A Picture Perfect Trauma

Living A Past Americanized Portrayal

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Beautiful Trauma is the “song of the day” that in the video portrays P!nk and Chatum Tatum living the reality of what modern society goes through in the pursuit of perceiving the perfect picture life, however behind close doors is unhappiness and unresolved trauma that makes us feel trap. Not by anything other than what the picture perfect life should be. In this portrayal a couple both pretending to be happy but secretly both internalizing the things that bothers them. Accepting it and tolerating it while using both chemical and behavioral crutches to resolve the things that will never be resolved until those past traumas get healed. During my own journey in my life, there have been many times that I have engaged in this behavior. First the behavioral crutches drowning myself in work, which led to drowning in work and drinking, then doing both simultaneously at home to occupy me and help internalize the things that were bothering me, waiting for an absolution and hoping that things would resolve themselves, but the truth of the matter is that it never did in the end.

One of the things I have noticed is that the first thing people will do to inflict shame is calling someone “crazy.” Well I hate to say this but “we are all mad” in this modern day society. As internalizing leads to something that is referred to as “borderline personality disorder.” Which Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD with Verywellminded.com which she quotes “Internalizing is a symptom of several mental disorders, including borderline personality disorder (BPD). If you are internalizing, this means you are keeping your feelings or issues inside and do not share your concerns with others” which is sign of low self esteem which can lead to depression and suicidal tendencies (Kristayln Salters-Pedneault PhD. Internalizing and Borderlines Personality Disorder. April 13, 2020. http://www.verywellminded.com. https://www.verywellmind.com/internalizing-425251). Which one of the misperceptions of BPD or borderline personality disorder is bipolar disorder, which from experience is a combination of frustration, anger, and resentment from unresolved traumas and issues.

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The Triggers of Borderline Personality Disorder

One of the feelings I felt was when I was very unsure of myself. Having low self esteem will do that to you. I was always second guessing myself and always beating myself up when I felt triggered. I for the longest time felt that maybe I was crazy because of the things that I perceived by others and the way they carried themselves. Opening my eyes and seeing that this was all an act based on how they dealt with confrontation, were passive aggressive, and constantly deflecting and administering low blows, I began to see what was really happening which made me concerned for them. One of the things that this is most common with is with domestic violence as with the COVID pandemic, has cost many lives, which in BPD were easily manipulated into staying in the situation. Those who were the abusers end up being the ones with the full blown personality disorder due to the physical acts they use which also makes them narcissist as they have officially taken action which deems a full blown narcissist diagnosis in the action when they end up being threatened of what they are preying on. After looking at the bigger picture, I can’t help that maybe they would of gotten help if a blind eye wasn’t turned, if they acknowledged their unresolved issues, and began to heal from that process. Identifying the trigger of the BPD is the first course of action which according to Psychology Today, may be able to locate what’s called Quiet BPD which is the beginning stages to reaching full BPD which Imi Lo from Psychology Today says that Quiet BPD is when you “act in” here is the link to the article https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-emotional-intensity/201909/do-you-have-quiet-bpd. To identify BDP here are the things you want to identify according to Bill Eddy LCSW, JD from Psychology Today. The article provides a lot of insight on what to identify as one of the main common factors is looking for instant relationships due to fear of abandonment ( Bill Eddy LCSW, JD. Three Steps to Identifying a Borderline Personality. July 1, 2019. http://www.psychologytoday. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/201907/three-steps-identifying-borderline-personality

  1. The Theme of Fear of Abandonment
  2. Your EMOTIONS
  3. Their BEHAVIOR (The 90% Rule)

Conclusion

One of the things that I feel causes the horrible things in this modern day society is not knowing one’s true self. We quickly get drawn into a sense of frenzy people try to force their truths on us whether it be “to believe what they believe” which the act of “acting in” is the sign of Quiet BPD which feeling included in negative behavior is the first flag that we may be snowballing into BPD, which if you do, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Society makes us do things that we normally wouldn’t, which blaming society for all these problems is unfair in the end. Because truth is, its our own free will to partake in the same behavior. One of the reasons why I went the self help route was because of the fact that no one really tells us how to pursue this “pursuit of happiness” and “confidence.” We just follow the crowd thinking it’s the right way. If it’s right for you, then great. But aren’t you tired of having that emptiness inside, where you if lucky have everything you want but still isn’t enough. One of the things about having it all, is that it triggers worst behaviors when you aren’t happy with yourself. You try to find ways to feel complete again, which can lead to unforgivable roads that truly makes you the problem to soceity. There is enough trauma and chaos in the world that we don’t need anymore of it. We don’t need people not being sure of themselves because of the unresolved issues. One of the hardest things was to face those demons I had, because of the fear. I think back at it and ask myself what was I afraid of. It made me be truly sure of myself in the end and made me be proud to be who I truly was. And if society didn’t like me for me, the first thing I said was “go fuck yourself.” The truth is being aware of who I was and how well I could face adversity made me brave, standing up for those who can t fight for myself, the real life wonder woman as she says the same thing in the movie. Fighting for peace is not a physical war that we need to claim dominance or power. It’s a war within ourselves, trying to come to terms with it all to be the better version of ourselves. I won the war with myself which having peace is the best thing I could ever ask for. People subconsciously will attempt to instill doubt, but little do they know this bitch right here nipped her BPD in the bud a long time ago.