Holding myself accountable for the things I did helped me forgive myself. Holding accountable for the actions that resulted to effect from their cause eliminated. Setting boundaries with both my expectations with adding that I also expect those to hold me accountable and as long as open communication that was both safe for all involved would open dialogue that the reasons to why someone felt based on The Who, What, When, Where, Why, How, which in the end is scientific theory, I ended up being able to hold myself to true accountability, provide if the opposing party was in the wrong, paint a scenario putting them in my shoes made me identify my friends, my foes, and those who in the end had selfish intent. Which made the perceptions that people believed which initially as a coverup since they the stereotyping was what they convinced that I truly was, and how the emotional crutch that I used in every scenario made me realize something I never could clearly see. In a world where we surrender ourselves in the sake of gaining the things that is perceived to be success, a strong support system, we in the end as shit hits the fan are left alone in their own self preservation without intent, revealing those who check up to see how far you fell from grace. In a world where we are told to pick and choose your battles, only applies to the battles that are personally not yours. When you matter and establish not only material items, but the characteristics you established, every battle matters as the adversity, the pain, the blood, sweat, and tears is an act of someone’s attempt to dodge accountability. As in life when this comes to light, you realize that as it started off as a small offense, has turned into an offense that becomes a behavioral pattern everyone has done, is the reason why you need to put your foot down and since the principle of the matter and common sense has been neglected, reteach the class the examples and the basics of respect. The ugly truth, your not the only one they did that to, but now seen as the weakest link, the perception is you don’t have respect for yourself. If you don’t matter to them is the baby step on finding the courage to change.
I was naive to think that in a professional setting, these things don’t happen. Real talk I understand the logic behind it. It’s still wrong and once clearly visible, makes those a hypocrite. When I first stared at Sprint, I thought it was the employees I managed. Come to find out, it was the makings of a toxic work environment as with every store I had to prove I could be trusted. The one AE, I reference to as Basic Betty in my book, screamed insecurity from the day I stared. She couldn’t take a simple no, constantly deflective, always vain by the means of bragging about her weight lose, always envious as people mocked her when she never got the acknowledgment that she assumed, always took credit, and always perceived the staff for what they in the end nothing like she made them seem, and in her act of needing acceptance, always closed sales in unethical ways. When a female came on board, her face would show her fear and intimidation of that women, especially when she was attractive. I already knew what she was about but played dumb as everyone had something to say and the way she played dirty. One of those things was seducing a upper management staff and claiming it was sexual harassment. In every situation she was always the victim. The advantage she had was she had numbers. And the tactic she pulled was already coached by my mentor back at TMobile that things went south, but I don’t take it personal. I was still learning and growing. But how can we stop someone stop something if we turn the other way? Which once the execution is complete, just creates a gateway that just creates more fear which we now fall into a rabbit hole where change never happens and running away is the safest thing to do once unethical action begins.
One of the hardest thing to do on this journey is let people learn for themselves. It’s harder to not try to protect someone from the things that the effects of their cause bring. I’ve had to purposely walk away to avoid my self sabotage, but the emotional crutch that helped me get this point helped me master it in every experience. As going into the situations already has me knowing what to expect as regardless of the boundaries they continue to cross get crossed, you end up deciding that enough is enough. Same thing with romantic relationships, seeing it now, with every disappointment of not being the fairytale ending I use to perceive before the journey, I ended up drinking my sorrows away every day coming home to an empty home filled the traumatic events that took place. Changing the setting of my home didn’t change anything either, still using that crutch still didn’t take the pain away. With every change came a different crutch. Along the way I met people who genuinely cared who I ghosted with every threat of presumed feeling they thought they were better than me. Which also helped in my crutch of staying busy which in the current time turned into some sort of creative expression, which passive aggressively helped me come to terms what was happening at the moment and ended up turning into the domino effect that became The Journey of An Unraveled Road, which still a journey of constant growth within myself made me first started with an act of courage, the unconditional love from my dog Lucas, forgiveness within myself, and knowing that there was no right or wrong way. This domino ended up getting me through the beautiful disaster my life really was compared to what I perceive made was way more better than I gave it credit. It was not just my work, but the product of everyone who appeared in it, even if it was for a minute. Where strangers who cared shared a few gold nuggets and the ones who also struggling to find their true selves invested time in this nobody that I called myself pre journey. That because crutches, self preservation, and the life we tried to make some accomplished and some failing proved that happiness we perceived is just settling for what we settle for. And that the reason we feel hope is gone, because happiness through the media and culture is measured by the material you gain and how together you appear. Which like what was said by a few riders after hearing my struggle all admit that telling the truth about the trauma has done and the things they do to numb that pain, labels them as psychotic and mentally unstable as the value of perception has hid a families skeleton, it’s been hiding multiple to attain social norms.
