Growing Into Rational Power – Self Improvement

When I was kid, I remember I was asked in many different situations to see the type of character I was developing was “what do you wish for people both people you know and people that are strangers” and my answer was “I everyone to be happy and have good things happen to them.” Many called me a dreamer and many others call me a dreamer. As an adult, I still feel the same way, however not the naive little girl I was I realize that the only ones that can achieve that are each and every individual. In a world perceived to be a place of equal opportunity and what you put into it has only partial truth. As social norms have deemed “perception” to be the key indicator of any opportunities that come our way. “Journey of an Unraveled Road” both gaining positive feedback and negative feedback is just that book. It says the things we want to say that we can’t say. It paints the picture of motives and actions by the people who knew better with only one difference that most people who “victimize themselves” doesn’t include. It contains the forgives, the compassion, and the empathy I continue to have for those trapped in the pursuit of perfect self perception. One of the things that I been talking about in my personal post is the act of “abusing power” and the entitlement that comes with it. In hindsight, seeing this action play out in real time and seeing these individuals become something much more dangerous than when it occurred in the past “bullying” along with “self involvement” is the gateway to one of the two deadliest sins that can affect both parties. Pride and wrath. Which leads me to a glimpse of a much more serious situation that we tend to assume righteous intent. The perception that in “pride” and “abuse of power” can make the most noblest of religious leaders become a devil in a Sunday hat.

We live in a world where we accept everything in face value and for the sake of our own protection, we cannot continue this type of behavior, especially in the world we engage in. I always say to take into consideration to gain compassion in someone’s background. But on the flip side, you must also do this for the protection of yourself and the protection of the ones you love. The most destructive guilts to carry is the guilt that many have when they allow these dangers in only to prey on those innocent, which is why guilty by association is a conviction that we cannot omit. The outcome of this which I know many of you say as I’ve said this to myself many times “how can anyone omit the compassion they have for their own blood” and ultimately the result I have observed is this specific guilt that burdens their utmost existence. Which makes them even more self involved to avoid the pains it come with, making those in blood suffer even further, infecting them with the same character. Leaving them in much more guilt and conviction of the things they neglect to take action on. Coming into the path of a well respected Pastor’s daughter was the most toughest pill to swallow. As my own perception’s of this were put to rest and the truths that are hard to take in (even post journey) are hard to swallow. In the presence of pride, entitlement, and the abuse of power, it can make someone dedicated to know better and act on it not only cause emotional pain, but physical pain and jail time. It makes those commit adultery and in the presence of unresolved emotional traumatic conflict, even sexual assault to both adults and to children. But in light of pride and entitlement, those traumas can never be resolved due to the Super Ego stating otherwise.

I am going to be the first to say that in most recent events I was deemed a racist regarding the opinion of the image on the Quaker Oats label Aunt Jemiama represented. People said do your research, I have. People said change your thought process, I cannot. The underlying truth is I get it. It’s offensive. It pisses me off too. It’s not right and it’s degrading. However to remove a ethnic figure, which Uncle Ben is the only one remaining which if made to be offensive will also be removed in this era. Do what makes you feel comfortable. No one can take away your feeling and has no right to do so either. But the truth is in a world where the actions of prejudice, stereotyping, and discrimination is still actively present in a Corporate American where biased backgrounds and other non-ethic norms are pre-dominate, it’s hard to not believe this is an intention through another social behavior caused by unknown parties to intentionally cause conflict referred to as “brick and protest” where going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole reveals the intent of “psychological manipulation” where those parties bet on self involved individuals to push for something that turns to a movement of justice with the interior motive for power is the main indicator. Which in the busiest week of Uber, was again brought to my attention by a politician (may be existing and may be previous) that shared some concerns of what the cataclysmic impact this would have as they also pointed out that minority representation is slowly but surely being removed in many American branded advertising, media, and other American coined representation that having a minor in psychology says is a tactic for subliminal messaging of America being all White based.

Worrying about this prior to the revelation, I was deemed a conspiracist and starting to sort of believe and accept it as my truth. The reality is, it’s not far fetched and if you recall interactions with people who have proven to be manipulators, always have a way of making you believe your in the wrong only to find out the hidden intention. I reference this action as “pulling a Judas” which if you really stop and think about it, serves to be truth. Because the Judas of the world have a way of making it seem like a bigger cause, celebrate you when you agree, and when you pull out of that mindset, are never to be found again. Why I know I am not a Judas? Because at the end of the day, I am not going to crucify you for finding out an outcome on your own terms. Free will was made for us to make our own choices and learn from them. I celebrate opinions and other points of views. It helps me see things differently and gives me far much more insight of the things I have no understanding of due to my own life experience. How do I determine if your not pulling a “Judas” on me? I will be open to feedback, ask you questions, present my rebuttals, and work to show you my true character leaving insult out of the picture. Pointing out behaviors will be my course of action omitting insult and Super Ego. If I have committed these actions, I will take accountability. Where I stop the rapport is when you immediately demonize me to make me into someone I am not, trying to manipulate me into thinking that this is who I am. I know myself well enough to know I have no negative intention. I make mistakes. But unlike those who crucify and demonize those mistakes, there is always redemption when I see that self interest is out of the picture.

