The Disservice We Do To
There is no doubt that I borrowed this blog post from Christina Aguilera’s song “Loyal, Brave, and True” and for good reason. Before l get into the post let me just vent about society for a bit. Why do we live in a society of bandwagoning and use individual’s personal belief to demonize the entire film? I bring this up from the believe’s that was Liu Yifei, which in all honesty I feel comes from the thing she said where she was against the police force which was a generalization of what was happening in the force and the world. I don’t disagree but I don’t totally agree either as this becomes of stereotype of an entire organization based on the behaviors if those condoning those behaviors. Which ultimately begs the question “why didn’t anyone stop before it got to this dangerous point” as psychologically many red flags were raised and just was turned a blind on. Which leaves everyone who turned that blind eye all accountable. Because the issue at had is that, it became a toxic environment that became a plague or a pandemic. Like COVID-19 which affected the world.
Writing this blog gets me emotional in so many ways. Nothing to do with the things I’ve experienced. If anything it brings me tears of joy as I surpassed so many moments of adversity. It brings tears of the pains many others has caused in my immediate circle, in society and the way we all deal with it. I know I did when I first embarked the journey. Which is that we will turn the blind eye not because we are bad people, but because we feel it will go away and resolve itself. But it doesn’t. It just gets worst and worst to the point that we feel we have to run away. But the truth it no matter how much we run away, it just chases us in fear.
I was saving my dad’s story for the third book in my self help series called “Our Journey of the Unraveled Road” as more and more I begin to realize that we all have an effect on each other and we don’t even realize it. We all at one point get convince that we are only one small person, the truth behind that it’s a deflection of the insecurity has on themselves used to make us doubt our own potential. Of course the immediate reaction is to get upset and beat the shit out of that person. Trust me, I know. I’ve been there. But what should bring you comfort is that this normally doesn’t come from an act of vindication I feel. It comes from a place of fear and lost hope, which ultimately engages in the same bad behaviors that society deems is acceptable. Which becomes a self righteous war of trying to a prove that doesn’t even matter. Because the assumption that things will get better and that the journey we all have is what is what is meant for us is our own self’s talking ourself into believing a truth that we haven’t even attempted proving our own self wrong. If I allowed my dad talk me down fighting my fight of unfairness though the work situation and my own health situtation, I wouldn’t have proven myself that this really is an unfair world. That my uncle’s death who was told they did all they could was a lie that the doctor told him which I found out after retrieving the medical records and the autopsy report. That the doctor I felt was lying was really lying as was accused of malpractice and ended up weaseling his way out of a embalmment case. That in that moment of knowing, taking matters into my own hands and fighting irrationally and in selfish intent. That would of been a snowballing of additional behaviors that would of put me in an uglier place. That karma would come after me as he ended up dying a horrible death due to COVID apparently after engaging my Erin Brochavich. Which in the end, I just hoped that he saw the errors of his ways in the end and asked for forgiveness that I hope he could gain in life after death. In the end, I still feel that his demise was a horrible way to go no matter how he wronged my family.
One of the things that I was guilty of was being entitled. I was always concerned about what’s happening to me and my emotions before even considering anyone else’s struggle and the treatment they were giving to me. Sometimes it’ was cruel, sometimes it was unfair, sometimes it was illegal. What this caused was depending on having people fight my fights at the level I wouldn’t allow it be fought. Many of them enabled my bad behavior that I wouldn’t have changed until that dreadful moment that I was being unfairly treated when I was in Houston working for Sprint, which even I had to prove in the paper trail I had, which ended up being a degrading and belittling act that management did to me. When my dad became hurtful when trying to convince me to not fought would of had a person resent that person forever normally and do the “look what I did without thing” which I could’t do to my dad. He sacrificed so much and busted his ass on a responsibility he willingly as he said “What else was I going to do. You were my baby girl” which in humbleness pointed out the reality of our social norm. That some parents don’t take that responsibility as they expect others to take the responsibility so they can chase the life they wrongfully were taken. Which truth is, I have many wonderful friends who are single parents, both single men and women doing a damn good job. Yeah they might not be where they are, but where I come in. As a lifestyle coach is my job to help find the balance so they can reach their full power and do the things they are meant to do. Because truth is we all have a greater purpose than we give ourself credit for. While is not only to inspire but make a change in their small world, that if we are lucky could make a bigger impact on the world than we could even imagine.
