Psychology of Humility

Humility is a compelling trait that I have ever gained in this journey. Let’s be real; life has made me humble in the adversity that I have experienced. However, not all stories are created equal as one of the conditioned things lI realized is that we often live in a past way that we like to admit. Which I feel is why reflecting is misconstrued with living in the past. The truth is, that is why we never heal from the things that we experience in the past. Because we just forget how to reflect. So what is true humility? Humility is defined as a modest or low view of one’s importance; humbleness. Which let us face it; the society of entitlement is what keeps anyone from being genuinely humble. We all want to feel important in this world, which we crutch on the things from the past that has people going through so many unhealthy avenues to gain a sense of importance. But the quick ways we attempt to gain attempts to feel important puts us in a situation that makes us feel even more empty inside.

Unintentionally, one of the ironic things on this journey is that my official life coach client was an Instagram personality. This person, as beautiful and attractive that they are, can’t help but feel empty as they feel undervalued and have no purpose. As the world only sees them for their interior beauty. The resentment they shared led to a downward spiral of abusive behaviors both to themselves and others. When doing these meet and greets, they subjectify them to being a thing versus a person. The desire to have a legitimate conversation with someone has the world asking them to flaunt their assets. I am grateful that this person, whom I will protect in the same demeanor as HIPPA would, will not reveal the identity. But I will say this, the consensus of what’s been communicated is that once the way of trends end, the consensual feeling. Is the feeling of emptiness; that is hard to point your figure on and figuring out, “Where is this feeling coming from?” 

The Power of Humility

Many of todays culture consist of one thing that I found amusing to actually see it in black and white. Karl Albrecht Ph.D. said it best in Psychology today back in 2015, where he states ” Our popular-media culture is saturated with themes of conflict, combat, and conquest. Popular films feature cops chasing crooks; the military fighting terrorists; the lone avenger pursuing the evil-doers. We say we love peace makers, but our heroes are warriors. As a society, we like our celebrities to be cheeky, self-important, and even a bit narcissistic.” Which if you think about it, is truth as it makes for great entertainment. He also makes great points on what humility is not which are as follows:

  • It’s not letting others “push you around.”
  • It’s not being a doormat, a sucker, or letting people “walk all over you.”
  • It’s not constantly sacrificing your interests to those of others (and then feeling like a victim or a martyr).
  • It’s not avoiding conflict or confrontation – not of your making, anyway – for the sake of “being nice.”
  • It’s not about hiding your feelings or suppressing your views to avoid alienating others.

Which he makes some very strong points in his article The Paradoxical Power of Humility. Why humility is under-rated and misunderstood which I attached the link for quick and easy access (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brainsnacks/201501/the-paradoxical-power-humility). Which if you ask me, we can use some tuning up here and there. In our own personal life and in society.

Before I begin in the effects of humility, I am going to share some insight I gained that I found that Kelechi Odimayo said in his article Benefits of humility in life according to the Bible (Read more: https://www.legit.ng/1216482-benefits-humility-life-according-bible.html.). One of the things I couldn’t pinpoint myself was this feeling of freedom. That humility gives you freedom. For the longest time, I thought I was very humble. However, resolving my unresolved and internalized issues is what truly got me there. As one trigger that steers up entitlement I realize is the insecurity part of it. As it victimizes us with the “my trauma is worst than yours” scenario as this is also comparing our adversities to someone else’s to see who had it harder. In the prideful senes, it had me resent people and low key say “I am doing things right, why am I not there” which another similarity, comparing someone. But when you truly become humble. You’re efforts are good enough. You success are big wins as they were big. And that sense of entitlement tends to fade a way little by little when you start gaining true humility. So back to the article, here are the effects of what humility brings:

  • Soothing the soul. Humble people are known to cope a little easier with anxiety about mortality. … 
  • Gaining excellence in leadership. Humility is a key to excellent leadership. … 
  • Increase of self-control. … 
  • Better work performance. … 
  • Being more helpful. … 
  • Earning people’s respect. … 
  • Enabling freedom.

Which when people try to make my humility something it’s not, becomes the checklist per say as to my reassurance as to why I am truly humble.

How to Gain Humility

Loving yourself is where it starts. Not beating yourself up for the things that you had no control over. Realizing your faults and fixing them. Ultimately it starts with facing those demons you haven’t face and looking them straight in the eye and saying, not today Satan. Which the start is having gratitude for things you already have. So to spare you from another long winded story, let me reference Patty Onderko’s article from Success.com in her article Do These 6 Things to Be More Humble ( Patty Ondereko. Do These 6 Things to Be More Humble. November 4, 2015. https://www.success.com/do-these-6-things-to-be-more-humble/.).

1. Ask for feedback.

2. Confront your prejudices.

3. Start with a question.

4. Really listen.

5. Accept setbacks.

6. Discover awe

Which I will add, doing these things will start putting the wheels in motions on resolving those unresolved issues.

Conclusion

Everyone struggles with finding the power of feeling humble. I mean we live in a society where it circles narcasstic behavior. From protecting our emotions and filling those voids. I mean how else are you going to know how to do this the right way silly. There’s no rule book or DIY guide to follow when it comes to this. Not to talk shit about myself help peers, but many of them use bandaids to mask the real issues. Many of them take a psychological and spiritual stand point. Jay Shetta is one of my favorite self help gurus and is on point with so many of the things he says. One of the things that I feel that is an opportunity is realizing that not all pain is created equally. As those who are inflicted with deep pains will look at his teachings in desperation not understanding why there is still this emptiness. I have the utmost respect for him as truthfully speaking, if anyone talked crap about him, I would come to his defense. But he doesn’t need it cause he gots it. But if he asked me to aid him, I am that pit-bull protecting their own. But it’s not intentional. I don’t feel this, I know. As he volunteers his time to reach out to his audience and is genuinely sincere in his messages and his live feeds. One of my dreams in this self help journey is doing a collab with the guy. As he helped me put the missing pieces of the puzzle that was missing when I followed his teachings religiously. He’s very insightful and super smart. But one of the things about being humble is this, we aren’t afraid to reach out for help when we need it. And those in the same humble spirit will be glad to help. As long as it’s a genuine and full hearted request. My dad always need somebody sometime, which I know he got from a rock song in the early 80’s. But that is the meaning of humble. Because the truth is we all need somebody sometime, even me.