I’ll be the first to admit, I was never good at saying good byes. One the rising artist I’ve seen start at the bottom and work his way to the top is the miraculous man who’s name Post Malone. Excuse my French when I say “I fucken love this man” and regardless of those people who think his brand is of poor taste can fuck off. Because Post Malone keeps himself 100% authentic is his lyrics, the mood that matches the lyrics, and in his song “Goodbyes” is the basis is how I begin this blog. Which to avoid bias judgement for those who haven’t heard this song, include just the lyric version of this video.
This journey has afforded many blessings. It’s afforded me the ability to gain knowledge and get insight on how to deal with problems better than I use and many cases effectively than I did before. Counselor Brandon, who I encountered in my blogging journey, after reading some of his blogs can see the inspiration that comes out the writing he expresses. I’m not gonna say it was all me. Truth is it just wasn’t my input as some ways he expresses his words have a bit of my message but has his originally. It’s a collaboration of many things like my blogs include. I start with this because mastering my ability to let go was also a process of trial and error and when discovered, mastered the art of saying goodbye by identifying my own triggers that kept me in bad situations that just caused more grief and the things I needed for myself to heal.
I know I’m long winded in writing and when I talk, that’s one of my flaws. Truth is I don’t know when to shut up sometimes 🤷🏼♀️, which is why I cone across a know it all, but truth is I’m not. But saying that won’t work for me just set me up for failure, because in my deflection the disservice I did to myself was that I was convincing myself and saying out loud that since I thought I knew myself well enough was the reason why I knew better. I always knew myself well enough but the guilt I wasn’t in tuned with kept me from growing. Because the people around me and the constant doubt it would provoke, that the decisions I made were of selfishness and that because of this, I’m causing people to suffer, which my first DM who I wanted to work with so well as he shared the same leadership style told me in my guilt of leaving San Antonio and leaving both my families in worry and hearing their adversities from the effect of my cause, almost had me prematurely move back to San Antonio, as the fear that I started getting which was how my ex almost got his way in getting rid of me so he can have his cake snd eat it too, which perceived that he wanted to do what he wanted to do. If he only could be transparent with telling me what he wanted, would have made it much more easier after he had a history of jumping from relationship to relationship and giving bad advice cause he knew better, wound have more genuine people in his life that he always expressed that their was someone who wanted to wring him. Well there is always an underlined reason as to why. In his pride thinking people were envious, only was in his case righting they wrongs that he did, and once again the ripple effect of those actions is revealed.
Ke$ha’s learn to let go was the anthem in the start of the healing process. In Houston, I taught myself woodworking, which being a beginner DIYer afforded me a paying gig that pre journey fed my dog Lucas and I in the beginning. This song as we know I’m a crier made me break down when I heard it because of the one lyric “I think it’s time to face all my demons” as this was the thing that I knew I had to do as “the past won’t haunt me if I don’t let it” would be the only way I could get my life back. And as the Universe provides always and after the fight of others who were wronged, as writing this blog has afforded me to apply for the loan forgiveness program to free from my debt of my MBA. And as this is a sign that I’m on the right track now affords me after submitting the application, will take me to what I was meant to truly be, be a psychologist.