The Bittersweet Lessons of Trauma

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However, in many cases, even if a fresh wound of trauma is inflicted. Those who survive it will never be victimized as they know that they will get through it once again. As they’ve done before over and over again.

Frieda Lopez – The Bittersweet Lessons of Trauma

Many people would assume that people with inflicted trauma victims. Although many of them have experienced issues that have gone on a result, not all are victims. Many people who have survived hate to be deemed as victims as the sympathy of what they’ve gone through is probably what irks him the most as this is a conditioned behavior that many use taking sympathy. However, in many cases, even if a fresh wound of trauma is inflicted. Those who survive it will never be victimized as they know that they will get through it once again. As they’ve done before over and over again.

Whether it be something I learned, good people I met along the way, or overcoming something that I never thought I would ever do. Which truth of the matter is, knowing that I’ve survived a lot and have overcome a lot without fear and doubt. It makes me realize that there is nothing I can’t conqueror.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

At first, impression, if I asked about my life. Many will immediately sympathize with me based on the experiences that I’ve gone through throughout my life. Ironically enough, it’s those Traumatic moments that are ever so bittersweet as those moments have made me stronger than I ever expected. Resolving those issues has made me face more fear than I could ever imagine. Because in the grief of everything that could ever go wrong, there has always been a light at the end of the tunnel or something to be grateful about. Whether it be something I learned, good people I met along the way, or overcoming something that I never thought I would ever do. Which truth of the matter is, knowing that I’ve survived a lot and have overcome a lot without fear and doubt. It makes me realize that there is nothing I can’t conqueror. Living in Houston was probably one of the most extraordinary things I could ever do. Despite all the horrible things that happened. Like sexual assault, discrimination, sexual harassment, and other things. The positive that I came out of that was my ability to stop being naive. Because a lot of the things that I’ve written about impasse blogs and in my book are all things that happen in real life. We’re in San Antonio, Texas. It’s hard to believe that these things happen in real life as it usually doesn’t happen. Or many of the people in San Antonio protects one another and deflect the realities that occur. Especially in families.

I guess part of that was neglecting the fact that this never happened in San Antonio. Or after looking back at some of the job experiences I had, I should have seen the signs that I was also discriminated against in my hometown. I just never wanted to notice.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

As my family attempted to protect me from every bad thing that the world has to offer. This is why I am more than likely because they tried to stop me from moving to Houston when I first got the opportunity. After facing my fears and facing the impeccable doom that occurred in Houston, slowly but surely began to bring to light some of the Traumatic experiences that both my grandmother, my aunt, and my father experienced. The ultimate reason they wanted me not to move to use and avoid the trauma that discrimination brings emotionally. Which was a huge reality check for me. As I never thought this would ever happen in my lifetime. I guess part of that was neglecting the fact that this never happened in San Antonio. Or after looking back at some of the job experiences I had, I should have seen the signs that I was also discriminated against in my hometown. I just never wanted to notice. I still made me come to terms with one of the most traumatic experiences in my life that I thought I resolved a long time ago, which was the loss of one Carlos, my hat, and my college sweetheart who died after the midst of 911 as a squad got bombed in an unforeseen attack, which I found out while I was finalizing a wedding dress choice at Alfred Angelos. Which now realizing that Jonathan King, and my upcoming fiction based series “The RideShare Chronicles“ is everything that he used to be when he was alive. And although it brings tears to my eyes sometimes. It’s the memory of him and all the great times that put a smile on my face when grief sets in. Because if he saw me now. He would say, just leave Donna thinking that was in my fiction series “yay. You got your powers.”

Which controlling the controllable that you possess vital when facing your fears and your demons. Which for the longest time, I lied to myself, saying that I was doing. Send and making excuses that “I’m picking and choosing my battles.”

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

What are the things that I realized when are used to be naïve? Is that I gave too many people the benefit of the doubt that I never should’ve as red flags were waving way before the impeccable occurred. Which truth of the matter is it was the excuses a maid to justify their destructive behaviors in the gray area that I always tolerated. But at the end of the day, that should’ve been a warning sign as a behavioral pattern that you’ve displayed previously, along with the reputation that they held should’ve been enough to suffice that this was the truth. Which controlling the controllable that you possess vital when facing your fears and your demons. Which for the longest time, I lied to myself, saying that I was doing. Send and making excuses that “I’m picking and choosing my battles.”

