The Power You Gain in a Genuine Act of Forgiveness
This was set for Friday, but with all the horribleness that a storm brings, which for me was doubt and regret when I was forced to ride out Harvey due to my choice that guilt was used to make me stay be my ex. I felt like this could of came in handy when I was in that moment of trauma, Hurricane Harvey. Forgiveness is one of the things that is the hardest to do in my journey. In a world where it feel we need to be perfect has each and every one of us doing what we can to preserve a imperfect self perception causing us to do some of the most horrible things to people. When the crime is done to us, we have this sense of entitlement that we are owed an apology. When we get and say we forgive, we have a low key or passive aggressive mindset that we in sense we hope they get what’s coming to them so they can suffer like we did. Don’t lie. Even I did this at one point pre journey when I was passive aggressive, allowed things to slide, and just tolerated the unnecessary bullshit. If you are in denial, then truth is you haven’t forgiven yourself for the things you have done.
Forgiveness is defined as Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. One doesn’t have return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from an offender according to Psychology Today (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/forgiveness). One of things that I struggled with this is the ability to fully forgive. I would say I forgave, but deep down inside, I really didn’t truly forgive. The reason why I knew ‘this is that I had resentment, low key hoped that people got what they deserved. Which ultimately had me in what I call in “”The Journey of a Unraveled Road” the circle jerk of social norm. Which had me around bad company enabling the bad behaviors that never got me to become the person I was meant to be. In retrospective, it made treat those who really had my best interest at heart thinking they were jealous of the things I assumed they wanted but never had. Was I wrong.
The Process of Forgiving Yourself
We all have that one friend that says us but always know they really don’t mean it. We just take it for what it’s worth and then expect things to be different. But then we fall into the same trap of the same never ending circle? We all have done this if you really look at it. It doesn’t make you any better or any worst. If you look closely at the situation, it always during our times we felt we were in rock bottom. I had the phase as well. So in my book, before even running into this article and even before the psychology and lifestyle coach, I began this by noticing the behavior patterns of others. People will say your being judgey. Truth is, it’s easier seeing others faults. Depending on the person’s self esteem, they will use it to hype their own life up to convince themselves that they are better than other people. You know that person. Don’t lie. Wanting closure and a change I started trying to find the behavior patterns that always seemed to be consistently a trend in my social interactions. Then I had the ah-ha moment, which looking at what really was happening; could of avoid the disaster. Then seeing their behavior and realizing I also engaged in the bad behaviors that I engaged for the sake of self preservation made me feel like a shitty person in the end. Well let’s admit we all been that person too. Hey, I’ve stood alone before. I’m okay being the only one. Like everything in psychology and positive intervention, there are amazing health and psychological benefits in forgiveness.
The Benefits of Forgiveness
The first that happened for me was gaining the courage of conviction. One of the hardest things when it comes to doing the right thing for the greater good is the consequences. Elle Woods is the best example in storytelling as she was from the beginning was stereotyped in being too blonde to have the smarts in going to Harvard Law School. Of course we will have those “let me tell you why this would never happen people” but you have to feel sorry for them in a way. The reason being is they miss the underlying and important message in this fiction based story, the determination and the will having faith in yourself to overcome the most prejudice situations anyone can face. Those who are too much of a realist are somewhat missing the point of everything storytelling has to offer as they find reasons to disprove it. In a way, it’s kind of having a negative complex in themselves as they are setting themselves up for failure by convincing themselves things are too good to be true. But then again it’s the act of assuming that people don’t have the power to this in real life. My wish for them is that one day they can see past that toxic behavior as in the in it’s hurting themselves. Which makes a great blogging topic. A perfect example illustrated in this fiction based story is the true act of forgiveness, as all the degration and the under-minding she faced was completely forgiven, which forgiving herself made her in the end walk away from someone who deceived her and not trash talk him in the end. That is true forgiveness. In my ending journey on the Houston chapter, I laugh at the situation and the things that people did to me. I may not trust them, but I have no resentment what so ever. I kept them protected, still giving them the opportunity to gain resentment, and I continued to be me authentically. Which in the end was the result of forgiving myself. Here are some of the benefits of to the Mayo Clinic (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692).
- Healthier relationships
- Improved mental health
- Less anxiety, stress and hostility
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer symptoms of depression
- A stronger immune system
- Improved heart health
- Improved self-esteem
If you want to begin this journey of your own here are suggestions or rules you should follow according to Thomas G. Plante Ph.D., ABPP from Psychology Today (Thomas G. Plante Ph.D, ABPP. March 5, 2014. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/do-the-right-thing/201403/7-rules-forgiveness)
Forgiveness is not only a hard thing, but it’s a rewarding thing in the end. It gives you a sense of self worth and starts the road to having gratitude. Of course we may never get closure, but the one thing we can always obtain that by forgiving those individuals. Boundaries are the one thing that protects you from going through the rollercoaster of emotions if and when we allow these individuals back in our lives. If you fail, don’t be yourself up as it’s not your free will that caused these actions to reoccur, but your own time you must find a way to let these toxic people out of your life. We all have something that we are holding that makes us become the people we want to be. Some in our adolescence, some in our adulthood, but mostly from our childhood. In the end, you derserve to gain closure to live your best life. One of the things I always wondered before the journey was why me? Why do good things happen to bad people? Why do bad things happen to good people? In honesty it’s a lie we convince ourselves. Where those bad people pretend to be happy and use materialistic things to validate their worth, when it should be the person’s persona that should ultimately dictate that in the end. People will always perceive that it’s rainbow and gumdrops, but you don’t know what happens behind close doors. Truth is for me, I cry sometimes and am emotionally hurt. I know that it’s only temporary, just like any sort of pain. But to your surprise, it may lead you to a road less traveled which is full of adventure and amazing surprises. If your lucky, you might just end up on a road that unravels itself, and if you earned it. A road that will help you make a not only a name for yourself, but be the light of the end of the tunnel for someone else. And in the end, that is the most amazing accomplishment I have ever done in my life.