To have the talent to evoke human emotion is a super power all in its own. Like many great expressionist in the form of art is an amazing gift any artist can have. Have you ever heard a song that makes you cry? Or a movie that fills you with love? Or feel the wrath in a choreographed dance? Or identified a human condition in a painting? These are all ways that empathy in the form of humanities that the artist communicates to the audience. Which is why I give props to the artist both starving and known around the world and throughout history. To make yourself vulnerable in a burning world is the bravest thing anyone can do regardless of what is said. This was pointed out to me in a ride today. Mesmerized as she said by my story and being an artist herself asked if she could get the web address to my blogs and reading one of the most recent blogs, began the dialogue of the emotions it made her feel and the pain she previously had, said you have a gift. Relating to this it takes me back to the days I felt this way but it gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Adding that if it was a regular person, it would get them pissed off because of the things we all refuse to see and lie about the person we are. Like always in a humbled manner and thanking her for her kind words, like always say, it’s not meant to do anything but say the things we all want to say. But for whatever reason feel we can’t. There are many greats in our today’s world and so many throughout history. Before the book release I want to thank all of those artist starving, rising, and established an applause for the sincerity they put in their work. Many of these artist have confidence in their work and themselves in each new piece they release showing growth in every aspect. Even singers express this in their vocals and my audition venture in American Idol made me realize that when you are sure of yourself has a different impact and range than it did that reflects in your speech as someone also mentioned I have a memorizing voice, which although I don’t think it, thanked them for the comment.
Music has always been my writing, betting at a young age that this was journey. We all were positive in one way shape or form about how things would play out, which also reflected in us as whole. But disappointment always changed that, potentially if afraid to take the journey would have made me jaded. Although it wasn’t my life still was part of my existence. When my parents were fighting for custody in my childhood, the first song that made me realize I had the power to empathize was from an American Tale Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram’s “Somewhere Out There” that gets me emotional to this very day. Torn between two parents who adversity and trauma plagued them, couldn’t understand why both parents felt that I didn’t love them. I loved them both very much. I go on in more detail in the book about this and how I only wanted to see them both happy. In the Disney mentality happy with me together. Madonna with so many others made me explore that more as a teenager. Still plagued with adversity, made “The Power of Goodbye” the song that made me realize the losses I invested in people had to be cut no matter how heavy my heart would be. Which “Ray of Light” would be my swan song not realizing what the song meant until now. I added both links to both songs which is necessary to understand the differences of the moods and help you realize my next point.
The effects of a positive confidence will keep people humble and since we are not perfect, in the moment of mistake make them rationalize the accountability they had in the part attempting to make things right by apologizing for the things they had control of. Where in a negative confidence will justify their actions, blame others for the effects of cause, and never deliver a confidence. They go into a downward spiral of sin, unintentionally and in most cases intentionally because they are confident they will get away with it. Those unsure of themselves in positive confidence will doubt themselves and slowly but surely become more and more jaded. Which believes that the domino effect, turn circle jerk, turn ripple effect is the never ending chain. Although I never had a relationship, understanding behavioral patterns, is why so many connections break. In my love life both short and long term have never worked out because both of the emotional baggage we carried that we collected in everything life throw. You’ll be lying to yourself that when you say you can be friends is not genuine because we all were positive that this next time around the ex lover will realize what they are missing. Sometimes it occurs at the same time at both parties, which is why you both hate each other now. You both fucked up. Why lie I did this too many times 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️. It doesn’t devalue you one bit. If you admit it 👏🏼👏🏼. You’re ahead of the game. But after reflecting on it with no influence, no bias, and taking away the devaluing we do to make ourselves look like we were not in the wrong, makes you see the things they could of done different. With the desire for changing for the better, see the triggers that we caused. Then seeing that in their enabled behavior, that in the words of Selena Gomez “I needed to hate you to love me”. Which post journey, again since I’m a crier, overwhelmed with happiness, cried when I realized this. That not only did I have to lose the romances I had, I needed to lose the life I had that never really made me happy.
When I hit this new level of thinking, I started thinking of the beautiful souls, the guys and one woman (yes bitches a woman) knowing after that one experience I was strictly dickly introduced me to so much. Like many I’ve encountered who remained mutual friends with their ex’s, as my Las Vegas Puerto Rican mamasita shared that in that experience, she began multi-cultured and selflessly helped my ex giving me things to look for that helped me later in life. Rumor had it that they got back together, which I hope wasn’t true as he wasn’t willing to change. Not that he isn’t any less worthy, in his unwillingness to change, deserved someone who was willing to earn her respect as she has so much to over that she doesn’t realize. Where even my friends with benefits situation turned into the stepping stones of my evolution. Where one beautiful man on my way to graduate school touched me in a way he will never understand when The Flogging Molly’s “If I Ever Leave This World Alive” May have turned into the anthem of wanting to give up to be with my late relatives, but my late second attempt to walk down the isle after his death in the military post 911. Turned into the song with his beautiful persona, the song that gained perseverance to be someone to remember. And a drunken night with a guy I always envisioned to be with, turning me onto The Florence Against The Machines wouldn’t realize that in a dog eat dog world, that happiness hit me like a bullet to the head in the song “The Dog Days Are Over”. Because the strength I gained now is better expressed in David Getta and Sia’s “Titanium”. And the ray of light I wanted to be was I then didn’t realize I was becoming, with so many others needing help to be able to shine there light.