Call It A Bad Romance – The Ignorance of the American Dream

The way I viewed the world ended up being a bad romance. I didn’t know then but the family which when see the attacks of being racist I gained who came from the African American community who “All Lives Matter” is what they stand for as their grandchildren now being discriminated for being biracial. Which the traumatic events they experienced they said needed to be done as best as it can as systematics for the sake of survival will make you chose. Flaws and alls still loved and accepted them that makes them original. Traumatic events is the events when socially made aware out of an unethical attempt to belittle you as society standards deems those forced in unfortunate event becomes a superficial arrogant act of the evils in social normalcy and acceptance..  As unresolved traumatic situations lead to the anxiety, stress, depression, and uncertainty, which is the norm for those faced as the triggers they get is from a life without gratitude. Gives you the upper hand that in essence separates you in from unfortunate circumstances by the same social norm.  You realize that those things that you were afraid of kept you fighting although unsure of yourself, harder.  Where now confident in yourself, become the person those in lost hope feel never comes.  You become a hero that in spite of the fear and dangers and the odds, consistently secure your peace. Where in the mist of COIVD-19 and the false perception a contradicting debate of what’s fact and what’s fiction which all in the sake of fitting in has people being disrespectful unconcerned, unwilling to help and not even asking questions as this does not effect them directly thus having the systematic biased make those needing help not get it because it’s not their problem. Which in this naive mindset is why to save yourself the trouble of disappointment if you are not willing to ask these questions for the greater good as you know it doesn’t apply to you do not have the right to demand rights catered to you. Because those silent are feared which belittled by those seeking self gratification of power. Because the power you perceive is the weakness that puts you in the mess that because it doesn’t happen to you, happens all of middle class. That the middle class is just the purgatory of good and evil that social norms deem having what mimics the seven deadly sins to value versus what evil, those who suffer and get the short end of the stick. When COVID along other nearing pandemics get closer and come out of nowhere, was always there. Your just too busy worrying about the things that matter that instead of fighting for survival, your convincing yourself why it’s not true. Now causing harm to you and those around you. Who out of unable to put a stop to disrespect and your way of manipulating things are in the moral and heavenly standards are doomed for hell. As charity is a half ass attempt that with every challenge run from when forced to face the truth and the effects that are used in a perfect scenario that you just got got by a commoner.

“It’s sort of like my past is an unfinished painting, and as the artist of that painting, I must fill in all the ugly holes and make it beautiful again.” 

Lady Gaga – Marry the Night

Systematic realism was I feel a tool that was intended to afford an equal which biology and circumstance starts us with a disadvantage to gain what the Constitution which the basis of America is “liberty and justice for all.”  However the injustice that occur on the low and high scales seem like there is no reason to have hope, which is how I ended my last blog. In “Journey of an Unraveled Road” I talked about the naiveness I have in not being able to understand why I was special than the other friends who still “consistent to this very day” was regardless of the high school reject I was, had a empathy and compassion that in my adult life would be the demise but also my salvation as in order to gain happiness and the things that seem like never happening, is the impeccable doom that everyone swore I was headed still as an adult as naive as I was to the end where I had nothing else to lose was the start of something I am grateful that even with the enlightenment I gained through the newly founded psychology study an the intuitive empathy that has people asking if I am supernatural is narcism is the product of what social norms deems as the undesirables share which seeing it for what is and being naive that resolving this in being consistent with my nature and morals is what coming to this realization pisses me off more than you ever know. Not because of the adversity and the bullying I got. Can we get past that already and stop being assumptive. As it also proves that the interior motives everyone claimed, the selflessness and the willingness to self sacrifice was all my divine purpose which is why the things that are assumed when helping others and why I annoyed and pissed that people think I am that stupid comes from this, the unresolved childhood trauma that has proven scientifically in the forms of psychology, As trauma has an effect on people who lived it which is only partial truth told when those degrading and using that trauma is the most evil and sociopathic behavior the those insecure will use which got me mad but then is why after the other post feel like destiny is calling.

