The Psychology of Desperation

How Putting A Bandaid on the Things You Need Change On Is Setting You Up For Failure

The unfortunate thing about my journey is that I have seen the act of desperation way more than I would like to admit. I don’t reference this act of desperation as a bad thing. I say it with a heavy heart as I know the feeling all to well, because I felt same way many times in my life before. I see this emotion when things feel hopeless that things won’t get any better. It’s in the moment of oppression the most that we feel this feeling of desperation. The denial of it comes from a feeling of pride. The fear of being vulnerable that we all also have felt before. We hype ourselves up in the attempt to make ourselves feel that it’s not the truth that we see. In the end we just make the feeling worst. Internalizing every moment of pain, grief, and trauma doing anything and everything to make this feeling go away. Where something so simple as resolved those internalized feelings, we do things that act like bandaids in the act of thinking we know better. Which many times we do, however in a moment of irrationality, we end up causing more harm to ourselves and our health, where the fear COVID has shown many of those moments of desperation in real time.

Why Do We Feel Desperation

Desperation in many cases is a good thing. However, not knowing balance backed with internalize issues becomes the Achilles heel we stab ourselves in the act of feeling desperation. If you recall the movie Titanic, when the ship was in the mist of sinking and how many of those passengers jumped off prematurely in fear, that is what desperation feels. We in a moment of trauma tend to be irrational, not having the best judgment. And with the quickest escape, we jump. Desperation consists of mental, emotional, and behavioral exhaustion. It means being tired of many accumulated disappointments and sadness. Desperation is a poison that turns off your hopes, motivations, and energy little by little according to ExploreYourMind.com (Desperation: When You Think All Is Lost. March 31, 2020. https://exploringyourmind.com/desperation-when-you-think-all-is-lost/.) But all is not lost, here are five things to remember in the moment of desperation from Marc & Angel Life Hack (Marc Chernoff. 5 Things to Remember When You’re Stuck and Desperate for a Change. November 2017. https://www.marcandangel.com/2015/11/04/5-things-to-remember-when-youre-stuck-and-desperate-for-a-change/.).

  1. Meaningful daily reminders make growth and positive change easier.
  2. The space between the things you do is just as important as the things you do.
  3. Journaling is a priceless tool for self-reflection and self-improvement.
  4. The wrong relationships pull you back – the right ones push you forward.
  5. Taking consistent and realistic action every day sets you free.

Conclusion

It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you feel in desperation. But the thing is that life is never over till it’s over. One of the things that I was stuck in, was those temporary moments when I felt I lost it all. But the truth is, look what would of happened if I went to extreme one February day in 2019. When all the things that I worked for was threatened by someones comment that entailed “I swear to God Frieda, if you don’t stop retaliating, I will make sure the only thing you do to make a living is shake your ass and give head for a living.” but look at me now. I may not be rich and popular, but I am happy. Happy because I realized the strength I had. Seeing that we all go through the unfairness it inspired my mission. Not to stop the injustice, but help people deal with it a lot more easier. Because if we really want this change we all hope, it starts with fixing ourselves first, so we can empower one another to keep treading and keep fighting for the hope we want to see. Which is positive change.