Losing You To Love Me – Let Freedom Truly Ring

We all have established that individuals have different perceptions of what they value and what they portray themselves as. Truth is the brain is as unique as our fingerprint and with the everyday things that happen to us and the on a daily basis continues to be wired differently, some in a very unique way to ours, if you get my drift. That’s okay. Let it be. In order to start the process of loving yourself, you have to allow those people to be uniquely them. That starts by eliminating judgment if they don’t share similar perceptions and respecting yourself to not devalue their logic. Due to this wiring and freewill, we got to respect their journey to let them come to their senses. The only thing you will get out of that is if your truly not sure of yourself and you under estimated their intelligence, can lead to a thirst trap that you will regret emotionally and financially. The truth is grown adults shouldn’t be parentals especially if you get freaky. One of the things that I realized is that loving you is a entrepreneur venture that when not influenced or compromised, you begin to set those standards on your own terms. Having control of our lives is the one thing many of us want but don’t seem to gain. Truth is we all are a little low key codependent of something when we are not comfortable with ourselves and haven’t established those values that we have for ourselves. Which is why quarantine is the hardest thing to complete successfully. That need for human interaction is a cry that codependency is creeping up on you. Those who say that’s not me cause I have roommates and family. Well I hate to tell you, your still not happy. If you feel unfulfilled, unfortunately this means your family dynamics is rocky. That is okay. Hey when you feel like you spent your whole life giving and slaving, it’s only normal to hate those ungrateful shits sometimes. Why be resentful of them? Why be sketchy about it? Let’s also call something you don’t have to admit to me, but I can feel your lying ass chuckling over there reading this like “damn. I fucken hate you, where have you been all my life.” I will tell you, this bitch was engaging in the fuckery of others who became compulsive liars trying to figure out what the fuck is legit. Someone had to do it for us eventually, but when? When I realized that this life I was chasing was nothing but bullshit that satisfied others needs I said “fuck this ass backwards shit” as I saw what everyone didn’t see, the disappointment that read all over their pefectly manicured, giraffe lashed eyed, material world living in a material girl, guy who acts like a girl who has daddy issues, acting like the bitches and booze that only came around when they became a trap house charity, crying like Lassie died, and replacing that feeling with something with value to feel inferior. How can I be classified as a “self help” writer and not be straight up with you, I was in the same boat. Being an Uber driver and working night, do you know how many of these fools I’ve seen lurking in the dark being sketchy and trap than ever? Do you know how many Texas city I’ve been? Do you know how many of those fools assume that I have daddy issues and come at me like a hoe? Do you know how many tried to shut me down with shame? Do you know how many of these individuals blocked me after they found out I am closer to their inner circle than they think? How many times you think I had to put them in their place? Well I can’t count anymore. In a year it’s been too many. I never ruined lives though. I can be straight up with that. With the shit I was thrown I was tempted, but I never did. I did however once crossed path with them again and in their assumption of my insecurity, stood coy and cunty, trying to get make me feel whatever they tried to do and all it did was piss me off and run to their spot and like a deer in the headlights as this seemed like it was the only way they would not flee the scene, go up and say “excuse me? Can you please tell me in my face now so I can gain a little bit of respect for you as now since the roles are truly reversed all I want to do is slap you and say who’s your daddy now?

Okay all keep your comments and opinions to yourself. Get that stick out your ass for a minute. Stop playing your role and look back at when you became this uptight person. Remember now? Get happy, get excited. If you really think about it, we all did this because of trying to gain acceptance as the person that we truly could be wasn’t excepted, wasn’t deemed desirable, was a misfit reject. This is why I feel more than ever it’s time to free the misfits. We all are misfits if you think about it. The misfits that have become narcissist are now just conformist. I am going to tell you right now, don’t try this at home y’all. You all better not do this because the truth is your still battling with yourself. I am pretty sure you guys are concluding the things that happened after the confrontation. Well i am not dead because I am still writing. One of the most humbling things about my writing is that I have been told that it gets deeper and moving as built more and more blogs. And that’s just the blogs. If you haven’t read the book start reading it. It tells the story of how I got to this point. It started by standing up for myself. taking accountability of the things I had control of, forgiving myself for the things I did, letting go of the things I couldn’t control, and the rest is history. I still haven’t cracked the code of how I remained the way I am , but the goal is to stay humble. Not the tailored version of humbled. The down to earth, I am not better than you, I know it’s not personal humble. Well since you all want to know the juicy details, this is what started my self help venture. After beating down their ego and demanding them to tell me why you think you can disrespect me like that” turned into this you don’t understand, victimizing, feel sorry for me, deflecting battle that after 20 minutes and a physical intimidation that had me “Try me. I don’t go down easy. And if I am down, you better hope I am dead because I am going to come for your ass” which then brought me to the realization that this cunt bucket has feelings to.