I reuse this quote as I feel this is most appropriate, especially in this time in the Black Live Matters Movement. In my life experience as a child I was always told to never say you are nothing but “Mexican” growing up. Being nothing but Mexican brought internal racial segregation within the Latin community. In my lifetime, it’s always been who’s the better Latin decent where the face off against Mexican, Cuban, Brazilian, Puerto Rican, amongst every other Latin heritage on which culture is the best has been a conviction I lived with my whole life in a big city with a small town feel like San Antonio is. Houston, TX was the first time I could embrace the many faces of my ethnic background including my French heritage. After doing a DNA analysis to determine my background, I am more diverse than I gave myself credit for. It’s a beautiful thing if you stop and think about it, which is why skin color is just a perception of what we identify with. At the end of the day, we all come from immigrants, where in America, Native Americans or as history refers to all indigenous people as “nomads” were the original G’s to be truly American. This is our base of existence. When did we become so disrespectful to our greatest of great grandparents. If you deny that, then you need to either do your “research” and get on so you can become more intone with yourself. One of the most ironic moments I encountered with a love interest after my ex-fiancee who screamed “machismo and sociopathic (sociopathic tendencies are also part of social norm self preservation by the way) ended up attempting to make me feel stupid for saying we all come from immigrants. Why this passive aggressive white power persona would be attracted to a strong a proud Latina? I am not even going to try to figure that out, it’s irrelevant at this point. Since he bragged about money and what he had, I convinced him in his pride if he claimed this, he shouldn’t have a problem paying for the inquiry and fee associated with, which he paid for. In his moment where he was positive that he was all Caucasian decent, revealed the same reaction I had when I found out there was no Santa Clause. Which showed that in his perception of what African American, Cherokee, and Arabic should be perceived as, showed that almost 48% of his DNA was all the races he resented due to conditioned stigmas of his lifetime. The most heartbreaking was when he realized that his ancestory only included 22% Irish decent which at that moment in his rage caused him to learn what happens when you attempt to physically harm a third degree black belt with special forces combat training my late Uncle Mike taught me just in case I ever was in danger. My heart broke more for him that day. The perceptions he had for himself all disappeared that day which I had no gratification of. He’s had a tough life as it was. Truth of the matter is I was hoping to be proven wrong. But I also believe things happen for a reason. Things happen depending on how you see things, come to light to help us move forward, to make us better, to humble us. That’s what my journey was all about. We still talk and coming into power, he’s getting his life together and pursing the things he doubted himself about. The call came from the backlash of my Facebook post. Where when I answered the phone he said “I told you you were low key racist” which we both laughed about. He reassured me which only a little of that was needed, made me get back on track. After we caught up and made plans to see one another for dinner when time and this pandemic permits said “please make sure you stay away from these fucktards” which I said “don’t be a judgey dick.” One of the things that made me emotional was when he said “that is what makes you different. That is what makes you original. That is why you saved me in a way no-one else could, not because you have the desire to be right. Because you actually give a shit about the pain people hold.” Truth is I never intended it to be that way. When we live in a world where the world where life hands us an array of sad songs, we can either take it in face value or making a sad song better. The utmost Swan Song for me in this journey is non other than The Beetles “Hey Jude” as no matter what comes my way and how hard it comes my life purpose is to make those things that we take bad, take that sad song and make it better. Not just for me, but for the sake of the human condition. Because maybe one day, all the things that I’ve done will help those in a bigger scheme. Where those that it”s already helped has proven that my job has already been accomplish.

Published by Frieda Lopez at Frieda the Writer

Frieda López is the writer for Journey of an Unraveled Road who was born and raised in San Antonio, TX. Through her professional career in Customer Relations and Retail Management, she has utilized her experience and interactions with the behavioral patterns, which was used to start her personal journey with Journey of A Unraveled Road as her debut novel. She has completed philosophy, psychology, and theology courses at San Antonio College as well as creative writing courses. Frieda López has been a lifelong writer since 2nd grade. A survivor of childhood trauma, childhood abuse, and domestic violence, she wrote this piece, which started this book as her personal journey; works from home in San Antonio, TX.

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