and he continued to feel from his childhood and continuing the bad behavior that he refused to stop. As in our case, he already served a year and a half for doing what he did.
One of the most common things that a victim will feel is guilt for what’s going to happen to that person that they love in the end. But you have to stop and look at the bigger picture and see the behavioral patterns of these individuals. Because the truth of the matter is, those will give you the indications as to what they’ve done, what has worsened, and what can happen to somebody else if you don’t put your foot down and put a stop to the violence that happens to you directly. It’s the cause-and-effect theory that helped me get through my guilt as I can’t control somebody else. Only I can hold my behaviors. And if somebody does not respect boundaries. It is the control they have over themselves. Not mine. And if they continue to blame you for everything they are causing, it will only tell you that they will blame somebody else. Which another thing that you have to realize that it’s never the problem. They become a problem in the end because they can’t control their behaviors. November 12 proved that theory as well that and only will a man stereotype in abuse. They will enable the same actions that worked on their victim. But when the victim turns survivor and then turns warrior, and that is when you break the chains and potential, he saves that only two lives, but three. As my friend Christina says, “there is always someone bigger and better than you.” Which it may not be about size, strength, or anything else. What may make someone better than you is that they no longer live in fear. Would make some of the best is that like Diana Prince said in Wonder Woman “I fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.” Which is motto I embrace graciously.
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