Revenge was an ABC who had a TV Series that I go into great detail that I will leave out. Little did I know that I realized then that this would be my way of revealing the grim reality that we face as this was the way “The Rideshare Chronicles” came to life. Which will have to be pushed back for release due to the unexpected medical expenses I have accrued with the Stage 4 Cancer diagnosis. Which, as she didn’t have kids, is the reason why I take full responsibility for her; if you’re wondering. But in this chapter, I began to see that we are more entitled than we would like to admit. I mean, empathy bias wouldn’t be a thing if it wasn’t, right? One of the things that we all felt and some of us acted on was something that sounds like “an eye for an eye?” In the show, it portrays a girl who was seeking revenge for the death of her father, who went to bed with the Devil, as Victoria Grayson lied about a crime her husband acted on. To clear him from the crime by framing Daniel Grayson, which the protagonist ended up plotting to take down everyone involved due to her loss. Sounds familiar and legit, right? The irony of that was that if her father didn’t have Victoria Grayson, who to protect her life and self preserve the “good girl” personality, which deception was taught to her early on in life. Daniel Grayson would have never had the events that played out happen to him. Thus not having the abuse Amanda Grayson, the protagonist needs to gain revenge. Which in this presence. An eye for an eye was inspired by a domino effect of destructive behaviors that if those who knew better would have done the simple thing; the right thing. This storyline would have never occurred in the first place.
Everyone at one point in time has all felt this need for revenge. But the unfortunate thing is that it tends to come from a place of entitlement. As it’s typically from a feeling that we didn’t get what we wanted to begin with. Which if we took control of the controllable, we would not have been in a predicament too. However, when someone does something intentional in a setting that it shouldn’t happen in, that’s when it becomes a problem, as this was the scenario that I was facing. Those who misconstrued it as a road of revenge told me I should just look for another job. Which the automatic response was “You provoked it,” which my maternal aunt that I called “my fairy Godmother” told me I did. Her avoidance and the bandwagoning attempt she caused that had “my mom,” the person I worked so hard to gain a relationship with, along with the rest of the maternal family, the things that my ex-fiancé had her believing. Which was that I was a drug addict. Which she stereotyped strippers for all being the same way. Based on a comment that I made when she accused me of asking for money to get my retainer fee for the first lawyer who fucked me over and told me that I wasn’t eligible for “litigation.” Their tactics on winning my case seemed a little degrading to those involved who were scared to come forward. The comment she gained this stereotype from was, “As degrading as it is for me as this was told to me by my boss. Suppose I have to shake my ass to get the money to fight for justice. I will do it.”
Which all she heard in her selective hearing was “stripper.” That’s when the truth came out of what she stereotyped me to be as she said, “I knew you were on drugs. I knew I should have believed Ross.” Using my behavior at her Christmas gathering as erratic behavior. Which if she would have asked me then instead of acting erratic in her pre-stereotyping. I would have got the answer that ‘I was scared of what was about to happen at the job.” Which happened precisely as it did. As they attempt to fire me with was an accident that my boss neglected to tell me should be reported as Workers Compensation, which no one asked reached out when I called. Not even the director. Which the most significant no-no in Texas after a potential worker’s coy mp incident forbids, have my work after the accident. Which I was forced to do right after. Which the erratic behavior came from the pain that I was having for weeks on end.
Vengeance was the first thing that came across my mind. But something happened along the way in this journey. Which, in the end, was very fortunate. I gained selflessness, which I feel came from the act of the compassion my grandmother and my Great Aunt gave me, which both infiltrated my father’s idealism, making him see that it just wasn’t for me. It was for everyone involved. But don’t get it twisted. I wasn’t innocent either at this start of the journey as I am for the jugular immediately calling out my aunt for going against her own identity. The consistent behavior pattern they all have shown in childhood was the abusiveness they indeed possessed that engaged in insults. That after being belittled her whole life, my cousin pushed my aunt, who ended up fracturing a rib. Which her abuse that came from jealousy and un approval of how she should raise her daughter that; she also gave my aunt slack in an abusive demeanor just lost it in frustration.