No matter what you gain in life or what you have, that insecurity still haunts you in the end. This is ultimately why I feel a lot of celebrities turn to drugs and commit suicide.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

As someone who doesn’t possess mutual respect for somebody should be the ultimate reason, you fight back. Because if you look at the behavioral pattern of that individual, they will show that they have a history of doing the same act. This brings truth to the term “history repeats itself.” I don’t think that it’s intended, as they are trying to fill a void that they don’t have fulfilled yet—using emotional crutches and, in severe cases, chemical crutches to numb the pain that they avoid feeling. But the truth of the matter is is that it always follows you. No matter what you gain in life or what you have, that insecurity still haunts you in the end. This is ultimately why I feel a lot of celebrities turn to drugs and commit suicide.

As one of the common naïve idealism that social norms have conditioned us to believe is that temporary self-gratification is the key to making things go away. At the end of the day, that feeling that you have never goes away. Which resort to drinking till you’re not or doing hard-core drugs just to take that pain away. But it never goes away, not because you can’t make it go away. It’s because you choose not to.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

Like many in a deep depression because of those unresolved issues they have in the world, telling them that they have no reason to feel that way as they have everything that money can buy. Proving that money can’t buy everything as life gets more problematic in that situation as you can’t determine who’s your real friend or not and who gently wants to be around you for you and not for the things you have or that you can give. As one of the common naïve idealism that social norms have conditioned us to believe is that temporary self-gratification is the key to making things go away. At the end of the day, that feeling that you have never goes away. Which resort to drinking till you’re not or doing hard-core drugs just to take that pain away. But it never goes away, not because you can’t make it go away. It’s because you choose not to. As those who care about you and your best interest will tell you to the blue in the face and then walk away because there’s so much that they can do. Because in the end, we always tell ourselves, “we know better.“

Because in a guilty conscience, someone will point the finger and throw you under the bus for something that they indeed are. It’s not intentional, I feel. It’s just an act of self-preserving something that they worked hard to perceive to the world around them.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

Publishing a book with something I never imagine whatever happened to me because I was wallowing in my sorrow’s beating myself up from the perceptions that others would see me. Not because I was truthfully what they perceived. It’s because they deflect the insecurities that they had on me. Which psychology will always tell you the flexion is the reflection of someone’s insecurities. Which many of those individuals who made it seem like I was the bad guy. In the end, I always ended up being that person to be accused of causing trouble and pain. Because in a guilty conscience, someone will point the finger and throw you under the bus for something that they indeed are. It’s not intentional, I feel. It’s just an act of self-preserving something that they worked hard to perceive to the world around them. Which for me, I never take anything personal as most people will say. Because I defend myself when someone attempts to disrespect me emotionally and mentally, or the deflection that comes in the life that they tell themselves is that they’re getting the best of me.

As in their actions, you realize that they can’t be trusted. And many of those cases when people are not willing to work on building that trust once again, it’s a never-ending circle jerk where they attempt to accuse you of being something that you aren’t all for the sake of trying to protect their ego and self perception.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

In many cases, in pride and when someone is not willing to stop their actions, it has me revealing every traumatic event that happened to them in life and childhood, which in the end could’ve all been avoided if they just respected boundaries that I attempted to establish and that I tried to contain, which unfortunate thing about the situation is that we pride sets in. They feel unwanted or unworthy when you turn your back on them because they prove that they cannot respect you as the entitlement they have does not allow them to gain the respect that. As in their actions, you realize that they can’t be trusted. And many of those cases when people are not willing to work on building that trust once again, it’s a never-ending circle jerk where they attempt to accuse you of being something that you aren’t all for the sake of trying to protect their ego and self perception. Were trying to have others turn your back on you is a common thing that people are fearful of. It’s not a fear that one has when they can stand on their own two feet. It has a lot to do because they have self-respect for themselves. And a lot to do with respecting themselves to take out the equation of toxic people but only come in to bring you down. And initially, what happens in that scenario, they attempt to use the trauma that you can fight in them to make others think the worst of you. Which just goes deeper into the deception and the ability to trust someone when they genuinely need help.

