Okay all. After yesterdays blog about the zombie apocalypse analogy thingy, J had to truly tone this down and make it lighter. We all know the world is messed up. We don’t have to keep on telling one another that. Truth is it helped connect the dots on how the things in the world our just crazy. In hindsight, there is so much to be happy about. Truth of the matter is we still have life, we still have another day to try again, we still have time to make things right for ourselves. Despite of what you might think, I will not believe you when you say that it’s to late. When it comes to you it’s never to late.
So I am going to make it simple and not even say it. Truth is, if I have to continuously tell you this like your mom nagged you as a kid, we ain’t doing this. Because you don’t want to heal. You’re not ready yet. Let it be on your own time and when your emotionally ready, because the ugly truth is that your worst enemy is you. And when you begin taking accountability of the things you did it’s the hardest thing to come to terms with. Not only do you see that you stopped yourself, but in your unhappiness did things to hinder someones growth or journey. That guilt that follows that maybe you fucked up your life in that instant makes you feel guilty of the things that we caused and the effect that it may have had on the individual. Truth is this happens when you finally stop being narcissistic. Its’ weird. Since I am not taking psychology classes officially, but what I gather by the theories is this, that is the bad behavior that we constantly did that made us so defensive, taking things personal, and letting people who if you really think about it “had no business saying anything to you about the way you handled things.”. If you go back five years ago, the things that said comparing their happiness and success to yours, belittling every progress you made, Becky who should of stayed in her lane, regardless of how much she lies about it is truly happy. Why you know this for sure is this. Those moments of dissapointment and always trying to just keep your head above water and that I hate life look she has, where her fake Facebook Profile picture of her actually trying to be happy, because you always thought she was pretty is the same look you had when you kept on beating yourself up. Start making the change in baby steps. You can’t just jump into this especially if you have family and all those things that I don’t have but one day hope to attain. Truth be told, I would have probably had little shits in world running around being entitled and narcissist to the max. This bitch went through it. If I didn’t fight as hard I would of been a statistic.
One of the things that people always said even post journey is “your a ditz, an airhead, naive” which always seemed to bother me for a long time. My generation being the Clueless era also followed with the portrayal of my favorite protagonist Reece Witherspoon portrayal of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. Where the only one that in the end was the only entity stopping her. As the ending with the out of the box knowledge (which of course wouldn’t be realistic to reality critiques as we are trying to lighten the mood) helped her win the case on the murder of her clients father. As her knowledge in haircare helped her catch the daughter that she accused of being the killer being the one who accidentally shot her father. Which in the daughters emotional outburst of guilt, ended up in rage of the pain of her father, telling on her. If you all think this only happens in the movies, wait until you see when you really start seeing things for how they are. See the behaviors you can’t fully identify. As it happens way more often than you think, which even at my most passive ends up becoming a fight. Truth is the only thing I have to prove is where if I get into the psychology graduate program after I take my basics, will ultimately be how social norms mimic the behavior patterns of the seven deadly sins as the seven heavenly virtues is the only way we can ease our back to normality.
One of the things I consistently hear on feedback is anyone truly every really happy? The answer is of course no. But then again I never thought I would ever be happy either. Emotions are emotions and stem from human nature, but there is not one day that I don’t even if I end up starting off on the wrong foot that when I hear that song that made started my realization makes me smile every single time which riders ask sometimes “are you okay ma’am, your not going crazy on me today” and i chuckle and joke back “I mean if your into that sort of thing since guys like their girls insane these days, but no judgement” begins the talk about the guys or the girls in my rider’s life. Where in some cases agree that it’s both and see both sides of why things never get resolved or that one person who is trying to have me agree with them which when I say “wrong is wrong and I am not going to enable your bad behavior” becomes this challenge of the fittest in breaking. Where mostly guys will already say they found what’s wrong with me, trying to play psychologist and then tell me why in the Google Search they did on that specific mental illness because they talked themselves out of something they “know they aren’t narcissist” and that because the things they throw once they realize I am not easily convinced, begin the follow the slippery slope we call narcissism. Because truth is we only see it form the ones we under-mind and belittle because we convinced ourselves they aren’t better than us because they don’t have the things we value. That relationships, some saying “I am too pretty to be single” always say, “I’m just me. There is always someone prettier out there” follows with “why do you put yourself down” followed by advice that don’t apply to me and is misguided as they are flirting with me in real time, which begs the question, are you happy? Because the infection in your tone makes me wonder if your okay? Which in the end an undeterminable variable as everyone is different can go ether way. People will personally choose to change and other will not as the intention was never there to be genuine doesn’t mean that they don’t have the chance to redeem themselves if they put in the work. Somewhere along the line, people weren’t made to make mistakes and when they do it until they are caught, like so many of use do, end up putting this person through something we don’t want to go through emotional hell and guilt. Just because you didn’t get caught and shamed for it, doesn’t mean you should do the same. If we really want to compare, it’s that pain you hold that you refuse to let go that will regardless of what you have, who your around, the value you hold into a replaceable resource. Because when you gain financial gain from your success you get wreckless. Buying your friends and followers like this blogger said I sould do and stupid for not doing it to help me come up faster because exposure is exposure. That for me is not created equally either. For me, if I am going to self gratify, I am gong to do it once as it just gets boring as those who are suppose to help us feel better make us think “I really could of been productive today and invested into my future” as we all want to say it but don’t say it; that it was wasted time by a girl who has daddy issues or a guy who acts like a girl with daddy issues. Stand up to them for once and tell them that you didn’t appreciate the wasted time. That if you ever link up again, make sure they are on point with the whole presentation. And girls and guys it should come both ways, not just from one person. That os fair. Unless they got body parts you can pawn or skills you can take to the bank, there is nothing that anyone can use to compare worth. Those who brag about the designer life, conditioned themselves to use this to show their value to the world. But do you. Who cares. Just don’t use that as a crutch. Cause it’s always going to be that “out of the box”idea that operates you from everyone that will get your foot in the door. That when the world is worrying about the floor being contaminated, your ass taking precautions be doing to the “bend and snap” which always works cause it’s a classic. And even though I haven’t reached any level so far, I still do it. Because I love it. Because for once I am not hearing someone say “your too smart for your own good” and “your just being irrational” because of the things you already know that I won’t say out loud. Truth is being authentically me has been the best thing I could have ever done for myself. Because the inner child in me is actually content for once in my life. She is finally happy that i no matter how tired I am working 3 hustles post COVID to not only pay my expenses but the newly attain ones from my family, I still smile every day. Hey and depending how tired, will get the me the best sleep I ever had, which now seems to get better and better on the “go hard or go home” days. At the end of the day, if it’s meant to be it will be. It’s not like anyone’s handing it to me, I’m literally working for it harder. Which ironically isn’t for my self interests, for others, being able through my come up and all the many out of the box ideas I have that as one person can’t manage all, provides jobs, programs, and the many things I hope to accomplish is to maybe one day on a bigger scale the ability if taken serious, see the happiness and the healing that potentially not complete depending on the infliction but a big start which in that process, those who beat that first odd, become more and more resilient along the way, which the personal shopping and the ride share I do after i post this blog that will end up being till about 4 am, do it happy and harder daily as it hasn’t become my fight, my families fight, or my worlds fight. Call me whatever but it’s for our fight to gain happiness one day. Like I always say to everyone, keep surviving. You are worth fighting for more than you know. Who knows maybe faith willing you can teach me a few things or two to improve my survival game. God only knows there are things I haven’t come across yet.