My Oppressed Life

Paralyzed By Closed Doors

Paralyzed by Closed Door

            “Get up daddy.  Get up.” a young innocent voice says. 

            It was 4:15 PM when he saw when he rolled over to see the time on his iPad that laid on the twin bed of the metal frame of the bed. 

            “Why are you still sleeping Daddy.” the young voice said looking at her dad with bright big eyes. “Grandma brought you food again.  Why didn’t you eat?” she said in innocent curiosity.

            ‘I’m not hungry baby girl.” he said as he brushed his daughters curly locks of hair.

            “Get up so we can play.  I asked grandma to play with me, but she says your too tired.” she said in an innocent annoyed tone.  “No one wants to play with me anymore.” she said sadly as she looked down at the bed side she sat adjacent to her father. 

            “It’s not that baby girl.” it’s because of the pandemic. 

            “What’s a pandemic?” she said in innocent curiosity. 

            “Remember when I told you about the bad flu that was hurting older people.” he said in kind empathy. 

            “Yeah?” she confirmed in a squeaky voice. 

            “Well you can’t play with no one because you might catch it.” he said in empathy seeing his daughters eyes widen in fear. 

            His five-year-old daughter began to cry. 

            “Oh, honey there is no need to cry.” he said.

            “But it got my friends mom.” she said in tears.  “She got it because she got it, but she didn’t go.  All because they didn’t wear a mask.” she added as she huffed. 

            “But she’s okay, right?” her father replied.

            “I don’t know daddy.  She doesn’t return my call.” she added as she sniffled. 

            “She’s probably busy baby.” he added in sympathetic mourning. 

            He could only imagine what could have happened to her friend as the news hasn’t reported much about what happens to kids when they lose their parents.  After the child trafficking reports and the pedophile  news that’s been breaking out, he could only imagine what could have happened to her.  Living in a low-income community, she could only imagine what could have happened.  If she was taken by the system like many of his elementary friends did decades ago, God only knows what could have happened. 

            She looked at her father and said, “I’m really scared daddy.” gazing into her father’s eyes innocent fear. 

            “There’s nothing to be afraid of baby girl.” he reassured as he kissed her on the forehead. 

            “Yes, there is daddy!” she said as she began to cry again as her father’s heart shattered into a million pieces

            “Why are you scared mija?” he said in concerning dismay. 

            “I have a feeling that I will never see my friend again because of the bad stuff that’s happening.” she said in sobbing tears.  She began to let out a little cough from crying to hard. 

            He looked at the roof where he lied trying to hold back the tears in his helpless state and as he gain composure looked at her with a brave face and said “Listen baby girl.  You are protected in more ways than one.  By me, by your abuela, by the Virgin Mary.  You know how much she loves you.” he said in empathy. 

            “I don’t love her like anymore!” she said in tearful rebuttal. 

            “Don’t talk so disrespectfully about her.” he added in scolding disapproval. 

            “I’m sorry daddy.  I didn’t mean to make you made.  I just don’t think she did a good job in protecting me.” she said as she sighed innocently.

            He looked at her in concern as he said, “Why is that my sweet child.”

            “Well it didn’t stop the bad man from touching me.” she said in shame. 

            “But I stopped him.” he said thinking about the day his closest friend almost molested his daughter. 

            “But you got sick the next day when you got mad.” she said in sorrow.  “Now you can’t walk.” she said as she looked at her daddy laying lifeless on the bed.

            “Strokes happen hunny, it’s part of life” he said in shameful empathy. 

            “But mommy’s mom had a stroke you said but she walked.  Why can’t you?” she debated innocently.

            “She died!” he said fighting tears back. “That’s why you’re here with me to protect you from bad man like the one your mom was with.” he said in courageous stride.

            “But she was walking before she died.” why can’t you. 

            “Because she was older.” he rebutted. 

            “But your old too.” she said. 

            “She was older.  She had insurance that covered it.” he said. 

            “But why doesn’t yours help you walk?” she asked innocently. 

            “Because it’s different times.  I was working and I lost my job because of being sick.” he said in painful sympathy. 

            “So why can’t you work?  My friends mom worked from home before the pandemic.” she said. 

            “Because I am disabled.” he said in frustration. 

            “But why can’t you walk if you have insurance?” she asked in innocent frustration. 

            “Because it’s not covered under our benefit!” he yelled in frustration. 

            His daughter looked at him with hatred in her innocent eyes as she said “I’m going to go outside daddy.  You’re being mean.” she said as she walked away. 

            “Get back here little lady!” he demanded as she walked away. “I can’t walk.  You get back over here now!” he demanded. 

            She looked back as she said “Not right now daddy.  You told me to do this because you were mad at yourself and me” she said in mournful sympathy.  “I’ll come back later so we can color later.  Oh.!” she said as she remembered as she looked down in sadness.  She looked up as she said, “So you can watch me color since you can’t move your hands much anymore.” she said.  She smiled as she remembered what made her dad always smile as she asked, “Do you want me to get you your big kid soda?” she said with a cheerful smile. 

            He smiled in teras as he said “Not right now baby girl.  Maybe when you color so I can relax and be calmer anymore.  You know I hate it when you see me cry.” he said smiling with tears coming down his face. 

            She smiled as she said “Okay daddy.  I love you okay. You’re still my hero!” she said cheerfully as he threw her a kiss.

            He returned the kiss as he watched her walk away when she turned the corner of his mother’s home he began to let the tears come out.  “Why is this happening to be Lord.  Why can’t you let me walk again?  I am tired of being helpless.  I am tired of not being able to walk again.  I am tired of not being able to protect my child.  Why Lord? Why?” he added.  He heard commotion coming from the room as he wiped his face into his pillow and saw his daughter coming back holding a letter.

            She came in cheerful like always as she said, “You got a letter today.”

            He saw it was from the Human Health Services and got excited for a bit.  “Can you open the letter for me and hold it up for me so I can read it?” he asked in cheerful politeness. 

            “Okay daddy!” as she opened the letter struggling a little as she finally opened the letter and held it up for her father.  “Like this daddy?” she asked in conformity. 

            “Perfect baby girl.” he said as he began to read the letter.  

            The bold letters stuck out like a sore thumb as it read “WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR CLAIM FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY HAS BEEN DENIED.” which broke him down in tears in front of her daughter. 

            She began to cry with him as she said, “What’s wrong daddy?”

            He looked at her in sorrow in tears saying “I’m never going to walk again.  I let you down mija.  I am so sorry.”

            She crumpled the letter in a tiny temper tantrum as she looked at her father and said, “Yes you are daddy.” 

            “No mija I am not.” he pleaded in sorrow. 

            “I am going to be rich and I am going to make you walk again!” she said in innocent pride. 

            “People like us never have a fighting chance.” he said in tears. 

            “You said I am Wonder Woman.  I will show you!” she said as she looked at him in innocent anger. 

            He smiled and said, “Yes you are.”

            “You’ll see she said” as she smiled at her father and kissed him on the forehead.  She jumped off the steel frame bed as she ran off screaming “Wonder Woman to the rescue!” as she ran off into the right side of the house that led to the backyard. 

            He cried harder in desperation looking at the roof saying “I don’t want to live anymore.  Not like this!” he pleaded.  “God please send me a miracle.”

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

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