Bananarama’s “Venus” is the victory song I jam out to now that post quarantine traffic presents my new examples of the everyday people capable of both good and ill intentions in the sake of self preservation. Those who admire the song for whatever reason will show props while others will show disappointment or in extreme ways humiliate. The consistent expression who have me blurting our “She got it, yeah baby she’s got it, I’m your Venus I’m your fire your desire” which those praising it will sign along and show their appreciation, while those in a failed of humiliation in stray sad puppy face look of disappointment. The only living creature I will save are stray animals when it’s all said and done. Bringing me back to the happy moments with my mom saying to myself, mom we did it.” There are so many greats that exhibit this Venus persona. From Lady Gaga to Lizzo who is feeling “Good as Hell” after facing adversity regardless of what to come which coined my “pull a Lizzo” quote. Regardless of what other see her as is 100% comfortable in her own skin at the end of the day.
“Piece by Piece” by Kelly Clarkson hearing this song for the first time was another American Idol song I wanted to perform as it expressed the pain the I had about an event I fully didn’t understand. Which is why I have so much forgiveness, the missing element being a love I still haven’t gained only the love a father who did evening he could to give me the life he felt, but still was not true to my story. I didn’t need someone to save me because I saved myself. And although a family in their act of self preservation thinking I blame them for all the bad or the things they didn’t do is not the truth to my story either. Because in a collaborate effort, they played a huge role collaboratively. In their struggles, gave me the power to save myself, with no intention helped saved others save themselves on this beautiful disaster I call my unraveled journey.
P!nks “So What” is the anthem to this journey. As in this journey, I was always told I was a bad ass, and even when denying the comment, have proven more ways than one that my irratic behavior was just the makings of a rebel, who had fun in the process as I was being me 100% of the time. Funny thing is those who actually genuinely see this in all walks of life, bringing me to the advice of seeking a life coach career from a collective consensus from all walks a life, made me take it more serious from someone falling from grace, someone living in a gated community needing id verification before entering, a gated community residence, and someone now homeless due to COVID19 quarantine made me think that before the psychologist credentialing is the way to stay grounded in the venture to being a psychologist. I’m a huge Sinatra fan and express my love for him in my book as his song “My Way made me come to terms with the unknown fate of the unknown fate I was about to face, with the doubt that I repeated in my head is I should of listened to the advise and worried about me. The same from the honest people knowing I lived in a mole infested apartment being told by my friends, their children “be careful with her, you don’t want to get what she has” which in their ignorance would of research was done that it’s not contagious, unlike COVID19, which their fear turned ignorance. Which we all are guilty of in one point in life. But the things left unsaid and the lyric that in powered me the most even those I was being a voice for unknowingly by their injustices life gave made “I did what I had to do without exemption” was the result of me turning my head in silence. Not getting involved even though doing nothing made me just as guilty. And that no matter what is said about me “the record shows I took the blows and did it my way”. Which in the process, as the universe provides and with the agreement that I would be their forever life coach after exchanging numbers and saying, they would get me the credentials to get the credentialing I need to begin my life. Thus from a rider, who I helped see the errors of their ways and helped make his wife feel like the diva she is in Austin, TX. And after swapping childhood trauma stories with someone who made a great name for themselves, telling me that I found my calling, having someone who came from the wrong side of tracks like me and being the representation of all of my close childhood friends who I’ve lost physically looking down and feeling in my heart saying “this bitch is doing it”. Brave and bruised, well bitches look out cause here I come. Regardless of the mistakes I’ve made, I gained an unbiased perception that no one can take away. In the end like “This is Me” says, “I’m not scared to be seen, this is who I’m meant to be. This is me.” Because little do you know, when you find your power, you too will be someone’s like my new friend says, be the preacher the world needs. Unapologetic and calling out the bullshit that we don’t the change we want to see. Finally in your act of courage, being the hero you always wanted to be. In the end also saying “this is me”.