As the effects is only truth when the trauma is not in a positive and healthy matter resolved where you admit it, you accept it, you come to terms with the things you have control of and hold those accountable where in your time you face your demons where those same demons of your past in their attempt to assume that the wrong that is committed that in turn has an effect to jeapordize anyone involved despite of nothing other that the wrong personal to them as you have leverage to discredit their character have gone above and beyond to make you into someone that in that same action, needing the aid of others which in the ripple effect has already been set as those same stereotypes they attempt to turn you into are all the things that typically happens in a downward spiral believing that the person you are convinced you are with the “you should of done this” and the “if you didn’t do that” and the “you should of ran from it”, which without an example of how it looks like under the scope where one is still trying to gain acceptance back into social normalcy through any social group dynamic still entact with the origin value when there was nothing to lose and nothing to gain; that without courage and the ability to strengthen that rationality gaining patience and tactic has found myself being a small world standard that shows a success story. In addition which due to not being my place have signed a media waiver as “The Journey of An Unraveled Road” is the basis that the proof in positive growth amid trauma which because saying believing that “someone has it worst” makes me naive to the notion that I now gained that normally to social norms would be the product of unacceptable social behavior of where a vigil anti forces justice against free will and personal choice. Where the self-righteous that have good intention turn out to be the example also used as everything wrong as the villains in history show where people argue nature vs. nature to dodge the real issue at hand. That in the cruel acts to desperately prove your worth in taking advantage of situation (THE CAUSE) and the violence expected from those who already troubled in their unfairness in circumstance caused harm to themselves or the life of others due to the unkindness of a fragile ego (THE EFFECT) is truly what’s to blame as you are the accomplice to the effect. That because still unknown and a mystery what ends up being the go to that those who seeing these court cases can already determine whether they are lying based on the social and non social queues they possess which still all indicators in their false pride can’t hide from that entitlement and the I am going to get away with this intention that those not guilty get accused of for stereotypes and discrimination that is systematic racism where those who enabled by bad behavior and an entitlement out of a false inferiority is the person already in their mind intentionally premeditate your gratifying purpose to them. Which turn blinds us from dangers obvious under a normal psyche as the distractors of suppressed trauma being anxiety, stress, keeping busy, feeling unsafe, insomnia, depression, along other common every day behaviors that through the verbal and nonverbal queues say all they need to say.

That in the cruel acts to desperately prove your worth in taking advantage of situation (THE CAUSE) and the violence expected from those who already troubled in their unfairness in circumstance caused harm to themselves or the life of others due to the unkindness of a fragile ego (THE EFFECT) is truly what’s to blame as you are the accomplice to the effect.

Frieda Lopez

As one of the concerning effects that in theory is evolving the human race to be more moronic as the independence, dodging confrontation, and which the promiscuity; a double standard which labels women sluts by men and women manipulated by men all have me pondering the idea has me sure that their something traumatic in your life. Because now undetermined will either put you in two categories with this people for nature vs. nurture; the narcasistic behavior as this is now the choice you made to degrade those you stereotype makes you evil since there is no in between. And if you were embarrassed to say to be truthful than you can’t be trusted and have to be earned since you your act proved you didn’t give me the same respect. And if you did it cause the treatment you got in the past, then with the two mentioned scenarios means your an opportunist. The same person that those you undermined are made that you profiled my persona to be. Because guess what, with the courage I gained to point these actions out to you that those who walk away, use insult, and deflect to make those people the demons that they are out of the things they don’t deflect as the crazy that they get called and now deemed the no going back from persona that those desperate as failure to retreat e with the entitlement on the things we are owed, turns a positve variable into the negative variable that in entitlement and the ungraciousness handed by the standards those who in the same minority make a personal choice used by the majority that is the standard in a manipulated perception overglorifying the ability that is your existing minority  unable to perfect standards, have those who supposedly knowing better doing three common behaviors secure attachment in telling what I want to hear, dismissive avoidance attachment, and the interior motive as your premeditated the act of pre-avoidance attachment which makes you a narcissist now as the unresolved issues that lead you to this choice by the things you are truly afraid of as this is why as an adult you chose this as anxious preoccupied anxiety ended up with heartbreak and grief where if someone stopped enabling your bad behavior by the things that were right for them but wrong for you is why “stay in your lane Becky or I will force you back on that lane” is the comic relief and the inside joke that those courageous enough to maneuver through with a unbiased support system has me doing the opposite where progress is progress regardless of failure, the consistent attempt regardless of the efforts attempted which stopped when I called bullshit and shown to remain consistent continue to give my support, and no matter how things play out, the premeditated choice to stop giving the respect I am giving without boundaries is why I will always confront someone at the same level they showed me that in that moment they abuse their systematic authority never brag or prove or care what others do. As in that case, it’s about to go down, where in the small scale not changing my way and questioning the rationality behind it. As to me I am going down happy and humbled like my fave philosopher Socrates where maybe my part wasn’t made to help the free world as those who vindictively put me behind bars in the first place.