The ugly truth is we all have an addiction that we can’t control. It’s the little white lies that we tell ourselves each and every day to not be guilty or be made out to be something that we are not. We are addicted to not facing confrontation. Even my grandmother, the saint who is prone to this too. It starts with something that’s already defected as in today’s case, my glasses that was already missing a screw and falls apart if you grab it from the eyeglass leg. Where asking her who broke my glasses made her say I don’t know how they work. This for a second upset me and just made me laugh in the end because after telling her they were already broken and just needed to tell me that it fell off, had her still covering the truth still. Telling her if she just told me it would help fix the issue. Then telling my aunt I must me in a bad mood and telling my aunt they were already broken and her now just smiling herself, saying she always does that. Just because we fib to dodge accountability doesn’t mean our behavioral pattern shows that it isn’t the things we are use to. Because my grandma in relief of not being judged. Because taking accountability and making an effort to change, instead of expecting people to adapt to us makes us guilty of being entitled. And with the examples I’ve experienced and my willing to change for the absolute better, starts breaking us out of the things that we do ourselves that were conditioned behaviors based on other people’s perceptions on what our lives should be. Because my experience, which in normal social norms would make me be deemed damage and broken has demonstrated that even the misfit of society can change behavioral patterns, gain control of her life, and like the ones trying to prove their worth to the world, always in the social norm mentality try to out do an accomplishment I never intended to complete that gives a powerful message. Without even intending not only sharing the stories that I experienced by those who knew better, never got help from the those same people. That the people who actually gave a shit were the same people that the world turned away and in the best case, afforded them the success they hold that no matter how many white lies they tell themselves. Always results to not truly being happy with their lives and uncomfortable with themselves thinking that in my moment of wrath that I have control of, will result to me being a liability that can expose who they really are. But with the lack of their own self control of not being able to control their emotions, avoid me as now being clear why the effects that occurred were only a consequence of their cause, disrespect me by disrespecting my boundaries. Because the only ones that helped me gain this logic, was the bad case scenario. Which crucified by their mistake due to so much grief, trauma, and the continued afflictions made by those same people who knew better deemed them worthless all because they had no emotional control to bottle up the things that they endured. The only thing different between the two, those people who deemed themselves more valuable end up in the end better liars. Which results to more and more damage and more and more trauma through, let’s just call it as it is verbal and emotional abuse. When faced with misfit who had an upper hand, start of commitment a fib that can lead to illegal activity. And in the moment of desperation a crime to preserve the assets they gained and the perception they lied to get. And because now, finally standing up to these wrong doers and sharing these experiences, calling bullshit to the ones that did them wrong, will always be deemed arrogant and vain because not only will they think that a published book will fill me with pride, another thing I gained control of, but those who think they know better that has done them wrong, will convince them and reassure them that because I don’t have the things they have, something must be wrong with me. And in that act, the misfits with no value to the world has sabotaged themselves in the worst way ever. Now under the wing, those people who started as good people are now the demons, caused by fear of losing their title, the assets, and the image they perceived, which is influence by someone on a higher tax bracket. Where originality is really your mindset, as the journey has proven, begs the question “Are we truly being brain washed” as many conspiracists believe. The truth is the only party that are guilty of brainwashing is ourselves. Because the influence we have on one another on the fantasy Wonderland that pushes us down the rabbit hole of our own demise. Being fearful of what is at stake. As Macklemore raps in the song “Glorious” the world is truly in our hands. And that in the end, I wrote this book because as he demonstrates in his personal and professional life, he always question one motive “did I look out for other people or did I do it all for fame?” Since this also has been told it’s very controversial and was warned that I would get kick back not because of the content, because it makes you reflect on your true self and the things you’ve done. Which is why everyone deserves a fair chance of redemption. This isn’t meant to shame people, it’s meant to keep honest people as honest as they allow themselves to be on their own terms. Because in this life where we feel like we have no control, the beauty is we do. Where thanks to my blogs and pointing out what I’ve done, face myself, and erase what I become like Linkin Park quotes, it helped a grieving mother begin to relive again, grieving in peace that the news refuses to update in her state due to the misjudgment they made and the lack of research they did which discredits their reputation. And a woman filled with grief of a broken childhood almost losing her job for her manager in a convenient store with unprofessional demeanor, almost got fired because after he seduced her and promised the world and a future which preyed on her vulnerability, retaliated against her because now finding someone else who he illegally gave alcohol to on the job, almost got fired after taking time to rationalize the pros and the cons of the whole situation, preserved her job as the 18 year old also was about to incriminate when she accidentally drank from the wrong cup and found out, there was alcohol. Which in both cases and what I made the mistake many times before waiting for something good to happen or someone to stand up for me, won’t happen in a dog eat dog world as everyone is trying to protect themselves. Where in each case after resentment begins to take a hold and wrath takes over, leads to consequences that won’t save us when we face our final judgement in the after life. And in each situation revealed a trend of bad behavior and a history of degrading the value of others, not only helped them gain courage to change, but now are convinced that this book has no pressure or no gimmicks. This book has nothing additional product to invest other than the book and any others to provide confirmation that it’s effective in the stories told from others of different races, demographics, and economical backgrounds. Because the investment they will invest is in themselves, finding out that the person they devalued is priceless. Because in the end, we are all priceless. And the only motive I’ve had from the day I started this project that started as a journal turned published book is not only seeing people happy but seeing people empower themselves to be greater. This always drove me as a manager. And without the help of my very first mentor who talked about their are things that drive people, concerned that since I showed not to be money driven, and I was driven by seeing empower themselves when they did things they never thought they could do, led me to a career path that now is limitless.
Starting with likes from around the world on blog post, to interactions with people including some celebrities that will be named nameless to protect their privacy and only reveal themselves on their terms, to long and deep conversations with psychologist asking for insight on how to handle a specific case to assure they help people even when emotions both on my end and their end because someone thinks they know better (I’m also prone to that at times) allows us to let the personal feelings go, and focus on what matters. The facts of the person, the scenario, the environment, the history, the triggers shown, and the what is causing the behaviors. Is it truly something they did or something we did? Thanking me for helping them eliminate bias behavior, keeping the situation anonymous, and encouraging me to go becoming a psychologist or life coach. Teaching me something and considering for material in my next book, that balance is not the only important in this journey, but what keeps us driven requires a healthy balance to. As my childhood developed a nature driver to help people, the driver that we develop in many cases conditioned at a early age is something that hinders ourselves that ends of being something we do to self sabotage ourselves in gaining something so many people never get the chance to feel. In my book I reference it as the greatest love all. The ability to find absolute and humbled, self love.