The era of COVID-19 has brought so much to our attention. Call it the prodigal rabbit hole per say of how human civilization has in the end become. Many of the truths that has been revealed to this still become a dodge of the truth, where people result to more insult and more narcissistic tendencies, one revealing that the ones who refuse to wear masks are scientifically proven to be true narcissist. While those who become victim to the actions that narcissist have created for the rest of humanity continue to fall to the the narcissist says narcissist actions that the peons of narcissist social castes (the bottom feeder of narcissist) continue to do the dirty work that those higher castes narcissist advise which in the end puts us all in a predicament that puts the whole world in danger
Looking at the bigger picture, I have to say that if we all had to point the fingers at the way the world has come to, we have to blame narcissistic character for the shit show of how the world has gotten to where it has gotten. Come to think about it, if you really put your thinking caps on, narcissistic intervention is the only way things have gotten to the shit whole that we live in now. I mean one of the biggest narcissistic characters we have encountered and has dubbed to be so is our current President of the United States, where I still don’t have anything against the guy, continues to show the example of what narcissistic persona looks like in real time where press conferences and public meetings all scream narcissistic interaction. Although some will say that this I am being a hypocrite I don’t feel he has all the blame in how this pandemic or way everything has played out. The one thing that I see happening all too often in this narcissist against narcissist vendetta is that behind one narcassist, there is always another one trying to play hero which as dooms day as it sounds, just puts us in more in more situations that in the end can cause even more catastrophe, where if we don’t gain rational logic where we put differences aside and selfish intentions at bay fall into the same trap that we all try to avoid in the end.
I am not going to lie, COVID-19 has affected me more than I like to admit that it has. Not in a way where I am fearful of catching it and dying. To be completely transparent about the topic, I honestly was already betting that I was going to catch it and being one of the many that would be part of the statistical body count that the virus has rapidly gain momentum on. Considering the fact that I already have an existing medical condition, a auto immune deficiency disorder, battling a current disease, a mold infection that is a daily battle to just live a normal existence, I was betting on the virus taking my life when I caught it early on in April. On that one day when COVID-19 ended up taking it’s worst on me, I remember that it was then that I was already accepting my faith and already ready to meet my maker. The feeling that I felt was the most excruciation pain that I even felt which even coughing was one thing I tried to avoid but couldn’t that mid coughing fit, would literally make me feel like I was about to pass out. How the mild symptoms only affected my family, I have no clue. Being the paranoids that we were, everyone checked out to be negative while me being the only one being affected and surviving is one thing that I still can’t understand. I remember one of the things when I first filled out the questionnaire that asked in the sex category whether I was male, female, or intersexed, which in a worldwide pandemic you have to be honest in the questionnaire, I chose the only option that was the lingering question of my identity, the one question that always put me in a compromising position of not only my identity, but my insecurity. Which on that day I admitted to something I couldn’t even admit in my book. Not because I was denying myself, but because the world isn’t ready to face so many of these truth. And with that said, I put one thing I probably would regret even in this blog. The fact that I was biologically deemed intersexed.
My whole entire life, I always felt like an outcast and for good reason. I mean I never fit in that was for sure. I mean so many biological questions that seemed like contradictions were always the basis of my existence. But one of the things that never had absolute answers where the way people perceived this identity as this is still a contraversial point of view thanks to bible thumpers and the continued radical views of what this entity should look like. Everyone has their own perception of what this should be. Bioglocially speaking it can be many things, but the one thing that stays persistent that with the many medical and psychological examinations exams point out one thing, that the identify of those individuals will always be opposite of what they were naturally born to be. Which is what brings me to the reasoning of this blog. One of the hardest things to come to terms with in this pandemic is the fact that how can so many of the people that proved to be a better person than me fall victim to this virus? Why couldn’t I be the one that feel victim to the demise that this virus has caused so many of those who thought the world of me die from this virus? That is the one thing that I struggle with to this very day. These were amazing people that taught me how to not be judgy like I was. You can’t help sometimes to be judgmental to those who ridicule you in the state of abnormality. These individuals despite all the views and the assumptions you have and the premeditated judgmental ideologies that you’ve gained throughout your life, to think that you could be considered a person. Which in honestly is why I grief the loss of these amazing individuals because they were my rock in a biased and judgey existence that you are use to living.
The many that this pandemic has eliminated feels like it’s unjustifiable and that pisses me off every day. I just can’t see how we in this world can truly think that we are in the right every single day of our existence. Where the LGBT community can’t even live their life like they should, how the freedom of speech can’t be what it is, without being killed for saying what we have every right to say, because of the narcissistic intervention. That because we for once have the answers that we truly need and for those in denial of seeing what is the truth forcefully take that right away to inflict fear. For the longest time, I was ashamed to admit this publicly not because I was fearful of the criticism, but the truth that this would cause. In ancient history it was said that people born intersexed were gifts sent by the Gods, with many individuals like King Tut being rumored to be one of those individuals, which is the reason why King Tut gained royalty. We as individuals can be naive in the presence of science and reality as the answers we want never are the answers were are ready to admit to. But in order to bring things back in order the way it should be, we have to admit that there are somethings that we can’t explain. So many things in the world have answers that can’t be explained. Why deny this. Why is it so hard to believe that things like this exist? It’s not an abolishment from God. Truth of the matter, the actions that is committed against the unknown is the true abolishment to God. Where we hate and commit acts of sin against the things that we don’t understand out of fear is the true evils that the world needs to avoid. It’s the true sin that we all can avoid. Why set ourselves up for failure on things we have no true idea of what is good or evil. Many self-righteous have already deemed me an abomination, which now you know why. The full realm of why this writer sees the world the way the do, is a question now answered. Where if I am going to be the poster child of doom or gloom, might as well fuck shit up.