Silence of Our Own True Self – Engaging In Positive True Self

I start off with a quote by one of my favorite psychologist as his ability in self reflection is impeccable. One of the things that I truly admire about him is while given the opportunity of presenting a speech during his graduation, made a last minute change that expressed his hope in humanity. While doing some searches for a table or something to copy and paste his “theory” in “The Characteristics of the Persons of Tomorrow” to be authentic to the original as they only indicate 7, which can be interpreted as biased, here are the 12 characteristics he identifies as a full functioning person and in a full functioning society:

1. An openness to both inner and outer experience

2. Rejection of hypocrisy, deceit, and double talk. Desire for authenticity.

3. A skepticism toward the kind of science and technology that has its goal the conquest of nature or the control of people

4. A desire for wholeness – Equal recognition and expression of the intellect and the emotions

5. A wish for shared purpose in life or intimacy

6. A tendency to embrace change and risk-taking with enthusiasm

7. A gentle, subtle, nonmoralistic, nonjudgmental caring

8. A feeling of closeness to, and a caring for, nature.

9. Antipathy for a highly structured, inflexible, bureaucratic institution. (He believes this should exist for the people)

10. A tendency to follow the authority form their own organic valuing process

11. An indifference toward material comforts and rewards.

12. A desire to seek a meaning in life that is greater than the individual

Unfortunately we are far from what the full functioning individual should be. I feel that in the end, social norms and the perception of worth is to blame for this.

I am very empathetic to the human condition. In my moments of reflection and the questions of what could I’ve done differently, many in their moments of “psychological manipulation” would always say “your living in the past”, which ultimately was a misperception on their part. What the motive was? If I was still in narcissistic tendency, I would be quick to say “they were hindering my progress” but now I feel it’s due to “pain and guilt by the things they caused others unintentionally” and I understand completely. Living in the past is totally different for everyone, which has many examples in my follow up book. This grief of what life use to be like keeps us from attaining true happiness as we never gain back the life we use to have and those who do tend to live a fearful life in the worst case scenario, becoming full fledge narcissist where their inferiority will never allow anyone to have a healthy relationship. Living in the past also applies to the characteristics of people. We see woolen how they use to be but people constantly change. Change happens through many factors in their life experience such as hardships they endure, adversity, milestones, treatment, love received, compassion they gain, forgiveness they receive, as well as biological and physical factors. To complicate this much less, all of the positive and negative experiences someone endure in their lifetime affects a person psychologically. Even the things we feel shouldn’t impact someone has an effect on them. The things that we do and don’t do for them, especially those in our personal life has an effect on them. Enabling behaviors also has an effect on them as well. For someone to say “people shouldn’t affect you is an ignorant statement as the human brain process everything when it comes to engaging with other human beings.

Just because you can hide it well, doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you and even if you don’t feel the effect of it now still gets stored subconsciously.Why do you think that ex of yours comes back and in those who experienced domestic violence gets worst each time you took him back. Which the fear you had for them gradually increased each time you left regardless of the emotional and physical abuse he or she used. The ripple that you experienced is a domino effect of somebody else’s treatment, which the victimized state they used to gain along with those in the same emotional state or moral standard the circle jerk of egos, that in his personal choice due to an unresolved emotional issue caused by trauma made them believe that the treatment not earned is something you owe them. Which in my small world typically results to the biased denied help by the professionals in their self righteous mindset, not being able to identify those who make the effort to change and those who make excuses to their bad behavior if with compassion would give not only the behavioral help but that psychological help needed to become fully functional. Which through their refusal to help, just engaged a loaded weapon, that in their inability to engage with adults, engages with minors with the intention of fulfilling a need they can’t attain through adult socialization. And when we live in the past of someone’s persona, will defend them in the unforgivable act of child molestation where the victim is made to be the evil one and the adult the victim. Which 2.9 million cases reported each year, which doesn’t include those cases that don’t get reported and continue throughout the child’s life. This holds true to many American households and many cases still continues as the child now losing hope early on in life will never speak up in a true traumatic case, which in my interactions through Uber and other venues that this comes up, 75% of the adult interactions have shown.

