The Unknown Path to Freedom
For the longest time, I felt like I had it worst. For the most part I think we all feel this once in a while, more often than we like to truly admit. Recalling some of the stories my late maternal Grandmother Jaunita would tell me, which I started to recall in the lessons she taught me as a child. I began to think about the things that I experienced in my current moment of adversity. I remember her telling me about the hard times she experienced as a single mother of eight, still raising most of the grandchildren as her own; she always made sure that family was never without. She was head strong, but also an emotional person. As being with her most of the time time in childhood as she became a savior for me for reasons that I will not disclose to protect my mother that I love very much and truly forgiven her for the things I couldn’t understand at the time; had her sharing her pains with me when I felt like I didn’t fit in. What I remember about her is she never gave a fuck about people’s opinions. She did what she wanted as long as it was for the best interest of the everyone involved. Some of the things she shared with me during my time in high school before she was admitted into a nursing facility was the discrimination she endured as a single Latina women. And the grim reality of how the world really was. Which everytime I would beat myself she would say “No eres victima” which in English translates to “You’re not a victim” as she helped me beat one of my demons early on in childhood.
And the grim reality of how the world really was. Which everytime I would beat myself she would say “No eres victima” which in English translates to “You’re not a victim” as she helped me beat one of my demons early on in childhood.Frieda Lopez – How I Discovered The Unknown Path to FreedomHow I Discovered
My paternal Grandmother was a saint in my eyes. She was very religious and very brave, which at first she was hesitant of me fighting my battle because of the fear of the unknown, which my dad influenced her decision a little, which for a temporary time brought in some resentment and a mini feud. Which shortly after, she came to my defense telling my dad it was necessary; as the things that happened to me happened to her in a sense and that he was in the wrong for having me run away. She raised my father with morals, which he passed on to me. One of the things my father never liked seeing me was in pain, which the only way to protect his own was trying to persuade me in running away. Which when my abuela, Socorro found out what else what was happening and how my maternal family turned their backs on me as they believed a lie my ex-fiancee told them was that i was a hard core drug addict. Which ultimately in the end, came to light that he was doing this behind my back to try to have my family convince me to stay with him. As the narcissist he was and which his ex wife; which I was friends said he had a history of doing this in the past. The day she came to check on me, as I told her due to my father, I would not associate with the family until I get the courage to fight so I wouldn’t be scared into backing down: found me almost dead as later events would reveal something that became my second fight. I was getting killed by the mold infestation in my apartment.
Relating with my resolving a previous sexual assault and the attempted one through Sprint, she did everything she could to try to have me move back to San Antonio, TX which telling the apartment about the mold problem in a civil manner giving them time to resolve this without a written notice, evicted me from The Dunvale Apartments. After being homeless for a good 24-48 hours a second time; but losing it all this time, the kindness of a stranger had me come back home and also having the help of a very dear friend and classmate in Grad School (which ended up being fraud), help me pack and come back to San Antonio. Which also had a similar story to my Maternal Grandmother’s story. The act of discrimination, belittling, and gaslighting as her accounts also tells the story of people taking advantage of her in vulnerable moments. The correlating lesson they taught me when faced with this type of adversity, is work hard to gain the life you lost. Which my Great Aunt, Aurora, facing the same injustice in her current work life; she was being belittled and take advantage of, being told to not show up to work, she the message by a friend from her boss. Would have her relinquish her rights as a independent contractor after sacrificing her entire life to serve a family she loved as her own family.