As accepting of all my flaws and from the hood already facing physically scary threats which the THOTY me says “how you doing” will flow life’s current as need be. Truth is may this rationality wasn’t made for the outside world if that happens. Since those behind bars have no clue what they are up against as society has changed depending on the time they got out now with a foreign perception due to immediate changes they experienced once they get out some going in on the behaviors that most of them experience is trauma as the events of trauma can happen and change people still unresolved make them turn to emotional crutches that after that unresolved issue gets perceived as untrue reality, have you trapped in the idea that the only way to gain acceptance as the truth of systematic racism is your being a minority will never make you the majority. As the majority who also a minority to the majority they strive to gain acceptance in, always becomes the minority. And as Lady Gaga said where the things unresolved “It’s sort of like my past is an unfinished painting, and as the artist of that painting, I must fill in all the ugly holes and make it beautiful again” now more beautiful than ever regardless of all that comes with paintings has people fascinated and troubled by things they have will never comprehend. The truth is “The Journey of An Unraveled Road” was the start of my past which now is a finished painting who in her doubt in the theatrical production of such video at rock bottom “I am meant to be a star. Because there’s anything left to lose” which some will say “yup crazy” but at least I was the crazy lady who those who remained selfless to then end no matter what she said. Because the beautiful thing about life in the beginning credits of the video in her shame identifies that the nurses wearing next season Calvin Klein wearing the hats to protect their hair from patience blood still at rock bottom the same next season Calvin Klein that those desperate for approval will bend the knee and kiss the ring for. Because even if that is my fate to those who will never be convinced as they are systematically racist will never believe that. Because for me being crazy is living in a world that has no chance of hope and passive aggressively denying also made to believe those who also unhappy have the same hope follow blinding oppressing those who find a little happiness in things that conformity makes taboo as it doesn’t fit the standards and in bitterness use the standard of the illusions that when there still unsatisfied now in resentment of the product the journey became is a life unfilled with regrets, permanent pain meant to go away and alone as those who we betrayed, we couldn’t forgive, the things, and the expectations that when success achieved have no right to feel as those in unfortunate circumstance less fortunate go without every day and live is a phrase used questioning life is the disabling tactic used as those who say it hypocritical pick and choose who deemed worthy. Because maybe that small gratification of controlling someone is all worth a fulfilled life full of unknown happiness. Which staying on the sidewalk is the worst thing I did for myself. Once again traumatic events is the events when socially made aware out of an unethical attempt to belittle you as society standards deems those forced in unfortunate event becomes a superficial arrogant act of the evils in social normalcy.  Made as a way to devalue, unresolved traumatic events become anxiety, stress, depression, and uncertainty, a characteristic from those fortunate to dodge, an act of ungratefulness which is systematic racism.  Where in hindsight, the behavior you exibited that out of unfortunate circumstance from curiosity, which stronger than fear is the leap of fate that in the end what lead you to comfromity of unhappiness. Because the reality you loath is the unfilled holes in the painting to make it beautiful that the fake news is the inability to recall the good in the disaster. That admitting to it’s entirety the good, bad, and ugly facing the demons that made me hide the life that those lost comes from learning from gaining truth of the realities you deny and realize it’s the nightmare we then now live. That hope even at it’s hopelessness still has a chance. Where a leap of faith like many voyagers have potentially found a new found freedom, we now call home. As when there was nothing to gain and everything lost, I did it all over again. Starting from the beginning now a new person.

“Memories are not recycled like atoms and particles in quantum physics; they can be lost forever.” 

Lady Gaga – Marry the Night

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

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