I’m sure your asking where is the positive of that scenario? The reason why I bring this example up is to paint the picture of not only what happens in living in the past, but what happens when we live in the past with people. How things ripple in the actions that we do or don’t do. Self reflection is not made for you to beat yourself like many people do, like a guy I met who would of been probably one of the besets friends I could of ever asked for. Determined, dedicated, and fought for an opportunity to do something bigger than the demographic that he was (which would of been the perfect success story of the things someone is capable of when they serve time for a mistake they made in the past), always assumed a unintended motive, always says things that they think I want to hear, and when they realize I am not easily able to get what they want from me, pulls away in their personal feeling. Who knows, he may come around. But one of the things that is so hard to fathom is, how can someone be the person they say they are. Self reflection. Looking at the past failures, the past wins, and the past mistakes helped me re-evaluate so many things, in my case painting a bigger picture on the social norms and people in it. With the knowledge I possessed, the knowledge I gained the knowledge I was willing to take in, helped me get not only my self respect back from a incident at the workplace, but also gain my self worth. Knowing your worth prevents you from getting into the bad things we allow ourselves to get into. Knowing that same worth doesn’t have me compare my accomplishments to others as we both ventured on totally different paths. Being able to identify my ability and my obstacles at hand has prevented me from allowing those intentional in the conflicts and the influences in their current state of mind, affect them for the negative. Comparing yourself to someone else is not fair to you or the person that has gained their success. You devalue your own progress as well as underestimate the journey they took. Truth is if you would stop focusing on other people and their persona, you would have a lot more time to focus on you, define your boundaries, and develop yourself into the person that is destined for great things that I know you are. Life is a bitch, we all know that, but why add to the negative ripples when you are destined to make a difference. Conformity to me is the path of least resistance that perceives a better tomorrow with a little to no work. This perception of the easy way out and the materialistic gain made in the journey is never what it’s made to be.

Somewhere along the line, there is a selfish motive that started as good. That the laser show of their existence shows people who admire them, seek their advice, glorify them, even mimic them in hopes they could be them one day. But in every noble character, you will not be told you may be them one day. That is egoism at is glorified finest. What you’ll get is the advice that it’s a tough journey filled with trials and tribulations and that without a doubt you will get there. You will get there with as the truest form of you that you can’t even imagine. And when you get there, you’ll be able to teach me a few things and who knows maybe make me better since I will be slacking by then. I will never forget that day that I met Selena Quintanilla and the talk she had with me. She said I had talent, but never get disappointed if the music venture ever comes as music is something misunderstood by those who hear it. Depending on their mood, they may take a beautiful song and make it into something that it’s not. Which is why you my dear are destined for something bigger than music. Something that will not only touch the hearts of many but heal the pains that they hold on to. Maybe just maybe, you’ll finally get people to understand the real meaning of “Baila Esta Cumbia”? The day she passed was heart breaking to me. In that one connection that felt like I was talking to a sister I never had, affected me in some sort of way. It made me realize that life is too short and that we can die at any age due to the motive of people’s personal feeling. Which is what led me to writing. Since music, fashion, and working for the man didn’t help me make a difference, maybe writing would. And it has. When your experiences and triumphs help someone, with more and more feedback coming in both email and in my small world, helping someone begin to take control of their life on their own terms has been far more beautiful than I could ever ask for. It’s a blessing that when my time comes, I’ll die with a smile on my face. Because in a world where hope feels lost, I was able to give hope to those who felt lost in the world we live in today. And even if it’s that handful of individuals, I ultimately at the end of the day fulfilled my purpose. Which to those in their grandiose will say it was a small scale, which I will say you can go fuck yourself, but to me because they matter the most and have the a bigger effect than those who underestimate them think, is big scale for me. Who knows, if you ever let that pride go, maybe you’ll be able to make a difference in social normality too.

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

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