Every time I thought of this, I had to fight. Seeing what was happening in the world around me, it was my due diligence to try to make a change. One of the ironies of this that I neglected to see as a spoiled brat just worrying about my own dam self, was that we all go through this. Men, women, young, old, and everyone who is looked down upon or is in a vulnerable situation. It was hard to just turn my back on something I was starting to see, even though people were too proud to admit to it. The first thought to my head was “This is why change never fucken happens. It’s the pride we have and the fear of being shamed that we don’t share our struggles with anyone.” Looking back at the instance when I attempted to get help, which everyone ignored my plea was “This is why injustice fucken happens,” which made me see the reasons why. As fear is the main motivator of this act. And can you blame them? For the longest time I just thought about myself in the bigger scheme of things realizing that no one fights back because we are scared. We play the pawn to try to get ahead in life. And all we get is a pat on the back with empty promises. Which made me think about all the unfulfilled promises I was given that ended up just fucking me over in the ass with no lube. Which an automatic response of victimhood is not standing up for ourselves. Which Shoshanna Katzman makes perfectly clear in her NO MORE VICTIM: STAND UP FOR YOURSELF IN LIFE on SelfGrowth.com https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Katzman1.html. Which if we are going to be completely transparent, how many life changing battles have those who tell us “pick and choose your battles” did they really face. Which my dad being one of them, transparently admitted nothing like mine. And looking at the behavioral patterns of those who gave this advice, revealed that they only picked the battles with the weakest opponent. One that they knew they could win. Which it’s okay, but the difference between them and I was I had too much to lose that was lost already in the process. That for me, if I didn’t fight for. Would lose, which is my dignity.
The problem that begins to occur in this, which I began to realize in my self reflection, was we never break the habit as another thing that was revealed in my reflection was that I was afraid of the unknown, afraid of losing, afraid of what people would say about me if I didn’t lose. In that moment which could have swayed to selfish, realized that I was selfless. As the only thing I could think about is “everyone who remained silent” and allowed this bad behavior to happen. Which in the work place should have zero tolerance for. But it sometimes holds a biased tolerance. Which in my case, realized whatever made the company more money and wouldn’t be a threat to that. Which coming out the scenario without a non disclosure have a plethora of unethical and illegal things Sprint Houston did, including terminating those employees who in were thrown under the bus for the unethical leadership all to cover there ask and reach quota. In the end, I was offered a settlement that I refused. Which the attempted psychological manipulation that came behind this was “You’re always going to be a broke bitch.” Which I use the same line in “The Rideshare Chronicles” saying “I am a priceless broke bitch to you.” Which if need be could reveal the illegal practices to gain quotas, which included manipulating customers in bundle packages, in opening business accounts for non business customers as that was the offense I was accused of, embezzlement, bribery, and even using the Good Old System in discriminatory fashion.
Every time I use the name “Harvard from Da Hood” I get a smile on my face. As I was told by Basic Bitch Betty in front of the whole team, stop acting ghetto, following her thoughts on what she thought of San Antonio, TX and the residence of the city. Which many people look in big cities look at us. Being naive, vulnerable, uncultured….but I am here to say we are more cultured than many. Mind you we have our issues, but we care about people. Yeah we have our fair share of narcissism, but a lot has to due with being dominated by old money. Doing Uber has revealed a lot of injustice due to fear. Which let’s be real, we all face. But being open minded and actually caring for people’s well being opened my eyes to so much of the things that a typical San Antonian would see. Regardless of all the bad things that happened in Houston, TX. I still love the city with all my heart. As it made me grow and it made me break the pride I had when I first went to San Antonio. There was bad, but there was a hell of good. My team, my supervisor Ernie Douglas, who helped me a lot. He helped me grow out of naiveness. He cultivated the power that I never thought I had, which I ran with. It gave me hope, and regardless of some of them turned their back in fear, I still love them unconditionally. Although some have to prove to me they can be trusted, it made me not take things personally. It revealed one thing I knew but never really paid no mind to at the time of selfishness, that we all have a struggle and are trying to find a way on breaking the chain.
Another thing I realized in that venture is that I should trust myself more. As the reflection of things made me realize, I always knew the dangers. I was just a bit naive in that everyone had the best intentions. Which made me want to see what I was capable of. Which made me say to myself “If I can face this, it’s time to face my demons.” Which made me realize that the unknown path to freedom was letting go of everything by facing the demons, including the trauma. I learned how to be self sufficient and set boundaries, which in transparency I had no clue of facing. It made me stop using labels and seeing people in one simple way, human. Which in the unknown path of freedom had me trust myself way more and avoid getting opinions of others, unless it affect them directly. Which realizing that the unknown path of freedom began with balance and self efficacy. Which became a swan song not only for me, for the phenomenal woman in my life. And for everyone who couldn’t fight for themselves in injustice. Our fight.