Why Assuming Is Making You A Bitter Person
Assumption is a common behavaior that we engage more than we want to admit to. We assume the things people believe, we assume people are going to drop everything to help us, we assume other’s people’s feelings, decisions, their actions, and their behavior’s When it comes to us, we assume everything is going to work out in our favor. Let’s be real, it never does most of the time. I was once one of those people doing all the same thing. I began to be too dependent on predictability that just all of sudden, I was 37, knocking on deaths doors, and like where did the time go. I guess when your given a time frame, you have just end up trying to leave your mark. Thankfully I diverted that fate, and how I am not only a writer but also a lifestyle coach, which landed me a contract early winter to help make aware the passive aggressiveness the employee’s have gained since coming back to work during the COVID pandemic. As even employers are starting to notice the erratic behavior that this pandemic has brought to light.
In the song “I’m Not The Only One “ featuring A$AP Rocky has him quote a line that made me stop in my tracks and actually listen that I sensed a great empathy in the lyric explaining the common behaviors I’ve noticed in the beginning of my journey in me, but mid journey, noticed in others as well. Which alway ends up saying “I know” but not really doing anything to proactively fix it. Not consider others. As we assume everyone is in the same boat or in better situations, not even taking a minute to see if they are truly emotionally okay. The amazing thing in the act of human nature is that we have the ability to become better versions of us.
Assumption is defined as a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof. If you really think about it, we are all guilty of that crime. I’ll be the first to admit I started become guilty of the same thing as well myself. Come to think of it, it happen when I first was faced with the situation I faced at work. The reason was that no one was brave enough to do the right thing, which almost made me fall into the slippery slope that was assuming that everyone only thinks about themselves and will only protect themselves and think about their own self interest. Which is why I denied the case when Bethany, my legal team was gun whole and ready to win a settlement that the conference call recording of my boss degrading and abusing power to make me feel like all hope was gone. But thanks to those who came to remind me of the person I was, which before then was someone who gave the benefit of the doubt to everyone even though behavioral patterns proved otherwise what made me start looking at my life , the mistakes that I made, and finding ways to improve myself and make a difference.
The Dangers of Assumptions
One of the obvious things I have noticed about assumptions is that it leads to the biggest crime that stops us from attaining what we lost hope many years ago. The hope of positive change. Let’s be honest it’s easy to assume things based on past experiences. We all have mosaic of experiences that have made us sway certain ways in our thought process. We assume that all people are predictable. But if you really look at the one thing we see in changed and truly “woke” people is that the major change is one thing we fail to even consider in everything. The history of that individuals behavioral pattern. The pattern of behavior when it’s a person with psychological troubles, which we all have in the end is predictable when unresolved issues exist. Which in hindsight, assumptiveness is one of those behavior patterns that exist with people who have a traumatic experience with individuals. Hey wa all do. But when you stereotype someone based on that experience and think it’s okay to treat them unfairly due to your experience, it becomes the gray area that is discrimination. Which Sarah Blicks from “Thrive Globe” on Medium.com also seems to think so as well (Sarah Blicks. September 22, 2017. https://medium.com/thrive-global/9-reasons-why-making-assumptions-is-dangerous-345e8b24008c). Some the dangers expressed in the article are the following:
- They’re an easy out.
- They stop you from taking responsibility for your life
- They keep you stuck in the past.
- It’s lazy behaviour.
- They foster a negative mindset.
- It’s toxic behaviour
- They become a bad habit.
- They deepen your pain.
- Assumptions are ALWAYS wrong.
The one thing that I find very admirable from Sarah Blicks is that taking accountability of having a perfect record of assumptive behavior deserves a standing ovation.
But in hindsight the things that we assume hoping things will just get better never do. It just gets worst, which is why turning a blind eye is the most unjust thing we can do if we truly want positive change. Here are the top ten reasons of the wrongs of assumption from the 50 Wrong Assumptions that You Always Make from Brain Lee of Lifehack.com.
- Just ignore it the problem will go away.
- he person next to me is better off!
- I have enough time for exam, I will start studying tomorrow.
- I am being perfectly logical and fair and everyone that disagrees with me is just plain stupid.
- They have the right to be loved.
- Quick to attribute to malice what can be explained by ignorance.
- My moral system is the social norm, if you don’t agree with me, something is wrong with you.
- Rational persuasions are persuasive.
- Being in a relationship gives you the right of ownership of your partner.
- Things will work out.
The reason why I love this version of this song is because the empathy and the accountability this song expresses and represents. The funny thing about life in this day in age is that we worry to much of what others perceive of us. We always are finding a way to fit in to not feel so lonely. But have you ever been in a room surrounded with people and feel so alone? Guilty! More so in this venture. But the wonderful thing about it is I am secure within myself. In all honesty it’s a breath of fresh air for me as I always was a loud mouth, being told to use my inside voice as my normal loud tone was never acceptable. Come to think about it’s been a crime of assumptiveness of the person they thought I was. The funny thing also is that people who would say I sound like I am uneducated because I cussed were taking a hit to my upbringing and assumed I had no training when it was just my attitude. Seeing the behavior pattern of those individuals and the things they assumed of others, points out that they were passive aggressively being discriminatory and systematic racist. When certain individuals found out that I had a MBA, they tried to find out what institution I was in, which resulted to it’s not good enough. When the rebuttal of “at least I had a degree” came to light, the excuse came out like hot cakes. Which my saying was “Excuses are like pendejadas. Everyone has one. When it was the final countdown, although things looked grim at the time didn’t realize the influence I would have. Today as I spent time with one of my ride and dies today, we looked at the apartments on Google Maps I use to live in, as the apartment complex got shut down due to environmental dangers. Little did we know, it was demolished and now being made into a shopping center. Which my pre-battle that brought to light the FEMA fraud that was occurring since Katrina was one of the apartment property management companies that ended up being a part of. Too bad right, since now I am fighting Leukemia which is common in mold exposure I looked up. People always wonder why I am the way I am so appreciative, filled with gratitude, and very quick to stand up to unfairness. It’s because I want to leave my mark on the world. In the age of COVID along with other things in the world. We don’t know when our time is coming. I ended up finding out a person I knew ended up dying of it along with the individuals that lived in the single family home. Which is the reality we live in. He was a great guy and had so many hopes that he gave up on a long time ago, which if I was able to get to him sooner, maybe would of have a different fate and a change of heart on the way he perceived himself to be. We always assume people think the worst of us, which is why now being deemed a lifestyle coach makes me job harder. There some days I wonder why do I even try. But then who would pave the wave of hope. Who would prove those stigmas we assume to be wrong. Who would make our day by thanking essential workers for the sacrifices they do each and everyday to put food on the table. It might be something they are force to do, but they got the courage to face another day and put themselves at risk. At the end of the day, making someone’s my day and seeing hope be instilled in someone is one of the best damn things I can do. It tells me at the end of the day, I did my job.