I remember the first time this happened. The dude try to say I was bipolar when my empathy turned into a “what part of the I don’t have daddy issues and not my type are you. Do you want to hear what I am really think about you? Or do you really want to make your life happy again with all the fuckery you caused already in your family dynamics” and well of course human nature doesn’t make us not believe until what I say you don’t feel emotional or physical pain, I faked the action of pushing him off the peer as I told him if he wouldn’t stop insulting my intelligence was gonna be my next move. And here we go again with the water works. Which is when I gathered that ideology that in psychology is tapping into the arousal zone in the brain called the hypothalamus. You see why I was meant to go into psychology. Rewind 5 months later. Although it didn’t work out as they both agreed they settled, they stayed friends. Being biologically a man, the joking he does that really isn’t joking always tries to tap into that potential “maybe you and I should” and my rebuttal is “are you really crazy because your gonna annoy to the point that you will be in that peer” and of course keep contact on a needed basis which his mommy issues has him drawn to me, which is what he’s dealing with and what he is in denial of. Hopefully he will take my advise and see that counselor. He still engages in pendejadas and surrounds himself with even more guy friends that are more work than anyone should even tolerate, but home girl, I am fucken proud of her. Before the pandemic, I ended up having a Uber ride to a undisclosed gulf city to assure the privacy of my girl and Casanova, but out of destiny I get an Uber ride. She is getting back to who she was, she was different, she was starting to gain happiness. She concluded on her own after the whole couple Jr. Life Coach session, we identified two things. Her willingness to submit came from the ghost of her past, where her mother would do the same for her father. This family dynamic, dad always saw her as her #1 girl. Mom wasn’t abusive but a little resentful of her. She always felt like the weakest link cause mom favored her last. Mom got very critical with her and everything she did was never enough. She realized that the attempts to date, which I suggested she shouldn’t but it’s her life, she knows better than me a month after they parted ways; that she still finding her comfort zone within her. She said that she thrives being independent and is finding her niche and her worth. One thing she did ask if it’s normal to question your limits when you meet someone. I told her make sure they are yours and not one that you are being manipulated to do which three weeks ago she called to say hi and tell me a win she had as she couldn’t as she in almost a year is a manager for an essential store which we congratulated and I praised as she went to home maker to boss in a year which she wanted from the start. One thing I say is go with the initial feeling and not the one you talk yourself out or into. That one feeling you get like between what seems above your belly button and underneath your rib. It’s our natural spider senses, the one that is giving you that wait bitch, pump your breaks, which when your brain says “are you sure” is when you start using your cost benefit analysis to measure out the potential gain from this experience. Since she followed her instinct she said that she never allowed him to know where she lived. She said, which it seemed like after her dad died, she felt she was missing something, which is why men were her weakness. If he has handsome and had a way to tap into that comforting feeling her dad gave her, she was trapped. This is why she admit she was an easy target. Because one thing she also admitted was that she was in denial as those around her made her feel pathetic which she said the mean girls where all backstabbing lying bitches as the group tolerate one another cause they feel lonely while the wife be having affairs with each others husbands and the husbands have affairs with one another too She also said I was on to something and said I know what you meant when you told us together that in this situation only one of you are going to take my advise seriously and one is going to choose to be left behind. Be aware of this now to avoid failure in moving on. You only will get what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. That I am not choosing sides and won’t be tricked to think I am. One of you is the enabler of bad behavior and that’s okay. The goal is not blame but improve.

In the end, it’s the one who really wants to make a difference that I will take serious. She told me since they are platonic friends they talk like best friends and it’s weird but cool. She said he always tries to be a Casanova and also says when she doesn’t fall for his pendejadas and said he said well Frieda just bent me over and said who’s your daddy now. When I asked why he told her that it may be time to resolve those issues. After talking about it and saying why does he think he knows better. It’s his time and that’s all that matters. She tells me, that because of the pandemic and thankfully he didn’t get COVID, now on unemployment said I think my mommy issues have me addicted to fuckery. Which oddly enough I say that addiction isn’t only drug induced. At the end of the day, whatever taps into the hypothalamus into feeling instant gratification, after you start fulfilling that specific area with tiny moment of happiness, you begin to program yourself to just seek that. Because in the end, the other parts of your brain trying to figure out what the hell is going on, has you in your feelings that people don’t want to express since social norms call for perfection. That after every minute of pleasure you gain and go on your merry way feeling content, your brain is trying to send a distress signal to make you realize something isn’t right which is when you continue to reach for that instant pleasure. While those who care for you show concern and you condition yourself to be ungrateful if you don’t get what you expect, you start slowly but surely becoming a narcissist The more you don’t identify the error the more you find yourself unhappier and unhappier. The rest you can figure out for yourself. The comforting thing about all this is, subconscious has your back on this, understanding that it also has a positive and negative. Truth is you always know what you need. Your mind sets you up to unknowingly attain the things you can have to survive. Depending on the way you perceive things, will determine if the solutions you attain will remain consistent or be temporary. Identifying this now will give you the freedom you need. Admitting this to yourself is in the end the only thing that matters. Because respect in the end is loving yourself enough. So in the spirit of Independence Day, in the search of finding yourself……let freedom mother fucken ring. Have a great weekend.

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

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