What We Do Wrong In Change

Ways To Assure Your Positive Change Is Effective

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The Feeling of Inadequacy

Let’s take a moment and be totally transparent here. Do you automatically feel like a failure when you don’t beat your expectation? You are officially feeling the early stages of feeling inadequate which the thought of “try again” is a important factor of gaining success along with consistency. One of the biggest mistakes that we all fall into is our own frustration trap. It’s happen to me sooo many times within my own journey and the those “Stay in your lane Becky’s” that are nosey af and have low key mommy or daddy issues that critize when they have no business or crutch on behaviral addictions to focus on something that is superficial and vein to make themselves feel better about themselves cause they really hurting inside. Yeah the picture is it’s not always what it always seems. Especially when they insulting, belittling, or bragging about the things they don’t attain for themselves. You know them, the one you prove right and then play victim. Those. But keep in mind, it’s not about them. If your getting pumped by that immediate response, then let’s prune your mindset just a smudge at the moment, step away from it and revisit back to it when you feel like your ready to attempt it again after getting a few victories under your belt. The reason why I say this is because of the motivation you will get within yourself. Seeing that you are capable of getting something that you thought you couldn’t completed is what helps you in the end begin the domino effect of wanting to persevere through more adversity.

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The Stages of Change

Verywellminded.com highlights the six different components to change that they illustrate in a very cute model. Since I am all about visuals I have to give props to the artist that made that visual perfection. Can I just say great job JR Bee. Here is the screenshot of what I am talking about. The six stages are as follows

  1. Pre-contemplation
  2. Contemplation
  3. Preparation
  4. Action
  5. Maintenance
  6. Relapse.

Being a girl that has been constantly changing in this journey I will say this Pre-Contemplation is the easiest part of it and the easiest stage that you can mold your intentions to maintain your success while relapse is the hardest part of the changing process (. If your currently in metamorphosis and if your on the Contemplation stage, props to you as this is the first start of the your changing process. One of the things that I will suggest you do in progress if your in the action part of that, revisit your preparation and do a skim down. The two main things that I suggest you ad is know that “progress is progress” and that “failure is an opportunity to revamp it with selfless intention and that this is to prove your capability” as the common failure is doing to out of vindication and revenge is one of the key points in the changing process that will set you up for failure. When it comes to change, we always want it to help us grow as a better person, beating our own odds, and doing it other than gaining some sort of recognition for it. Trust me, writing the Journey of Others, one of the common failures in the relapse process is the feeling of entitlement and the false perception we got out of it. This is common when it comes to weight loss and getting a “thirst trap” to get the attention that we thought we would gain out of it, which I feel is the reason why my ex-fiancee was so bitter about his life and why he treated people like shit. I know I am not the prettiest girl on the block, but at least I had substance. He tried locking me down with material items (which I am not a “Keeping up with the Kardashian when I should keep up with the bills kinda girl; no offenses to the Kardashian sisters as I admire not only their beauty but their entrepreneurial spirit which “great job ladies”) and although he was really close to getting to his goal stopped when we ended up getting together which resulted him to cheating on me when he had girls feeling sorry for him. He was great at business but he wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. Plus the mis-perception that I had, thinking the ugly guy would treat the decent looking girl better than the attract guy was fake news. Just keeping it real. So you can get a better understanding of these six stages, the link is included on the picture and here as well https://www.verywellmind.com/the-stages-of-change-2794868. Goldberg has very amazing insight which has me asking myself, where was this when I needed this. The answer is simple. Beating myself and doing things that were counter productive to my progress. Keeping it real like always.

The Things You Must Consider In Planning

One of the things about relapse is that we all go through a relapse stage and more often in life than you think. Behavioral change is one of the hardest to accomplish without relapsed, which the psychology of relapsing will be reserved for another blog as relapse has a combination of struggles as it’s not only the battle with yourself but with your skeletons, your ghost with you, and the monsters of the world. Psycologytoday.com explains this is their article “The 10 Rules of Chain” which are the following:

  1. All Behaviors Are Complex (the lifetime of internalized emotions)
  2. Change Is Frightening (you got this)
  3. Change Must Be Positive (this is what I was talking about earlier)
  4. Being Is Easier Than Becoming ( don’t be that guy/gal)\
  5. Slower Is Better (it’s not a race, your time table, your progress)
  6. Know More, Do Better (it makes you make others feel like idiots and helps you deal with the deflection like a savage)
  7. Change Requires Structure (this is where I fell on my ass many times)
  8. Practice Is Necessary (if you don’t succeed, try again on your own terms)
  9. New Behaviors Must Be Protected (maintenance and calling out your pendejadas are key)
  10. Small Successes Are Big (progress is progress)

(Goldberg, Stan. The 10 Rules of Change. The 10 Rules of Psychology. June 9, 2016. Psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200209/the-10-rules-change)

One of the funny things about doing the research in this article was that I was already doing this in my progress, which I have to thank the Intro to Psychology class back when. One of the things that I also discovered is that in survival mode, your subconscious will never let you down. So don’t ignore that voice or that feeling. It’s your Spidey senses telling you something is up.

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Accomplishing change is a big step in one’s life. Beating adversity is a far more bigger self accomplishment and gives you an eye opening experiences that’s even greater than religion sometimes. Being raised Catholic and now just receptive to all theological ideologies, I discovered that I have a much more appreciation for the things I am blessed with and surprised by the additional blessings that come with my selfless intention. Change takes time and it takes hard work, however don’t beat yourself up if you fall on your ass. One of the main things I talk about tis consistency and the power of conviction. There are critics everywhere these days, in our everyday lives and on social media. You can’t escape them it seems, but you can confront them. Knowing you 100% percent flaws and alls, which in the moment when they use the deflection act on you, you already know yourself well enough to admit to the faults that you have and that you are working diligently to make a positive change that with consistency, you will no doubt in my mind get there. Of course you may fall a few times, but I always say it’s about how you get up from the fall. You can just roll over and play dead or pull a SNL and do a Frieda impression and be a superstar. Always no that progress is progress and that with practice and avoiding the negative reasons of change, you too will be a superstar. You got it in you, it’s only some guidance to get there. Cause you always been a bad ass, you just haven’t been shown how to get there the right there and realistically.

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

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