It’s Not Always About Reaching the Finish Line


The Silver Lining of Failure

Photo by Min An on

I will be the first person to tell you I have fallen on my ass and took a major face plant. Both literally and theoretically. I remember my first fashion show during Fashion School during my walk across the stage as a designer, I ended up falling in front of a crowd of people. I just laughed it off and embraced by SNL persona of Mary Catherine Galleger and unded up doing this number.

Life is not always about being graceful and being a winner, sometimes life is about losing and falling on your ass. It doesn’t matter how hard you fall, it’s how you pick yourself back up. One of the biggest deterrents in life was not anyone else or what happened to me. Sure I had many people putting their two cents in and filling my vulnerable head with doubt. But I tell myself after looking at the bigger picture “I really wasn’t going to do it anyway” as I was just trying to find rational reasons why I really shouldn’t do it and use those reasons to back out of doing things that could of possibly changed my life. But looking at the bigger picture again, it all happened for a reason. I wasn’t ready to get to that next level. I still had a lot of ghosts in my closet that would of just made me to a ugrateful and to put it bluntly “shitty” person as I still was filled with low key fears, doubts, and insecurities. I just wasn’t going to let anyone see I was weak and gullible. But those who played me like a violin, already knew those things .

How Did Failure Changed Me For The Better

In the darkest times of my life, that time when I was wronged by my entire management team, I was down and out. Let’s be real, I was beating myself up and telling myself I should of taken the advice that was very passive aggressive and very toxic behavior in the end. “I should of ran” I told myself over and over again, but what would of that done for me? I allowed so many people to do that to me that it was time to say enough is enough. Seeing all my failures in life, I realized that the one that was stopping me was myself. Confiding in people who did the same thing and enabled me as they provided excuses that I would run with it and then blame someone else for the personal choice I made. Looking back at the history of my bad behaviors, I noticed that I ended always running, always depending on excuses to talk me out of positive changes that could of paved a way sooner, I followed the journey of others that in the end when I see it face value just showed that they all were unhappy. By the demeanor, the insults, the two cents that just was all passive aggressive behavior, which resulted to insults on why I made the wrong choice. Not just you messed up kind of things, like you stupid bitch, and you’ll always be nothing. But my response was always “You’re not happy either. You don’t appreciate the little things, you’re always using materialistic things to determine your worth, your always jumping from relationship to relationship, you have no sense of individuality, and you are a control freak. This is my life, let me live it.” Which always resulted in the low key “You’re on your own if you don’t do it my way.” Which made me say “If I’m alone, so be it. It’s not about proving a point, it’s about determining my own self worth” which is something I am now making a career out of. Which started as a self help book, turn blog, turn fiction storytelling of how this looks like, so people can become the greater version of themselves. And the biggest reward to live happy and healthy lives, where if moment of doubts come in, which landed my first gig on helping a media company in Los Angelos early winter boost the work place integrity and avoid the high school behaviors that we all have been forced to deal with at one point in time.

Photo by Tim Gouw on

The Silver Lining of Defeat

One of the things about our social norms is that people use defeat as a way to insult. I mean if you ‘re doing this now, pump the brakes. I know it’s not intentional so let’s start with getting you to the real sincere person you are for one. And if you are doing it because you like to see people fail, just because you avoid talking about it, only says you had your fair share of busted lip defeats. And you care what others think about you in this false sense of perception you’re trying to maintain. You may be fooling the people around you, but not me sweetie. To not deal with those defeats is a disservice you are doing to yourself. According to Kentin Waits from Wise Bread, these are the things you surprisingly gain from your defeat (Kentin Waits. July 6. 2016. 7 Surprising Benefits of Failure . And look, I even cited the website correctly.

  • Failure Teaches Lessons. … 
  • Failure Keeps Us Hungry and Humble. … 
  • Failure Helps Us Overcome Fear. … 
  • Failure Recommits Us to Our Goals. … 
  • Failure Inspires Creative Solutions. … 
  • Failure Strengthens Our Support System. … 
  • Failure Makes Us More Valuable Mentors.

Failure is something that we all experience. It’s part of our daily lives. But to learn from it, laugh it all, and correct it is one the most valuable things we can do. The thing that is the reason why people avoid me is because when they say “I noticed but I didn’t tell you anything” makes me reply with “Oh, so you just saw me fall on my ass” which ends up going into the “so you engaged in the bystander effect?” People for some strange reason are afraid of taking accountability and for good reason. You have spinsters that will manipulate this into something that it really wasn’t. But at the same time you can’t run away from these toxic people. You have to confront them. Because either two things occurred:

  1. They aren’t aware of the behavior and just need to point it out so they can fix the problem to become better.
  2. They knew and they intentionally did it get ahead in life.

Where reviewing behavioral patterns will determine the true integrity of the person. As they never have taken accountability and always resulted to using abuse of power to get away with it. Which I feel we all have been somewhat conditioned to that. Conspiracy Theorist always point the finger on the government and all these other major corporations. But on the small scale, if we think about it. We are to blame for that. Because we all chase this perception of fitting in. When the reality is we all have low key been shackled by chains. Do you not think that even the 2% face that fate either. It’s hard to stand alone in the end but sometimes it’s much needed to make changes. The ending of the book “The Journey of the Unraveld Road” ends with song lyric quotes from Celia Cruz “Yo Vivere” and Linkin Park’s “What I’ve Done. These two songs bring much meaning to my journey as the “I Will Survive” Spanish version talks about the sacrifices Celia Cruz made to be the voice of her people which I am regretting the responsibility now (just kidding) I wanted to be the voice in a burning world. Where we all have something that we are dealing with and in our own worlds are oppressed in some way shape or form. “What I’ve Done expressed theoretically facing myself and forcing myself to swallow the fear and starting again from the time I lost it all and having nothing to lose other than myself. We all want a beacon of hope and when we get it, we don’t take it for face value. I had that but again focused on the things they did wrong. Which is why I will always take accountability and tell the world how I changed for the better. Which honestly was afraid to get the book published because of the conviction I would face for my mistakes. Which now, I feel I am ready for the next step now having courage of conviction. Because the science of human nature is “we are programed to make mistakes.” Am I going to fall on my ass and mess up, no doubt. But am I going to stand up for myself when people demonize me for someone I know I am not, you bet your bottom dollar and you first born (since I am sure conspriarist will associate me with the illuminati if the time comes). But then again that is risk perception in the end and assumption of things they have no evidence on. In the end different is scary. So since I am different, why not rock the world like something out of Paranormal Activity. Because if I fall on my ass in the venture, I will pick myself back up jumping in the air, being like…….

Have a great day guys and here are the songs I was talking about. Compliments of YouTube.

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX. View more posts

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