WHY BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE IS MAKING YOU SICK
I love the band Journey as this was a consistent band I heard growing up. From my dad and from my beloved Uncle Mike who is watching me from the heavens above. In the song “Don’t Stop Believing there is a line that I don’t agree with which is “Some will win. Some will lose. Some where born to sing to blues, which I don’t believe people were born to sing the blues. I do however feel it’s a personal choice that is made, like everything we do. The truth in that song I will say is, is the line “Don’t Stop Believing.”
We all have had that one friend or family member who is overly kind, gets walked on, then in a random moment; gets catty and bursts into a spontaneous moment of rage. According to Healthline (https://www.healthline.com/health/passive-aggressive-personality-disorder) there is a disorder called Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder.
Passive Aggressive Disorder is described as “passive-aggressive behavior express their negative feelings subtly through their actions instead of handling them directly. This creates a separation between what they say and what they do” according to Doctor Timothy J. Legg, Ph.D., CRNP (Janelle Martel, June 10, 2012, Healthline.com). Some of systems in this disorder is as follows:
- attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
- anxiety disorders
- conduct disorder
- oppositional defiant disorder
- bipolar disorder
- schizotypal personality disorder
- alcohol abuse
- cocaine withdrawal
Like many psychological disorders it can be treatable.
Can This Be Treated?
Passive Aggressive is treatable like many other psychological disorders that currently exist. Passive Agrressive Disorder is induced or triggered by environmental triggers that normally are caused by a unresolved traumatic issue that result into unhealthy and potentially dangers situations that induce the quality of life they have earned that are divided into four category types of behavior according to Psychology Today that include the following four:
- Category One: Disguised Verbal Hostility – Negative Gossip or hostile joking.
- Category Two: Disguised Relational Hostility – Resentment. Simmering Anger.The Silent Treatment.
- Category Three: Disguised Task Hostility: Procrastination. Stonewalling. Withholding information or resources.
- Category Four: Hostility Towards Others Through Self-Punishment (“I’ll Show YOU”) – leading to addiction both chemically and behaviorally. Victimhood
Signs for chronic passive aggressive disorder are the following:
- Multiple communication and relationship issues from one’s unwillingness or inability to engage in constructive dialogue.
- Personal and/or professional alienation from others feeling put-off, disappointed, betrayed, manipulated, or sabotaged.
- Poor personal and/or professional reputation from a lack of trust, credibility, reliability, dependability, and authenticity.
- More distant, weary, and stressful relationships with family, friends, and social contacts.
- Family estrangement, divorce, friendship fallouts and social cut-offs in worst cases.
- Poor professional credibility at work.
- Poor performance reviews at work, leading to career setbacks, job demotion, or termination in worst cases.
- The passive-aggressive often experiences physical, mental, and emotional distress due to repressed anger, resentment, and/or hostility.
- The passive-aggressive often feels more isolated personally and professionally due to the unwillingness or inability to engage in effective communication.
- The passive-aggressive often feels more stressed and burdened from others expecting him or her to be more open, forthright, and responsive.
- The passive-aggressive may feel frustrated and upset with oneself from the inability to be more assertive in communication and problem-solving situations.
- The passive-aggressive may experience “quiet but persistent unhappiness” in life from the denial of issues, suppression of emotions, and unwillingness to handle problems (even when many are solvable. (Preston Ni M.S.B.A, 2017, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201710/12-common-failures-passive-aggressive-people)
Can I Completely Heal from Passive Aggressive Disorder:
The answer is Perhaps. It depends on the person and the severity of the issue. Like I always say, progress is progress no matter how little or big it is. The first step in getting this bad boy taken care of is seeing a psychologist. According to Healthline you will end up answering a survey that asks the usual stuff life, work, and relationship interactions. The main key is trying to find the evironment it gets triggered from. Once they square that away, they can start putting that bad boy to bay. The key is to be completely transparent. Remember Psychologist are their to help. Give your Psychologist a little bit of time if the first encounter seems uncomfortable and unpleasant. Remember you have the right to fire the guy or gal if she’s not treating you fairly. Be proactive and do your research before your visit. There are many forums to look up your doctors reviews by the board and by the patients. If your Psychologist can’t find the trigger, it may be medical, which may be an underlined health condition you may be experiencing which may be help you in the long wrong identify a major health problem, and keep you healthy and well later on in the future. Research is vital for both the Psychologist and the Provider as it will better preapare you and leave you less on the offensive before your first visit. If you experience any signs of unfairness or treatment, you can always write a complaint to the board which if true unfairness and any illegal mistreatment is done will be investigated thoroughly. Consult a lawyer first before doing this step.
How Can I Manage My Passive Aggressive Disorder?
If you suspect you have Passive Aggressive Behaviors and what to try to contain in yourself, just like everything in life and some of the things that I talk about in my book (which seeing articles are identical to the tips), here are some of the things you can use to help you get back on track from Talk Space::
1. Recognize your behavior
2. Understand why your behavior should be changed
3. Give yourself time
4. Realize it’s OK to be angry
5. Be assertive, not aggressive
6. Be open to confrontation
(Landa Nikvrahan Hayes, September 6, 2018, https://www.talkspace.com/blog/passive-aggressiveness-how-to-stop/)
How Do I Deal With a Passive Aggressive Person
Here are some tips from Allie Nebmo from Insider according to Insider gained by the original article Preston Ni wrote (https://www.insider.com/how-to-deal-with-passive-aggressive-people-2018-10)
- Pay attention to passive-aggressive behavior.
- Call out the specific behavior.
- Stay present.
- Be open and inclusive to communication.
- Recognize your own passive-aggression.
- Remove yourself from the situation the best you can.
- Don’t set up a win-lose scenario.
- Ask the passive-aggressive person to confront what they’re angry about.
- Set limits.
- Remember that passive-aggressive behavior is never your fault or about you.
Journey of an Unraveled Journey shows how I dealt with many of these scenarios. Pick up the book for how this may look.