Considering what I knew so far before writing the book, I took those who dodge the truth warning. That if they weren’t ready to face the truth to skip to the next chapter. Because it was going to reveal some things that, in their self-preservation of the identity they made for themselves, will shatter their reality, which I may be a lot of things. Still, I am never intentionally cruel, putting the things that I ended up going through and the trend of unfortunate events that happened more often than it uses to, which doesn’t classify as misfortunate events as it’s not the consequence of the situation. It’s induced by others trying to scratch and claw their way to the top. Where the ugliness of stereotyping, belittling, and deception comes into a selfish act of preserving their well-being. Which staying away from the gray area still would be selfish when you get backed in the corner because the one thing that also revealed was that we purposely turn a blind eye for the sake of self-preservation, where those who intentionally do this in selfish and intended action gain more power and become a more evil presence.
One of the things that I realized in this social problem is that those who didn’t take accountability had one common fear. As the fear of judgment was present in this act of not accepting blame. Which is pretty fucked up if you think about it. As one of the common denominators in this ugly reality of things is that when you make a mistake, you get “crucified on the cross” and made to be the demon, you aren’t. This is why Taylor’s Swift’s “I Did Something Bad” was the muse in writing this chapter, which I could understand why we don’t take accountability most of the time. As in self-preservation, the self-perception you worked you’re entire life for; can be hindered by a self-righteous asshole who thinks they know better. Which, in many of those situations, have been proven to be the worst sinners. As they overcompensate for the sins they commit, which had me gain a lot more empathy for the human condition. Because the truth of the matter is, suppose we are biologically programmed to make mistakes. How can we learn from those mistakes and grow from them? Which another sin that social norms have conditioned us to do. Hinder our growth to be the bonafide badass we were meant to be.
How do we change this? How do we make things better? These are the questions I began to ask myself in this revelation. One thing that I began to realize was that in society, “We have no successful way” on how this looks like. As the ones we look up to are celebrities. Which in the end, once they fall from grace, they are nowhere to be found. Which many of those in the limelight keep their secrets and mistakes in the closet. Which when they are found out, they end up getting shamed and belittled for an error that they made because they were human. Which made me begin to ploy to figure out who I could infiltrate that if I ever get in the limelight. Which is why after finishing the book in a week, had me delay publishing the book. Because the first thing that came across my mind was, “What am I going to do if this comes out,” I was worried about nothing because I rat myself out in the entire book. I was talking about the mistakes I made along with the wrongs that others did. Which is a woman of my word. I said, “Fuck this. I am going to be transparent as fuck and say the rationale behind that.” As the truth is, I wasn’t any innocent than anyone else. Because the truth about our modern-day society is that we are all guilty of the same crimes, we just don’t admit it because of self-preservation.
I am not going to lie; it was hard as hell at first. To realize that I probably was someone’s antagonist in this journey was kind was heartbreaking for me. Because the truth of the matter is, I always tried to be the right person. Knowing that human nature is the cause of it, I began to forgive myself. When I completely excused myself, I ended up trying to make amends, which revealed those who said, “I didn’t know how to forgive,” were the ones that couldn’t help things go. Which another funny thing about social norms is that it becomes hypocritical full of reasons why we are justified to do bad things. But we crutch on justifications in the gray area and play victim to make people pity us. Which made me also see just how “shitty” social norms indeed were. Which post journey I got a lot of this from my family. The hypocritical part of it. Trying to justify their bad behavior never flew with me. Where it had me kicked out of the house many times, putting me in a compromising situation for less than a few hours, which made me set boundaries up when they thought they could outsmart me again. Which was that I “refuse to live a little household and that if things wouldn’t change. I will voluntarily leave.” Which, in turn, had the victimhood rear its ugly head. Which I began to call out the shenanigans and say if they would have mutual respect and just ask me straight up, they would get the truth. Instead of stereotyping and crucifying for those mistakes. Which now, they say I am not going to even start with an argument. “Because you always win.” And when they begin out of habit, they just nod their head and laugh. Because at the end of the day, it’s just a misunderstanding that is water under the bridge.