As the family conditioned us just to take it. And if we can’t take it. We are weak. Which already had a traumatic childhood showed they had no empathy and resulted in Systematic racism as those with careers; those married looked down on everyone. Where my aunt Janie which they referred to her and her partner as Bear and Cub, ended up being shamed in their whole relationship for being part of the LGBT community. Which “commoners” was a common name for those they used to belittle those in not so great situations. Which revealed something to me; if I am going to break the cycle, this behavior stops with me.
Everyone had a familiar story of how the circle of abuse played in the family dynamics. I would say it’s the majority, but in my discovery, it seemed like this was the social norm for many family dynamics as insults were an expected behavior used to gain obedience. In many accounts, many of these adults were dealing with a much eviler situation. Being face to face with their child molester, many families used shame on the child to keep them obedient, which was a hard pill to swallow. Can you imagine how it must feel to be faced to face with your molester in every single family function? Hearing their stories and showing empathy helped me begin figuring out how to gain the courage to face it, which some of those who followed through felt a huge sigh of relief. Where those in fear would just ghost me, which is another reason why I began to see the truth in ghosting, it’s not that they have a personal hatred for us. They just are too afraid of facing reality. And when you hold truth, people rather live their lives in silence and lies—all for the sake of fitting in.
Nothing is crueler than living a lie I began to see. However, it’s crueler when you make people know the truth. Which after a successfully setting, boundaries began to reveal. As those who didn’t want to see the truth and in their act of being forced to know the truth become victimized. But if they had mutual respect and avoided insulting and demeaning, maybe they wouldn’t face the consequences of cause and effect, which showed that both sides began to reveal this sense of entitlement. This also began to show the predictable pattern of how we resolve conflicts and threats from third parties. It’s not that we intentionally do this. It’s something that we conditioned. Would be made set boundaries in empathy as well. Which if someone commits a sinful crime, it’s something you can’t come back from. Which ultimately in the end. My purpose was to not only help people prevent them from doing this crime but gain redemption. But one of the crimes I feel you never could come back from is killing someone for the sake of entitled revenge. Which, if you think about it, becomes an act of entitlement. Because the only way I see someone being redeemed is in the front of self-defense when someone plays the grim reaper.
Going through the motions that the journey revealed was that when people are convinced they are just in self-righteousness, it’s hard to break the mentality of that as the lies they tell themselves is the truth they believe. Where the irony in this is the only way to break this mold is by having a traumatic event that affects their self preserved well being. This was revealed to me during the era of COVID. As the mentality I had was that the emotional or physical pain factor would do the trick. Which started to reveal that even though you set boundaries, people will stop for a moment and then continue their acts of what Freud referred to as the “Super Ego,” As the only way to get them to learn their lesson in their senseless act of intimidation, sometimes you got to tear someone a new ass hole, which was also hard to do as I hate seeing people in emotional and physical pain, which compelled me in establishing boundaries with more intent. Which seeing how people act and do what they do in efforts to try to fulfill their self gratified pride, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
Everyone is capable of good and evil. It’s human nature. But you have to stop to think of where the intention is coming from. Is it selfish or selfless? Is it for the greater good or self-gratification, which we live in a society full of self-gratification? We get inspired by so many false and unrealistic things in life. Which social media, I feel, has a lot to blame in this equation. As many sources reveal that the lavish lifestyles people lived are staged. Where the seven deadly sins come into play, and when the reality is not the truth, disappointment sets. It was finding other ways to gain this perceived and unreal reality that is part of a multimillion-dollar market. Where those do it to smell something that is not the truth, engaged others to chase that reality desperately. When it doesn’t fix the emotional issues someone has, they end up finding another quick fix in resolving those issues, whether it be through chemical dependency or behavioral dependency. Which, in the end, began to make me contemplate. Suppose I didn’t want to fall into this trap. What am I going to differ? Which in turn, made me say, how am I going to break these invisible chains I bonded myself in through social norms.