But it’s one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done for myself. As those insecurities that used to subside and are no longer the ghosts of my past. O faced my scary monsters. And although I may never trust somebody that refuses to build that trust they broke, I will never take anything personally or hold it against them.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

One of the things that we must realize is that internalizing emotions will always get the best of us. Internalizing the Traumatic events in our lives make us into people that we don’t want to be. Where the resentments and the heat that comes with it just makes us engage in the same behaviors that those who inflicted those traumas create. Which is why we must resolve those issues and let go of the past. It’s very hard, don’t get me wrong. But it’s one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done for myself. As those insecurities that used to subside and are no longer the ghosts of my past. O faced my scary monsters. And although I may never trust somebody that refuses to build that trust they broke, I will never take anything personally or hold it against them. As the truth of the matter is in resolving my own internalized issues, I realize we all have something we’re all trying to make sense of. What if you genuinely think about it? It’s a beautiful thing as this is something that made me realize that we’re not truly ever alone in dealing with these unresolved issues. People always say that they’re OK to put it aside and to make others think that they have it together. But the truth of the matter is, many of them live in an emotional prison that keeps them from reaching the potential that they have. Which is something I always see in people. But that truth will never come out as the pride they consist is hiding another fear, which is the fear of being vulnerable. And you have to admit. People have every right to these days as it’s hard not to feel like he will be crucified on the cross for a mistake that you can learn from.

As I fell for the excuses and made up excuses for their bad behavior when they were wrong. And although they may end up thinking that they got the best of me, the truth of the matter is I’m still standing and stronger than ever. As many of those who purposely inflicted harm and much more worse emotional situation than me.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

With the Fuckery of my life and the trauma that I experienced. It’s hard to believe that someone inflicted with so much pain can have this sort of mentality. In my honest opinion, I feel that it’s the gratitude that I have for still being alive. Because many situations could have gotten worse and potentially cause my life by the intentions of someone who, in the end, had intentional, in all honesty, I feel like I may have enabled that person from doing more harm than expected to. As I fell for the excuses and made up excuses for their bad behavior when they were wrong. And although they may end up thinking that they got the best of me, the truth of the matter is I’m still standing and stronger than ever. As many of those who purposely inflicted harm and much more worse emotional situation than me. Because in pride and entitlement they can never see the light. And they will always make excuses for the things by using victimhood to have a reason why they can do that. which brings to light a new theory in psychology which is empathy biased. Which is a bias that stems from being selfish and thinking of our own pain versus the pain that we inflict to others.

That pain is meant to be temporary. Which those who choose to resolve those issues, will have you end up just being part of a past that they were in brace and grow from forever.

FRIEDA LOPEZ – THE BITTERSWEET LESSONS OF TRAUMA

How will we ever get to the point where we have a quality and will not be judged for the things that we can learn from? We’re just going to jail makes you into a criminal and having one discretion can make you into the biggest villain in anyone’s life. I end this by saying, how are you going to get the treatment you want, when you can’t treat people the same way they deserve.“ Which in the end is the reason why I feel that many of us never get out of the predicament we are in. Because in the end we continue to choose to live in the past and hold onto a pain. That pain is meant to be temporary. Which those who choose to resolve those issues, will have you end up just being part of a past that they were in brace and grow from forever. which in pride, is why we never get the help that we really deserve.

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Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda Lopez is a Texas Native, born in the heart of San Antonio's West Side Community. Frieda attended Lanier High School and primarily attended Memorial High School where she graduated with the class of 2001. Raised in a blended family dynamic, Ms. Lopez gained her noble character from the women she admired and loved the most, her grandmothers. Frieda attended Alamo Community College where she majored in Liberal Arts primarily studying on biology, sociology, philosophy, psychology, and creative writing and shortly attended University of Incarnate Word. She gained a MBA from AIU and has actively participated in local fashion shows until she moved to Houston returning back August 2019. She began her career in healthcare, where she gained the skill of being able to not only resolve conflicts but reach out and engage in the community through her time serving as health care relations customer care and outreach representative. After being let go from her employer which she last served as a Customer Relations Representative for DentaQuest, she began her journey in retail where she came part of the leadership team a month of working as a part time representative for MarketSource and build a relationship with her local Target team. She later served five years with Amtel T-Mobile as a Store Manger after moving to Houston to pursue a management position with unfortunately ended in adversity which opened the opportunity of writing her first book "Journey of an Unraveled Road" will be releasing her second book a fiction based series titled "The Rideshare Chronicles" with the first book to the installment titled "Destination Destiny."

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