One of the things I’m most grateful for is my Abuela. The other day was talking, and one of the things that she said was, “we had some pretty awesome adventures together.” The truth of the matter is she has so much truth behind that logic. As a beginning adventure that we had together, it started pretty dramatically and Traumatic as it was a time where my father and my mother were battling for custody when I was three years old. Thankfully my maternal Abuela and she were terrific friends. As a free moment in time, my mom forbids my paternal family to see me. Which truth be told, my Abuela would sneak my paternal as well as and my paternal aunt in to spend time with me. I am over there is one point when we ended up having to hide them in the closet so my mom wouldn’t get mad. But they were young and dumb back then as both my parents, regardless of their mistakes, were pretty incredible in the end.
My Abuela’s both paternal and maternal they were pretty gangster. As they ended up threatening, my ex has been at one point in time, one handicapped in the nursing home with a ballpoint pen. And my Abuela ended up coming out with a shotgun telling him to test her patience and see what happens when he gets on her property, after going through a domestic violence situation that left me in the ER as I was pretty badly beaten. When shit hit the van in Houston, she was the first and probably only one who ended up hauling ass in a Greyhound bus to try to make sure that her baby girl is safe and well. She heard us. She did find me on the floor passed out due to mold poisoning that I got from my apartment complex. But after recovery, she ended up being lighthearted about the whole situation and made jokes, which inspired this TikTok video below.
The video that was inspired by the first introduction to Jennifer Lopez’s “Dinero.” Which during the first part of the chorus, had her immediately saying, “Pues trabaja trabaja trabaja.” The funny thing about the grandma character in this video reflects both my and my paternal I will be more prim and proper. What is the total opposite of what my maternal grandmother was? Which if you haven’t noticed already, I’m pretty straight forward and spoke her mind. Both of them slapped me when I was a bratty little shit at nine when I was rebellious as I told both of them that they weren’t my mom, and they couldn’t tell me what to do. Remembering my act of rebellion was to see how far I could test them, and let’s face it. It didn’t go so well. But one of the things that they both have in common with her strength and courage when it came down to it having to face impeccable doom or a terrible situation. Which if it wasn’t for my loudmouth and my bluntness, I’d be set in the relationship department due to my cooking skills.
My Abuela’s were always loving, but they had their savage moments. Which is why is what made me come up with “Abuela’s be like.” Now, based on the videos, they may appear abusive, but that is not the case. One of the lessons these incredible women both taught me was “never get your feelings hurt,” as they always instilled never to take things personally. Which for a while, I stopped doing as “sympathy” seemed to be the gateway of having people give me the attention that I felt I deserved. As I had so many internalized issues way back when. They also became their Achilles heels because they always attempted to do things on their own in pride. But one of the things that I learned in this is at the beginning of my journey, which I began to show examples of. Is that when people genuinely want to help you, you begin also to hurt someone’s feelings. 1. Because you are rejecting someone’s kindness, and 2. it hurts them to see you in the struggle you are going through. Which my paternal Abuela began to stop doing as we kind of struggle a little at the moment. Not by choice, but because both of us are challenged with two severely sick people. And the perception that everyone has is “you have a book being sold on Barnes and Noble, you not struggling?” But the naiveness that comes in that mentality is that “I am not having books flying off the shelves to make a six-figure income monthly that can afford the chemo treatments and the care my aunt needs as well as my dad’s aid that resulted to a stroke he had at the beginning of COVID.
One of the things that I love about these two women. One was looking over me from wherever she may be and the one who never has left my side no matter how shitty I could be. Was the ability to possess unconditional love. Which I tweaked a little to assure that those who had ill intention by setting boundaries. And forgiving, which not crucifying those who did me wrong on the cross, but also not to give me trust freely as I used to as those must earn the trust that I gave to them out of goodwill and the benefit of the doubt. Which is something my Abuela’s always told me to do but struggle with themselves. The truth is they got this far, but the journey was lonely and pretty degrading in the end. One of the happiest moments for my paternal grandmother was when we found out that my book was now part of the Barnes and Noble inventory. Because the heartbreak and the doubt I ended up almost getting in this journey was a hard one. Because the truth is those fake smiles and those congratulations came with a price.
I was having those expect me to fall on my face and not get anywhere with it. Which many of them say when they belittle and degrade me. Using insult to instill doubt, so the truth they have about me is a truth I accept. And many will assume that I may be codependent on my Abuela’s strength. Which the reality is my paternal Abuela will not be here forever. Which one thing she tells me daily, I know when I die. You will be okay. And when I join your Grandma J in the pearly gates, we both will be drinking Miller High Life and Old English, saying, “that’s our girl.”
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