After it’s all said and done, I don’t take things personally. I began to set boundaries and did not make exceptions to those boundaries. Not for strangers. Not for friends. Not for family. Which is why I think people avoid me these days. Which had me also begin using the phrase, “Not today misery, I ran out of Pendejadas for the day.” Which surprisingly made a lot of the people around me extremely upset. I was taking a blanket generalization seriously. Which also began to reveal things about my everyday interactions. That society has turned very entitled. Because you can’t even say anything without taking it as a personal attack. Which an acquaintance I met said, “I need to understand you talk like your writing a book,” which if it was an insult. I didn’t see it as such because I am a writer after all. But when I started to use that same phrase, I began to identify real quickly that they were telling me what I wanted to hear, thinking they could take advantage of a situation they thought I was vulnerable in. Which another “pendejada of there’s.” Where the truth of the matter is having no mutual respect for my time as they always expected me to wait for them every single time, took advantage of a lot of situations, never took accountability for the actions that they caused themselves, and didn’t want me around his friends as he stressed a comment that “you need to stop cock blocking me,” started to see what was going on. This person wasn’t my friend. He was trying to piggyback off me. Which I guess, in his misperception of the fear he had of being alone, punished me with ghosting me.
Which it was a sigh of relief, to be honest. When the time came when he needed my help, the response I gave him was, “I can only offer emotional support as he had no intention of change.” Which was the last time I ever heard from this guy, which was sad to see. Not because of the bond. He was just an acquaintance. Because of the things I saw that he was capable of, he could never see. And with the people he associated with, he would never get the chance to see. As another truth that began to reveal was, “Misery loves company.”
Never did I ever think I would be genuinely happy. Which was one thing I got from this journey. Not because of what I gained materialistically or the achievements I have accomplished. I am still a no-name author, after all. The truth that will set us free is being resented with the things people want to assume is wrong with me. It’s because I solely have the power of depending on myself. Knowing that if shit hits the fan again, I can make a positive change in my life. That if faced with those who intentionally want to bring me down, can infiltrate or destroy with ease, and that no matter what people try to make me appear to be, know I will never be. And the superpower that I gained out of this reveals the real truth of what they are hiding in deflection, as social norms have proven to have the same common behaviors in the face of certain dangers. Which if you think about it, it is why we are not original.
We are, in the end, conforming to someone else ‘s perception of the people we are supposed to be, which don’t get me started with die-hard Trump supporters. As they are the biggest conformist, using the same recycled deflections that you see every single one of them in insecurity or fear when they are face to face with the truth. Same thing with the Karen’s. And the Basic Bitches of society. But why shame one another regarding this rhetoric. Because whether you want to be, believe it or not, we all are guilty of it. Because that’s how our social norms conditioned us to be, it all stems from insecurity and fear.
Going over my life experience post journey, I realized one thing regarding my empathy strength. That I have walked in every shoe being the poorest the poor and pretty well off and living comfortably. I was a reject in high school to the popular sorority girl. To the trauma I have endured to the triumphs I gained. I realized I had universal empathy. Where those who tried to justify I didn’t understand, which I used the scenarios at first. Began to relay this through the feeling they felt at that moment, which begins to freak a lot of people out. Because being that intuitive means, you’re psychic to people’s minds. But even in those situations where I couldn’t relate with people, I knew what they went through as someone who confided about their struggle, shared it with me. Which begins the insults and shaming, which just follows with “Go fuck yourself, you entitled ass.” Which another thing that I began to see about society is the fear it also has. That when we don’t understand something, we demonize it in stereotypes. Which made me see another common problem caused by society. We were conformed to discriminate, which is the cry for help that we need for change.
Every experience, both good and evil, became a learning lesson on how to improve me and how I handle situations, which made me a little more powerful and more vital. It made me realize that we didn’t have an example of how to take these things or fight through things. This also made me realize there is no way to handle our inflictions that become a collective of insecurities, traumas, and life experiences. The only example that we have is the worst-case scenario’s putting bandaids on everything to ease the pain temporarily, which made me realize that pain is not meant to be permanent. But we all make it permanent. Which why many people don’t look at the past. Which is why they generalize self-reflection as “living in the past.” You’re not looking to remember the things you once had; you’re looking for ways to keep consistency. Which we all feel is something we can’t count on. In my defense, I always had “Plan A-Z,” thanks to the gift of big picture thinking, which in the end, became my strong suit. Without this idealism. I would never have seen the problems we all face in society.