After showing consistency that my responses weren’t personal attacks my dad began to open up and tell me some of the experiences he has had, which in all honesty I feel started in two childhood instances, which was when my grandpa left my dad and when the unfairness that my Abuela fought for when my dad experienced third degree burns and almost died at a young age. Which the passive aggressiveness in his fight when he was discriminated at his job both at Ace Mart Restaurant Supply (which my Uncle also experienced which he was more vocal about the new ownership that made a humbled company into a horrible place to work) and Mission Restaurant supply, where the upper management had no remorse for the way my dad was coping with another traumatic moment in his life, losing the best friend and brother he cherished so much. Instead of helping him cope with the lose, they demonized him and belittled him making voluntarily quit due to the bullying that occurred in the work place. Which is why I fought harder in my in-justifiable treatment. Which my questioning about what happened with my Uncle made me identify some of those systematic and narcissistic behavior and just asking “stupid” in the end which was very obvious. Which when you see it for what it is, you begin to see all the red flags that your like “wtf” when it’s all over and done with. Which on the last moment of plea with my dad resulted into abusive verbal abuse which unintended as it was irrational made me tell my dad “I will always love you daddy. I appreciate everything you have done. But I can’t let you fight for my honor as I am not going to go quietly.” When he said “you will never win” my response was “it’s not about winning or losing. It’s about getting self respect back that someone stole from me. Making me into someone I am not. It’s not about financial gain. It’s about letting them know they will never do this to me. And to think twice about pulling this on someone again.” Thanks to the book, the word from the grapevine is now the company is trying to settle a Class Action out of court due to instilling bravery for someone to fight for what’s right and not accept sexual harassment, sexual assault, discrimination, and retaliation in a place that should be legally protected. That their stereotyping behavior and their superego would be something they should avoid moving forward. That my fight became someone’s else fight to gain leverage. That the perception they instilled was gaslighting and that in the end I will stand up to defend my honor alone if no one else couldn’t fight for me.
We live in a society that has us defending all the wrong things. Justifying the wrong things we avoid taking accountability for which has us all lacking the courage of conviction. Courage of conviction is denied as to have the confidence to act or behave in accordance with one’s beliefs or ideologies, especially in the face of resistance, criticism, or persecution. Which let’s be real, we all dodged one time in our lives. It”s what stopped me from getting the book published. But truth of the matter is that it’s the most liberating thing I’ve gained in this entire journey. To be able to say “Yeah, I did that. It was fucked up but the things that happened along the way was well the reward. I learned something and the pendejadas along the way for fun as fuck.” Which accountability is what helped with that. We protect the things that are materialistic like it’s going to keep the identity we lost along the way, which in the end those who want to make themselves better than us just insults us and makes us feel foolish for doing what we did that got there. Avoiding the mistakes that we have committed so they can reach the top of the rat race. Which in the end always has someone stopping us from reaching that peak of the mountain because of the greed and the power it has, which if that is the case have no reason to maintain that power as it become corrupt in the end. One of the hardest thing to do was to have compassion for those who intentionally wrong us as they won’t listen to us anyway as they will result to “Who are you to tell me anything” or what I’ve been told “Your a poor piece of shit who failed.” Which is why I picked up a pen that became my sword and self assurance of my self which can admit to the wrongs I have done, the imperfections, and my flaws which becomes my shield to those who depend on the insults and the self doubt they attempt to instill in me. Being in my families shoes as unfairness resides in their journey as well made me admit that this is a true problem. Seeing those that are in denial of the unfairness when it happens in my eyes, turns to a deflection of their own behavior, looking at things negatively. But I won’t intervene as this is their own self demise. Not mine. It’s there journey not mine. I will respect it and move along my way. Not falling for the victimhood trap. To answer that lingering question, I have proved to myself and the ones close to me that I am loyal, brave, and true which is refreshing. But what really matters in the end, is that I proved to my own self that I am loyal, brave, and true. And that’s good enough for me. And those who deem me otherwise, it’s okay. But that doesn’t mean that I will stop the fight for fairness because of them. In the end if someone isn’t going try to fight it, I will. And even if I don’t get there, at least I tried. And in the end, when my time comes, is the reason while I will die with a smile on my face.