I’m a Survivor

I’m Not Gonna Give Up. I Am Not Gonna Stop. I’m Gonna Work Harder

In my journey I faced a lot of heartache. I faced a lot of tears. I faced what seemed to be the hopeless. I am here to tell you that I kept on surviving. And I will continue to do this till my last breath. The journey hasn’t just thrown the negative, it also threw so many blessings and happy triumphant moments. My first fashion show, walking the stage to get my Bachelor’s Degree. Obtaining my MBA. Which persistents granted in the journey. Today while facing with a mole hill I began to ponder an idea that was constantly told to me throughout my life. “Work smarter, not harder” which I adapt that saying to my new mantra and quote which is “Fight smarter. Not harder.” Which in the age of narcissist and people gaslighting you, it’s a necessity if you want to survive this dog eat dog world. I learned it first hand and in the harshest way possible. Which this secret I pass along to you.

In world of vultures in the burning world. We must fight smarter, to protect our identity and our true persona. Not harder as ammunition will never outsmart a tactful and well-planned out defensive line.

Frieda Lopez

People look at the things that happened to me as “poor you” which is a little offensive as people don’t check credentials, they don’t fact check, and they don’t do the research when it comes to someone they undermine. In fact, they assume that because I have a Uber sticker in my car that I am whatever they assume Rideshare drivers to be. Which fighting smarter and knowing human psyche is the best line of defense as I play my stereotype that is assumed of me. The funny things about this idealism, is that when people figure out their wrong; it’s a useless game of “lets find the insecurity that triggers her” which many use common things like “you look like a man” or “your crazy.” My blanket statement to that before I psycho analzye their behavior pattern, which predictably is the common tactic they use with everyone. Turns out to be an act of gaslighting. When I point out that, it’s the “playing the smallest violin” action that being 100% transparent. I’ve done myself. In a world where we always have to be right and take everything personal, we do the injustice to ourselves of correcting our actions to become the better version of us that we are meant to be. Being 100% transparent, I’m guilty of that sin too.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

Why Consistency Is My Super Power

The most liberating things I have encountered in this journey is the true feeling of freedom. We all say we have it, but the truth of the matter is that it takes only one trigger to put us back into that place. Those triggers no longer phase me anymore in the way people want to assume. You either get the empathetic side or the ruthless side of me these days. Where the undermining will only reach a certain boundary of attempts till you get the “Mother of Dragons” out of me. When it’s all said and done, I will never take anything personally as I forgive those who attempt it. Not in the way they expect, as in order to gain the truth I volunteered at one point in our interaction. You got to earn it. Which another misconception in the journey is attempting to trigger a fear of “Being alone” which transparently, I am good with my own company. Which learning balance, I have a healthy amount of interaction as I am able to fight my own battles, eat alone, and be periods of loneliness consistently without the need of settled company. Because let’s be real we all have that person we tolerate for the sake of having someone around. Again being transparent……

The Next Chapter In My Venture

When I first started this journey, I am not going to lie. The fear of the things that could possibly come up about my past was holding me back in my memoir as a month after writing the book I was in my mind “WTF am I doing?” I’ve gotten so comfortable with myself and have taken accountability for the things I’ve done. If it ever happens for me to be in the limelight, you will get a kick out of the way I handle shaming and belittling as the one common factor in these behaviors falls to a social behavior called “gaslighting.” Twitter has been the best practice battlefield as I have ruffled feathered of some powerful people that end up deleting the feed and the original tweet as I begin to point out one of the truth behind their persona the mental complex that people hate to be called “gaslighter” and narcassist which warning them of what a true narcissist does which is “hiding the evidence” is a quick click and delete which the thing comment they bet on is “You’ll never be anything.” My warning to them, I am coming sooner than you think.

One of the things that I have been compelled to do is go back to school to become a psychologist as I still emphathize with those woh shame me. As it’s a cry for help if pride wouldn’t get in the way as they continue to engage in the bad behavior that they engage as they feel their manipulation tactic has the best of me. The ugly and sad truth is that it breaks my heart seeing their bubbles’ pop as the continued interaction that they have is a vendetta to get the best of me I feel. Which they get slick in still attempting the doubt and lying to my face about the things they want me believe is their truth. Even though it’s an act that they brought to themselves, still doesn’t change the fact that my heart breaks for them. Why you might ask? Because we all been there. We all are fighting the same fight to put food on the table. To become someone that the one’s we love are proud of. Fighting each and everyday to not give up hope. Because like them, I’ve been there. But truth is that we can’t meddle with free will. It’s when we meddle with it when it bites us in the ass. I feel it’s because it’s not our choice to do so. It’s there journey that they have to figure out. And no matter how much it hurts us to see them get attacked by the wolves hoping that they don’t get eaten alive is something that we must step back and let play out. It’s not that we are cruel, it’s because it’s the choices they make regardless of the passive aggressive attempts we did to help them. Ironically enough we tend to fear those who end up coming out being the wolf pack. It’s the undermining and the doubt that we had at them that plays into ours for some strange reason. The logic behind that is that we always want to protect someone from the same mistakes we do. Depending on the person, you have every right to be afraid. But the assumption of it is a disservice on our part. We run because of the guilt that we have in the undermining we gave, which if explained rationally without getting offended of the actions we did. If given the chance, we could learn a lot if we would only be open minded to having the conversation. When those wolf pack leaders come back trying to teach those how to roam with the wolves, we also become ugly as we fear the intentions they have, which in selflessness puts us back into the systematic race we call social norms.

One thing that I learned is that it’s okay to be scared. It’s part of being human, but when fear dictates our life, it’s when we fall into self destructions. It’s not about the monsters we face, it’s about how to fight those monsters. Because sometimes those monsters are not really monsters, but scared individuals action like monsters to protect themselves. One thing that I learned is that we have to be fearless when it comes to ourselves as those who think we are vulnerable will prey on the weak. It happens all the time as we have been forced to see in social norms. Which is why we must embrace the we are in it together truthfully and unbaisly. Because like in many cases in those who truly believe in yourself, in the hunger game of our society, we just might push those who have the answers and don’t have the fancy weapons to fight away thinking they are useless. But when you have nothing and have to fight with what you got, you might miss the chance to learn how to arm yourself with the things around you, which in my case has got me to the empowerment that I have achieved today. Because I may not be an idol or have the financial means to buy a fancy weapon, I still brought down the Golliahs of my world. Which the thing I never wished for, have become the most arrogant person’s worst nightmare. Which if they only gave me a chance, could help them get out of the invisible chains they chain themselves so they could be the person they were meant to be.

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

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